2013-05-23T04:02:38-04:00 Barb Rogers http://www.huffingtonpost.com/author/index.php?author=barb-rogers Copyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc. HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Barb Rogers Good old fashioned elbow grease. tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.821885 2011-02-24T15:02:00-05:00 2011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00

Barb Rogers http://www.huffingtonpost.com/barb-rogers/
Yet as I watched the face of the homeless alcoholic/addict splashed across my television screen, it made me think back to my own early sobriety. This man, this lucky stranger, has been in recovery for two years, and two years is still early sobriety. I recall the doctors and other well meaning people educated in the field of addiction who tried to help me and nearly killed me in the process. I can't even imagine what this man who was plucked from the streets, cleaned up, and thrown into the limelight must be going through.

Those who do not suffer from addiction might believe that success is a good thing. However, too much too soon can actually have the opposite effect. Underlying our need to escape through addictions, we have self-esteem and self-respect problems. Many of us do not really believe we deserve success. Some suffer from fear of success because of the expectations that go along with it. It's much easier to be a screw-up; that way no one expects anything better of us.

Addiction is a selfish disease wherein addicts need only be concerned with themselves, their pain and their needs. That all changes when we get sober and have to look at the effect we've had on others. As I watched this homeless drunk thrown into the deep end of facing the family he hurt, neglected and probably terrorized at times, I wonder if those who put him in this situation are concerned with his recovery or their ratings. They can say the words over and over, but actions speak louder.

Paying for a recovery program is generous, but what is it they believe an addict in recovery for two years, who has been attending meetings, and working steps will learn? The steps will still be the same and either the drunk is willing to work them or not. I can't even imagine the rest of the world looking on as I struggled through the hardest thing in my life, knowing that until I was willing to take responsibility for my part in everything, and make amends to the best of my ability, I would never know peace and real recovery.

I certainly wish this homeless alcoholic well as I do anyone who is trying to find recovery from addiction, but I can't help but think of the lowly moth. He has quite a struggle to release himself from the tightly woven cocoon, but if someone made the hole larger, easier for him to emerge, then the muscles he should have built up during the struggle would not develop and he would not survive. Just a thought!
]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.795186 2011-01-18T18:33:00-05:00 2011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00

Barb Rogers http://www.huffingtonpost.com/barb-rogers/
"Does he text and talk on the cell while driving?" I asked

She nodded. "Do you think it would make a difference to those he's putting in danger if they were harmed because of drunkenness or distraction?"

After spending the first half of my life as an addict, and the last half in recovery and working with others, I've realized that there are some common traits shared by all types of addicts. They excuse their behavior by saying that they never felt like they fit in, that they are lonely even when with others or that no one really cared about them. Through their actions, however, they pull further and further away from the world and humanity. They use their addictions as an escape from the reality that is their lives.

Then what of electronic addicts? While the majority of people use electronic devices to open the world to them, the addict's world gets smaller and smaller until it is contained in various-sized boxes. Fear of reality drives them further in until it becomes difficult to communicate face-to-face. They can text, e-mail, Facebook, tweet and use any number of other electronic methods because it removes the emotion from interaction. They have escaped into a virtual world with the mistaken belief that it's a safe place, but this world becomes a prison.

If you wonder where you stand electronically, complete the following exercise:

Choose a day when you have no commitments, and turn off your computer, cellphone, and all other electronic devices that you normally use. See how your day goes. Are you anxious? Do struggle through the hours? Do you find an excuse to pick up your cell or log onto your laptop? These are questions only you can answer.

If you think you have a problem, seek help.

***

Barb Rogers, author of "Keep It Simple & Sane; Freeing Yourself From Addictive Thinking," can be contacted at www.barbrogersinspirations.com
]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.752648 2010-10-08T13:09:40-04:00 2011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00

Barb Rogers http://www.huffingtonpost.com/barb-rogers/
Kahlil Gibran said, "The deeper sorrow carves into your soul, the more joy you can contain." What does that mean? Today I understand. The smartest thing that I ever did -- at what I thought was the end of my days -- was to make the decision to try something that I didn't believe would work; knowing that if it didn't, I would kill myself. I attended a 12-step meeting for alcoholics. A man there said "You never have to be alone again." That one simple statement reached into my heart, twisted it until it hurt, and helped me to decide to go back... and live.

These became my reasons why:

•Through tragedy and adversity we are given an opportunity to grown and to change not only the way we live, but our perception of life and our place in the world. In my case, my past became my greatest asset, because I used it to help others in crisis... and they know that I truly understand.

•It took experience, every person and each moment in my life, to bring me to today and to the person I have become, doing what I am doing. I was not able to change what had happened to my son, to my mother, and to others in my life, but today -- through writing my books and working with people one on one -- I can be the voice of hope, joy, and perhaps even help someone else and those that they love.

•Loneliness is not about being alone, but feeling alone even when with others. The feeling comes from the fear of opening ourselves up to others because they might not like us, or might laugh at our pain. There are those out there going through the same thing, and when we become willing to open ourselves, to take that chance, it gives them permission to do the same. We are not islands, but part of the whole and what we do not only affects us, but those around us.

•No one is exempt from trauma and tragedy, and to set myself apart, saying in essence that I am special and therefore entitled to act out through addictions and behavior is nothing more than an excuse to not face my real feelings and deal with them. Just as I used addictions to escape, I used anger and self-pity to avoid sadness and hurt. Admitting the truth is the beginning of healing.

•What if when we pass on to the other side, whatever we haven't dealt with here has to be dealt with there? It's a question that has grabbed my attention. I do not want to go back through it all again. I think I'll stick around and see if I can resolve it here and now.

I am glad to be here. I have been given a life beyond my wildest dreams. I have been places, met people, done things that I never could have imagined. I know joy every day, even when seemingly bad things happen. My joy comes because I am grateful for the smallest things in my life every day. I thank the God of my understanding each night for clean sheets, a safe place to sleep and the love that I am able to accept and give to others. I wouldn't trade my life with anyone else.

Barb Rogers is the author of If I Die Before I Wake and other inspirational books, as well as books on addiction. She can be contacted at www.barbrogersinspirations.com.


]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.705080 2010-09-08T07:00:00-04:00 2011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00

Barb Rogers http://www.huffingtonpost.com/barb-rogers/
• Too old to be young, too young to be old

• Caring for elderly parents and financially compromised adult children, many with families

• Not old enough for Medicare and struggling to pay the high rates of health insurance

• Wanting to retire but financially unable

• Retiring and finding that we have lost our identity along with the job, not knowing what to do with the time on our hands

• Having certain expectations about retirement that, through no fault of our own (loss of pension, money on the market, loss of spouse or loved ones) will never be met

Couple these stresses with the availability of drugs and alcohol, and frustrated Baby Boomers may just well be the next explosion of addicts on the horizon. According to John Dyben, Director of the Hanley Center for the Treatment of Addictions in West Palm Beach Florida, 70 percent of their patients last year were Baby Boomers. He has reported that there are over 4 million people over the age of 50 afflicted by substance abuse, and by the year 2020 the need for addiction treatment among this age group will have doubled. In May of this year, the Hanley Center initiated "Freedom Program for the Boomers" in order to deal with the stresses that are specific to this demographic.

For those of us that either choose not to go into treatment or are financially unable there are other programs (such as 12-Step meetings) that cost nothing. For those who can't get out, live in remote areas or simply need support between meetings, there are new online sites such as www.intherooms.com that have thousands of participants for many different types of addiction.

Remember that you are not alone. There are millions of us out there dealing with addictions. If you worry that you might have a problem or if alcohol or drugs are causing negative outcomes in your life, you probably have an addiction. As a recovering addict and Baby Boomer, I can tell you that if you have crossed that fine line into addiction that you will probably lose not only possessions, but your dignity, self-respect and the respect of others as the problem progresses. No matter what your age, there is help at hand. But you must reach out for it. As the 1960s anthem states so well, we can all "get by with a little help from our friends."

Barb Rogers, author of "If I Die Before I Wake: A Memoir of Drinking and Recovery," as well as many other books on addiction and the recovery process, can be contacted at www.barbrogersinspirations.com.
]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.667848 2010-08-04T15:28:04-04:00 2011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00

Barb Rogers http://www.huffingtonpost.com/barb-rogers/
Even as I struggled through recovery from my own addictions, ones that made sense to me, I had no clear understanding that there was such a thing as clutter addiction. That is until I watched it happen. A friend -- an attractive, intelligent professional woman in whose home I'd enjoyed many holiday dinner parties -- went through a traumatic, life-changing experience. Like me, she'd overcome so much to carve out the life she wanted, but little by little I saw her build a wall of clutter around herself until it took over her life.

I wanted to help and at one point while she was out of town, got some friends together and cleaned her house from top to bottom in the mistaken belief that if we cleaned up the mess things would be the way they used to be. Upon her return she began to rebuild the wall of clutter. As time passed, while working with others who had the same problem, I discovered that like any other addiction, it's an inside job. Once clutter addicts are in recovery, then change will manifest itself on the outside.

The main thing I learned about true clutter addicts is that it is not about the stuff. From swank boutiques to rummage sales, dependent on their financial status, they shop. It's a high but it is short-lived. By the time they get their items home the euphoria has worn off and the stuff becomes a part of the ever-expanding wall. They very seldom discard anything, telling themselves they might need it someday. If they do need it, however, it is nearly impossible to find.

Like alcoholics, drug addicts and over-eaters, clutter addicts use their addiction to avoid reality, to keep other people and a world in which they've lost trust at a distance. It keeps them from having to move on with their lives as they attempt to hide behind the wall of stuff for protection. What they don't realize until the addiction has taken root is that instead of keeping others and the world out, they are keeping themselves in.

Clutter may seem almost benign when compared to other addictions, but any addiction is unhealthy when it is in control of your life, causing you to feel overwhelmed, frustrated and unhappy. Recovery is about the freedom to choose and the good news is that there is help out there for those who are willing to do what it takes. However, as long as the cause is unresolved, the addiction will flourish. It will take a brutally honest look at why, when and how it began.

There are anonymous meetings, even on the internet, where others can share their experience, strength and hope, places to get counseling, or for those who can afford it, therapy. It doesn't matter where the help comes from because the main component is how much effort the addict is willing to put into it.

Barb Rogers, author of Clutter Junkie No More and other books on addiction and recovery can be contacted at www.barbrogersinspirations.com
]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.640713 2010-07-12T11:23:00-04:00 2011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00

Barb Rogers http://www.huffingtonpost.com/barb-rogers/
For 35 years I raged on resentments, blaming everyone and everything for my addictions and the mess I called my life. As I trudged the long, difficult road to recovery from my addictions, I learned some valuable lessons along the way. One of the most important was that until I found a way to forgiveness the peace I craved so badly would never be mine. There were nine helpful hints about how to forgive myself and others that not only brought me peace of mind, but showed me a way to happiness. They are:


1. People don't wake up one day and decide to be who they are. They are the result of their own life experiences and the messages they received from important people in their lives.

2. Others don't do things "to" us, but "for" themselves.

3. From the time we reach the age of choice, we have choices not only in how we act, but how we react.

4. We blame others to avoid responsibility for our choices.

5. It's harder to hate a sad person than a bad person.

6. Forgiving others does not mean we have to allow them back into our lives.

7. We don't have to love everyone to act in a loving way.

8. When we hold onto anger until it becomes a resentment, we are getting something out of it.

9. We use not forgiving ourselves as an excuse for failure.


We've all seen the movies, ie: the sad lonely character at the end of his days who never gets the chance to make things right with others and himself. We are pulling for him right to the end, but it's too late. Then there is the uplifting movie where the main character sees the light, makes amends, forgives others and himself, and the movie fades to black with us knowing there is hope. The problem is that in real life, we don't know when our final day will come, and although we've told ourselves all along there will be time... time can run out. The ring of a bell, a knock at the door, and your life can change in an instant. Will there be "what ifs" and "if onlys" because you were unwilling to forgive or be forgiven?

We must tell ourselves when circumstances arise that it's not always about us. That helps us step back, attempt to look at things from a new perspective and really think before we act or react. The one thing I always ask myself is how much of my serenity am I willing to give up for this situation? Then, I consider one or more of the nine helpful hints to find compassion and forgiveness. I want to be happy, and I don't intend to allow some problem that I have no control over (which usually involves another person) to rob me of a moment of happiness, or to lessen the joy I feel each day. What are you willing to give up to hold onto anger and resentments when there is a solution? It is forgiveness.


Barb Rogers, author of "Simply Happy Every Day" and other inspirational books can be contacted at www.barbrogersinspirations.com ]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.628361 2010-06-30T13:20:00-04:00 2011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00

Barb Rogers http://www.huffingtonpost.com/barb-rogers/
Doctors are so specialized these days that often times they only deal with one part of the body, so most of us have many different doctors. For some that's a great thing, while for addicts it can be an invitation to a smorgasbord of colorful pills to keep our pain and fears at bay. However, what is pain, whether physical or emotional, but an indicator that there is a problem? When addicts in recovery are using, or often times abusing, prescription drugs to the same end we used and abused alcohol and illegal drugs, how much better off are we? Changing addictions is like switching seats on the Titanic.

In early recovery I knew a man with over thirty years of sobriety, a man who I though had made it. Then he got hooked on prescription drugs and wound up drunk again. It scared me and taught me a lesson. It can happen to anyone. So what am I to do if I have a legitimate reason for taking mind altering drugs? Soon I will be facing that very situation. I will be going into surgery to have part of my liver removed. I you can bet I'll be needing pain killers for a while. However, I have some safety precautions in place. They are:

• A primary doctor who knows my addiction history, who monitors all other doctors and all prescriptions I take. He is a man with whom I can openly discuss any and all my concerns about drugs.
• One pharmacist who is aware of all drugs I take and will warn me of any drug interactions that might harm me.
• I live by "before I put it in my mouth, I check it out." With the push of a few keys on the computer, I can learn what I need to know about any specific drug and how it could affect me.
• I reveal myself to others who care about me as to what drugs I'm taking. If I have concerns about my ability to control myself, I hand that control over to another.
• When in doubt, I question what I'm being told. After all, it's my body and I am responsible for what I put into it.

For those who wonder if they are becoming addicted to prescription drugs, there are some clear signs. They are:

• Running out of pills before the time to refill
• Lying to get more pills
• A sense of panic when you are getting low on pills
• Taking drugs that are not prescribed for you
• Switching doctors and pharmacists frequently
• Keeping your drug intake secret from those who share your life

I am an alcoholic and addict and I will be an alcoholic and addict until the day I die. If I don't keep something between me and my addictions, I will use again. The thing I keep between me and my addictions is a recovery program that teaches me common sense and brutal honesty. I know myself better than anyone else knows me so how can I place blame on doctors who in reality can only make suggestions about what drugs I should take. If I become a prescription drug addict, whose fault is it? Mine!

Barb Rogers, author of "If I die Before I Wake" A Memoir of Drinking and Recovery, and other books on addiction and recovery can be contacted at www.barbrogersinspirations.com

]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.588838 2010-06-03T16:13:53-04:00 2011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00

Barb Rogers http://www.huffingtonpost.com/barb-rogers/
Enabling is about making it easier for addicts to stay in their addiction. Objectivity, is difficult not to enable when we are dealing with someone we love. Understanding that you are dealing with addiction, not the person, can help. Seek help from those who have traveled the path you are facing. They are out there; groups of parents, spouses, significant others, who gather in groups to share their experience, strength and hope with each other. We say that we want our addicts to face the truth of their situation before it's too late, but are we willing to face our own truth about whether or not we are enablers?

Whenever you wonder if the choices you are making are enabling someone you love to stay in addiction, here are 4 key questions to ask yourself before you make a decision:

1. Who? When I didn't turn my son into the police, it wasn't about him, but about my fear that he would hate me. I was more concerned with the suffering I would endure if he went to jail full of anger toward me, than I was for his well being. Therefore, one question when you are faced with a choice is: whose feelings are you basing the decision on? Are you able to put your feelings and fears aside and consider only what's best for the addict?



2. Why? What motivates your decisions is important. For me, when I decided not to seek outside help for my son, it was about control, and the idea that I was the mother and I should be able to help him. I think it bothered me that a total stranger might be able to help him where I and failed. To prove my worth, to hold onto what little control I had over him, I withheld what he needed. When you consider bailing your addict out of trouble, protecting the addict from outsiders, making excuses for him or her, the question must be why.



3. When? If you know that you have become an enabler, the time to stop, to find help for yourself, is now. There are always reasons to put off change if you are looking for them, but that only prolongs the problem, your frustration and the addict's inability to hit bottom and seek help. Sometimes when we help too much for too long we rob the addicted person we love of the opportunity to get better.



4. What? Educate yourself. Know your enemy, and the enemy is not the addict, but the addiction. Get all the information you can find in books, TV, the internet, or through a support group so you will be ready to make informed decisions. You cannot fight what you do not understand. It is essential to ask yourself what is this addiction about? How can I be effective in helping the addict?

As an enabler, I made all the mistakes, and cannot go back and change them. There is no hope for my son, but through his death I learned valuable lessons. I discovered there are no easy answers or easy decisions when dealing with addiction. Even when you make all the right choices, the addicted individual is still free to make their own and we are left with the results. That's why it is as important for us to get help with our enabling problem, and the reasons behind it as it is for the addict to get help. Whatever they decide to do, we must find a way to survive.

There is no manual to tell us what to do and not to do in this or that situation with an addict. Being a recovering addict myself, I can tell you that we are a willful bunch and until we have more to lose than we have to gain, we will continue using and abusing. And, as long as we can get others to take responsibility for our behavior and bail us out of trouble so that we don't have to face the consequences for our actions, things will only get worse, never better.

Think of me and my son as you contemplate the 4 key questions that may help you with a decision. I would give anything to have my son in jail, alive and hating me, rather than where he is; I can no longer help him. Perhaps my story can help you or someone you love.


Barb Rogers is the author of "If I Die Before I Wake" (A Memoir of Drinking and Recovery) along with other books on addiction and recovery. She can be contacted at www.barbrogersinspirations.com
]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.539606 2010-04-22T13:24:00-04:00 2011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00

Barb Rogers http://www.huffingtonpost.com/barb-rogers/
The majority of the time they look and act like those not addicted to sex. After all, sex is natural. It feels good, and it's what we are supposed to be doing. There is no guideline to tell us what a "normal" sex life is, what is too much, and what determines a person to be a sex addict.

Addicts suffer from a mental obsession, or compulsion, which according to Webster's dictionary is defined as "an irresistible impulse to perform an irrational act." It becomes an irrational act when it causes serious problems in your life but you can't stop doing it. That is not an excuse for inappropriate addictive behavior, but it is an explanation. There are many, including some in the medical field, who do not believe that sex addiction is real. Those who suffer from it know what it feels like to be in the grip of an addiction that is ruling their lives, affecting their relationships, driving them down a destructive path doing previously unimaginable acts.

How do you determine the difference between people who are truly sex addicts, and those who are using the term as an excuse for promiscuous behavior? There are five common traits of sex addicts.

The five common traits are:

1. Unloved - Sex addicts who were victims of incest or molestation (their numbers are many, although some may not want to admit to it) face two serious problems. Since they suffer betrayal by those who are supposed to love and protect them, they lose the ability to trust. And, through their experience, they begin to substitute sex for love. When those two things take place it makes it nearly impossible for the sex addict to have an intimate, long term relationship, and they spend a great deal of time searching for love through physical touch. Like an addictive drug, it takes more and more in their never-ending search for a feeling that will never be satisfied through sex.

2. Untouchable - It may seem odd to say that sex addicts are untouchable because we know that there's a lot of touching going on. However, because of their fear of intimacy they cannot allow others to touch that part of them that goes beyond the physical. It's like someone dropped a metal cage around their heart to protect it, and the only key that will open it is their own readiness to do what is required for recovery.

3. Dissatisfied - Just as we need the basics, i.e.; food, water and shelter to survive in this world, it is important to feel loved. When people are hungry or suffer from severe thirst, they commit extreme acts to get those needs met. When the need for real love is not met, it will leave people with an underlying dissatisfaction that will affect other areas of their lives. A man with an empty belly will lash out at an unfair world, and sex addicts who can't experience love, will do the same. There will never be enough of anything to replace the need for love.

4. Self-Deception - Active sex addicts must continually convince themselves of several things:

• They simply have a bigger libido than others.

• They aren't hurting anyone but themselves.

• They can stop anytime they want to... but they shouldn't have to.

• They can have relationships with others without acting out sexually, either physically or mentally.

5. Secretive - When sex addicts live a dual life -one they believe society dictates, and the other fulfilling their sexual addiction - you can believe there will be a lot of secrets. Some get off on their secret life as part of the high. It's like having sex in public places knowing that you could get caught at any moment. For them, it raises the level of excitement, or so they tell themselves. The truth is that they can't stand the idea of their families and friends knowing the truth. It's about shame.

There has been a great deal of concern recently over celebrities checking themselves into sexual rehab, and questions about their motives. The motivation for addicts to go into a recovery program is that they have more to lose than to gain if they continue in the addiction. Does what they have to lose matter? Apparently it is important to them, whether it's a spouse, a career, or fans; otherwise they wouldn't be seeking help. Recovery from sexual addiction is extremely difficult - through advertising and the media, sexuality it is thrown in our faces every day in so many ways. The alcoholic can abstain from drinking, stay out of bars, away from others who drink, but sexual addicts in recovery will have to find a way to live in a sexualized society.

Rehab is not easy. It's not comfortable. It's certainly not a spa experience. Sex rehab is tough, and only those who are willing to go deep into those dark places that brought on the addiction, and deal with the emotional scars, will find true recovery. There they will be forced to take responsibility for their choices and admit that being a sex addict may be an explanation of the behavior but can never be used as an excuse. When the excuse is gone, so is the justification to continue in the addiction.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.519194 2010-03-30T17:44:34-04:00 2011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00

Barb Rogers http://www.huffingtonpost.com/barb-rogers/
Addiction is out of the closet and into the spotlight. Treatment centers for every imaginable addiction are popping up like mushrooms. What does this do for the average person? It lessons the stigma that was for so long associated with addiction, and it helps you understand that you are not alone -- that addiction can happen to anyone, anyplace, anytime regardless of race, gender or financial status. The seven signs of addiction are:

1. Questioning. People who don't have an addiction problem don't wonder if they have a problem. It's simply not something they think about because they don't need to. The mind is funny in that way. If we're paying attention, the mind tells us what we need to know whether we want to hear it or not. If it is haunting you with questions such as "What am I doing," "Why do I keep doing it," and "Why can't I stop," take note. Your problem may have crossed that line into addiction.



2. Defensiveness. When others touch on the topic, do you feel your hackles rise, and do you instantly defend yourself with statements like: "It's not a problem for me, "If other people don't understand, it's their problem," "I can stop doing it anytime I want to," or "I'm not hurting anyone but myself?" But, in your inner core, do you know these things aren't true?



3. Blaming. Placing blame for your behavior on others or a situation is an old ploy of addicts that keeps them from taking responsibility for their choices. When others are out of the picture, and the situation is resolved and the behavior continues, it's a clear sign that there's a problem -- yours.



4. Secrets and lies. Often, addicts are the only ones who think their addiction is a secret. They believe the lies are hiding the secret, but those close to them have noticed they are drinking too much, abusing prescription drugs, gambling away necessary funds, overeating, purging, shopping. living in clutter, etc. If addicts know that others know, but they continue to tell lies, then the only ones they're fooling is themselves.



5. Time and effort. The time addicts put into the behavior, and into finding ways to stop doing it, takes away from other parts of their lives. The effort it takes to manipulate situations and other people so that they might indulge in the behavior take away from the effort they could be putting into building better relationships, getting an education or building a career, or simply living life free to choose what they will do.



6. Guilt and shame. How you feel about your behavior should be a clear indication about whether or not it's a problem. If you feel guilt and shame, but you can't seem to stop what you're doing, then the problem has become an addiction. No one wants to feel guilt and shame, so if you inflict it on yourself repeatedly, then that's something you should take a hard look at.



7. Isolation. Convincing yourself that no one loves you, others don't understand, or you don't fit into the world around you to justify your behavior may convince you that you are protecting yourself from more pain and disappointment, but it will leave you feeling alone and empty. Telling yourself you are different and can handle things that others are not able to handle will only prolong the problem and escalate the possibility of serious addiction.

It doesn't matter whether it's alcohol or shopping, drugs or clutter, eating or not eating, gambling or infidelity -- if it's causing problems, and you can't quit even though you want to, then it is an addiction. The good news is that there is help ranging from treatment centers and anonymous meetings to individual therapy. Very few addicts find successful, long-term recovery without a support system.

The ultimate goal in recovery is to be happy and free -- free to live life boldly and unafraid, to embrace others and the world around you without the burden of addiction. There is a whole world out there waiting for you to shine your light on it and, through brutal honesty and seeking help, it's possible.]]>