Bruce Reyes-Chow

Teaching Our Children to Be Joyfully Mediocre

2013-05-23T15:43:35-04:00

I love playing the guitar.

But truth be told, I am not very good.

Sure, I can rock out on "Shine Jesus Shine," "One Tin Soldier" or "Brown-Eyed Girl" like no one's business, but I am pretty sure that I have reached my peak. I am fine knowing that my 12 chords and I could lead a campfire sing-along, but I am fully aware that my window to be good enough to be "in the band" closed a long time ago.

And really, it's OK. I'll be fine.

In fact, I love being able to just be mediocre.

In some ways, it's kind of sad that I have to give myself permission to not try hard to excel at playing guitar: take lessons, schedule practice and play until my fingers bleed -- but in our hyper-achievement society, this is apparently what is has come too. We must give ourselves permission to not feel compelled to be the best and simply enjoy doing something for the sake of doing it. While I believe that we are called to tend the passions, talents and skills that reside within each of us, that does not always equate to being the best and most talented at them all. Sometimes, tending our passions means allowing ourselves be, in the eyes of the world, mediocre.

As my wife and I raise our daughters, this is a constant tension for us. Of course we want them to do well in whatever they are passionate about and called to pursue, but we also do not want to communicate that their worth and their joy comes from achievement and competency in all things because, despite what we would like to think, in reality, no one can be amazing at everything. In the end, our sense of worth and joy can be just as nourished by simply doing something that we love, whether we are good at it or not.

It seems that society and parents -- both with good intentions -- forget that sometimes, whether it is kicking a ball in soccer, making music with a violin or expressing oneself through drawing, joy can be found in the act of doing those things, and not the trophy, the applause or the recognition. I know that it is a fine line when parenting: when to push, when to pull back or when to stop altogether; but we must never communicate that excellence is the sole determiner for participation in an activity. For when we forget that not all things must be mastered, we too often discourage our children from doing things they love or we push so hard that the activities no longer remain life-giving endeavors.

One of the things that we parents can do to model this joyful mediocrity is to acknowledge those things that we, ourselves, are not very good at -- but love to do anyway. We can also return to those things that we may no longer do because we fell into the trap of thinking that we had to be good at it for it to worth our time. I suspect that when our children see us not excelling at something and being OK with it, they too will excel at embracing and doing those things that they love and bring them joy.

Now go forth and be mediocre. Joyfully.

* Some folks have begun sharing their joyful mediocrity [here]. Feel free to add yours!

Re-posted from www.reyes-chow.com

An Open Letter to Parents About the Safety of Your Children

2013-05-17T17:13:02-04:00

Dear Parents,

I get it. I really do.

Whether it is the first time your daughter gets on the school bus or your son's first foray out into the playground by himself, there is something that stirs deep in our souls that makes us want to roll their hearts in bubble wrap, douse their spirits with anti-bacterial gel and give them a guard dog lest anyone gets too close.

Seriously, have you seen some playgrounds lately? Sure there may be soft recycled ground cover and cool new climby rope structures, but from two feet off the ground it must look like they are about to enter some ultimate fighting cage match.

And why do we watch the news, read the paper or click on any links? At every turn we see stories about children being violent, online bullying pushing kids to suicide and crap, even the soccer field is no longer safe?

What the hell is going on?

Yeah, all of a sudden the whole bubble wrap thing doesn't seem so crazy, does it?

I remember those repeated moments during each of my daughter's first weeks in our lives -- as they slept soundly on my chest, our breathing in sync and their sweaty little heads dampening my shirt -- when I would promise to protect them from harm, to love them no matter what and to do my best to see that they grew into who God intended them to become.

But how do I really protect them knowing that shitty things happen in the world and that violence perpetrated by, upon and around children knows no bounds. Different populations are impacted differently by emotional, physical or sexual violence than others, but children from all walks of life experience and are influenced by the horrors, tragedies and violence of the world.

I guess we could escape the world by sending our kids to some secluded mountain commune, buying our own Disney island or moving to Pleasantville, but short of such dramatic gestures, what is a parent to do?

What I know I can't do is to let the violence, brokenness and evil in the world drive how I parent my children. For if I give violence and fear that kind of power, I limit their ability to grab ahold of possibilities that I believe God places before them, I fail to trust the communities that have committed to also raise and nurture them and I deprive them of the overwhelming love, beauty and goodness that so often lives side by side with that which we do not want them to see.

Now some of you are thinking to yourself, "Well that's all fine and dandy Mr. Pollyanna Sunshine, but what about keeping my children safe?" Well, I will overlook the "sunshine" comment, but here are some ways for us to think about safety in different ways that I think will can lessen our anxiety about trusting our children to the world.

Safety is not only physical -- I firmly believe that most of the physical violence that our children see in their school and other areas is deeply tied to the kinds of emotional abuse that happens in the world today. Violence is so often the symptom -- and certainly must be addressed -- but we cannot become so focused on particular actions that we become distracted from addressing systemic and social patterns of emotional violence. Every time we refer to "those kids" or model bullying behavior or deny the humanity of another, we are feeding a culture of violence. And at the same, when we embrace a community larger than ourselves, model graciousness in the face of conflict and see the humanity of every being, we do our part in building a culture of non-violence -- in body, mind and spirit.

Safety is not an individual endeavor -- As I have had conversations with parents from my daughters' school where we have had our share of violent incidents, there is a common tension held by many parents between the safety of our own children and the presence of the kids who are being physically violent. This is a crucial tension to acknowledge if only to make sure that we do not pretend that we are seeking the betterment of the whole, when what we really want is to guarantee the safety of our own children. This is a natural yearning, but what we fail to realize is that in securing the safety of our own children and not really acting with the whole community in mind, we too often compromise the educational and social experience of the kids who might need it the most in order to make the community safer as a whole.

Safety cannot be guaranteed -- We can teach our children how to make good choices in the face of conflict, we can give them the ability to know when to walk away from an interaction and we can create clear channels of communication, but at the end of the day, no one can guarantee our childrens' safety. We can make settings safer, sure, but if you are expecting any school, municipality or community to promise that no harm will ever come to any child, yours or someone else's, this is simply not possible.

These questions and tensions are nothing new. Generation after generation of parents have had to learn this lesson, that our job is not to control our kids and shield them from pain and struggle, but to offer them the guidance, the support and love so they can make good choices in life, navigate a world of complexities and discover who God is yearning them to be and become. Each parent will do these things differently, each child will respond in her own way and hopefully, the larger community will be made better by all of our good choices.

In the end, parenting is a journey of guiding, trusting and letting go with the only choice that we really have to make is to what extent we will embrace the challenge.

That said, I will still keep my roll of bubble wrap, just in case. ;-)

Peace to you my parenting friends -- Bruce

P.S.: If you want further counsel from some good folks, I posed question, "How do we keep our children safe?" on my Facebook Page. [See comments]

This post originally appeared on www.reyes-chow.com.

An Open Letter to Myself About Being a Man

2013-03-28T01:29:28-04:00

Dear Me,

Pardon the profanity, but it's time that you got your shit together.

Yeah, yeah, yeah... as the father of three girls, raised by a kick-ass mother and always surrounded by powerful women, you have always fancied yourself a fairly liberated male and one of the "good" guys.

Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Men have been raising daughters and strong women and have been raising boys since time began. That does not give you a pass. Seeing the world through their eyes may have taught you much, but if you have been watching the news and have been paying attention to your own internal reactions to conversations about rape, gender and maleness, you know that you and many men and women today still have work to do.

Again it's time. [See opening sentence]

So here is what I have done for you. I have put together a list of things to remember when it comes to being male today. I wish there was a "Be a good man!" app or that there was this magic list that, when followed, would make you the perfect dude, but alas you'll have to muddle through just like the rest of us. Deal with it.

So in no particular order, here are a few challenges for you, Bruce.

Be present to hear stories of oppression, violence and pain without trying to fix, defend or justify these acts in the world. In other words, when someone gives you the privilege of sharing a story of pain with you, shut your pie hole and just listen.

When you hear people trying to lift up or strengthen women and girls in the world, stop thinking that it means you are somehow being bashed or are seen as less masculine. It's not about you -- unless of course it is about you, then see #1.

Use your power and influence to change institutional systems of exclusion. You may want to "stay out of it" but what you may be doing is being complicit to ongoing injustice and protecting your own power and station. This does not mean that you should take over everything, but it does mean apathy is not an option.

Stop using language that equates weakness with womanhood. You don't do it often, but even thinking things like, "Don't be a p*ssy!" or "You run like a girl" or "Come on, hit the ball Nancy." Not cool. Not. Cool.

Um . . . sexuality is not a commodity to be taken, earned or trivialized, but is something that is powerful, mutual and holy. Yeah, I see inside your head and heart sometimes. You and Jimmy Carter, just cut it out.

Support women who are modeling powerful ways of being female in the world. Girls everywhere, yours included, are watching, so show up and support women who are doing amazing things in the world.

For the love of God, please call "bullshit" on other men when they are perpetuating the myth that women are somehow "less than." If it helps to lean on the ol' "your mother, your daughter, your sister" thing to help you see how degrading some of this language is, feel free, but don't let misogynistic language go unchallenged.

Stop thinking that anyone who has been raped or is a victim of sexual violence in any way deserved, asked for it or brought it upon herself. Nothing justifies rape of and violence upon another. Nothing.

Stay engaged in conversations about gender. If you want to help things get better, you must continually do the hard work of examining what it means to be male in the world today and more importantly what it does not.

Be a good man in the world.

Don't give up trying to figure out what it means to accomplish #10.

Make no mistake: doing your part in helping the world and culture to fight sexism and violence will not be easy. There are no clear steps to becoming a good man and like so many struggles in the world, you will probably not see "victory" in your lifetime. That said, you can help things to make better while you walk the earth and you support the creation of positive space for generations to come. No pressure.

At the end of the day, you should not choose to walk down this road because you feel guilty or shamed, but because you know and believe that when you take even a small step in a direction that makes it possible that another human being might experience a better world, it matters -- to everyone.

Thanks for listening. You may now return to your fantasy baseball draft preparation work.

Love, Me

TRIGGER WARNING: The following may serve as a trigger for victims of sexual violence.

This post originally started out as an "Open letter to men . . ." so in preparation, I asked my facebook/twitter community for some good links to share and they did not disappoint. I include some of these, not because I agree in totality with everything said, but because I think these folks help keep the conversation going.

Good post about rape culture in Rape Culture 101. Challenging.

The Belle Jar pushes on the often used argument about why we should care in, I Am Not Your Wife, Sister or Daughter. I Am A Person.

Lauren Nelson has some greats posts on her blog, most notably, So you're tired of hearing about rape culture and she shares a powerful story in Confronting Rape Culture in our Own Back Yard.

Carl Gibson talks about some of the ways in which the media has been part of the problem in, Patriarchy Dominates Media's Steubenville Coverage.

Kim Simon shares her story about raising boys who are "kind" in, What All Mothers Must Do for Their Sons.

Abby Norman, a 9th grade teacher, talks about a powerful day in her classroom in, The day I taught how not to rape.

Magda Pecsenye writes a straight to the point open letter to her sons about stopping rape.

Micheal Kaufman dissects masculinity in The Astoundingly Simple Truth About Masculinity and Goodness

Ann Voskamp shares some touching thoughts in 25 Things Our Sons need to know about Manhood

And I think I am going to pick up this book, The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and and How All Men Can Help by Jackon Katz.

Free to browse and add more links on the original Facebook Page Update as there were many great links that I didn't include. Please take the time to read back through the comments as there are some gems. Thanks again to everyone who took the time to share.

Finally, while I am way past my go-out-and-drink-all-night days, I know that others that do hit the bar/drinking scene pretty hard -- thank you Facebook -- so here is a video from New Zealand that pushes and challenges. Eight minutes long, but worth the watch. Intriguing.

Original post on www.reyes-chow.com.

Interview: Hal Taussig and A New New Testament

2013-03-22T15:30:25-04:00

A few months ago, I posted some information about a project that I was invited to participate in, the formation of A NEW New Testament, organized by Hal Taussig. If you read the post, from the comments you can see that this book will stir the theological souls of many. Some will feel liberated by discovering new lenses through which humanity may experience the gospel of Jesus Christ, while others will see the project as dangerous and heretical.

The book will be released on March 5 and I had the pleasure of interviewing Hal about the book and process. Here is my interview with Dr. Hal Taussig on his newest book project, A New New Testament: A Bible for the 21st Century Combining Traditional and Newly Discovered Texts.

No doubt people who don't know you are going to paint a one-dimensional picture of you. So who is Hal Taussig and what's one thing that we might not guess about you?

I have been both a pastor and professor for over 30 years, never having given up either work. The major work I have done pastorally is to be a primary figure in the re-starting of two successive local churches, which were on the verge of dying and now both are vibrant communities. Almost all of my time as a professor has been teaching New Testament at the graduate or seminary level. For two of my early books, I was officially accused of heresy within the United Methodist Church, and I was exonerated of these charges.

I was raised on a cattle ranch in the high Rockies.

I love Motown, modern ballet, and raquetball.

How did this project come about and, knowing the kind of backlash that will be created, why did you take this on?

This project came slowly into focus over the past 20 years as I heard over and over again in the congregation where I pastor, with my M.Div. and Ph.D. students at the seminary where I teach, and at speaking engagements around the country that learning about many of the new discoveries of ancient Christian documents meant a great deal spiritually and intellectually to those who heard about them. Over and over again people acted as if they had just discovered their long lost sibling as I told them about the likes of the Gospel of Mary, The Thunder: Perfect Mind, the Acts of Paul and Thecla and others. So many people in so many different settings kept asking me why this material was not in the traditional New Testament.

In terms of the backlash that may come from this, I am not very good at taking this seriously. I generally expect people's interest and honest engagement about what I do, so I do suspect that I am not well enough prepared emotionally for such a backlash. I can say that I do have a fair amount of experience with national controversy. In my national engagement with the Jesus Seminar and the national controversy during the accusations of heresy against my early books, I found it fairly easy to concentrate mostly on the promise of what I was doing rather than the damage done to me.

I blogged about this project a few months back, and while there were some positive comments, a majority of the comments accused you and the council of being a group of arrogant religious celebrities who have finally gone too far. How do you respond to these accusations?

I would respond by telling them about the new works we have added to the traditional New Testament. I would quote to them how Mary Magdalene in the Gospel of Mary consoles the rest of the disciples after Jesus has left them. I would quote them the Odes of Solomon which sound so much like the Psalms in the Bible, but include Jesus in those "new" Psalms. I would tell them of how when the disciples in the Letter of Peter to Philip are threatened with death, they nevertheless go back out into the street to teach and heal. I would ask them what they think of these new discoveries from early Christianity, and whether they think they are important for the public to know about.

In this work, one needs to stay focused on the substance of the issue, and not be distracted by people trying to discredit by innuendo and allegations.

The council was diverse in many ways. How did you decide who would be invited to be a part of the The Council?

I had three criteria for inviting people to be on the council:

that almost all of them were enthusiastically Christian;

that a small minority were deeply spiritual leaders from beyond Christianity;

that they all have wide experience in some kind of ministry and especially in recommending to the general public what they can read to help them grow spiritually.

Within these three criteria, I then asked as broad a spectrum as I could. I asked people from every major denomination. I asked conservative, middle of the road, and liberal people. I asked people from a broad range of ethnic backgrounds. I tried to ask as many women as men.

What surprised you about the process of getting to the final selection of writings?

I was most surprised by how enthusiastic these Council members, most of whom had not really known much about the new discoveries of documents from early Christianity, were about these documents. I was also very surprised at how meaningful the leadership of women in the newly discovered ancient documents was to the members of the council.

Were you disappointed or surprised by the inclusion or exclusion of any particular writing/s?

About eight months before the final meeting of the council, I secretly wrote down a list of documents I wanted to be in A New New Testament. But, of course, in the council of 19 members, I only had one vote, just as each of the other Council members. So only half of my own choice of documents made it into A New New Testament. To a certain extent, of course, this is disappointing in the mundane way that we are disappointed when we don't get our way. But honestly, I am so committed to this project being as an authentic and nationally framed collaborative effort, I now am much more excited about being a part of a process that reflects a wide spectrum of wisdom and a longstanding way churches have made decisions than remembering why some of my choices got lost. I know how much more wisdom emerges when more people from as diverse a perspective as possible are included in the decision-making.

How do you hope people will use A New New Testament?

I think there are three main (and different) ways I hope various people use A New New Testament:

Like both Christians and non-Christians use the traditional New Testament. That is, as a way to be closer to God, more in tune with all of life, and challenged to grow in character, morality, and spirit.

As a new way to picture how Christianity began. That is, as a new sparkling prism of the many different visions and experiences of the many groups that eventually made up the realities of emergent Christianity.

As a way to deepen relationships with the existing New Testament, new initiatives to make Christianity come alive for individuals and communities, and those seeking a more spirited way in the world.

What do you hope does NOT happen as a result of the release of A New New Testament?

I hope that people do not dismiss A New New Testament without reading it, especially without reading the wonderful ways these old and new documents fit together.

Think five or 10 years down the line, what do you hope will be the overall impact of A New New Testament on culture, Christianity and/or the church?

My hopes are that A New New Testament becomes a significant part of the way we find meaning in our day relative to the ways we are connected to the beginnings of Christianity. As the head of Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, Bruce Nichols, said to me early in our discussions about publishing this book, he hoped that for the next two decades A New New Testament had a favored place on bookshelves and electronic readers, so that they would often turn to it and think about what they found there.

What part of the entire process brought you the most joy?

There was so much joy throughout the process, especially in the time I had to re-read and think about all the old and new texts, talk with very insightful and recognized spiritual leaders about all the books, and see the excitement in so many people as the reality of A New New Testament came into being. But, Bruce, two particular moments of joy come to mind:

In the final deliberations of the council's choosing the books to be added, the careful and intense conversation among the council, involving intense desire, much argument, and careful listening to one another. People laughed with so much shared appreciation, wept with desire and disappointment, and changed their minds in various directions.

When the publisher committed a very substantial sum of money to make sure that a group of national spiritual leaders could work together for up-to-a-year together to study these texts and make these decisions together in a way that had integrity and time to prepare.

Pay it forward -- Please name two to three groups, organizations or people you believe do great work in the world and why more people should know about them.

What a great question!

The First Corinthian Baptist Church of Harlem. A large, growing, spirit-filled congregation of thoughtful, young and old, multi-gendered, and courageous people. Their devotion to open-minded and open-hearted life together in the big wide world is stunning and powerful. (Among other things they are already in the process of reading the newly discovered documents of Christianity alongside the old ones.)

Two cutting edge scholars at the intersection of New Testament and new discoveries, Karen King, Hollis Professor of Divinity at Harvard Divinity School and Maia Kotrosits, newly minted Ph.D. in this field.

The Pennsylvania Ballet. A hugely creative ensemble whose dance breaks down old barriers and shows the beauty and volatility of the human body.

Personally, while I understand that there will be continued backlash about this project, it was a privilege to be a part of it. I only hope that even in the midst of the deepest disagreement, we may all see one another as created and complex children of God.

This blog post was originally published on www.reyes-chow.com.

Why This Pastor Tipped 50 Percent Today

2013-01-31T12:32:46-05:00

I do not swear all that much, but church people tend to bring out the worst in me.

Photo: reddit

So here it goes, cover your ears, "What the Frak?!?!?"

I give God 10% Why do you get 18

And then this pastor zeroed out the tip altogether. Are you kidding me?

"I'm sorry" just doesn't seem to cut it, but to the server who was stiffed, "I'm sorry."

For the record, we're not all like this pastor. Not only have I NEVER witnessed any of my pastor friends write "pastor" above their name on a receipt -- weird -- but many of us tip generously because we know that people in the service industry: food servers, hotel workers, etc. often make a good percentage of their living via tips. So thank you for serving our food, parking our cars, steaming our milk, cleaning our rooms and doing all the stuff that many "pastors" probably couldn't or wouldn't do themselves.

And again, "I am sorry."

I just tipped my barrista 50 percent in your honor.

Story via The Consumerist -
Diner Thinks That Saying He's A Pastor Allows Him To Stiff Waiter On Tip

Originally posted on 01.30.13 on www.reyes-chow.com

'Balls': The Importance of Laughing With Your Kids

2013-01-23T10:27:00-05:00

So this happened...

A few nights ago, my wife yelled from the other room, "Hey hon, the balls are in the bag by the door."

I caught the eye of my middle schooler.

She grinned.

I grinned.

Commence uncontrollable giggling.

My wife walked into the kitchen to find the two of us doubled-over with laughter. With her eyes rolled way back in her head, she said, "Seriously? You are such a middle-school boy. Balls. Balls. Balls. Balls."

That did not help squelch the snickering.

Like the mature parental unit that I am, in between my wheezing laughter, I pointed and blamed my daughter, "What?! She laughed first."

Not one to take the fall for her dad, Middle said, "Yeah, but I have an excuse... I'm actually in middle school."

Good point.

I let Middle read this story before publishing it and, as she giggled through my retelling, she asked me, "Is there some lesson to learn or is your post just about balls?" Sheesh, does everything have to have a lesson? Tough crowd.

Judge me all you want about my junior high giggle reflex, but there is something very sweet about my girls (three daughters) being able to tease me about boy stuff. In these moments of laughter and through the conversations that will follow over the years, I we are helping to create safe space where our kids can/will actually talk to us about issues of sexuality and intimacy. We are also developing "inside" jokes and memories in which we can seek refuge during times of extreme boredom or family drama. Most importantly, I am laughing and being silly with my kids, not an unimportant activity when somber events of the world can so often overwhelm our playful spirits.

So the lesson: giggle with your kids more.

Hey Middle, "Balls."

Originally posted by Bruce Reyes-Chow on www.reyes-chow.com [subscribe | follow | email]

Automatic Wi-Fi Check-in on Facebook

2013-01-22T12:25:09-05:00

A few weeks ago at my "office" -- we'll just call it Philz Coffee on 25th and Douglas in Noe Valley in San Francisco -- when logging onto the wireless network, a different window popped up:

As one who dabbles in a bit of social media strategery, I thought to myself, "Very cool," in exchange for using their wireless, all I have to do is to let folks know where I am using said wireless. Smart marketing, no problem.

So -- I must have checked the "Check me in automatically in the future" option because every time I logged onto the network after that, the notification, "Bruce is at Philz Coffee" was added to my personal Facebook timeline, making my coffee affair that much more public. Even funnier is that if I got wireless access with my phone, it would post my check-in twice. And while I love telling people about Philz, it got a little much. After I heard another customer ask about how to disable the check-in feature and after failing at figuring it out myself, I tweeted @philzcoffee. After a few questions from their social media folks, I was sent instructions on how to stop the automatic check-in: mad social media skills, responsive customer service and smooth pour-over coffee. Love this place.

Here is are the instructions I was sent to disable the automatic Facebook check-in option.

How to Stop Automatic Facebook Check-in

Go to Facebook.com on desktop

Click on Privacy icon in the upper-right corner (the lock with three lines next to it) and select "See More Settings"

Click on "Facebook Wi-Fi" in the left-hand menu bar

From there, you can disable the auto-checkin by clicking the "x"

Easy peasy -- and thanks to the Philz crew for helping out.

I suspect that more and more folks will be using this feature to help increase their Facebook presence and, do not get me wrong, I do not think there is anything wrong with the idea. Afterall, I am using their wireless access. But if you find this screen popping up just be aware of your options:

Check-in: Click this at least once every so often to give some props to whatever business is providing your wireless. Service, besides a buying a cup of coffee, it's the least we can do.

Automatic Check-in: Beware of this checkbox, especially if you happen to frequent an establishment 3-5 times a week, otherwise your addictions shall become public. If you do not mind adding an occasionally check-in to your timeline, go for it.

Skip Check-in: This is the safest option. Also the easiest option to go unnoticed.

So there you have it. Not the most important thing in the world, but hope this was helpful. Carry on.

Please remember to subscribe to my personal blog and sign up for my mailing list.

Thoughts on My First PechaKucha Experience

2013-01-22T10:57:20-05:00

Photo: Adam Walker Cleaveland from PechaKucha from Barry Taylor

This past week I was invited be part of a slate of PechaKucha presentations at the Emergence Christianity Gathering in Memphis, TN. Just before it was about to begin I tweeted:

Right about now all of the PechaKucha presenters are starting to feel anxious.

And Adam Walker Cleaveland, another of the PechaKucha presenters, replied:

doing something difficult, new and crazy in front of 200 people!? No. No nerves here.

Nerves and all, it was wonderful.

What?!?!?! You have never heard of a PechaKucha presentation?

He says smugly as if he knew what it was when he was first asked to do one ;-)

In short, a PechaKucha (Japanese for "chatter") presentation consists of 20 images projected for 20 seconds each, during which time the presenter talks about whatever he or she wants. 6:40 - Simple, concise and, when done well, beautiful and mesmerizing . (Read more on wikipedia and on www.pechakucha.org.)

For some of you, this might seem like an exciting opportunity and for others a terrifying prospect. As one who talks for a living, it was both of those things: liberating and confining. No longer could I lean into comfortable stories and my normal speaking schtick, but I had to be clear about what I wanted to communicate AND free myself up to see where things would go in the moment. I suspect that I accomplished both tasks with varying degrees of success [my favorite response, albeit maybe a little much], but I did survive.

One of the things that I loved about the PechaKucha experience was that, for many folks, this platform was used as an opportunity to step outside of their normal of style and content bubble. I kind of wish that I had done that. While I think mine was well received, next time -- and there will be a next time -- I will definitely challenge myself to try something new. Maybe I'll do a little some spoken word and/or take on a topic that I might not otherwise get a chance to muse about in such a forum: fantasy sports and the body of Christ, the spirituality of baseball or the beauty of 80's culture.

Don't judge.

In the end, I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and am grateful for the opportunity. I would also encourage any conference or gathering to hold an evening of PechaKuchas. Not only would it provide a change of pace for participants, but PechaKuchas create space for fresh voices to share new perspectives and seasoned voices to present in different ways.

And if you ever get an invitation to do one... say yes. You will not regret it.

If you are interested in more from the Emergence Christianity presentations, Adam has listed a few on his post, Emergence Christianity: PechaKucha Presentations. Below is my presentation as posted on Slideshare... and yes, the last slide has a typo. Grrr.

2013 Emergence Christianity PechaKucha Slides on RACE

Originally published on www.reyes-chow.com.

The Road Not Taken, Whatever

2013-01-16T19:07:19-05:00

Every once in a while -- no check that, all the time -- I worry about the future of my children.

Of course, I want them to be kind, compassionate and loving human beings, but I also often get trapped in vicious cycle of wanting them to achieve great heights professionally and yet still "be realistic." Far from being the finger-wagging, "you have to be a doctor or a lawyer" kind of parent, there are times when I struggle with the possibility that my kids will want to act on the stage, create art or [insert "starving" profession here] as a way of life. I may romanticize "taking the road less travelled" but, seriously, who is going to take care of us when we are old? Joking... kind of.

I want them to do what I want them to do.

And then on my best days, I am reminded that who my children become and what my children do in their lives must be about who God intends them to become and what God calls them to do. Yes, we parental unites will guide and nurture as best we can, but, as all parents eventually discover, the children in our lives are not ours to control, but God's gifts to nurture and love. Sometimes, our task will be to challenge and direct them and, at other times, it will be to give them room and encouragement to dive into and explore the possibilities that unfold before them.

This past week, I had a conversation with a friend about his son and my daughter. We commiserated about looming college decisions and our kids who want to juggle and act. In that moment, I found another companion for the journey of parenting kids who are determined and focused on paths that I would never have expected and have absolutely no idea about myself. But here we were caught in that loving space of seeking God's hopes and intentions for our kids

. . .

One of the ways I have tried to gain some perspective is to notice and embrace the joy that my children experience when they are living their love and calling. My oldest daughter, through her high school, will devote three-five hours, five days a week for four years to her theater discipline... all while keeping up with her academics. She has shown to us, in her commitment and care, that this is not just something that she is dabbling in, but this is something that she is called to be and become.

Motivating. Inspiring. Cool.

My above-mentioned friend's son... the juggler, clearly has the same kind of skills and commitment. Not many of us wake up and say, "You know, I think I want my child join the circus and be a juggler when he grows up" but watching Nathan's videos, how do you NOT want to encourage what is so clearly a gift?

I share all of this in no way to say that it is seeking God's intentions is an easy task or that kids who become doctors, lawyers or business leaders do not feel called to those professions. I share this as a way to remember that in my children's lives, as well as my own, we cannot let our hopes supersede God's, but rather we must continually strive to have our hopes be the same as God's.

I'll let you know when we figure out how to do that ;-)

PS: Remembering that my mom probably never stops worrying, my "little" brother is in blue. [VIDEO]

Reposted from www.reyes-chow.com

Mr. Snow Miser Controversy Cools Inauguration Festivities

2013-01-15T23:49:59-05:00

In a stunning turn of events, it has been revealed that the svelte and smooth-dancing, Mr. Snow Miser, is a Democrat. With the Washington Post breaking the story that an arctic blast can be expected for this weekend's 57th inauguration festivities, suspicions about the political influence of Mr. Snow Miser, a.k.a. "Mr. Icicle" and "Mr. 10 Below," have been confirmed.

Last year's White House push to amend the oath of office to, "I do solemnly swear that I will be totes cool and faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States." was apparently not about "Reaching the kewl kidz, yo!" as pitched by the White House and was nothing more than political back-scratching.

There is some speculation that the Obama administration tried to delay announcing the name of the official inaugural weather sponsor until after the swearing-in, but sources close to the undersecretary to the Meteorological Department say that because Mr. Snow Miser's brother, Mr. Heat Miser, was planning on going public, "It was time to let it snow, let it snow, let it snow."

Controversial and conservative Elf Brothers, Jingle and Jangle, who knew Mr. Snow Miser from the 2006 "Year Without Santa" incident, responded, "We knew it all along. Now Mr. Snow Miser has been exposed for the frigid, cold world, lefty Obama-ite that we have always known him to be."

Others have defended the use of Mr. Snow Miser's resources. An anonymous source from the powerful political action committee "Leggings Are So Pants" said, "While we would prefer that the climate for the inauguration to have a bi-meteorological spirit, whether we like it or not, the Supreme Court has ruled that "stop-motion misers" are people and may precipitate their influence as such. Our members will just paint on another pair of wool thermal leggings and enjoy the day."

With just a few days until people begin arriving for the inauguration, it does not appear that the White House will seek the withdrawal of Mr. Snow Misers' presence. A spokesperson said that Mr. Heat Miser has been contacted to see if he would be interested in being the official inauguration seat warmer.

Neither of the Miser brothers could be reached for comment, but despite constant mediation sessions with Ms. Claus, from this video, it is clear that tensions are still high between the two brothers. A full statement from Mr. Snow Miser is expected in the next few days with further rumors pointing to the disclosure of the existence of two lesser known siblings, Warm Summer Breeze Miser and Pleasant Fall Day Miser.

A representative from Santa's Worshop declined to be interviewed for this story.

This was originally posted on www.reyes-chow.com.

My Last Post About Guns. I'm Out.

2013-01-09T11:14:09-05:00

flickr: vinothchandar

With the recent National Rifle Association's campaign to bring armed guards into every school in the United States (12/21/12 nra.org), I'm out. Simply put, this posture of thinking and the conversations that have spun out of it, are indicative of a chasm of perspective that I am no longer willing to try and cross via my blog life.

So, NRA, mission accomplished, you win. You and those who would support this plan are scaring the $h!t out of me.

No matter how folks wish to frame recent conversations about guns in the United States, the violence and expected legislation, it is clear to me that the climate is being fueled by fear, self-preservation and an individual's rights above all others. These are not bad things in themselves, but the problem is that when the debate currency is hyperbole and hypotheticals no one -- left, right or in-between -- is able to make much headway with the other. We can all quote studies that support our positions, we can all claim the thoughtful approach and we all find plenty of reasons that the other side is delusional and idiotic.

Now, normally, I might chalk this political carnival atmosphere up to just another day of politics in the United States, but in this case, I deeply wonder to what end and at what cost? I have seen very few cases -- there have been a few -- where anyone has changed their mind or had transformative relational experiences with someone from the other "side." Much like abortion, civil rights and marriage equality, I will choose to trust those whom we have elected to office to do what we have tasked them to do: listen to those who sent them there, make decisions for the common good and have the mettle and determination to see those decisions through without feeding the violent rhetoric that take on a very different tone when the issue is guns.

And if they fail, we vote them out of office.

So, I am done blogging about guns because it stresses me out. It stresses out my family and friends who read the comments. And there are simply times when talking about guns -- and I think thoughtful gun advocates need to realize this -- that when people get pissed off at you when talking about guns and lift up hypothetical violence against you and your family they are scary ... um, because they have guns and they are pissed. I suspect this is the intent -- and some get off on the power and intimidation -- but really it's just not worth it for me to keep poking the Internet trolls in the eye. So yeah, fear is playing a role, but my reaction is not to go into lock-down and arm my family, but to walk away and no longer add to the escalation.

The biggest reason that I am dropping out of much of public blogging debate, however, is that I don't like the way it is makes me feel about other human beings: strangers and acquaintances. I strive to always interact with graciousness, try to see the complex beauty with which God has gifted each person and attempt to appreciate those who hold views that are different from mine. But, what I have noticed about my own spirit is that I can feel these interactions eating away at my soul and my ability to truly honor and see the child of God in all people. As a Christian, when I begin to lose the ability to see the other as holy, I become an unhelpful and even destructive voice.

Sometime we must disengage.

But lest you think I am TOTALLY out of the conversation, I am no abdicating my voice and my ability to help connect people and resources. We must each hold our public servants accountable, strive to participate in helpful ways and, even when we are unable to ourselves, instigate and support thoughtful dialogue. So with this in mind, as I stumble upon good articles and resources, I will be pinning them to my Support Gun Control Board via my Pinterest life.

So, I'm not shying away from hard conversations; rather, I am striving to be a healthy part of whatever conversations I do choose to have. And right now and for the foreseeable future, it will not be about guns.

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My Interview With MaryAnn McKibben Dana About Sabbath in the Suburbs

2013-01-08T17:15:49-05:00

I am a firm believer in building community by helping good folks get the word out about projects that they are working on. Today, I want to help spread the word about MaryAnn McKibben Dana and her new book, Sabbath in the Suburbs: A Family's Experiment with Holy Time. I have met MaryAnn a handful of times in person, but, like many relationships these days I know her mostly through online interaction and many mutual friends. I have not yet read the book, but I am intrigued even more knowing MaryAnn a little better.

Here is my "interview" with MaryAnn McKibben Dana.

Who is MaryAnn McKibben Dana?

I'm a writer, mother of three, haphazard knitter, and a slow but determined runner. I like to make lists, and muffins, and lists of muffins.

I lead workshops and retreats on various topics, and I blog at The Blue Room, which is still my favorite venue writing-wise. I'm also a Presbyterian pastor, but I think my inner child is Quaker. I'm married to a preacher's kid, which means I'm the only person in my house who isn't a PK.

Elevator speech time... what is Sabbath in the Suburbs about?

Part memoir, part spiritual reflection, part practical guide, Sabbath in the Suburbs is about our family's experience of taking a day-long Sabbath every week -- a time when we stopped all work, striving, hurrying and producing and focused on play and rest. It's about our family's cobbled-together successes and our flat-on-our-face failures. It's a book for people who sense the dysfunction in our 24-7 world but need some inspiration and some realistic help to do something about it.

I'm also told it's funny.

What inspired you to write Sabbath in the Suburbs?

Like many writers, I wrote the book that I wanted to read. There are plenty of books out there [here, here and here] about Sabbath-keeping and "finding balance." But most of them address the why rather than the how. I was fully convinced of the need for rest and play; I just couldn't figure out how to do it, what with careers and kids and errands and homework and housework, and... and... and. Not to mention the ever-buzzing smartphones, constantly demanding our attention.

What were some of the most difficult parts about writing Sabbath in the Suburbs? Exciting? Surprising?

I remember a friend saying that when you're in graduate school, guilt is an inherent part of any leisure time. Writing a book can be like that. It's always hanging over your head as something you should work on. This was especially hard for me, because I was writing a book about Sabbath and yet the writing was eating into my Sabbath time!

The most exciting and surprising thing about the process was that I actually got it done. I've been writing blogs and short non-fiction for so long that I wasn't sure whether I could pull off a project like this.

The most gratifying part is not the positive reviews, though I've gotten them [Publishers Weekly | Englewood], nor the sales figures, which are encouraging and fun to track, but the individual folks who've told me that Sabbath in the Suburbs inspired them to make actual changes in their lives. I heard recently from a woman whose husband is gravely ill. They have young children and the book helped them focus on making memories and living a life that matters for whatever time is left. Wow. If I don't sell another book, I will consider the project a success.

Knowing that they may be one in the same, who do you think your book will have the most impact upon and who might it make uncomfortable?

I have heard from many people that the book makes them squirm because it shines a light on their own dysfunctions and anxieties around how they spend their time.

It's also very real. If you like your religious leaders on a pedestal, this isn't the book for you. (My neighbor read it and said, "I had no idea you were so sarcastic!" To which I replied, "Duh...")

Might be a good book, a writing discipline or helpful snack, but could you give a quick word of advice to help aspiring writers reach their goals of actually writing a book.

I highly, highly recommend a writers' group. I can say without exaggeration that my book would not exist without the Writing Revs, with whom I've been meeting for six years. It also wouldn't be as good without their sharp eyes and wisdom.

I am as prone to monkey-mind as anyone, so I recommend the Pomodoro Technique as a way to focus. I wrote most of the book that way. And my favorite book on writing is still Anne Lamott's classic Bird by Bird. Stephen King's On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft is also great.

If you could have people connect with you on ONE of your social media platforms, what would it be?

I do tweet (@revmamd) and I'm on Pinterest (maryanndana) and GoodReads (MaryAnn_McKibben_Dana), but I'm really a Facebook gal at heart and would be overjoyed to have folks subscribe to my page (mdana).

If you know of any other projects: books, video, art, etc. that could use some social media umph, please let me know. In the meantime, please remember to subscribe to this blog and sign up for my mailing list.

A Brief Movie Review of Les Misérables

2012-12-27T17:27:34-05:00

Last night, my wife and I finally went to see Les Mis. I have seen about six productions of Les Misérables over the years, as well as all the anniversary concerts, so like most fans, we were very excited about the movie.

And like most thing you love, you want to reach its full potential. The movie almost got there. Almost.

Most of the critiques that I have heard about the shooting style and the overuse of close-ups are a matter of personal preference and I did not mind them at all. Overall, I enjoyed the movie adaptation immensely as it certainly captured the essence of original musical with all of the torment, transformation and grace that any fan could hope for. What the movie was able to capture in terms of the grittiness of the day as well as the emotions that can be communicated through film makes this a great addition to the Les Mis canon.

So . . . the only thing that I would offer is to join the chorus of people who think Russell Crowe was a horrible casting decision. MAYBE -- and I say maybe -- he has a voice for a rock band, but Javert needed to be a much stronger and deeper voice and presence. I can only believe that he was cast for name-recognition -- it was not worth it. And if he was cast for his acting, it was REALLY not worth it. With the rest of the cast so strong -- Jackman was breathtaking; Hathaway was stunning; and Redmayne, Tveit and Barks were stellar -- Crowe didn't have a chance.

Despite Crowe, the rest of the movie will no doubt call for a second or third theater viewing and will end up as part of our collection. So if I had stars to give, it would get 9 out of 10 and the loss of that one star can be exclusively attributed to Monsieur Gladiator.

Calling for Newtown Sermons, Prayers and Liturgy

2012-12-20T11:43:50-05:00

My friend, colleague and leader in the Presbyterian Church (USA), Landon Whitsitt, is collecting sermons, prayers and other liturgical resources. He will compile it and Shook Foil Books will make it available for free via e-reader download.

You can find out more information or contact Landon:

Submissions should be emailed to landonatlandonwhitsittdotcom by Friday December 21, 2012.

Thanks Landon for doing this.

And if you would like to join in our virtual vigil you can do so here.

Let's Talk About Guns

2012-12-14T17:19:57-05:00

I woke this morning to the news that, yet again, gun violence has devastated a community. Yes, there are communities that deal with the threat of gun violence every day of their lives, but tragedies like this, ones that take place in communities where this is not the assumed or perceived environmental norm, can shock the system into realizing something must be done.

For all of us it is time to, again, talk about guns in the United States.

While it might seem to be politically prudent and socially acceptable to avoid talking about difficult issues like guns, if we -- families, communities and governments -- hope to experience health, wholeness and healing, avoiding that which is emotional, difficult and painful is never a sustainable strategy.

Just as a couple struggling in their relationship might say that they don't have the time, the money or energy to go to counseling, unless the United States is done being a people who can engage in difficult conversations that strive to achieve a common good, we cannot afford not to spend the time, the money and the energy on talking about guns in our society.

I have certainly offered my thoughts on this before and I am under no delusions that this post or my tweet or my isolated voice crying out into the night will do any good. What I do hope is that for anyone -- politicians, pastors and you -- who may be weary of the arguing that has taken place, fearful of the conflict that might arise or doubtful that anything will come of the attempt, I implore you to think again. While the cost in relationships, energy and status has the potential to be significant, the potential for lives to be saved, healing to be had and hope to be restored is worth any risk that might be taken.

So please, let's talk about guns, gun violence and the gun laws.

It is time.

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