Carol Howard Merritt 2013-06-20T03:11:56-04:00 Carol Howard Merritt http://www.huffingtonpost.com/author/index.php?author=carol-howard-merritt Copyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc. HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Carol Howard Merritt Good old fashioned elbow grease. Religious Hopes for 2013 tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.2392880 2013-01-02T13:02:57-05:00 2013-03-04T05:12:01-05:00 Carol Howard Merritt http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-howard-merritt/
As a Christian in the United States, we can point to a lot of good things in the last year. Passionate energies arose to assist in disasters, push for gun control, call for immigration rights, struggle for marriage equality, long for racial reconciliation, initiate interfaith dialogue, demand a just budget, work for peace and fight for farm workers' rights. And the list continues as I burst with gratitude for the work that people have done.

I'm proud to be a part of a movement whose great concern is learning to love your neighbor as you love yourself. And as we move into the New Year, I hope those voices of justice will grow stronger and I wish for some other things as well.

I hope that the religious right will drop birth control as an issue. During the political season, the conservative evangelical case against birth control was loud and clear. I spoke to Frank Schaeffer, one of the founders of the religious right, trying to remember my days growing up in a conservative Evangelical household. "I don't remember birth control ever being an issue before. It wasn't tied to the evangelical pro-life movement, was it? Did I miss something?" I asked.

"No. Birth control wasn't an issue at the beginning." Schaeffer replied. "This is a case of the enemy of my enemy is my friend."

In other words, the religious right took up the cause of birth control because the Roman Catholic Church is against birth control. Since the religious right evangelicals and some Catholics could join forces and become more powerful in their shared quest to defeat Barack Obama, then they decided to add birth control as an issue. We began to hear the pill referred to more as an "abortifacient."

I am now a progressive Presbyterian, but growing up as a teen in a conservative Christian culture, I read "Passion and Purity." I was advised to take the pill for medical reasons and refused because I thought it would make sex more tempting. I also thought that using a condom would be like premeditated sin, because you would have to have to buy them beforehand and plan on having sex. But there was no sense that birth control was somehow tied to abortion.

I'm hoping that since the evangelical tie of birth control to the pro-life movement was a pragmatic political flop, it won't affect conservative women who want to decide when they are ready to have a child. There is already a teen pregnancy problem in red states. We don't need to exacerbate the issue, jeopardizing the lives and futures of young women by demonizing birth control.

I hope that we renew our theological thinking about marriage. Now that same-gender unions are blessed by the state and the church in many areas, this would be a wonderful year to think about our ceremonial customs. I love presiding over weddings, but I often rewrite the liturgy and invite couples to think through our traditions.

Throughout our wedding ceremonies, we often proclaim that marriage is an institution, created by God, so that people can raise children in a loving home. That's hardly accurate when so many couple marry to share their lives and love, not necessarily to have babies. The ceremony is dripping with patriarchy. Why does a father "give away" his 30-year-old daughter to another man? What about those who have found love, apart from any sort of blessing from their parents? Can we think about ways in which the prayers and love can affirm couples, even in the midst of familial discontent?

This would be a beautiful year for theologians, historians and liturgists to rethink our traditions, not just fighting for what we believe is right in the political sphere, but by putting art, beauty and poetry behind those longings for gender and marriage equality.

I hope that religious movements will understand Occupy. Perhaps you are not into the whole urban camping experience, you don't approve of pitting poor Americans against rich, you don't like that there were no identifiable leaders, you don't like that the movement was critical of Democrats, you don't like the word "occupy" because of its usage in the Middle East, or you have 10 other reasons why you shied away from the Occupy movement -- you still have no excuse. People of faith still have an obligation to learn from the movement.

We need to understand how our economic policies have hurt the young, who are overwhelmed with student loans and credit card debts. We need to realize how the lack of medical insurance made them vulnerable to financial ruin. We will need to get our heads around the fact that large swaths of Generation X and the Millennials don't have pensions and won't be prepared for retirement -- even as we are expected to live longer.

Churches can get past shaming the young for their debt, rolling their eyes at their "first-world problems," and realize that we have set up a system in which the young can have a difficult time surviving independently or setting up households. Poverty issues are different in this generation, and Christian need to take care to understand what is happening.

It's also interesting to find that the Occupy movement has turned to the Bible as a source of inspiration, setting up a Rolling Jubilee. Many in Occupy have an understanding of community and sharing that we can learn from as people of faith.

Religion can be a tool for oppression or a force for good. As we greet 2013, I hope that we can all work for a more compassionate faith.]]> Progressive Christians Enter the Age of Relevancy tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.2128485 2012-11-14T15:53:56-05:00 2013-01-14T05:12:01-05:00 Carol Howard Merritt http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-howard-merritt/
And yet, we worked alongside the poor, remembering Mary, the mother of Jesus, a single woman expecting a child. Mary magnificently proclaimed that God had exalted the humble, filled the hungry with good things and sent the rich empty away.

But in the midst of this exaltation, we heard another voice. It was the Heritage Foundation telling us that marriage was the best antidote to child poverty.

It made many Christian stomachs turn as we interpreted the news, "You're poor? Your children are going hungry? Then find a husband, and everything will be just fine. You don't need to fight for nutritious lunches, after-school care and medical insurance, you just need a man."

We claimed our feminism, as we studied, heeding the voices of women in our pulpits. Clergy found great hope in academic theology, which uplifts the liberating notion that "in Jesus Christ, there is no Jew or Greek, male or female, slave or free." We have drawn comfort in the fact that Jesus did not scorn the woman with the issue blood, but healed her. We realize that our faith calls us to care about women's health and beckons us to demand an end to violence against women.

We shudder as we hear leaders of the Religious Right talk about "legitimate rape" and fight against birth control being a part of a health plan. Religious Right leaders maligned Sandra Fluke who pleaded on behalf of those who needed birth control pills for medical reasons.

We respect scientific discovery. As many of us read the Bible, we were fascinated with the ancient mind, trying to work out the mysteries of whence we came. We read George Washington Carver's spiritual writings that nurtured our souls while making us hungry for deeper scientific understanding. We applauded discoveries that helped us come into a fuller understanding of our universe.

And yet, our voices seemed to be overtaken by this awkward denial of the age of our universe that takes the beautiful, venerable myths of creation and tries to make them into a flimsy and flawed science textbook.

We cared for the earth. We did not discard the story of creation. But we clung to the beauty of this story that said creation is good, that we are all made in God's image, and that we are to be caretakers of the earth. Because of our faith, we worked for legislation and responsible practice concerning the environment. We grieved over our dependence on petroleum and labored to decrease it. We watched for global warming and listened the groaning of our land.

And so we shuddered when we heard Christians proclaim that Jesus would be coming any moment now, and we should not worry about the long-term affects of our polluting ways.

Many of us work for marriage equality in the hope that our LGBTQ sisters and brothers will be able to enter into a covenant before God. We read the Scriptures and see a complex idea of marriage. In the ancient text polygamy was a norm, women were property and marriages were often arranged for political alliances. In the Song of Solomon, where we find the most erotic passages of Scripture, we hear the direct voice of a "black and beautiful" woman proclaiming, "My beloved thrust his hand in the opening and my inmost being yearned for him." She is not married and yet we read of their sneaking away in the fields and caves, and all the places where pomegranates ripen. We understand that marriage is a covenant that two people enter into, so that their love can be shared. Since God is love, the physical and emotional acts of love are gifts of God. We have known same-gender couples that share that divine gift and hope that they might be able to live in their promises without the fear of discrimination.

And so we scratch our heads when we hear people talking about a "Biblical view of marriage" being between one man and one woman, because we know that the biblical witness has an evolving view of marriage. Many Christians worry that purity pledges and abstinence programs seem to go hand-in-hand with teachings against birth control. The two views have made young women vulnerable in our society.

I could go on. Our Bible mandates that we welcome the stranger, care for the Samaritan and love our neighbor, and that affects our immigration policies. We remember the days of the early church that shared what they had so no one had need, and that makes us concerned about income inequities and our tax system that perpetuates them. We are people who practice confession and forgiveness, and so we were confused by Governor Mitt Romney's insistence that greatness had some correlation to never apologizing. And we are people who long for peace, so we are troubled by a budget that keeps feeding our military industrial complex.

It is clear that our decades of irrelevancy are over now. The last election showed the decline of the Religious Right's power. Not only that, but the mute button is off. We can begin to hear progressive Christian voices, whether they come from those who grew up Evangelical and are now rejecting the views of their youth or they have been working for justice all along. And we can now claim that our work has been hard, but it has not been in vain.]]> Of Lent and Love: What I Learned in the Midst of Betrayal tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1355256 2012-03-19T10:22:55-04:00 2012-05-19T05:12:01-04:00 Carol Howard Merritt http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-howard-merritt/ Please join the HuffPost community in "A Lenten Journey" for reflections throughout Lent, and join our online Lenten community here.

"I saw him in the parking lot with her. I think he wanted to get caught," my mom's hushed voice bleeds with betrayal. Unlike most gossip, this conversation doesn't have the quality of a listener, hungry for salacious trivialities. The whole house feels on edge, as I sit on the couch in an adjoining room, straining to hear.

I'm 15 years old. I missed church that Sunday morning, but I'm catching up with what happened in the service through my mom's one-sided phone conversations. The instant mom hangs up the phone it rings again. She's in a T-shirt and shorts, walking back and forth with bare feet on the cork kitchen tile, reciting assorted facts and collecting others.

The bits and pieces come together. Our pastor had an affair and confessed it in his sermon. He stood up in front of the church and let the gathered members know that he had succumbed to temptation, but he was ready to just "move on."

The shocked congregation is not so ready to just move on. They want details. They demand to know exactly what had happened, how long, and with whom. The elders and the pastor schedule a meeting for that evening. As the sun goes down, my father leaves for the gathering of leaders.

My mother paces the kitchen a few more times. Instead of grabbing the phone again, she picks up a big basin and places our plushest guest towels inside of it. Then she yells out to the quiet house, "Car-ol! Let's go!"

The warm Florida night swells with the sound of crickets singing and waves crashing as we drive for about a half an hour, over a bridge, from the beach to the mainland, to our pastor's home. When we pull up to driveway, the house is dark. My determined mom still gathers the basin and towels and rings the doorbell.

I don't remember being let in. I just recall entering and seeing Margaret, our pastor's wife, sitting on a chair in her living room. She remains motionless in the dark room, in her beautiful home, staring at her lavish, white carpet, breathing deeply.

My mother takes the basin, walks into her friend's kitchen, and fills it with warm water. She carries it to Margaret's feet, taking off Margaret's shoes, she cradles her soles as if they are the most precious things in the world. Without a word, mom puts them in the water and washes them.

Margaret begins to cry and it doesn't take long before the tears smear all of our faces. Mom takes Margaret's feet out and dries them on the soft towels. Throughout the entire ritual, we don't talk much, but we know what's being said. I even understand the depth of it, at my young age. Margaret is about to face some of the worst public betrayal, as people began to pick apart the indiscretions of her husband.

Privately, people make extremely difficult decisions to work through a spouse's unfaithfulness everyday. When it happens publicly, the betrayal magnifies. The most intimate facts of this affair would be drawn out for everyone. Margaret's character will even be questioned. And people will whisper about how they would never put up with such a thing. Some will even wonder if Margaret is the reason. Perhaps she was too frigid, and he had to find love elsewhere.

In the midst of the painful exposure, Margaret would sort out what she was going to do about her marriage. While hearing more details than she ever wanted to, she would have to evaluate everything in her life -- her friends, the lies, her reputation, her pride, her children, and her financial situation.

Mom wanted Margaret to know one thing in the midst of it. Margaret would be cherished, even to the end of her toes.

My faith was formed that evening, not by the bitter betrayals, but in the love of the women. I think about that night each Lent, as we walk toward that treacherous path with Jesus. I recall how Mary took Jesus's feet, baptized them with her tears and perfume. She prepared Jesus for his death, not just with the costly ointments, but with the ritual that let him know that no matter what sort of trials he would face, he would do it realizing the love that soaked his skin.

Jesus said that whenever we spoke of the good news, we would do it in memory of her. So as I walk along this season, trudging the journey with the man of sorrows, I remember the reality of betrayal, but I tell the story with her memory. I think of all the times that the love had the ability to bathe toxic days and allow us to face injustice and cruelty. ]]> Christianity and Contraception: Would Jesus Dispense Birth Control? tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1271928 2012-02-13T10:44:42-05:00 2012-04-14T05:12:01-04:00 Carol Howard Merritt http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-howard-merritt/
A controversy over birth control brewed in the last few days. As we know, the pill was approved in our country in the 1950s and it has changed the lives of countless women. I began to understand the importance of the birth control when I worked in South Louisiana. I chose to work in Cajun country, because it was difficult for churches to get pastors there and I wanted to gain a better understanding rural poverty. While there, I found myself working mostly with teenaged girls because working with teens was an important key to breaking the cycle of poverty.

Teen pregnancy keeps women in poverty. Oftentimes young women could not imagine a future. They may not have known many women who went to college or had professional careers. But they did know of one satisfying option. They began to imagine themselves as mothers. Motherhood is extremely meaningful, but when a teenager becomes a mom, she can get trapped in poverty. And it can be a cycle that lasts for generations.

Because it was a strong Roman Catholic area, people had large families, and birth control was shunned. Because it was a poor area, parents had to work and very few after-school options existed for girls. Just as some areas of our country have a strong "Say No To Drugs" campaign, there were billboards on the sides of the roads with the stark warnings: "Teenaged Pregnancy = Lifetime Poverty."

There are many reasons to support the use of contraception. It can help teenagers avoid the cycle of poverty. It allows women to plan their educations and careers. It can help with overpopulation and strain on our environment. Contraception helps a myriad of medical conditions.

This week has been dominated by religious voices speaking out against contraception. I suppose that shouldn't be a surprise since Christianity has been controlled by men for more than 2,000 years, and there has been a strong belief in both Catholic and Protestant traditions that women were created solely for childbirth. But there are way too many voices, speaking in the name of God, who target health services for women, and especially poor women.

As people of faith, we need to make our voices on behalf of women clear.

I believe in religious freedom. I believe that a Muslim woman should be allowed to wear a burqa if that is her choice. I believe that a Catholic woman should not use contraception if that is her choice. But I resent the loud and constant religious voice that threatens the rights of women.

There is another religious voice. We aren't hearing it much in this national dialogue, but there are women and men of faith who believe that women are created for more than bearing children. We support contraception and women's healthcare.

God is concerned with the health of women. God cares about teenagers who end up in a lifetime of poverty. Jesus healed the bleeding woman 2,000 years ago, and if he walked the streets today, he just might hand her a packet of pink pills. ]]> Saving the Family From Newt tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1218773 2012-01-20T10:00:02-05:00 2012-03-21T05:12:01-04:00 Carol Howard Merritt http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-howard-merritt/ revealed that Newt asked her for an open marriage or a divorce while speaking around the country about family values.

It's not the first time we've heard about a personal indiscretion from those who seem to be working hard to protect our country from breakdown of the family. I'm sure that our popular attention will now swarm around the hypocrisy, like a shark to blood.

But, I'm wondering, can we grasp this moment and talk about the real issues that cause the breakdown of families?

As a pastor, I'm also concerned about our families. Men and women often go to a clergy person when they want to get married or when they contemplate divorce, so we have a unique perspective on this issue.

Healthy families can be a center of support, a wellspring of love, and a source of wholeness for individuals as well as communities. Of course, as a supporter of marriage equality and as someone who has counseled single women to have children, my idea of "family" may be a little different than the typical family values voter. Nonetheless, I agree that families can undergo stress in these difficult times.

So can we put Newt Gingrich's personal life and rhetoric aside and focus on how we can fix our families? Can we move the discussion of family away from demonizing same-gender relationships and taking rights away from women? Can we have an honest discussion about what we can do to help American families?

First, work to decrease student loan burdens. When a man or woman leaves college with a great deal of personal debt, enters an urban area with high housing costs, and receives low wages, it can be difficult to ever achieve a small measure of financial security.

In our society, we like to have a bit of stability before we make a commitment to marriage. Because financial stress can cause tension in marriage, many people do not feel responsible making a commitment to a loved one when they live with insurmountable debt. So they put off marriage. If we could help ease the educational debt burden in our society, it would help many young men and women be able to make commitments to each other and start families.

Second, help to insure young Americans. 30 percent of young men and women in our country do not have health insurance. With high unemployment rates, finding a job is difficult, and securing employment with benefits can be especially daunting.

When a young woman cannot pay for a doctor's appointment, she will probably put off having children. If she does have a child, the uncovered medical costs may mean that the child will be born in an economically risky household. High rates of uninsured men and women threaten their ability to become parents and add stress to family life when they do.

Third, take serious measures to fight child poverty. Now 21 percent of all children are born into poverty and 42 percent of children are born into low-income families. Although most of the parents work, they are not able to make enough money to provide basic needs for children.

Financial pressures, especially when a family includes children, can become an insurmountable stress for many relationships. What are we doing to take care of the children in our society? Will we continue to cut beneficial programs, like food assistance programs, that help the youngest and most vulnerable in our country?

Fourth, work against the "over-indulgent parent" stigma. With young men and women going into personal debt with student loans and internships, they often find that moving back with their parents is the most responsible thing that they can do. When an older couple lives in a home with three unused bedrooms, it makes sense to let go of those dreams of a big, empty nest, and allow their son or daughter to live in one of them.

Now, about half of young adults live with their parents, because they are working to decrease their debt, they cannot find a job, or they make below a living wage. This arrangement makes sense, especially when young Americans face historic unemployment rates. Yet, we continue the break-down of the family when we act as if parents are over-indulgent or that adult sons and daughters are losers when more than one generation of adults lives in one household.

As we weather this economic crisis, we will need to keep protecting our families from all of the stress that harms them. Do our politicians truly care about our families? Will they do something positive to safeguard them? Or will they simply continue with rhetoric and hypocrisy as young men and women struggle in our country?]]> What Christians Need to Learn from Sl*twalks tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.930354 2011-08-22T19:29:31-04:00 2011-10-22T05:12:02-04:00 Carol Howard Merritt http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-howard-merritt/ SlutWalk came to D.C. Unfortunately I missed it. If I didn't have a conflict, I would have been there, not in a short skirt or highheels, but in my clergy collar.

Why? Because the Slutwalk is a protest against a rape culture. Women are speaking out against the understanding with which many of us live -- if you've been raped, molested, abused, or betrayed then you must have done something to deserve it.

Christianity has often perpetuated the myth of female condemnation which can include sexual violence, among many other things. From the genesis of time, the woman eats the fruit, the man follows, and the woman is marked as the temptress. Whether we are talking about Eve, Bathsheba, Jezebel, the woman at the well, or Mary Magdalene, we have dressed women up as tempters, and told stories of how women are not only responsible for their actions, but for the actions of men as well.

The curse we've lived under is real. I can picture women in my mind who have not only been victims of sexual violence or betrayal, but as they sorted out their circumstances, their churches have harmed them again by heaping blame upon them.

A woman got drunk, and a man raped her. She believed it was her fault because she shouldn't have had so much to drink. A woman who ended an evening out with a man, who forgot to tell her that he was married. She thought that she was to blame, because she shouldn't have gotten caught up in the romance of the evening. A woman's husband cheated on her. She assumed that she caused the infidelity because she was not attentive enough to her husband in the bedroom.

These messages are often communicated to us from the time we are in youth group, especially in the rise of chastity movements. We were taught to never wear anything suggestive, because we have a responsibility to keep men from thinking sexual thoughts. If something brutal happened to us, and we finally gained enough courage to tell our horror story, someone would ask us, "What were you wearing? Were you drinking?" In other words, "What were you doing to cause this to happen?" I have encountered far too many religious leaders who ask questions that have indicated that the culpability originates with the woman. She is somehow responsible for the action.

Even ten years after youth group, when I was in seminary, I was taught that I needed to wear a collar under my big black academic robe as I preached, or else men would not think about the sermon, they would imagine what was under my massive garb. The robe looks like something you would wear at your high school graduation. I basically wear a tent to preach. But that wasn't enough, because somehow, I should be responsible for the thoughts that someone might have when they see four inches of my neck.

It's time for our religious communities to acknowledge the ways in which we have contributed to a rape culture -- the ways in which we blame women as we proclaim our narratives, ask our questions, and teach our teenagers. And it's time for us to stand with women who have had enough.
]]> 6 Tips For Finding A Pastor For Your Wedding tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.929048 2011-08-18T17:20:41-04:00 2011-10-18T05:12:01-04:00 Carol Howard Merritt http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-howard-merritt/
Don't put it off. Looking for the right person to preside over your wedding should be on the top of your to do list. Pastors' schedules are busy, church calendars are full, and it's important. You'll want to put the same care into choosing the right pastor that you would in selecting the florist, photographer, caterer, or any other professional who's involved in the wedding.

Think about the sort of service you want. If you grew up in a particular church and you feel most comfortable in that denomination or type of service, then reach out to pastors who are also in that tradition. If you had bad experiences, try to think about what you didn't appreciate and base your search on that. For instance, you hated the formality, or you felt uncomfortable with the casual nature of it. You were bothered by how strict your church was, or that it didn't seem to take the Bible seriously.

The reality is that there are all kinds of churches, and if there's something that made you uncomfortable about your religious upbringing, then there's probably a pastor who had a similar experience. You may be limited in your selection by geography, but there are all sorts of clergy out there -- we are gay, straight, married, and single. Many pastors didn't enjoy the church they grew up in either. You can find that person, if it's important to you.

Consider your particular circumstance. Some pastors will not officiate certain weddings. For instance, some pastors won't preside over a service if the couple lives together. Others will not (or cannot) marry a same-sex couple. Others will not preside over the ceremony if the couple is not a member of their congregation. Still others do not feel comfortable presiding over a couple of two different religions. Sometimes clergy hold different standards out of a strong belief. Other times, they just don't feel like working on every single beautiful Saturday afternoon.

If you are in one of the above situations, there are many clergy who will officiate your wedding, but you may have to do a bit of research. You can check church websites (sometimes churches have the wedding information listed there) or you can call the church office. You can ask, "Does the pastor have any sort of restrictions about whom he or she will marry?" If the secretary does not know, you can call, email, or meet with the pastor. Explain what your hesitations are, and see if he or she can help you.

Go to a service. If you'd like to do further research before contacting the clergy, attend a service where the pastor is presiding. Are you comfortable with the way that he or she talks about God? Do you appreciate the prayers and sermon?

Expect to pay a fee. If you're not a member of the congregation, then all the hours that the minister puts into your wedding are on top of the regular time that the pastor ordinarily works. It might seem like pastors are a lot different, but we're just like anyone else. So imagine if you were called in to work on a Thursday night, Friday night, and Saturday afternoon. Then when you turned in your hours, your client became indignant that you would charge for your time. That wouldn't feel right, would it? It's the same for a pastor. Plus, there cleaning expenses, electricity, and security. Many people are working to make sure that your wedding goes smoothly. So, just as you expect to pay for all of the other professionals, you can have your checkbook ready for the church.

Understand that there may be counseling available. Pastors spend a little bit of time officiating at weddings, but we spend most of our time working with couples after the vows have been uttered. We typically work with men and women when spouses or partners face betrayal, mental-illness, addiction, or death. While most wedding professionals want to make sure that day is the most beautiful day in your life, we are in it for the long-haul. Most pastors are not equipped to do long-term counseling, but we are able to help you talk through spiritual needs and point you in the right direction when you need a therapist. Many ministers require pre-marital counseling before they will preside over your wedding. They will help you navigate those potential pitfalls that may be waiting for you in the years to come.

One of the most wonderful notes that I received from a couple said, "We contacted you to be our officiant. We're thankful that we now have a pastor." As you think about all of the aspects of your wedding, your relationship with the pastor might be an important one, not only for that day, but in the years to come.]]> You Were Good, Amy Winehouse tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.908832 2011-07-25T13:51:24-04:00 2011-09-24T05:12:01-04:00 Carol Howard Merritt http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-howard-merritt/
Her voice is clear, strong and beautiful, even in the reverberations. As the song unfolds, we hear how much she hates herself for cheating with her ex-boyfriend. Did she sing this refrain so much that she began to believe it?

Anyone who followed the work of Winehouse knew how good she was. Her melodies soared through her well-produced albums in an array of styles. Even when her body seemed to morph from a robust beauty into skeletal proportions, she still looked lovely. When her eyes became squints and her Cleopatra eyeliner ended up in tear-stained smudges, she was good. I half-heartedly followed her, just as I follow many other outrageously talented train-wreck women who capture our pop culture imaginations.

This week, as I learned of Winehouse's tragic death, I sorted through the first few pages of images that Google served up. Did I keep up my interest in Winehouse because she was my shadow side, living a life so different than my own? I'm a clergywoman who would be mortified if a mere bra strap went astray when I was in public.

But before I go down that worn-out path of superiority that we religious people tend to tread, I must acknowledge that Winehouse and I did have one thing in common: the tendency to believe, "I'm no good."

I'm a Calvinist. If you follow religious movements closely, I must make a distinction. I'm not the ultra-conservative, neo-sort of Calvinist. I'm an old school, progressive Presbyterian Calvinist. From that vantage point, I'm often in conversation with John Calvin's idea of depravity. He explained that we are so "perverted in every part of our nature that by this great corruption we stand justly condemned and convicted before God."

In other words, "We're no good."

This can be an important corrective, in a world where pride and arrogance can run rampant, in this day when saying "I did something wrong" can lead to legal liability or political ruin. When a person is in a position of privilege, a good dose of understanding that we all do some degree of harm is vital. For many of us, having a space where we can confess our faults and take responsibility for our wrongs can be a path to a better life.

Then that song echoes again in my mind, and I wonder if things would have turned out differently for Winehouse if she didn't convince herself that she was no good. What about the many women and men who stay in calamitous relationships and can't figure out a way to get beyond destructive habits? Do they need to hear those damning words echoing in their minds? When we understand ourselves as "no good," does that cognitive framing lead to doomed behavior?

There is another theme in our Christian tradition, one that says we are made in the image of God. God created us and declared that we are good. And when we create, we are participating in the work of God.

I didn't know Amy Winehouse. All I know is the amazing music that she produced and the snapshots that the paparazzi stole. I've also learned that an addiction stole her strong, vibrant life.

But I do know one thing for sure: Amy Winehouse was good.]]> People of Faith Rally Against Colombian Free Trade Agreement tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.896364 2011-07-13T15:15:35-04:00 2011-09-12T05:12:01-04:00 Carol Howard Merritt http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-howard-merritt/
The next time he heard the ring, his wife answered, and a menacing voice said, "Tell that man to calm down his tongue or we will cut it out."

It's not unusual for people in Jose's position to receive threats. And it's far too common for the warnings to become a reality. Jose had just returned from a collective bargaining table. He is a labor organizer in Colombia, a place where 51 unionists were killed in 2010.

But Jose didn't settle his tongue. In fact, on July 11, he stood in front of a backdrop of 51 black coffins and courageously shared his story with 150 people of faith, environmental activists and labor leaders at a dramatic rally in front of the White House. They gathered for one reason: to stop the Free Trade Agreement in Colombia.

Many Presbyterians in the U.S. became intimately connected with the difficulties when Colombian church leaders reached out to the PC(USA). Cooperatively, Presbyterians from Colombia and the U.S. set up the Colombia Accompaniment Program so that Presbyterians from the United States could escort Colombian human rights workers in times when their lives might be in danger. The hope was that an international presence might stem a violent attack.

Many people who have been involved in the Colombia Accompaniment Program, which is run by the Presbyterian Peace Fellowship, were gathered under the trees on that hot afternoon as environmentalists, labor organizers and pastors spoke out against the Columbian Free Trade Agreement. One by one, they explained how Free Trade Agreements have set up a system where large agro-business moves into a country, small farmers become devastated, indigenous citizens lose rights and the land becomes ravaged.

"This will make the poor much poorer, and the rich unbelievably rich," Rick Ufford-Chase, a former Moderator of the General Assembly, the highest elected office of the PC(USA), reminded us. Then Ufford-Chase explained how he had attended a funeral of one of the labor organizers. At that service, they read 2 Corinthians 6:4-10. He echoed the words, offering them up, as we stood, remembering those who died:

[B]ut as servants of God we have commended ourselves in every way: through great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, holiness of spirit, genuine love, truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; in honor and dishonor, in ill repute and good repute. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet are well known; as dying, and see -- we are alive; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing everything.


The crowd began to process, with the coffins, banners and signs around Lafayette Square. Trumpeters played solemn music as drummers kept the time. At the end of one of the paths, a minister stood with bread and juice, so that Christians could take communion, remembering the Body of Christ that had also been broken.

The procession moved to the front of the White House, where the men and women placed the coffins on the sidewalk. A row of men and women stood with the coffins, singing and chanting.

Police quickly came, placing barricades and yellow tape around the crowd, instructing us to move back to the park and making it clear that those who remained inside the blockade would be arrested. Five people stood firm, singing, crying and praying for the people of Colombia. Rick Ufford-Chase remained among them, reading Scripture. As the Police bound their hands and they climbed into the secure white vans, the crowd sang in English and Spanish, "We will not be moved."

Yet, I think we were all moved, remembering those who had given their lives. We were moved by seeing people of faith standing with our brothers and sisters in Colombia, against the Free Trade Agreements that have devastated so many people and lands in in Mexico, Central America and around the world. Most of all, we were moved with the hope that President Barack Obama would keep his campaign promise to stop this agreement as human rights violations such as these continue.]]> How Your Church Can Support Local Food Movements tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.824397 2011-02-20T20:40:37-05:00 2011-05-25T18:35:25-04:00 Carol Howard Merritt http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-howard-merritt/ local church, I notice that our attention moves to our tables. As Christians, our tables have always been in the center of our worship together. Every month, we celebrate communion, a meal where we take the common food of our daily lives -- the bread and wine -- and remember how the simple act of eating together can become sacred.

Inviting people to tables, this simple act of hospitality, is important in our D.C. congregation, especially when we remember that the communion table is connected to the tables in our courtyard room, where we laugh and eat together. It is connected to the tables in our homes, where families of every size and configuration build their lives. It is connected to our tables in Miriam's Kitchen, where we welcome our homeless guests in from the cold, so they can receive a hot, healthy meal. This simple table is central to our worship, and it has become vital for our work in our community.

When we look closely at what we put on our tables, it can become frustrating. A head of lettuce takes a journey of a thousand miles before it lands on our plates. The petroleum that we use in shipping and fertilizer is hard on our environment. Local farmers, who rotate and diversify their crops, using methods that are better for our soil, often cannot compete with the low prices of food that is shipped from an agribusiness headquarters.

When we look at all of these issues, we know that food is an act of faith. So what can our congregations do in response?

Start a Farmers Market. Often our congregations are in a perfect place to start a farmers market, so that we can support local growers. Many of our church buildings come with parking lots, lawns and storage areas. All of that can be put to good use for farmers who want to sell their produce to local communities.

Glean for a local soup kitchen. Each Wednesday, when the farmers markets hours are over, members of our church go "gleaning." They aren't in fields, picking up fruits and vegetables as traditional gleaning is done, but they are next to the Foggy Bottom Metro, stopping by each booth, asking the farmers if they have any food that will not be able to sell at the next market. Miriam's Kitchen has saved thousands of dollars on produce because of the generosity of local farmers. Of course, there are many farmers who will let you do some traditional gleaning as well. If you contact the growers in your area, you can schedule a time to gather produce for those who may not otherwise be able to enjoy fruits and vegetables.

Encourage farmers market nutrition programs. Income may not affect diets in the way that we think. Often children who grow up below the poverty level will struggle with obesity or diabetes. That's because a parent who is trying to feed a family with limited income and time might reach for more inexpensive, calorie dense food. Likewise, seniors who struggle on limited incomes may not get the nutrition that they need. They might avoid the outer edges of the grocery store, where fresh fruits and vegetables are sold. The organic food feels completely out of reach. In response to some of these issues, the USDA sponsors a nutrition program for low-income seniors, women, infants and children. They can use coupons at farmers markets to buy fresh, local fruits and vegetables.

Begin a community garden. Since we're in the city, we don't have any soil to start a community garden -- but that hasn't stopped some congregations. I have heard of urban churches that have planted rooftop gardens. All over the country, congregations are beginning to dig up their pristine laws so that their community can attempt to grow the perfect tomato. Community gardens are not only a source of fresh produce for the neighborhood, but they can also be learning tools for children. As kids cultivate the dirt, we can remind them of how important it is to care for the earth. As they plant seeds and watch that miraculous process of growth, they can begin to have a clearer understanding of where our food originates.

Food is at the heart of our practice together. So it's important to remember that what we put on our tables can be an act of faith. ]]> Reassessing Motherhood tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.810685 2011-01-20T09:23:00-05:00 2011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00 Carol Howard Merritt http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-howard-merritt/
I wonder what I would have done if I were at that party. Depending on how much wine I had that night, I very well could have been the person to cry and leave. I'm a very weak woman.

I'm also like so many moms who are fascinated by Amy Chua's article comparing Western and Chinese moms. As I read her column (I don't think there is any way that I could make it through the book without a bottle of wine, which means that crying and leaving would quickly ensue), so many thoughts swirled around me. Guilt seems to be my most accessible emotion. I'm always worried that I'm messing up somehow.

I'm a pastor in an affluent area. Most pastor parents and preacher's kids know what that means. We make one-fourth of what our neighbors make. We are not powerful. We have a lot of conversations with our child about the inequities in Christmas gifts. We have access to this world of influence, but we're not exactly a part of it. Our parenting looks different sometimes. We don't have the same educational expectations. We don't have the money for private schools or tutors. Both my husband and I work a lot of hours, juggling numerous jobs to make ends meet, so we don't even have a lot of energy to be funneling into forming the perfect prodigy. In all of it, we are constantly trying to figure out what's important and what's not important in parenting.

As I read Amy Chua's article and the responses, that question kept ringing in my mind. What is the most important thing in our parenting? What do we want for children? Is it success? Is it happiness? Is it something else?

For me, because of my faith (and maybe even because we simply can't keep up with the Joneses), it is something else. As a mother and a Christian, my greatest hope is not that my child will be a gifted concert pianist by the age of 15. It is not even that she achieves academic success that reaches far beyond her peers. It is not that she attends an Ivy League school. Don't get me wrong. I'm not an anti-intellectual. I would be incredibly proud of that sort of success, but it is simply not the most important thing that I want to model or instill.

I'm not even sure that my greatest hope as a parent is that my child will be happy. Happiness is noble goal, but it also seems fleeting. On most days, I'm a happy person. But with the burdens of humanity there are times, in the face of death or tragedy, that happiness is not even appropriate.

No, my greatest goal as a parent, the thing that I hope to model and endue is love -- as Jesus says, "to love your neighbor as you love yourself." I'm not merely relating that I want my child to know that I love her, even if I call her "garbage" in front of a dinner party and a million readers. What I'm saying is that I want to instill a notion that we are to love our neighbors. No matter how successful they are, no matter how much they accomplish, we care for one another because all humans have dignity and worth. When a person doesn't achieve in our Western society, we already have a culture that denies them food and a place where they can relieve themselves. My hope is that within our home, within our church, in our neighborhood, our children will be able to develop a sense of compassion, care and empathy.

And my faithful hope is that each child will be able to love him or herself. I'm not talking about a child developing a narcissistic gluttony where she devolves into Hannah Montana rockstar fantasies or someone who gains affirmation through amassing friends on Facebook. I am not talking about a bloated sense of entitlement, or the sometimes-shallow pursuit of self-esteem. No. I hope that a child would learn to love herself so deeply that she is able to look in the mirror and appreciate what's staring back. I'm talking about growing into a comfort with her own skin, even when it stretches and changes beyond recognition. I am talking about a love that is so fierce that when a child fails, she is able to know that she is still a good and worthy human. It is that deep reserve of tenderness that a child has for herself that, when she is able to perform beautifully or when she can never quite succeed, she is able to love. I am talking about having the internal strength that she is able to say "no" when she needs to, or that she will be able to negotiate exactly what she needs in her job. I hope that a child would be able to love herself enough that she would never put up with abuse from any other human. And I hope that she loves herself enough that she would never inflict any abuse upon herself.

I have no doubt that Amy Chua loves her girls. I agree that we have a different notion about what that parental love might look like. And I'm thankful that Chua has given moms a chance to pause and to reassess. Success, happiness and love. These are all good things, but for me, the greatest is love.]]> After Christmas, How Is God With Us? tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.802712 2011-01-01T19:10:45-05:00 2011-05-25T18:20:30-04:00 Carol Howard Merritt http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-howard-merritt/
Finding out that I was pregnant was one of the scariest experiences I've ever had. I wanted a child. My husband and I had been married for seven years, and we were getting so much heat from our parents and siblings that it was starting to make any sort of family gathering unbearable. The pressure was internal as well. My body was literally aching for a baby. After those years, I understand why women have children even when it doesn't make any sense.

Yet, when we did find out that I was pregnant, I didn't have any angels visiting me. Instead, the glorious message was given unto me by a small plastic stick from the drugstore. Even with that yearning, when I looked down and saw two lines appearing, when I watched the negative sign turn into a plus sign, I cried and cried. Reality hit me. The knowledge that I would be responsible, full-time, for another human life was truly overwhelming. All of these fears crept up: the concern that I would lose the baby; the worry that I would not be able to care for another human being the way she needed me; the terror that I would psychologically damage her in some way; the anxiety that I would lose all my love, energy, and passion for my career; the concern that I would not be able to juggle it all. This angst that I was inviting our child into the loving, tangled, human messiness of our family suddenly gripped me. I've never felt so inadequate.

Of course, when I announced to my friends and family that I was going to have a child, I pressed the fear down into a small compartment of my gut, and showed only over-achieving elation. I would make my own organic baby food. I would use cloth diapers. I would be creating a scrapbook page for every precious moment of my child's existence. I pretended so well that it's hard to conjure up the fear in my memories, but it's still there.

It's no wonder that Mary's messenger and Joseph's dream began with the words, "Do not fear." Even aside from the fact that Mary was an unmarried teenaged mom, pregnant with a baby with questionable parentage, I think a lot of us could have used a messenger like that one when we found out that we were going to be bringing a child into the world. The dangers, the brokenness, the inadequacies, the frailty of human life become palpable at that moment. Sometimes I wonder if I spent those first several months throwing up because of the hormones, or because of my own anxiety.

Yet, it's in this anxious, fearful, elated way that we know that God is with us. "They shall name him Emmanuel," the prophets foretold. For some reason, I always thought that the prophets were instructing Joseph and Mary. As if they were on some "Baby Names" site, scrolling through the suggestions, and saying, "Here! This is a good one. Emmanuel. You should call him Emmanuel, which means God with us. That's a great name for this baby." But it doesn't say that, exactly. It says "they" will name him Emmanuel. Which has a different meaning.

They will call him God with us.

They will be seeing this man, and they will know what God is like, because human history and divine history will collide. They will know how they ought to live, because they will hear the words that come out of his mouth, instructing us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. They will know how they should treat one another, because they will see the dignity that he will give to those who are broken and outcast. They will know to seek wholeness and peace, because they will see how he healed those who suffered. They will know to welcome the strangers and outsider in their midst, because he will tell them how to treat the Samaritan. They will know that they should feed one another, because he will feed the crowds. They will know that they just might be despised and rejected, because he will be surrounded by angry mobs that will demand his death. They will know that they just might be betrayed by those they love, because of that kiss in the garden.

They will look at Jesus and know that God is with us. God took on human flesh and dwelt among us. God became a part of this messy, fearful world, with all of its hormones and inadequacies and frailties. They will know that God is with us, even as they see that small baby in a manger, as they watch how his unorganized movements keep him swatting at things in the air.

As Christians mark these twelve days of Christmas, as the wrapping paper is recycled, and the ornaments find their place in their boxes, as our holiday splurging becomes replaced with New Year's diets, we reflect on how God is with us. Through that life, we know that God is with us, even in the tangled, human messiness of our own well-intentioned love.]]> Bearing God: Advent from the Eyes of a Pregnant Pastor tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.791464 2010-12-08T07:16:56-05:00 2011-05-25T18:15:22-04:00 Carol Howard Merritt http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-howard-merritt/
I was the pastor of this congregation in Abbeville, Louisiana. I had been there for a couple of years, but I didn't feel like a pastor. I was only twenty-six when I received the call. The church was considered by our local governing body to be a "maintenance church." Basically, they were waiting until the doors closed. Then they would sell the land, collect the assets and use the money to develop a congregation in a growing city.

Abbeville was declining on all accounts. The oil boom had been over for more than ten years. The Fruit of the Loom factory, their main source of employment, had closed three years ago, leaving a ghostly industrial wasteland on the outskirts of town. The people who were left worked as fishermen or on oilrigs. Retired people lived in their family homes. The very poor resided there because they could not afford to move anywhere else.

In front of that table, I felt like a very young woman. I was short. I swam in my preaching robe and the tassels on the end of my stole would drag on the ground. The women of the church began to hem up the bottom of my clergy shirts because even though I bought the smallest size, when the shirt was not tucked in, it looked like a dress. I had to have the pulpit modified because it was too big for me. Before the adjustment, the members of the church could only see the top of my forehead when I preached.

The area was stringently Roman Catholic. When I wore my clergy shirt people looked at me with visceral disgust and I would sometimes overhear people say, "She thinks she's a priest." When I ate at a restaurant after the service, the reaction to my clerical wear was so intense I became worried that the kitchen staff was spitting in my food. I learned to remove my collar before I left the church.

Although the community's reaction to a female pastor was difficult, it didn't shock me. I grew up in a Southern Baptist church and went to a very conservative Christian college, and in both places I was told that women could not be ministers. Only a man could be the head of a church. They cited biblical reasons and they also pointed to the communion table. I was reminded frequently that only a man could stand where Jesus stood and preside over communion. Only a man could deliver the body and blood of Jesus.

So, I struggled, yet somehow the tiny church grew. People began to join the congregation. For the first time in decades, the service filled with the sounds of children singing, talking and disrupting my sermon. It was wonderful.

After a couple of years, I became pregnant and I was terrified to tell the congregation. I, personally, had never seen a pregnant pastor. I had only read about one in a John Irving novel. There was a Canadian minister, who was pregnant a lot, and for some strange reason that very minor character gave me comfort. At least until I began to identify another, very major character.

Mary's story is told in the first chapter of Luke. She is a poor young woman who finds herself pregnant. A messenger comes and tells her two important pieces of information: she would bear the son of God and her cousin, Elizabeth, is also pregnant, even though she's old. Nothing's too wonderful for God. And Mary responds, "Let it be done according to your word."

Meister Eckhart, a medieval philosopher and mystic, sees this as a crucial moment. He writes that we flow out of God our Creator. God is perpetually creating us; we are living in the mind of God and always being stretched and formed and molded. At this point in time, Mary, in her determination, first gives spiritual birth to God, and now God is eternally borne. Every good soul that longs for God bears God and gives birth to God.

Mary travels to the countryside to catch up with her cousin. Mary, who's far too young to have a baby, and Elizabeth, who's far too old, meet each other. Elizabeth prepares the way for Mary. When the two had their reunion, Elizabeth was beginning her third trimester, just gaining back some of her strength and energetically nesting, while Mary was in her first three months; nauseous, weak and needing a lot of rest.

They met with their swollen bellies and their hopeful eyes, and their babies leapt inside of them. The Holy Spirit filled Elizabeth.

And imagine Mary, this poor young woman, with God knocking about inside of her. Such great joy overwhelmed her that she sang out a song, echoing the prophets and the words of Hannah, proclaiming social justice, she shouts out the soaring poetry of the Magnificat.

That must have been some kind of kick.

I remember those wonderful pains. At first, I thought it was gas. That's what it feels like: a sharp tiny ache. Then, as my belly grew larger, I realized that particular sensation was a little boot. And when I got enormous, I would lie down to go to sleep, just as my tummy would wake up and begin morphing into all kinds of shapes. I would call for my husband, and we would sit in bed late into the night, feeling that strange flesh and trying to figure out her head from her bottom.

And then there was that morning I will never forget, when I stood in the sweet sanctuary in Abbeville with its moss green aisle and its simple stained glass. I was at the table before the bread and the wine, and the church was miraculously two-thirds full. I lifted up the loaf up in the air and tore it in half as I repeated Jesus:

"This is my body, broken for you.
Take, eat, do this in remembrance of me."

I was in my third trimester, saying those ancient Words of Institution, when my belly began shifting around with those smooth oceanic movements. I looked down and even under that giant black robe, I could see it moving, transforming into those alien shapes. My baby was just waking up and stretching. I smiled and thought, Oh no. Not now. Please, go back to sleep.

I continued to look down, but this time, my eyes searched for the lines in my prayer book, and I began reading the liturgy. I was afraid that I would become so distracted that I would lose my place if I said the words from memory, and so I lifted up the cup and resumed,

"This is my blood,
sealed in the new covenant,
shed for you,
for the forgiveness of sins.
Do this in remembrance of me."

It was no longer a gentle rolling. I felt jabs, right under my rib cage. As I held the cup up, I gasped as she began to play soccer with my internal organs. My eyes widened and I almost spilled the wine as she kicked me, hard. And I could barely contain my laughter as I continued:

"As often as you eat this bread
and drink this cup,
You are proclaiming the saving death
of our risen Lord."

I stood there breathing deeply, while this great and wonderful pain stretched me and transformed me, and with each jolt, a tremendous sense of creative power flooded me. For the first time, I felt at home in my body and behind that table.

As I delivered the bread and the wine to the elders, I remembered Mary's kick and those mysterious words of Eckhart. I was blessed. I was bearing God.

In this Advent season, may God create something new within us, may God form within us, so that we might sense anticipation and hope as God kicks us, waiting to be born.]]> Inspiring Children to Live Generous Lives tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.774001 2010-11-28T09:20:44-05:00 2011-05-25T18:05:23-04:00 Carol Howard Merritt http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-howard-merritt/ how do we teach kids to share? How do we remind them of those who don't have as much?

As we were trying to nurture a bit of generosity in our congregation, we talked to Chef Steve Badt of Miriam's Kitchen. Miriam's is located in the basement of our church. They provide a hot, nutritious breakfast and dinner as well as a full range of social services to our homeless guests in Washington, D.C. During this time of year, the children in our congregation actively support Miriam's through Fannie Mae's Help the Homeless Mini-Walk and by having a Thanksgiving fruit collection. In the spring they'll continue their support as they plant an herb garden for Miriam's. The staff at Miriam's is innovative and insightful and Chef Steve (who is also a dad) is particularly gifted in understanding how to get children excited about the important work of sharing. He gave us some wonderful ideas.

•Sponsor a food drive, focusing on things that kids like to eat. For instance, even though Miriam's always needs coffee and they often encourage churches and businesses to collect it, Steve instructed us to never have a coffee drive with kids. He explained that kids don't like coffee, so they won't get thrilled about the gift. Instead, have them collect things that they eat and like. "If you have a food drive with children, have them collect something like cereal. They eat cereal and they can get excited about sharing it."

• Host a trip for the children to glean at a farm. Many local farmers will welcome kids to gather apples or other produce for a soup kitchen. This is particularly important for our urban congregation because the trips not only allow us to inspire kids to share, but it also helps us to have a deeper understanding of where our food grows. For many children, they are learning that fruit doesn't just come from a grocery store and beginning to realize our important connection to the earth.

• Highlight one item that the homeless need at this time of year. Chef Steve mentioned that he used to give a long list of things that Miriam's needed, but the impact was greater when he focused on one item. The common items that many men and women need as the season changes are jeans, socks, sleeping bags, blankets and small (sample or hotel size) shampoo and lotion. There are children in our church who point out the sample shampoo every time they go shopping with their parents, reminding their mom or dad not to forget the homeless.

As we enter this important time in our church calendars, as we begin this season of thanksgiving for all that we have, we can also teach our children how to recognize and support those who are in need.]]> 'Facemashing' Christianity: What the Hot-or-Not Approach Overlooks tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.748499 2010-10-06T11:45:00-04:00 2011-05-25T17:55:20-04:00 Carol Howard Merritt http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-howard-merritt/ The Social Network, squirming as the story of Facebook opened with Harvard women becoming outraged over Facemash, the pre-Facebook site that Mark Zuckerberg created in order to let Harvard students compare female undergrads and rank them based on who was hotter. I cringed as I watched the horrified women being voted up or down like cattle at the State Fair.

I winced because I knew how they felt. I, too, had been a part of a similar who's-hot-and-who's-not contest, but in a very different venue, and with a much larger audience. It was on an Evangelical Christian Leader site.

I often write and speak about the intersection of technology and religion, so I'm keenly aware of the benefits and the cruelty that can be generated at that crossroads. So when my name appeared on a site for "The Nines" event and my Twitter feed filled with messages saying that people were voting for me to speak at the conference, I became interested. I went to the site and inhaled deeply. I found a list of names along with a small picture and description and a place for people to vote, with a thumbs up for "like" or a thumbs down for "dislike." The site tallied and ranked the speakers.

I thought of the art of spiritual writing and preaching, the beauty and poetry that the church has birthed since its inception. These words have lifted spirits and encouraged men and women to walk through their darkest hours. Sermons have inspired people to commune with God, to sell everything they own to feed the poor, and work for a society where all can live with dignity. Then I saw the thumbs up and down and thought, Is this what we've done with our spiritual heritage? I looked closer and found out that my husband, Brian Merritt, had put my name in without asking me. Brian is a shameless promoter with a bit of a prankster streak. So I shook my head and exhaled. The Christian Facemash had begun, and I was about to see how "hot" I really was.

Let me give you a bit of the backstory. On September 9, 2009, Leadership Network responded to the economic crisis that had hit so many churches by holding a free online conference entitled "The Nines." It was an incredible success. Between 30,000 and 40,000 people from 35 countries watched and interacted with one another. There were probably many more people watching than that, as pastors used the event as an education opportunity in their churches. The following year, as September 9, 2010 approached, the organizers tried to think of ways to generate even more buzz. Because the Leadership Network is committed to recognizing known leaders as well as spotlighting unknown voices, they decided to hold a bit of a competition between Christians. They put their avatars in an arena to see who would outlast the lions of public popularity. They would use Twitter and crowd-sourcing to create publicity and scope out the next hot thing. The site drew over 30,000 people within a few weeks.

The world of "The Nines" is not my world. It's a corner of Christianity where mega-pastors with multiple-site churches claim their stake. It's where church leaders go to learn about "rapid growth." They seem to be doing fine things there, but the speakers at their conferences are mostly good-looking, fairly conservative men who wear jeans that someone just starched and ironed. I, on the other hand, am a small, frumpy mom who wears five-year-old suits that always have stray pet hair on them. I've pastored Presbyterian churches for 12 years. I also write about church growth, but I encourage the steady kind. I left Evangelicalism a long time ago, mainly because of the sexism, homophobia, and conservative politics that I experienced there. So, I figured that the good folks at Leadership Network would surely sniff me out as an intruder, but because of my active social networking presence, my rank kept going up.

Then the mash began. I quit looking at the site when I started to get negative votes. The "dislikes" piled up, and I got a pit in my stomach when I saw that I could see the faces of those who voted against me. I looked at their Twitter pics and wondered, Why do you dislike me? Do you know who I am? What have I ever done to you? Feeling like those Harvard women, I kept thinking, This isn't right.

The sponsors of the event have acknowledged that there were a lot of things they could have done better, but they defended the process overall because it generated buzz and helped them identify new leaders.

I suppose I should be used to the endless comments, criticism, and praise. That's what our Facebook culture is all about. I benefit from it most of the time, so I ought to be able to take the rejections, as well. At the end of the day, I'm not sure where I was ranked on Leadership Network's Twitter poll. I do know that I was like many of the other smart women on the list -- women like Diana Butler Bass, Julie Clawson, Phyllis Tickle, and Nadia Bolz-Weber -- historians, authors, pastors, and church planters who never spoke at the conference. They are innovative giants who are changing Christianity, yet even after the humiliation of an online Christian Facemash witnessed by over 30,000 people, we still didn't get to hear from them.

Which seemed to make it even crueler. ]]>