Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MD2013-05-18T11:40:42-04:00Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MDhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/author/index.php?author=gwenn-okeeffeCopyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc.HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MDGood old fashioned elbow grease.The Best Mother's Day Gifts Are Freetag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.32535302013-05-10T16:27:21-04:002013-05-10T16:27:26-04:00Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MDhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/gwenn-okeeffe/The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh
Each year, we go through the same drill. My girls ask me what I want for Mother's Day and I reply with the same answer: "World peace, family harmony and no sibling squabbles for an entire day." And, each year, they just laugh, roll their eyes and say: "Funny, Mama. Like those will happen! So, what do you really want?"
When they were younger, they used to create gifts. I still have them scattered about my home office. My favorite part of the creative process back then was hearing them say, "Mom, be surprised when I give you the _____." I still have past Mother's Day gifts sitting on my office shelves that range from small glasses that say "world's best mom" to hand prints on paintings to a zen rock garden.
They are much better about keeping gift secrets these days, but truly can't fathom that the only gift I actually want is everyone in the same place without any place else to be. When you think about how hectic life gets for most families, can you really blame me?
My parents grew up with regular Sunday dinners at their grandparents' homes and that tradition continued when we were kids. My husband's family had a similar tradition. In fact, most of my friends had some sort of regular extended family gathering when we were all kids.
With families scattered around the country now, most families gather more by Skype than in person. That may allow communication to continue but it eliminates the true connection you get by hanging out with your relatives all afternoon, tossing around a ball, talking and enjoying a meal.
We may not be able to turn back the clock but we can capture those unplugged, carefree days when they plop in our laps -- such as on Mother's Day, and Father's Day... and any holiday that pauses our lives and allows us to capture family time disconnected from life. If we don't use it to its full potential, we all lose out on the amazing benefits that pay forward when life gets hectic.
Being a coffee lover, I have a feeling a coffee-themed gift is in the works, which will most definitely put a smile on my face. But, not as big a smile as the gift that never disappoints -- time with my family without the chaos of life getting in the way. I hope you have some of that with your family this weekend. That's really all any mom needs to refuel her soul -- not only is it free but no one has to worry about how to wrap it!]]>Ready to Turn Off Screens? I Am!tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.31622492013-04-26T17:47:39-04:002013-04-26T18:13:04-04:00Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MDhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/gwenn-okeeffe/the National Day of Unplugging, except it occurs for an entire week.
It can be easy to become overwhelmed with the concept of reducing screens with school and work in the mix. After all, we all have some screens we have to use to do our jobs and our kids have some screens they need to use for homework and school, especially since books are now on e-readers. Don't worry about those screens. It's a given that those screens have to be used.
It's the recreational, extra screens we want to reduce, and there are a huge amount of those. Think about all the non-work, non-school screens and digital devices we all use in a give day: TV, Internet surfing, online shopping, social media, texting, cell phone cameras and uploading, video games, iPad apps. We cut out these and replace them with screen-free, offline activities and the week will be a success. In fact, even if we can't pull it off all week but more than we are doing now, we can consider the week a success.
I'm a realistic person and not someone to judge a week like Screen Free Week as "all or none." Stuff comes up and, let's be honest, I'm not giving you much notice. So, do what you can and any reduction is a victory.
If you are not sure where to begin for unplugged, screen free time with your families, let me remind you of the 15 ideas I posted about before March's National Day of Unplugging:
1. Enjoy a completely unplugged meal with the important person or people in your life.
2. Go for an unplugged walk, alone or with family or friends. This is a great activity for body and mind and can be very weather independent because most malls open up a few hours before retail stores to allow for walkers. And, malls have music playing so you don't even need your MP3 player, which often is in your phone!
3. Read a book or magazine with pages. I know -- old school but refreshing to read without a screen once in a while and avoids the temptation of checking social media sites. Even 20-30 minutes a day of "real reading" can truly free the mind.
4. Turn on the tunes -- perhaps use the MP3 player NOT in your phone to resist temptation. Then either close your eyes and let your mind wander and relax, or do something unplugged while enjoying the music.
5. Family Game Night: Pull out a game, a real game with a board or a puzzle, sit around the table and enjoy the fun.
6. Take a bubble bath complete with candles and music. This is your time to chill. The phone kills the mood so make sure it's completely out of sight!!
7. Plan lunch with a friend and use the cell phone game to resist peering at them. The game is simple. Stack them face down on the table, first one that looks, pays the bill.
8. Run your usual errands without your cell phone. Once upon a time this is how we all lived. It doesn't always seem like it, but the world will not stop spinning if we don't check and respond to a message immediately. Give it a try.
9. Go to a local coffee shop and actually have coffee doing something unplugged: read, write some real cards, meet a friend and talk (if you do this, use the phone stacking game in #7).
10. Grab a real camera, one not in a cell phone or tablet and explore somewhere interesting, snapping frequently. You'd be surprised how liberating viewing the world through the lens of a camera -- any camera -- is.
11. Make a ritual to have hot chocolate with your kids after school and chat about the day -- sans any technology! After a moment of awkwardness, they'll love having you to themselves to chat with. Just let them take the lead and be open to where the conversation goes.
12. Spend an hour with a hobby you "never have time for," or try a new one. I recently learned Ukulele and it's one of the best unplugged moments of my day!
13. Take in a concert or show. Some of my favorite venues are the local ones and many are at restaruants. You can grab a loved one, eat and enjoy some live music or a show after. Without the distraction of the plug, the experience is so incredible.
14. Visit a museum in your area. Perhaps there's an exhibit you've wanted to see or a museum you never get to.
15. Find a lecture or talk on something new and different. So many museums, centers and adult ed areas have experts giving talks on all sorts of topics -- it can be fun to just go to one once in a while and expand our circle of ideas.
Use next week to remind you and your family that the real fun stuff in life is offline. Once you get a flavor of unplugged life again, I guarantee you'll want to make sure you sample it often.]]>Preparing for the National Day of Unplugging: No Time Like the Presenttag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.26735482013-02-14T10:55:00-05:002013-04-16T05:12:01-04:00Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MDhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/gwenn-okeeffe/The National Day of Unplugging is just around the corner -- March 1. What's amazing about this movement is it predates Facebook having started in 2002! I learned about it a few years ago and have been hooked ever since. Once I started to unplug, I honestly haven't been able to stop. I now embed unplugging into my daily life and we unplug as a family at least weekly. It's just part of our family culture.
This isn't just about time away from screens and allowing my kids to maximize their true developmental potential. I truly find that I feel better when I have regular time unplugged just allowing myself to be in the moment. And, I can see a huge difference in my family when they allow themselves time to explore the world without plugs, too. They are all happier, more productive and more interactive socially - not just within our family but with friends and the greater world.
The National Day of Unplugging may not be for two more weeks but there's no time like the present to get a bit of practice under your belt and reap the benefits sooner than later. And, what better day to start your dip into unplugged life than Valentine's Day. Let's be honest, unless we're in a long distance relationship where Skype is the best we can pull off, being truly in the moment is so much sweeter than capturing snipits between each other's moments of checking this, that and the other digital site.
If you're new to unplugging, I've pulled together 15 ways to help you get acclimated to a new way of thinking about how you spend your time, alone and with others. These ideas will help you build momentum to March 1, a full day of unplugged life, if you choose the challenge. If you're already an unplugged convert, add these to the mix.
I'll be the first to admit, being away from technology can take some getting used to. It becomes much easier with practice and time. If you feel lost on any given day, create as much space as you can between you and you're carry and go technologies. Trust me! The less you can see and grab your phone, computer, iPad, game system, or whatever else you typically carry, the easier it is to learn to go without.
Ready to give this a whirl?
Dr. Gwenn's daily lead-up to National Day of Unplugging:
1 Valentine's Day: Enjoy a completely unplugged meal with the important person or people in your life.
2 Go for an unplugged walk -- leaving the cell phones at home or in the car. You can go on your walk by yourself, with a friend or with family. This is a fantastic unplugged activity anytime, any day. In fact, if the weather is bad, hit your local mall. Most malls have early opening times so walkers can walk. Its a great time to be unplugged. They pipe in the music. You won't have the distractions of your phone or computer and you can just walk and avoid the icky weather.
3 Read a book or magazine with pages. I know --old school. But refreshing once in a while to get away from screens or plugs. And, it avoids the temptation to check email and social media sites like Facebook. Indulge yourself with something you've been meaning to read and set aside some time each day over the next 2 weeks. Even 20-30 minutes a day of "real reading" can truly free the mind.
4 Turn on the tunes (Ok, this may be "plugged" but does create an atmosphere for unplugged life) -- and just close your eyes and let your mind wander and relax, or do something unplugged while enjoying the music. Perhaps you've been meaning to try a new recipe or paint a room in your house.
5 Family Game Night: Pull out a game, a real game with a board or a puzzle, sit around the table and enjoy the fun.
6 Take a bubble bath complete with candles and music. Again, cell phone can't be in sight or you'll be "that person" who can't be anywhere relaxing without his or her phone. This is your time to chill. The phone kills the mood.
7 Want an unplugged challenge? Run your usual errands but leave the cell phone at home. This can take getting used to but is so liberating. You just wander through your usual stores, doing your usual thing but no beeping, tweeting, texting. Yes, there will be messages on your phone when you get back... but the world will not have stopped spinning. Once upon a time this is how we all lived. We can exist like this and teach those in our lives to exist like this -- at least once in a while.
8 Plan lunch with a friend and use the cell phone game to resist peering at them. The game is simple. Stack them face down on the table, first one that looks, pays the bill.
9 Go to a local coffee shop and actually have coffee doing something unplugged: read, write some real cards, meet a friend and talk (if you do this, use the phone stacking game in #8).
10 Grab a real camera, one not in a cell phone or tablet and explore somewhere interesting snapping frequently. You'd be surprised how liberating viewing the world through the lens of a camera - any camera - is.
11 Make a ritual to have hot chocolate with your kids after school and chat about the day - sans any technology! After a moment of awkwardness, they'll love having you to themselves to chat with. Just let them take the lead and be open to where the conversation goes.
12 Spend an hour with a hobby you "never have time for," or try a new one. I recently learned Ukulele and its one of the best unplugged moments of my day!
13 Take in a concert or show. Some of my favorite venues are the local ones and many are at restaurants. You can grab a loved one, eat and enjoy some live music or a show after. Without the distraction of the plug, the experience is so incredible.
14 Visit a museum in your area. Perhaps there's an exhibit you've wanted to see or a museum you never get to.
15 Find a lecture or talk on something new and different. So many museums, centers and adult ed areas have experts giving talks on all sorts of topics -- it can be fun to just go to one once in a while and expand our circle of ideas.
If you think of other ways to unplug, I'd love to hear from you. Tweet me at @drgwenn.
And, let me know how unplugged day went for you.
Now, power down and enjoy giving these unplugged tidbits a try.]]>The Arts and Our Kids: An Essential Element for Successtag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//2012-12-20T12:00:38-05:002012-12-20T12:13:06-05:00Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MDhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/gwenn-okeeffe/Watch the TEDTalk that inspired this post.
Some moments in our kids' lives become epic in their impact on them and their ability to refocus us, as their parents. In my 18 year old daughter's life, one of those moments occurred when she was in second grade. She had big plans for her life back then. "I'm going to be a dolphin trainer, singer, archeologist", she would tell us. We pictured her going on great adventures, digging up ancient ruins while performing one one continent, while swimming with the dolphins and training them on others, or while hunting for undersea treasures, whichever happened to work out for her.
One day, though, she hit a hitch. A told a friend about a plan and the friend innocently said to her she couldn't be all three. She'd have to pick eventually. This bothered my daughter greatly, so much so she asked her teacher for advice.
Approaching her teacher quite concerned she said: "Ms. M, I have a big problem."
Her teacher replied: "Tell me about it. Perhaps we can find a solution together."
"Well", my daughter began. "I just found out I can't be a dolphin trainer, singer and archeologist when I'm a grownup. I have to pick only one. What am I going to do?"
Without skipping a beat, Ms. M replied: "Don't believe everything you hear, C. You can be whatever you want to be when you grow up, even a singing, dolphin training archeologist. It's your life."
My daughter was thrilled with this answer! And, as kids are want to do, reported back to her friend that she was wrong -- she can, indeed, be all three professions because Ms. M said so. That sparked an interesting discussion about future dreams that included things like winning American Idol and becoming the first woman president of the United States, being an astronaut and an olympic athlete (sport not chosen!) and other dreams that 2nd graders concoct.
While my daughter learned that year the importance to be creative and to dream, it was the arts that provided the glue that bound those essential ideas into her and gave her the canvas to develop upon as the years marched on. Without the arts in her life and having a place to flex her imagination muscles, I don't think she would have done nearly as well in school in any area. It was the arts that grounded her, gave her a sense of passion and purpose and fueled her dreams for the future, as well as gave her motivation to do well in her true academic subjects.
So, I was struck by Janet Echelman's art and her story. Had Janet not followed her passion to create and need to flex her imagination muscles, she never would have explored the world of fabrics and begun the journey to create some of the most fascinating and awe-inspiring art of our time. Hers is a true story of commitment to a passion and what happens when the school of life takes over where a brick and mortar school ends, or isn't available as was her case.
We need to remember Janet's story because in today's culture much too much emphasis is placed on traditional education. While it has its value and its place for many kids, for some that type of education won't be valuable. And, for most, as Sir Ken Robinson noted in his TEDTalk, it actually educates away the best parts of our kids: their creativity.
Robinson's concerns are not theoretical. To keep arts in our kids' lives is a yearly battle in most school districts. We're lucky where we live -- the fine arts department hasn't been completely decimated as it has in other communities. But, its a figment of what it was when we moved to town a decade ago or when I grew up in the same town.
If we want a world of amazing technological achievements as well as phenomenal, unexpected, beautiful art like the type that Echelman creates, we have to change up the education system so art gets the same priority as academics in every school system for every child. In fact, given the over emphasis in today's academic culture on grades and test scores its surprising that the arts are not given higher priority as studies confirm their possitive correlation to academic success.
So, it's time we reclaim the arts for our kids. The benefits are just too great to ignore and it's a true win-win for everyone: the academics will have their high test scores, parents will be able to be proud over the concrete achievements of their kids, and our kids will feel more grounded, empowered and successful. Tell me, where's the downside?
Ideas are not set in stone. When exposed to thoughtful people, they morph and adapt into their most potent form. TEDWeekends will highlight some of today's most intriguing ideas and allow them to develop in real time through your voice! Tweet #TEDWeekends to share your perspective or email tedweekends@huffingtonpost.com to learn about future weekend's ideas to contribute as a writer.]]>For Kids to Play Well in the Same (Digital) Sandbox, Parents Must, Tootag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.21329352012-11-27T10:33:42-05:002013-01-27T05:12:01-05:00Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MDhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/gwenn-okeeffe/
The reality we often don't want to discuss is that the adult world isn't always that nice. Talking to friends and colleagues about this at a recent meeting, and during some recent Facebook "chats", the consensus is that the more connected we've become online the less disingenuous people have become offline. That is to say, our numbers may make us feel we have lots of friends, but they are really "friends." And, there's a world of difference between the two.
Friends are people we have a true connection with in the real, offline world. They are the people we call in the good times and bad times. They are the people we celebrate with and who help us when times are tough. These people tend to make up the minority of our social media lists.
"Friends" are people we may not know at all, expect online or via someone online. They may have interesting things to say or be part of a group that we find compelling. They may be colleagues in a professional circle. But, these are not people who know about what makes us tick. These people are not the people who know our true lives, our families and who are there to celebrate the ups and be with us during the downs. But, these are the majority of people on our social media lists.
While we can't change each other's behavior, we can change our own and that alone will influence our own kids and start to pay forward in society. Think about how powerful it will be if we all stop doing things like texting and driving, putting on headphones in public when we should be interacting with each other, putting away the digital devices at dinner (at home and out), and not using our cell phones when in public spaces. Think about how powerful it would be if we started paying attention to the offline connections that matter the most and focused our social media lives around those connections, tuning out the rest... perhaps not even engaging with those people on our lists at all.
There's no one way to use social media but there is one way to engage in the world: respectfully. I think we can all agree on that. If everyone can at least be more respectful of each other online and offline, regardless of how they choose to engage in the social media world, then we're well on our way to collective positive change. Show your kids by your actions you can do that to the people you interact with online and offline, and they'll learn that's how to treat people in those settings. Help your kids understand the difference between "friends" and friends and they'll not only find their social media experiences more meaningful but will be safer in those settings as the true strangers will now be eliminated.
In short, you play nice in the adult sandbox of life, your kids will play nicer in the kid sandbox of life. This is one game that if we all play it right and by the same rules, it will only pay itself forward in endless amazing ways. I'm game... you?]]>Eric Whitacre: Helping People See in Technicolortag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//2012-11-26T09:44:24-05:002012-11-29T16:18:10-05:00Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MDhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/gwenn-okeeffe/Watch the TEDTalk that inspired this post.
When I was asked to comment on Eric Whitacre's TEDTalk, "A Virtual Choir 2000 Voices Strong" and think about "how collective action can influence our world -- from social media driving social change to the mystical possibilities of collective consciousness", an image of a Star Trek Borg Cube popped into my mind. It turns out, my mind's eye was a bit off in its perception.
In Star Trek's fictitious world, the Borg represent what happens when individuality is replaced with a pure collective consciousness that is 100 percent technological. There is no soul. There is no personal awareness. There is no hope. There are no dreams. There are just drones doing collective work driven by a collective goal to assimilate other cultures and ideas and, basically, take over the universe. When removed from the hive, a drone becomes anxious and doesn't function well. Its only goal is to reconnect with the collective to hear the voices of the others.
The vision of the Borg world is not too far off from the world Sherry Turkle warns of in her April 2012 TEDTalk, "Connected, but alone", based on her book "Alone Together". In that talk, Ms. Turkle makes a very compelling argument that our addiction to technological connection is at the sacrifice of true self and relationships. As she points out, true relationships are messy and in the moment, unpolished. But, online, digital relationships are polished, edited, what we want people to see. The end result of our quest to connect is we fail to attach. So, we become lonely.
What I found compelling about Mr. Whitacre's comments and his virtual choir project is the concept of connection as a way to find one's self and be part of something that triggers a sense of belonging in the individual. This was really a huge collection of solitary projects merged together to create one gigantic masterpiece. It allowed each participant to tap into their musical passions as well as be part of a musical group, although time displaced. Through social media such as Facebook, the project was able to link the participants so everyone could feel part of the bigger picture and not just a cog in the wheel. By Mr. Whitacre's descriptions, this was felt very powerfully by the participants. A true sense of community and belonging.
And, the numbers of participation from one Virtual Choir to another confirm the infectious nature of what he created:
-- March 21, 2010, Virtual Choir 1.0: "Lux Aurumque" - 185 voices from 12 countries. It has had 3.5 million views since that date.
-- April 6, 2011: Virtual Choir 2.0, "Sleep" - over 2,000 voices from 58 countries. 1.1 million views on YouTube since its debut.
-- April 2, 2012: Virtual Choir 3.0, "Water Music" - over 3,700 videos from 73 countries. It has had 5.4 million views to date on Whitacre's website so far with ½ million on YouTube.
The fact that the numbers and global reach is only intensifying with each passing Virtual Choir is testament that Mr. Whitacre may have created a bridge to allow people to go from the existence Turkle warned about to a more healthy existence she concluded with that we all know we want to live: a connected but engaged existence.
Whitacre's virtual choir offers what many musical groups do -- a sense of enrichment and belonging, a place to live out dreams not yet fulfilled. Add to that an element of participation without risk, without the overhead of setting aside time for performances or auditions that the asynchronous online aspect allows, the allure to participate is compelling to those seeking out positive ways to connect with others musically, and perhaps otherwise.
The virtual choirs allow people to do something they love in a world filled with connections that are otherwise devoid of true meaning, and with other like-minded people. Because of the time and place displacement, the project allows people to dip a toe into the pond a bit and try it out. With a positive outcome, the amount of views and the incredible beauty of the project that keeps people talking producing pride in the participants, the participants will be more likely to seek out other musical experiences, online and offline. In essence, the project helps pave the way to finding true, real world musical connections, the type that will produce true, real time meaning. It helps solidify that if you connect in the right way, with the right project, the world has great beauty, great meaning. And, it isn't lonely at all. That type of collective consciousness is incredibly powerful for it's positive influences on the participants and those around them!
The roots of Whitacre's virtual choir go way back to his college days, to his first choir rehearsal where he noted that "my entire life I had been seeing in black and white and suddenly everything was in shocking technicolor".
That moment put him on a path of discovery that lead him to discover a form of music he hadn't realized existed, to an education that included time at Juilliard and to where he is today. Just imagine what our kids lives could be like if we do the same for them...allow them to dream and find their moment of seeing in technicolor?
Sit down with your family and watch Virtual Choir 2.0 together. Even if you're not a fan of choir music, this is an experience worth seeing. Perhaps you'll even find a dash of technicolor in there you didn't notice before.
Ideas are not set in stone. When exposed to thoughtful people, they morph and adapt into their most potent form. TEDWeekends will highlight some of today's most intriguing ideas and allow them to develop in real time through your voice! Tweet #TEDWeekends to share your perspective or email tedweekends@huffingtonpost.com to learn about future weekend's ideas to contribute as a writer.]]>Embracing Your Parenting Superpowertag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.18814412012-09-13T13:39:29-04:002012-11-13T05:12:01-05:00Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MDhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/gwenn-okeeffe/
My family loves all things superhero so I'm sure that hasn't helped my fantasy of one day waking up and being able to get my kids to school at lightening speed, while cleaning the house, doing all the cooking, grocery store shopping, and household organizing before my first cup of coffee - or while having that first cup of coffee.
In addition to superspeed, superstrength would be incredibly handy. Anyone who has attempted to sew one of those Varsity patches onto a jacket or elastic bands onto ballet slippers knows exactly why this is true. My grandmothers were able to sew these things without batting an eye, making me wonder if they had some element of superstrength that ended with that generation. In fact, they seemed to be able to do superhuman things like that while cooking, cleaning, smiling, giving advice, and organizing some major community event. I need a nap just thinking about a day out of their lives!!
When you stop to think about it, it's truly amazing that we have done so well without super powers. Most of us are not stay at home parents yet we're expected to juggle kids, jobs, relationships, household chores and community obligations with a smile and without a complaint. And, for the most part, on most days, we do ok.
Well, we do ok until one of our balls in the air starts to wobble. Perhaps we didn't leave as much time for the carpool. Perhaps we miscounted the amount of dinners we needed that week. Perhaps we forgot to reload the lunch account. Perhaps we wrote the school event on the wrong day. Perhaps we thought our partner was going to start the kids laundry. Perhaps....well, you get the idea. There is always another perhaps. There are endless ways for our well timed day to implode. After all we don't have super powers.
Then again, while we may not have super strength and speed, we do have super resolve and a super human ability to keep ourselves and our kids moving forward despite the chaos around us and what hurdles life tosses our way. After all, if this isn't the embodiment of a superhero, then I'm at a loss to explain what is...especially since, on most days, we accomplish this with a smile on our faces and without personal assistants.]]>When New Social Technology Knocks, Resistance Is Futile... Or Is It?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.16391562012-07-03T17:16:18-04:002012-09-02T05:12:16-04:00Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MDhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/gwenn-okeeffe/here.
Talk about life imitating art. Wow!
Glasses like this are all over the sci-fi world. Remember Arnold's Terminator?
This isn't just a virtual reality eye piece as some high-tech visors and glasses are, but a new way to connect without lifting a finger. While some reviewers online have raved over this latest techno-gizmo to allow us to be even more socially connected than we are now, one review caught my eye as more cautionary, more concerned.
... I'm concerned that more and more, we tech-obsessed few are starting to share without asking why we're sharing in the first place. Everything from our food to our kids to our locations gets plastered onto the web, even though there's very little impetus to do so aside from vanity
...
For some of us, we're convinced our Instagram snaps and Twitter quips are an art form, that our very special self-expression is unique, witty, and brimming with creative value.
The author did not shy away from unpopular opinions of the social digital world and tossed out a view that was so compelling I found myself reading it over a few times. Could it be, the author asserted, we are spending so much time questing to be social online that we're losing ourselves offline? Given my observations with people I know on and offline, professionally and personally, I'd have to say "yes... yes we most definitely are!"
Beyond just losing our identity, there is another factor at play, again unpopular. Going back to the Star Trek comparison, the author actually uses a Borg hive reference:
... Glass as it was shown today is another disturbing step toward an all-social, always-on web of connectivity that isn't a means to an end as much as it is a cause in and of itself. It's the hive mind, and in many ways, it's already here.
Just to be clear, according to Dictionary.com, a "hive mind" is a "type of collective consciousness, when individuality is stifled." Think about any social interaction online. How often do people actually talk together vs simply agreeing with each other? I've noticed much less true connections online, and offline, since we've become more "connected." We "like" links and posts and comments and tweets but rarely converse, interact and, dare I say, gather offline any more to truly connect. We've become an online hive.
Granted, we don't exactly know how Google Glass will be used and what its social impact will be but given past web 2.0 technologies, it's a safe bet that Google Glass will be purchased and used rampantly. So, is resistance futile? Should we all place our orders and call it a day like good hive members? If we were Borg, we'd have no choice. Well, that's not quite true, is it? One Borg, 7 of 9, did make a choice. She opted to be free of the hive. So, why can't we? We can. In fact, we must.
I'm convinced that if we all unplug more and remember what that feels like -- expose our kids to it so they understand how wonderful it is and how important that freedom of lack of 24/7 connectedness is in their lives -- the only resistance that will be futile will be the need to not plug-in. That's not to suggest we shouldn't dabble in new technology from time to time or even use it. Our job is to be better at balance and not use it as part of the hive. Our job is to use new technology as part of our individual lives to enhance our lives as people, no drones.
So, my friends, as we wrap up another Internet safety month, just remember that new technology will always come knocking and when it does you have a choice: resistance isn't futile. As yourself, do you want to be a drone, part of the hive...or like 7 of 9, and be free to live your life with the good of technology but not the burden of it?
I have to unplug now. My daily walk, with regular sunglasses, and a camera not attached to a
phone, awaits.]]>Kids Under 13 on Facebook? Not So Fast!tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.15693292012-06-05T10:37:48-04:002012-08-05T05:12:28-04:00Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MDhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/gwenn-okeeffe/Facebook wants to allow kids under 13 into their social media club. Here's what you may not know, or remember: This isn't new news. In fact, a year ago this month, Mark Zuckerberg made the exact same statement just as a report came out shedding light that 7.5 million kids under 13 were using his site.
I remember the issue well because I did a huge amount of interviews on the topic, such as this one with TIME magazine. In these interviews, I made it very clear that allowing kids under 13 onto Facebook is not a good idea -- and I wasn't alone in my opinion.
Has a year changed my position at all? No. In fact, given the events of the last year, I feel more strongly than a year ago that kids under 13 should not be on Facebook. The environment on Facebook is even more difficult to navigate than it was a year ago with even more privacy concerns. The staggering amount of ads clearly tailored to our searches. The push to play games and spend money on games and apps is much more pronounced and noticable than a year ago and the ability to get help should someone act inappropriately, bully someone, is simply not there. There is no help button clearly visible, for example.
These are not insignificant issues. As an adult, these issues are concerning. It's challenging enough to explain to our teenagers how to undertand these issues, how to exist on Facebook in a way that is fun but protects their privacy and digital footprints while also keeping them safe. To explain these issues to a child younger than 13 who doesn't have the life experience or developmental ability to abstract enough to make sense of the virtual environment -- or understand the complex interactions and the long-term impacts of what they post publicly -- is simply not feasible nor possible. They are truly too young.
I use the same car analagy in CyberSafe. When we teach our teens how to drive, we do so with care and with a plan, using age milestones that are based on not just the law, but development. We make sure our kids are old enough to undertand the rules of the road and have prior experience with other, more simple modes of transportation, including walking and riding a bike. We make sure they take driver's education, pass a test and gain experience before they take those keys and drive off.
If we allow our kids to drive without the necessary steps met before they get their license, mistakes will occur and accidents will happen. The same is true for social media sites like Facebook. It's when we give them those keys to Facebook too young, without social media driver's ed, that harm occurs -- their privacy is compromised, a permanent digital footprint made, cyber-bullying takes place or inappropriate content posted.
This isn't about parental choice and allowing kids to play games. This is about a large social media site wanting more users for their financial model to work out. Keep in mind that the ones pushing this plan are often on the Facebook payroll and have no background in child health and development.
Our job as parents isn't to say "yes" to everything our kids want, bending the rules and allowing others to do the same. Our job is to help our kids realize that there is a reason that age-limits exist and respecting those limits is what makes our society work and allow us to develop and grow as members of that society. So, just as our kids have to wait to be the right age to drive, drink and vote, let's help them understand that in today's world, they also have to wait to be the right age to use Facebook. They'll survive -- and be better off for it.]]>Are You Feeling Swallowed up by Social Media? How About A Time Out?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.15553792012-05-30T12:28:54-04:002012-07-30T05:12:13-04:00Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MDhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/gwenn-okeeffe/
"Social media is already massive. And growing at the speed of avalanche."
The first word that popped to my mind was "yes!". But, it wasn't the growth of social media that caused my response, but the impact of social media on my life and just about every other person I know.
How about you? Do you feel the "avalanche" of social media coming at you from sites like Twitter, Facebook, blogs and Pinterest has been a good influence on your life or a not-so-good one?
At first, the social media experience was exciting and fun. Like meeting a new romantic partner, we were all caught up in it's charm and the allure of what it had to offer. It was new, slick and unknown.
But then, as the novelty started to wane, as in any relationship, many of us began to ask questions such as "is this all there is?", "will I begin to get that feeling again?", "can I endure this for another however many years?"
It's interesting to note how the questions we ask about social media parallel those of our more meaningful relationships. Unlike those more meaningful, offline relationships, however, the part of social media that we have yet to full comprehend is this: IT IS NOT REAL. I apologize for the caps. I recognize that is the equivalent of yelling online, but it's truly the only way to get this important point across.
Unlike offline connections, online connections are a fascade -- a mask. We know a screen name and avatar, but not the true person. And, when we know the true person, often what we see online isn't how we know that person in other settings. We all know this is true because our own online selves are only an image of what we are offline and a manipulated one at that. We all show people what we want them to see.
Unlike offline relationships were we have conversations and get something meaningful out of the experience, the online world doesn't give us anything concrete we can hold onto. That's why so many people feel so unsure when they go online and why so much time is being spent on research looking into the concept of how disconnected people are today as they become more connected online.
Teens and adults are seeking validation from these online connections because their offline connections are tenuous, given how our lives are structured -- hectic, on the go and grounded in virtual connections. My 17-year-old daughter told me recently that many of her friends become incredibly unsettled if their peers don't "like" their new profiles pages and pictures. It's considered a form of rejection and can send them into a social panic. That validation is incredibly important to them (as it is to many adults!)
So, as parents, how can we help our teenagers and younger kids learn to create a more balanced perspective than many of us seem to have? We help them learn to unplug more while young so that as they get older and more independent they have more balanced perspective of how to live in an all digital world without being completely consumed by it -- and we do so by teaching through example.
I know it won't be easy, but if we find more ways to unplug and routinely seek out true connections, our kids will follow our lead.
So actively put down cell phones at meal time. Call people more instead of texting them. Find times to have real coffee with friends instead of a virtual cup while your both sitting at your home offices on your computers. And make each weekend with your family be 100% unplugged family time.
There will always be a new technological temptation, but true living will always be unplugged. Teach your kids that today and they will someday thank you for that... perhaps even in person, and not by text!]]>Texting While Driving vs. Digital Space Squatting: When in Doubt, squat!tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.13964502012-04-02T18:09:21-04:002012-06-02T05:12:01-04:00Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MDhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/gwenn-okeeffe/according to the NYT, I'm very much not alone.
The NYT article points out two important issues we can't deny: Digital "squatting" is our new normal, and so is people getting rather miffed over it. Not at all surprising since one of the issues in our 24/7 society is people want everything when they want it -- even if the person they are upset with is doing something they do all the time.
Is it a bit aggravating and inconvenient when you're hunting for a space and someone is held up in their car texting, emailing or taking on their phone? Of course. We've all been there. At the same time, at least that person isn't using their phone in line at a coffee shop, or, worse, while driving.
There is one final issue to consider -- our teen drivers look to us as role models for not only our driving skills but our digital skills. This sort of digital squatting is just the type of behavior we want them to emulate because it's much safer for them than texting and driving.
If we want each other to be more respectful of when and how we all conduct our digital business, let's not be so critical of each other that we fail to see that some people are actually trying to not be rude in public and not put us in harm's way on our roads. So, as long as the "squatter" isn't taking hours to wrap up his or her digital business and is doing so legally, I think we all have to be realistic that this is our new reality and is in all of our best interests regardless of how long someone has had a driver's license or a cell phone. ]]>Disney's Habit Heroes: A Review From a Pediatrician Mom Who Experienced Ittag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.13144012012-03-05T17:25:42-05:002012-05-05T05:12:01-04:00Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MDhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/gwenn-okeeffe/the scuttlebutt over the Habit Heroes exhibit erupted. As a mom, pediatrician and health expert, I've learned over the years to not buy into the emotional uproar of these situations but to take a more journalistic approach -- fact check as much as possible and experience first-hand whatever it is, when reasonable, which in this case happened to be days after the uproar began.
So, last Friday, my husband and I hit Futureword at Epcot on the hunt for the exhibit. Our first observation was that it was not at all easy to find. We finally found it tucked on the side of Innovations West.
Once we found it, we initially saw this sign:
So, this wasn't just a Disney exhibit but one sponsored by a health group. Despite claims that Disney didn't use "experts" this sign implied otherwise.
From there, a very distorted and large comic strip appeared on a convex wall introducing the concept of unhealthy habit "villains" and the habit heroes.
Here's the reality. The characters and text were placed on a huge, convex wall, and were very difficult to read and truly take in given the direction of the walkway leading to the exhibit entrance and the overall dimensions of the room. You basically notice a big cartoon in passing but that's about it. And, the images are not anything but a cartoon. There is nothing scary about them or anything about them that would cause a child of any age to feel bullied or ashamed. Given our comic book culture infatuated with superheroes and villains, kids would see the comic in that light, nothing more. In fact, watching the families walk with us along the path to the exhibit, no one seemed to stop to notice the wall -- adults or kids.
Once we all reached the exhibit entrance, we were greeted with a sign and an exhibit worker. Both reinforced the interactive nature of the exhibit:
From there, we entered a basic Disney entrance room. The room was decorated like an old time gym with images of old teams, trophies and a scale.
Once the room was filled with a few more families, school age and preteens mostly, a video came on with our heroes -- Will Power and Callie Stenics. Our heroes talked about how we were there for an important mission -- to help today's kids learn healthier habits.
The video was incredibly well done. The content was appropriate for kids and adults and did a nice job explaining how kids could get more healthy and why that was important. It didn't place blame or shame. In fact it was spot-on in discussing that kids today are suffering from too much:
Inactivity
Too much TV/screen time
Poor or unhealthy eating
And, kids are becoming unhealthy and sometimes, overweight as a result. Due to the weight issues, kids are subsequently at risk for serious health problems such as diabetes and high blood pressure.
The way the material was presented, no one's vacation would be ruined. The material was no different than anything the kids or parents have heard in other settings and had the twist of having fun activities to show just how easy combating these issues truly is.
From there, we go into three rooms to try and help a typical teen become more healthy. The teen boy had a typical body habitus of many kids today -- not too thin or overweight but not in shape, either. He looked like many of the kids today's kids go to school with or see on TV.
In the first room, screen time was taken on in a game that had people zap screens that came down from the sky. The amount of screens on our display equaled the amount of screen time in a child's day so there were times we were zapping a lot. In the second room, we zapped unhealthy foods to make room for healthy foods. As the unhealthy foods fell, we could see healthy foods on the display. In the final room, we combated "lead bottom" who was the only "villain" shown for any considerable amount of time. He looked like your typical super villain in any movie or comic strip kids see these days. He wasn't scary or threatening -- he was just there. The way we fought him was to move our bodies and the more we did, the more he started to move. Within a few minutes, our villain became our ally and happily left the screen. The exhibit ended with our teen emerging moving more, eating a healthy snack and not on a screen.
Everyone in the exhibit was smiling and laughing by the end and left with smiles on their faces. We were all given wristbands with www.habitheroes.com on the side and I overheard parents and kids talking about going to the site.
Experiencing the exhibit after reading the critics was truly as if the critics of the exhibit were in a different, alternate reality. It disturbs me that Disney and Florida Blue felt the need to cave under the loud and misguided views of people who clearly didn't understand the exhibit or realize it was right on the mark. As a health expert, and mom, I felt it was fantastic and would have had no hesitation recommending it to any family, with normal weight kids or overweight kids. The exhibit was not truly about obesity but learning to be healthy. I hope Disney and Florida Blue don't retool the exhibit too much based on the loud few... they were more on track than they realized. ]]>Parents: Your Media Use Is the Blueprint Your Kids Use for Theirstag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.12443742012-02-01T18:39:36-05:002012-04-02T05:12:01-04:00Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MDhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/gwenn-okeeffe/
Technically speaking, the adjective 'social' is defined by dictionary.com as "pertaining to, devoted to, or characterized by friendly companionship or relations: a social club" or "seeking or enjoying the companionship of others; friendly; sociable; gregarious".
With regards to computers, dictionary.com gives this definition: "noting or pertaining to online technologies, activities, etc., that promote companionship or communication with friends and other personal contacts: social Web sites such as Facebook; the use of social software to share expertise".
One of the benefits of social media is the sharing of ideas. Both on Twitter and Facebook, a lot can be said in a 140 characters or less, or in a simply passing on of a picture or link, to promote thought, trigger discussion, and instigate positive social change.
At the same time, the same 140 characters on Twitter and swapping of posts, links and pictures on Facebook can erupt like a volcano when people take an issue so personally they lose site of the original cause and begin to personally attack anyone who they feel is against them, or their issue.
I ended up in the cross fires of just such a situation recently on Twitter. I was personally attacked by some Tweeters for offfering medical facts about a controversial public campaign concerning an important child health issue. Instead of recognizing that all of us had the best interests of children at heart but were approaching the issue from different perspectives, these people opted to attack me personally and accuse me of not caring for kids. Which, as you know, is as far from the truth as a day is long.
I worried not so much for myself but my kids, and their kids. I have teenagers on Twitter. Did these folks ever stop to consider how difficult it would be for my teens to see me attacked this way in a public forum? I wondered if they had kids old enough to be online. If so, would they become social media abusers, too?
It turns out, according to research and experts, the answer to the latter is... yes.
"The manner in which a parent uses media reflects and resonates the way their child will subsequently model their media use", Child Psychiatrist Mike Brody, nationally recognized for his expertise on children and media and Chair of the Television and Media Committee of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, told me by email. "These parents are not very good role models."
In fact, 86 percent of teens rely on their parents for how to behave on the internet and other digital devices such as cell phones, according to a recent Pew Internet report.
Like a playground that has recently survived a storm, we have some online social media cleaning up to do. Here's what I propose:
1. Look in the mirror. Are you a good digital citizen... a good role model for your kids? If so, great... keep it up. If not, change. You are your child's best role model. This isn't something that can be turfed to ther kids or adults.
2. If you encounter an online abuser, virtually walk away. Don't engage -- it won't lead anywhere good. In addition, take the following steps:
A. On Facebook: unfriend the person and consider reporting if they are true bullies. You can find the Facebook safety center here.
B. If on Twitter, block the person and consider reporting as spam. To report an abusive user on Twitter, click here.
C. Youtube: To report abuse on YouTube, the information can be found here.
3. Remind yourself that the situation isn't your fault. These people attack because of their poor communication skills and poor interpersonal skills.
4. If your teens are on social media sites, discuss what happend with them. Our kids not only mirror our behaviors but our crisis management tools.
Is it really too much to ask people to treat others online as they'd want to be treated themselves? If so, perhaps they shouldn't be on these sites... or perhaps we all need to step up more and finally take a stand against them. For my teenagers' sakes, I'm planning on doing the latter. ]]>Teen Responsibility Doesn't Happen -- It's Nurturedtag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.12052402012-01-27T21:46:21-05:002012-03-28T05:12:02-04:00Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MDhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/gwenn-okeeffe/ -- Abigail Van Buren
Do you feel kids today are as responsible as kids a generation ago?
This recent conversation with a mom opened my eyes to this age-old concern:
Mom: Are your girls excited about the new high school?
Me: Yes, very. In fact, they started in the new building this week and love it already. More room, shiny walls and floors, and no going outdoors to get to the next class (the old school was open campus)... what's not to love!
Mom: Sounds great. I'm hoping to take a tour when they offer them to the public.
Me: Me, too. It's supposed to be incredibly high tech -- TV screens in all classes, fancy computer lab and a full laptop program starting in the fall. It will be great for the kids to not have to lug all those books!
Mom: I'd love to see my kids shed a few books! But, do you think the kids will do ok with laptops? I mean... it's a lot of responsibility. What if they lose it or break it? I'm just not sure.
Me: I guess I'd think of it this way. Most kids already bring expensive digital stuff to school, including laptops. They all have cell phones, including iPhones, so most have shown responsibility with those already. And, we have to remember kids are kids -- they lose stuff all the time -- like text books. So, I'm sure the school has some sort of plan in place given the price tag of the hardware. Other towns in the area have been doing this sort of program for years with good success so I'm thinking it's worth a try.
Mom: Really? I had no idea. Perhaps it will work. They just seem so young.
So, there it is. And, I agree, many times this generation of teens does seem young.
But, is it fair to place that burden on their shoulders when they are the product of a generation of parents often given labels such as "helicopter parents" and "tiger moms."
Robert Heinlein once said: Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy.
Interesting. Unless my memory is failing me, I believe this is how we were raised. Just goes to show some parenting strategies can be revised but not rewritten. Teaching responsibility seems to be one of them. It's not old fashioned to do for our kids what our parents did for us. It's just good parenting. ]]>Lights, Presents, Sugar... Action! Minimizing Holiday Overload, Maximizing Holiday Family Funtag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.11591092011-12-20T12:46:03-05:002012-02-19T05:12:01-05:00Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MDhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/gwenn-okeeffe/
This is one of my most favorite times of the year, except for one thing: Christmas Day starts too early in the Dr. Gwenn house. We celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah and, I'll admit, one of my most favorite parts of Hanukkah, aside for torching the many Menorahs we have at home, is the very human hour it occurs. I'm awake at Sundown. I can enjoy the moment at Sundown. I don't have to worry about needing a big blast of caffeine to get my eyes open and brain functioning as someone whose holiday starts to occur in the dark.
Contrast that to Christmas where, at least in our house, music starts blaring at 4 to 5 a.m. (I so wish I was exaggerating), the tree lights begin to blink and my family gathers on our bed staring at me while I use every ounce of energy to open my eyes and attempt to be "Christmasy". In the past, the girls would have to wait for me to make coffee before we could start our Christmas morning celebration. Now, thanks to my coffee maker timer, I have that covered... plus, I taught my youngest daughter how to make coffee just in case the timer glitched! One would think that teenagers would want to sleep a tad later, even on Christmas. Not my teenagers. Thanks to their dad, a big kid at heart, they are now programmed to get up at this inhuman hour each and every holiday. So, for those of you with wee ones at home, we can all have a virtual toast of java as we all attempt to be merry before the sun rises!
Add to the early start that most of us will have on days like Christmas holiday visiting, the excitement of gifts and a very sugary day, holiday celebrations can become a tad tricky to navigate at times.
Before you break into a sweat wondering how you'll get through these holidays that always start off grand but end up with more than a few speed bumps throughout the day, let me share with you a few tips I've picked up during my 17 holiday seasons with kids:
Be realistic about what you and your kids can put on your holiday plate
I know -- it's tempting. Five parties in 10 hours in two, or perhaps three, different states. You say to yourself and your spouse: "How can that not work?" Really... I know. We've been there a few times and, well, never get past State No. 1 before recognizing mistake No. 1. Kids and party hopping don't mix. It's one thing to gather at Grandma's house at some point during the day but another to go from there to Aunt Jane's for dessert and Uncle Pete's for a night cap. Keep it simple.
If the kids have an opinion, listen to it.
One of the biggest gripes of kids is that we, parents, don't listen to them. We have to remember that this is their holiday, too. Instead of dictating to them what we're going to do, talk to them about your thoughts for the holiday and see what they have in mind. Especially for older middle school and high school kids, it's important to involve them. If they truly don't want to visit with relatives, take a step back and ask yourself if that's really necessary to do, especially if your teens don't know the relatives too well.
Pay attention to sleep, down time and snacks.
With all the excitement of the holidays, everyone becomes a little sleep deprived and regular meals don't always occur. The more you try to come close to a "normal" routine, the more likely everyone will be even-keeled as the early wake-up times catch up to them. One of the best ways to avoid sugar overload is to make sure everyone is having three regular meals each day. That way no one will be ravenous and will only have a nibble of the sweet. Once the new year begins, make sure your family has a sugary treat from time to time. Kids who learn to navigate treats tend to not binge when faced with them at holidays.
Health comes first.
One of the least favorite parts of my job when I worked in the ER or Urgent Care center around the holidays was having to explain to a very nicely dressed family that a child was too sick to attend an event. The bottom line is that if a child has a symptom that would ordinarily keep him or her home from school or day care - fever, cough, vomiting, requiring an antibiotic - that child is too sick to attend a party. We have to remember this is flu season and not only do we have to allow the sick child time to get better but have to keep exposure to other people to a minimum. We can't guarantee at these events that everyone is well. There could be people coming down with illnesses or people whose immune systems are weakened from disorders we don't know about. So, if your child is sick, stay home. It's best for everyone.
Talk to your kids about handling gifts that don't seem quite right
This is a slippery slope in many families and I've heard of wars breaking out among relatives for gifts that didn't go over well. Keeping in mind that the person giving the gift likely has the best of intentions and put time and thought into the gift, the best lesson for our children is to learn to be gracious and say "thank you" on the spot, and deal with the logistics privately at home. Perhaps you can return the gift after the holiday. Or, give it to charity if there isn't a gift receipt. Most kids are more than willing to do that when it's pointed out that they had the opportunity to have a great holiday but some kids never do.
For more holiday tips, stop by Pediatrics Now this week.
Good luck navigating the next two weeks. I have no doubt you'll pull it off! How will you know, you may wonder? Easy. When everyone crashes at the end of a busy holiday event, exhausted but with a smile on their faces, you can sleep easy knowing the day was a success.
