James M. Lynch

Mirror Images: Reflecting The Best Of YOU

2010-02-09T14:03:00-05:00

In Thich Nhat Hanh's book Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames, he mentions how we can limit our occasions of anger and liberate our society by ingesting less anger supplied by foods tainted with animal cruelty or growth hormones and by avoiding ingesting "other items that contain toxins such as certain TV programs, magazines, books and films". This model of mindful consumption also applies to conversations and people who may poison you with their toxic words and energy.

In my coaching sessions I apply a similar practice where I encourage people to 'fire' negative and unsupportive clients in the same way that you'd let go of an employee who was an energy drain, negative influence or time waster. 'Firing' clients can have the added benefit of replacing them with new clients that appreciate your effort, pay their invoices on time and with whom you enjoy working.

Firing friends (and even relatives) who are a negative influence can be a bit more delicate and at times seem impossible but, as Hanh says, their energy can poison you if you don't avoid them or build up immunity to their toxins. It takes a great level of honesty and courage to fire a friend and feelings can get hurt, but eliminating the influence these people might have on you can be your own personal liberation.

As usual, the next step after firing is hiring replacements. I ask my clients to look around and identify people whom they admire, people who have 'something they want'. We're not talking about envy or lust here, the conversation is about seeing qualities, success, accomplishment or a 'being-ness' in others that you'd like to have more of in your own day to day life. Simply put, if you hang around with them, some of what you admire about them will 'rub off on you'.

I call these people 'buddies' or more precisely 'mirror images' because in order to appreciate the qualities in others you must already have some idea or possession of these attributes yourself. In selecting these people you will know that you are choosing them as your mirror image because the best of you will be reflected in them.

We're not talking about seeking out the best in the world here as much as we are the best in your society; people you can appreciate, observe and befriend. You're not asking them to be a mentor, just a friend. You can meet them for coffee or observe them from a distance depending on the circumstances and milieu.

You can have a mirror image for any field of endeavor. There might be someone you often see at the gym who's physical fitness inspires you to your next level or a client whose business success seems within your reach if you apply yourself consciously. You might choose to emulate someone who takes care in their appearance or clothes without ostentation.

This model works for us because as human creatures we naturally mimic those around us, as in accents, clothing and custom. If we're going to find ourselves affected by our surroundings, in other words, let's choose a surrounding that has something in it that we actually want.

I challenge each of you to spend some time over the next few days and consider two things:

Who is in your life needs to be fired?

Identify one person that you admire and find a way to spend more time with them.

I'd love to hear from you on how this works for you and what opens up for you. Remember too that there just might be someone out there looking to your good example; who could be positively influenced by witnessing you living up to that infinite well of possibility you hold within.

A Matter of Death and Life

2010-01-28T23:44:54-05:00

In the last two weeks I've had an aunt pass away, a friend's husband and my wife's grandfather. That's three deaths in a short time and its really caused me to pause and reflect. One of the thoughts at a funeral, at least for me, is always: What will people say about me at my funeral? How many people will say that I affected them, encouraged them or did them good?

This week, in honor of the situation, I'm posting a chapter, one of 3, that deals with death from my book The Hamlet Secret: a self-directed workbook for living a passionate, joy-filled life. If you're not familiar with the book's format, the premise is to start with a quote from Shakespeare's Hamlet, provide a quick meditation and an exercise to 'land' the lesson in your consciousness.

Please read and enjoy and, if you dare, follow the exercise and let me know how it works for you.

Flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.
Hamlet, Act V, Scene 2

Honor the dying and their journeys.

We are the ones who are sad when we lose a loved one. When faced with a loved one's passing, focus out, onto him or her. This person has pain to deal with on his or her own and doesn't need your fears, sadness, and grieving for YOUR sadness and fear of being alone, of not knowing how to deal with your emotions. Don't try to "understand" what the person is going through or give him or her advice -- unless you yourself have died exactly the same way and have come back to tell him or her about it. Barring that circumstance, just shift your focus onto the person, what he or she needs and, short of words coming out of your head and mouth, reach out with your hand and just share that faint pulse from your hand to his or hers -- that is communication from the heart.

Why should I include this quote -- just because it is a beautiful image? Actually, I've done it wrong and done it right. My father died when I was eleven. Early on the day he died I visited him in his hospital room where he had wasted away from cancer. The moment I laid eyes on him I shot from the room in tears. Instead of giving him comfort, I needed comforting. He died hours later, and the last he saw of me was someone scared of him and how sick he looked. What do you want? I was eleven. My mother, though, was nearing ninety and had lived a full life. I went to visit with her, and we just sat and talked -- not about the old days or the good times; in fact I don't know what all we discussed. I was just there with her. Knowing the end was coming, the last time I left her hospital room she and I just smiled at each other, I said "So long" and "I love you," and she smiled at me just the way I would always want to remember her smile. A few days later, though she was unable to speak,

I got to talk to her by phone and say nothing really, just "I love you" and God bless you on your journey. I cried for her death later, but while I was with her I was FOR her. I didn't ask her to comfort me in the loss of my mother; her job as a mother was done a long time before. Her job as a soul in transition was her real job, and it looked like she
did a good job of it. A flight of angels really did sing her to her rest.

Angels Exercise:
Make a list of everyone in your life who ever gave you encouragement, support, and care. Next to their names write what it was they gave you--spiritual guidance, physical care, monetary support, emotional support, etc.

Take the time to write each of them a letter, thanking them for what they gave you and letting them know what it was; so many "angels" never know they even gave, as it is so much a part of who they are. Send them the letter and you'll receive "points," but if you really want to accumulate the big pay-off you can add part "b" of this exercise.

In each of the letters that you send, commit either to recreating the support that your angel gave you in someone new or to repaying it; pay it forward or backward. If someone lent you money when you needed it, give it back to him or her. If you've already paid it back and can afford to, give that same amount to a charity or cause in honor of your angel. If it was support along the way as you accomplished something, find a mentoring program or a similar initiative and either give of your time or another resource and tell the story of your angel and what he or she did for you.

Write the letter and send it, even if the person is no longer living. Send it to his or her family or find a way to tell the story of his or her support to encourage others.

Celebrate the heroism of the angels in your life.

This week's posting is in honor of three people who were loved and respected by their families and whose memory should be for a blessing: Dot Zybala, Chuck Stolberg and the much loved and admired Cantor Allen Stearns.

On Cultivating Courage

2010-01-20T13:00:00-05:00

This week I went to speak to a group in Arlington Heights, Illinois. I knew the primary goal of the group was to support senior executives who were looking for employment. My contact said to expect 150-200 people and he was very accurate as about 180 people were in the hall when I arrived. I asked again, "How many of these people are out of work?" "All of them" was the answer. EVERY man and woman in the group was there to hone their interview skills, network and get support as they worked to find a new position, some of them after 20 or more years in the same company.

I was deeply humbled by the gravity of the situation, especially as I heard how so many had declared bankruptcy, lost their homes and their life savings. Before I spoke I stopped to acknowledge the situation and assure them that I was offering my model - creating breakthrough results - with respect for the great effort they were already putting out. The hour passed quickly and the group was a very eager, responsive and interested assembly and I feel they'll use the tools well. I've already received some very nice comments and requests to stay in touch.

As I write this I remember a time about 25 years ago when I took my bike, a tent and a sleeping bag and flew to France. I don't remember why I wanted to, but I rode my bike from Paris to Nice in a long, circular route over a period of a few weeks. I'd camp out every night and ride most every day.

One day, on the southern coast, not quite the Riviera, I had followed a grueling path, climbing and climbing on a hot and dry day, and I didn't think I could go on. I checked the guides and the maps and it didn't seem that any camp grounds were available for miles. I was coming into a long uphill section and was not sure I'd be able to make it. I was already spent and if I stopped, I was afraid I might not be able to start again and I might have to sleep on the side of the road. That possibility offered a risk of being exposed or rousted by the police in the night.

As I doggedly passed by a beach parking lot I weaved through the later afternoon crowd of beach goers and I heard, as if someone had leaned over and whispered it quickly into my ear, "Courage". It was a French accent, of course, so it sounded more like 'Coo-rahj', but it was very clear. I looked over my shoulder to see who could have said it but no one seemed to be looking at me and I shook it off as heat exhaustion and trudged toward the hill ahead.

However, the energy of that word woke up some last reserve of energy and as I looked ahead at the hill I found a quick surge of energy to attack the hill. It was slow going, but I was still moving and that counts a lot.

The short version of this story is that a little ways up the hill I looked up just enough to see a nearly hidden sign on the side of the road. Doubtfully I followed the sign down a residential cul de sac and unbelievably found a non-listed camp ground that had been built from an old quarry. It had several levels, a fun tiki bar with super cold beer, and a local swimming hole that provided a deep dive into a cool blue cove. I stayed two nights, made a lot of friends and it turned out to be one of the best experiences and most memorable events of the whole trip.

I was so spent, discouraged and tired I never thought I'd make it that day. Then someone noticed me and threw a word, "Courage" into my ear to encourage me.

To those people I spoke to the other day and to everyone who I know or you know who is out of work or facing some kind of tough time, I say 'Courage' and I ask you to do the same. It might be your voice that gets them 'up the hill' and it just may be that whatever is up there is better than anything they've left behind.

And for whatever you are up to that needs a little bit of encouragement, or a lot: Courage, mon ami, 'Coo-rahj'.

Free Life Course: The Game Of Life

2010-01-05T11:34:00-05:00

My last few posts have had to do with having a great new year, without repeating the old, and useless (for many) New Year's Resolution. The topic has come up a lot and the people I talk to tend to argue for the 'not enough time' conundrum and I try to get them to just 'try it' for a while.

If you're convinced that 'that's just the way it is' and feeling stuck in a rut I urge you to try a course, take a chance and 'live in the possibility' that you actually can reinvent yourself, master time and live a life of genuine satisfaction, joy and contentment.

If you try, by the way, you stand a much better chance of having a breakthrough than if you dismiss the possibility as a 'never happen'.

Below is a sample week's instruction that I offer for free at www.doityourselflifecoach.com. I provide it here because it is topical for this time of year when the days are shorter and we realize that life is a limited commodity. Facing a New Year, I invite all of you to take the entire course, The Game of Life, and see what you can get 'up to' that will make this year the best of your entire life.

Week Four: Consider that, like a game, there is a clock running and it will run out.

"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives."
Annie Dillard

It's not the time that's behind us that counts as much as it is the time ahead of us - but who knows how much time we have left. So let's get to it, ok?

This week we'll focus on efficiency and use and mastery of time. It's going to be all about discipline. How much time a week do you spend on 'well spent' items and 'wasted' items? Let's find out by first taking a look back at last week before looking forward to this week.

Create a chart with two columns. Label one column 'well spent' and one 'wasted'. Under the 'well spent' column make a list of all the things you did last week in which you found value, from which you felt some sense of being fully self-expressed, engaged and joyful. Now fill in the 'wasted' column with those things which left you numb, empty and feeling wasted.

The next step may surprise you. Circle all of the items under 'wasted' that you needed to do in order to just give yourself a break or to recharge.

For example, watching TV, while mostly 'wasted' time, can actually be the 'down time' you need so that you can recharge and be sharp and attentive during the other activities of life. It's like driving a car without ever stopping to check the oil or fill up the gas tank; eventually you'll break down. Consider limiting, or spending a little less time on the 'wasted' items that you plan to keep.

Next take all of the 'wasted' items that you don't want to have in your life and cross them off of the list. That doesn't mean you didn't do them last week, it just means you're identifying them as 'true wastes' that can eat up precious time.

Now take out your appointment book or calendar and make a note to repeat all of the 'well spent' items that you can get to this week and add others that you want to do but didn't get to. Make a commitment that if it shows up in your calendar this week that you actually do it. Try to fill the coming week with as many 'well spent' items as you can.

Every morning, before you start your day, remind yourself of this quote: "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives".

Take the quote with you by posting it at your work station, using it as a screen saver on your phone, carrying it on a slip of paper in your pocket, etc. Do your best, each day, to fill your life with moments that 'count' and, at the end of each day, take some time to journal about it.

Don't worry about complaining about time you've wasted in the past; that will waste time now and, if not stopped, in the future.

Don't forget the lesson that happens every day at train stations around the world. The train pulls out of the station and you are either on it or you're left behind. No amount of complaining, explaining or theorizing will put you on that train.

Take the steps you need to be on the train, baby, and get moving!

New Year's Resolutions: 'The Show Me' State Of Mind

2009-12-23T18:38:00-05:00

One possible source of the state of Missouri's unofficial motto cites a speech made in 1899 by Congressman Willard Vandiver: "I come from a country that raises corn and cotton, cockleburs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I'm from Missouri, and you have got to show me." In other words: saying so does not make it so.

I'm an entrepreneur and work as an executive coach, as well as a life coach. I get a lot of people telling me what they're going to do and what they're working on. A lot of people. Unfortunately, I only have a few people actually showing me what they accomplished. That used to bug me but not so much anymore.

"I'm writing a book"; "I'm opening a new center for studies"; "I'm leaving my job and opening a new business"; "I'm finally going to get in shape"; or the absolute favorite of all time; "I'm quitting smoking".

I hear these things a lot and love to believe everyone and what they say but months later when I optimistically ask them, "How's that going. . ." the answer most often is a long explanation of all the circumstances that got in the way, the reasons why it needed to get put 'on hold' or some other series of excuses that substitute for the truth. The truth, by the way, is usually closer to 'because I didn't do a damn thing about it!' or 'I started but didn't have the commitment to follow through'.

I like that last answer for its honesty and as the New Year approaches I encourage a look back at the past year with that type of precise honesty. What did you say would happen in these past 11 plus months that never materialized? Write out all of the things you committed to and write the 'reason' they didn't happen next to the incomplete items on the list.

Once you're done with the list and the 'reasons why not' you should go down the list and cross off all of the excuses and just write: 'I was more committed to my comfort than to having this happen'. Let that realization sit for a while and above all, don't make this activity about proving yourself wrong or bad. You can spend time in self loathing but, like spending time in most of New Jersey, it's a visit best skipped.

Like I said, this inability to be true to your word used to bug me but now it doesn't. Working daily with people who are 'up to something' and helping them really accomplish things has taught me how difficult it is for most of us to really do what we say we'll do by when we say we'll do it. Not only that, like the old commercial says, "I'm not only the owner, I'm a customer". Not a few of my best intentions stay on the shelf of 'maybe someday' too or even fall short of their original design when they are completed.

But it's not a dire predicament to be in. The opportunity now is for all of us to look back at this past year and see what we created and what we failed to create. The list can include the farfetched ideas as well as the simple desires to spend more time with family and friends or to meditate or pray more often.

Each year provides us a new opportunity to take stock, make plans and enter into a new possibility. This kind of renewal can engender some wonderful change in not just things we do but also in the ways we 'be'. Right now we can learn from what didn't work and from what did and we can create, powerfully, the world we want and that we all deserve.

Here's my challenge to you: In this coming year let's light this world up with positive energy and a life of joy and possibility. But don't just tell me. Show me.

Please also refer to last week's column for more insight on New Year's Resolutions: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/james-m-lynch/new-years-resolutions-and_b_392068.html

Peace on Earth, and goodwill toward mankind . . .

New Year's Resolutions And Time

2009-12-15T17:50:11-05:00

The New Year is coming and you may be tempted to make some resolutions that usually start with "Quit doing . . ." or "Start doing . . ." and those are great; at least the desire to take them on is great. Most of what I've experienced or heard from others is that New Year's resolutions usually don't have much of a success rate and that even the best of them might only last a few months before 'sinking'.

Knowing where you stand now, where would you apportion your time so that this coming year would be the best of your life?

As an executive and life coach I recommend that my clients, rather than doing 'iffy' resolutions, take on their schedule/allocation of time and how they spend it. If you really give yourself over to this concept it could have more effect on your life than all of the resolutions you've ever made -- even those few you've actually kept.

Here are seven types of 'time' and a short description of what I mean by each of them:

Rest and recharge-- 'down time' to let your brain and body relax and to 'recharge your batteries'. I actually suggest that you don't short yourself on this one most of all. You can read more about this in a previous post, Saving the World in One Day: Your Personal Shabbat

Spiritual time -- not just observance or prayer but the time you spend connecting or in service to others.

Planning and strategy time -- looking ahead to the coming week or month and making sure you're prepared, your appointments confirmed and due diligence is paid. This can be about the mundane aspects of life and is meant to be practical; have you scheduled yourself to do more than is humanly possible with your 'time budget'?

'Futur-ing' time -- time to just 'sit and think' about life, where you're headed, your purpose and all of those 'bigger picture' thoughts that can create a powerful future and keep all of the rest in perspective. This should be a weekly event and one hour should be enough.

Health time -- every 'body' needs to have some physical exertion, expression and movement. Get out and exercise, dance, play a sport, move and keep those positive juices flowing.

Education time -- get out and learn something new. It doesn't always have to be stuff to learn about your job or practical, etc., in fact it's often best if it's just a 'fancy' you're following.

Task time -- these are the work hours, the 'to do' stuff, and it's what we may be paid for or just do for our family because it needs doing.

The best way to work on this is to grab a blank weekly calendar and plot out how you spend your time now and label your current activities according to this list above. Knowing where you stand now, where would you apportion your time so that this coming year would be the best of your life? What would you add to your calendar and your schedule in order to have what you've always wanted?

Spend some time working out your calendar and adding time slots for the things you want to have in your life, for the things you'll accomplish that will add that important balance to your life.

Oh yeah, one last thing: if the resolution you were going to make this year is a resolution to quit smoking; do that. Things that will kill you should get priority; you don't even have to wait till New Year's Eve!

Naughty Or Nice List? Humbug

2009-12-08T11:08:36-05:00

It's that time of year again. Children are reminded that Santa has a list that divides them all up into two categories: 'naughty' or 'nice'. That's it: pretty black and white. You're either naughty or you are nice but you can't be both. This month all across America, department store Santas are starting their (kind of creepy) lap sitting sessions with, 'Have you been a good little kiddy this year?'

Nice kids get the presents they deserve and naughty kids get a lump of coal. At least there was a time when coal was useful to heat house but let's face it; it will never be as good as a shiny new sled. So, to borrow the words of another seasonal character, "Humbug" on this whole 'naughty/nice' paradigm.

Children learn the good/bad world enough. We're told that certain behaviors are good, certain ones are bad; things are 'yuck' or 'yummy'; 'mean' or 'nice'; and then popular culture reinforces it. How many of us grew up thinking cowboys/good, Indians/bad? Black hat is a villain; white hat is a 'good guy'? That last one, by the way, gets incorporated into race issues too, as in 'black/bad', 'white/good' and, as Malcolm Gladwell points out in his book 'Blink', even a large percentage of African Americans have been indoctrinated to see 'black' as intrinsically bad.

Maybe if we could admit that there's more of a 'gray' world than black/white we'd be able to feel better about ourselves.

When kids get a little older they begin to see that maybe there is a bit more to the equation. They see movies with a little more subtlety, those that might look at those old stereotypes from the other side or that 'walk a mile in their moccasins'. Do you remember the first time you saw a movie where the Native American wasn't a 'savage soulless beast' as in 'the only good Indian is a dead Indian?' For that brief moment you have a shot at being able to understand that there are two sides to every situation, that it's not always polarity. Whether we profit from that brief moment is still up for grabs.

Women have an added layer of this indoctrination. As marriage age approaches many of those 'good little kiddies' hear from their mother, friends or sister the old "Men want a saint in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom". We're still on the 'naughty and nice' theme here, too, as sex is the ultimate 'naughty' behavior, isn't it? Women who have 'urges' that go past holding hands with a man they are dating want to do the 'nasty'. Or they are 'naughty or bad girls' as in 'Girls Gone Bad'; as if 'bad' is a trip you can't return from.

Maybe if we could keep the whole benevolent old man who gives presents model and get rid of the 'naughty or nice' list, we could grow up a little healthier. Maybe if we could admit that there's more of a 'gray' world than black/white we'd be able to feel better about ourselves. Maybe if we didn't think that we were either all one thing or the other we'd be able to give ourselves a bit of a break!

Let's face it, we're all imperfect and that imperfection as the way we were designed turns out to be perfect, doesn't it? Growing up with a two sided list convinces us, at least those of my generation as far as I can see, that if we weren't completely good, we were bad. Bad at heart, bad to the bone, bad, bad, bad . . . Kind of lights up your holiday smile, doesn't it?

It's only after a lot of years and a lot of time that I've personally been able to get over thinking that I was, intrinsically, utterly, and born-to-be, 'bad'. My wife, who is, by the way, whatever she wants to be as an authentic, guilt-free human being in the kitchen or in the bedroom has no guilt about it either way. She has always wondered at the origins of my not so sub-conscious core belief that, since I've done 'bad' things in my life, I must, deep in my 'being', be bad. She must have been trained wrong (thank goodness).

So for all of us who were eager to be 'good little kiddies', to be deserving of toys under the tree, to hope that Santa didn't see us when we were mean, selfish or lazy I say "Let's buy OURSELVES a shiny new sled; we deserve it". This isn't a call for us all to cheat, lie or steal, let's just rely on the training we got, the higher standards set by our community and our personal sense of right or wrong and realize that we are all, after all, just humans and we're all, every one of us, doing the best we can, day after day and that in itself is pretty good, isn't it?

Want to continue this conversation? Leave a note here or visit the 'A Peek Inside' section at http://www.doityourselflifecoach.com/index.php/a-peek-inside.html.

And by the way, one holiday idea that is 'good': 'Peace on Earth, Goodwill towards men'.

Surviving The Holidays: 5 Life Coaching Tips

2009-12-02T13:12:56-05:00

This recent 'tip' was part of a special holiday newsletter I released just before Thanksgiving from www.Doityourselflifecoach.com. It was well received and it actually came up in a conversation I had over the last few days and it helped defuse the situation and keep the holiday on an even keel.

Well the holidays are just beginning so I thought I'd share it with all of you here at Huffington Post too. It's short, intentionally, as it was meant to be simple enough that people could keep the ideas in their heads even when things 'got hot'. If you have any ideas that help you survive the holidays please feel free to add them at the bottom of the list.

The spirit of this isn't intended to say that 'family sucks' or any other negative idea. It's realistic and from personal experience: I'm from a family of 14 siblings, live in close proximity to all of my in-laws and have a large extended family. No matter how 'zen' you are in everyday life there's bound to be someone or something about the holidays that gets to you when you've been traveling, sleeping in strange surroundings, away from the comfort of your own home or hosting a group of people who suddenly have to share 1.5 bathrooms, etc.

The intention here is to help you have a calm, accepting and peaceful holiday season. That's my wish for all of us. Enjoy.

Life Coaching 101: 5 Ways to Survive The Holidays
Here's a bit of 'no kidding' life coaching about the holidays. YOUR FAMILY WILL PUSH YOUR BUTTONS. Is this true for you? No sooner does that one sibling, aunt or family friend walk into the room than they say something that sets your hair on end. I'm talking about the thing that can spoil otherwise joyful holidays, that one thing that is the source of the old saying 'familiarity breeds contempt'.

So how do you deal with the 'stuff' you experience when you're around family members that bug you or set off your 'negative auto response'? I'll make this coaching easy to remember and you can bring it with you when you go off to visit.

Forget the past. For most people, as soon as their uncle or aunt says that one stupid thing or their sibling makes that off color or racist remark that 'you just KNEW was coming' we pull every stupid thing, every bad experience we've ever had of this person into the present moment. Try this time to pretend that you are meeting this person as a stranger and see how much more patience you have for them.

Pause. Really, mastery in so many things comes from taking the time to be conscious; taking the time to consider the choice before making it. Get that last part: it is a 'choice' you make, even if it is so automatic that you've lost the element where choice is obvious. If you choose to stop and not jump into your 'knee jerk' reaction to these relatives or family friends who just 'set you off' you can have a moment to respond instead of react. I'm not the first one to encourage people to 'count to 10' at the moment of 'pain', and it can be a really effective tool.

Avoid Alcohol. Yes, alcohol can be a way to 'numb' yourself and even, at some point, find these terrible relations a bit funny, but as I've heard from several friends, "There is no bad situation that alcohol can't make worse".

Avoid the urge. If you find it very difficult to avoid this problem relative try volunteering to help in the kitchen or take the younger kids on a walk or tend the fireplace. Find something you'll enjoy to do with this special consideration; don't be driven so far away that this 'jerk' takes your holiday from you. Volunteering and getting involved is something you can do for you, to heighten your enjoyment, so keep it in context, ok?

Grow up. Remember, it is your life, your personal development and it is not ok to go 'away from'. You'll find this in the 'Game of Life' core course on www.doityourselflifecoach.com where we help you decide if you're 'going from' or 'going towards'. You first have to be able to let go of the 'you' you once were for others to realize the 'you' you've become. Let yourself grow up and grow towards what you love and are passionate about and don't get caught up in resentment of your parents, siblings, relatives, 'humble' beginnings or any other part of your past that you may regret or blame for the way your life turned out. Take responsibility and love the life you have. THAT is the way to enjoy not only the holidays, but your life in general, to the fullest.

Good luck to you all and happy holidays.

Thanksgiving: Pay it Forward

2009-11-24T18:10:49-05:00

Yes, officially I've used Pay it Forward already, kind of, in the piece on the Starbucks coffee line back in May of this year, but this is different. By the way, one site picked up that 'Paying it Behind' theme and it got 1,300 hits and I got a lot of contact directly from people who were 'treated' along the way. My wife even got a cup of coffee out of it, too, but so far I'm still waiting for my turn.

This piece is a little different, though, and it is timely due to the coming holiday of Thanksgiving. There are a lot of great ideas about how to be grateful, thankful and enjoy this holiday to the fullest. One of my favorite posts so far was last week by my friend and colleague, Dr. Judith Rich, and if you haven't read it yet, go ahead: I'll wait.

If you've read it, let's continue.

Last Thanksgiving I created a new pre-dinner ritual and it created a bit of a stir but also a lot of thought and success. I haven't seen anyone else writing about it so I'll share it here and hope it profits you.

Before our meal last year I asked everyone to share what they were thankful for during the meal, including any thanks they had for any member of the dinner party. But before thanking anyone for the past year's events I invited everyone to 'pay it forward' by looking into this Thanksgiving. In other words in 2008, we were looking into 2009.

I asked our guests to consider what they would be thankful for in a year; what would be an accomplishment that they would have achieved, by being committed and taking intentional actions for the whole year. We were, in a sense, looking into our crystal balls and seeing what we would accomplish.

It was very interesting to hear each person share what they were committed to, what they would be looking back on with pride this year and envisioning the year they would have. The energy around it was great and it created a lot of support and encouragement for the coming months.

The 'stir' it caused was that some of the people at the table had conflicting goals for each other. 'If that's your goal, what about the goal we have together?' came up after the fact. That's a possible consequence to take into consideration but it is why we need to speak our goals out loud.

Speaking goals out loud starts the process of 'making them real', as people do with 'declarations' and as part of 'success teams' or even setting business or sales goals at corporate retreats. Speaking them out also engages others who might be able to support you or encourage you along the way.

Speaking them out loud also can be the 'line in the sand' that helps you get out of your head and into action. The 'great ideas with no action' syndrome is so prevalent that any support or 'kick start' you can get will help along the way.

So here is my Thanksgiving challenge to all of you: What is it that you will be looking back at during Thanksgiving 2010 and saying 'thanks for'? What will you have created or achieved, what personal growth or new way of being will you be celebrating and giving thanks for in 2010 and sharing with your friends and family as what you are thankful for?

Many of our dinner guests this Thanksgiving were with us last year and this Thursday we'll check in on what they said then and how that worked out for them. We'll also be creating new 'Thanks-giving' opportunities for the year ahead.

I invite you all to create this 'thankful future', for yourself and for those you share Thanksgiving with this year. Please share your ideas and predictions here as a comment or meet and discuss with others on a forum called 'Thanks-giving 2010' at http://www.doityourselflifecoach.com. Let's create a 'virtual feast' of great things in the year to come and move powerfully into what could be for all of us and the rest of the world.

Thanks and blessings to all of you and all of yours.

Dickensian Slavery: The Real Expense of the Recession

2009-11-08T18:36:02-05:00

About 18 months ago I got the appointment notice to meet on a Friday morning with the president of our small company. No 'early warning' sign went up that it was a Friday morning meeting with no 'subject' line and it had come via email, not personally. We worked closely together, I was the Chief Training Officer and previously General Manager, and I didn't even think it odd when the Human Resources Director sat in on the meeting as the three of us had many overlapping projects on our lists.

What followed that morning was the 'we're eliminating your position' speech which is basically the 'pack your bags' speech. There was no surprise in it, really, as we'd just been sold to a multinational and they'd been back and forth meeting with senior executives but not inviting me to the meetings. "We're not ready for you yet", they'd said.

In fact, I'd been pretty eager to leave for a while since I'd already started my own coaching and consulting business on the 'outside' and was even given incentive to stay on through the sale. Through negotiation with the former owner I was admittedly expensive to the new owners with one month of vacation a year and 65 paid leave days, plus the usual sick and holiday days; I might have just painted a target on my back!

I knew there was no problem with my performance; in fact my reputation and reviews were excellent and I was held in high regard by all employees. I'd just outlived my era. I had heard a remark the new owners had made about my responsibilities: they understood that I was in charge of 'training', but what the heck was "cultural development." Cultural development, by the way, was one of the things we did so well at that company and one of the main reasons that we grew 500% in less than 9 years, growing from a small regional player to unchallenged industry leader. Surveys conducted amongst our employees, in fact, always cited 'culture' as one of our strengths and the reason employees were loyal to and passionate about our company.

In a kind of out of body way I listened to two of my friends 'handle' my termination using a script that I myself had written for such purposes to make sure that exiting employees were treated with care and respect. I watched the events and my internal dialogue said, "Great! Now when I'm coaching other laid off execs I'll be able to speak from experience!' But along with my 'distance' came the realization that I was only the first of many to go. The realization came that we had, despite our best efforts, let the foxes into the hen house.

A year and a half later I still hear from former employees of this company, mostly to provide references as they search for work or to ask for coaching as they begin to re-start their careers. I do what I can for them and I do it for free out of loyalty to people whom I considered family. We had created something rare, including a volunteer committee that held major events monthly. We went from a thriving community of people with a goal, identity and pride to a skeleton crew of 'survivors', managed like machines, stripped of their individuality and certainly not encouraged to bring their creativity to the workplace.

We were the example of a company built on honoring the employee, embracing change, staying flexible no matter what, where the owner would forgo her own salary if we ever had a slump in revenue rather than lay off even a single employee, to being one of the many companies where "profit is king." No complaint against profit, by the way, but at what 'expense'?

Following me out the door were the COO and the Executive VP in charge of Sales and what followed in 18 months was that the workforce has been cut by more than half. The result in this company, as in so many others, is that in the face of the highest rate of employment since Michael Jackson released Thriller, employees are now facing the same fear that Bob Cratchit faced every time he asked Mr. Scrooge for a Christmas day off: "You're lucky to have a job at all".

The real result of this recession is that the employee has become afraid, has become dis-empowered and, in the words of so many who contact me about their work woes, "I just keep my head down and hope not to get fired." We've headed back to the workhouse atmosphere of Dickensian England and the view of employee as dispensable 'tool' has returned.

I have created a website to offer free coaching, including a basic model that anyone can use to 'self coach' themselves out of any situation and it even has a community where people can create discussions in forums, topics and network for jobs or just challenge others in groups to "get up to something good." Check it out at www.doityourselflifecoach.com.

If you're in the Chicagoland area on November 17, you can join the live workshop at the Lake County Prosperity Forum and network with entrepreneurs and meet small business owners looking for talented new people, or compare notes with others 'in transition.' Find out more about that event at http://vision-2020.net/next-conference. There is a charge for the event but it includes lunch, power networking and I'm giving away a free e-copy of my book, The Hamlet Secret: a self-directed (Shakespearean) Workbook for living a passionate, joy-filled life, to all registrants.

The transformation that Scrooge had, to a caring, respecting and munificent business owner was the fiction; the transformation of millions of Americans into fearful, exploited Bob Cratchit is the fact. The pendulum needn't swing too far either way: the employee can't hold their production 'hostage' any more than the employer should hold the 10.2% unemployment rate as their mandate to turn workers into gerbils in a cage.

I'd like to hear from more of you, on either side of the matter, and I'd love especially to hear about those who are working in environments where the front line employees are honored and rewarded for their efforts. My thanks to all of you who have contacted me about the fears and concerns you have in this urgent matter; there's work to be done about "work."

The Hamlet Secret: Joyful Living!

2009-10-09T12:35:12-04:00

This week I'm 'out and about' so I'm sharing a chapter from my book, The Hamlet Secret: A Self-Directed (Shakespearean) Workbook for Living a Passionate, Joy-Filled Life.

The format of the book includes quotes from the world's most famous play, as if the world's most famous playwright did in fact leave us a series of 'secret' messages buried in his text. I then 'translate' the quote into a life coaching lesson and add an exercise to 'land' the message. Here's the excerpt and I hope you enjoy it.

The time is out of joint. O, cursed spite, that ever I was born to set it right.
Hamlet, Act I, Scene V

Take responsibility for change in the world.

Mahatma K. Gandhi said, "You must be the change you wish to see in world," and there is no more damning indictment in the world. In this scene Hamlet gets it that he's been hiding from life, from the truth, from the responsibility of action, and he's been called on it. It's a play, by the way, and you may not get a chance for your dead father the king to come back as a ghost and kick you into action. Instead you could move to "The Land of 100 Percent Responsibility." Here's how to get there.

The Land of 100 Percent Responsibility is a made-up world; it's not true, it's not real, and you will argue with me, unless you get it, that it is a place to "come from" or be but not a literal occurrence. Simply stated: it is all YOU, no matter what. Whatever the result, whatever happened, it is all your "fault" (read "responsibility"). By adopting this stance, you become empowered to take on any situation no matter what. Let's say you ask someone to bring home milk, eggs, and flour and he or she forgets, even though you wrote the list down and stuck it in his or her pocket. You have the option of being upset, blaming the person, reinforcing whatever negative opinion you have of him or her (gathering evidence is always GREAT) or taking 100 percent responsibility for the event. In the non-make believe world you are right that you took appropriate action if you say, "Well, I wrote it down and stuck it in his (or her) pocket and he (or she) still screwed it up." You would have the right to be disappointed--but you would still be out of milk, eggs, and flour. Taking 100 percent responsibility gives you the chance to consider how this could have happened and how you can assure that in the future you'll get what you need, when you need it, with as much of a guarantee as is possible in this world.

Consider this: when you are driving down the road and someone pulls ahead of you and into your lane, cutting you off, and you have an accident, the other driver is clearly to blame. But you BOTH have dents in your car, right?

Out of Joint Exercise:
Do this writing exercise in your journal. Take a simple breakdown that has occurred lately to The Land of 100 Percent Responsibility and, no matter how far you have to reach, figure out how you yourself caused it. See if you can find a solution you previously didn't think possible. Be super creative and, remember, this is not a reality-based exercise (though the solutions I've come up with using this seem to be very practical and real). If you do this a few times you may, like Hamlet, see that you have been choosing to bury your head in the sand and not seeing what needs doing. You may be "bearing those ills" instead of being in appropriate action. The time is "out of joint," and it is up to you to set it right. And the time will always be "out of joint" even though the world is just perfect as it is, as there is something for you to care about and care for: people, places, or things. It is time for you to consider the Jewish "tikkun olam" principle of "healing the world" as each and every individual's task here on earth. And don't forget that taking 100 percent responsibility for your life is a happy task, one that gives joy, returns more energy to you than what you expend. It is a key to happiness in this life, and this is the only life we know for sure, isn't it?

This excerpt is from The Hamlet Secret and you can find it on major online book sellers, including Amazon if you're interested. If you're interested but can't afford a copy (about $16), email me at James@starofyourownlife.com and I'll arrange to get a copy to you.

See you next week!

Are You an Internet Addict?

2009-09-23T15:14:55-04:00

I went to the movies the other day and noticed that instead of just the usual courtesy request for people to turn off their cell phones during the movie, additional wording has been added to prohibit texting during a movie. I immediately thought that somewhere in the movie theatre some teen's face was reflected in green or blue radiance from their personal communication device as they texted: "OMG, at movies n they sd no txting during show! WTF! LOL!" or something shorter and more code-like. But this affliction isn't just for teens anymore.

Even sitting over coffee with a friend or a coaching client we're constantly interrupted by phone calls and the quick 'check' to see if it's a call they'll take or one they'll ignore. Then there's the buzz, beep or vibration that alerts the cell owner to an incoming e-mail. I thought mail was to be opened and answered at the viewer's discretion, not treated like a missed phone call! Add to this blitz the instant messages and texts that are kind of like talking but instead of speech, we type, and we misspell and abbreviate to the point we need to learn a new language which looks etymologically like it came from early license plate code much the same way that English has roots in Greek, Latin and a few other languages.

Just this past Sunday I came home from a charity event and found out that another person in attendance was taking photos with their camera and pasting them up on Facebook in real time, like a reality show or some sort of cultural anthropologist reporting on the mysterious meetings of suburban families to walk for any cause that's affected them or their families. This same person is known to make comments on Facebook at 3 or 4 AM when they can't sleep or to report that someone isn't returning their phone calls with the additional symbol of a 'sad face' using parentheses and a colon for emphasis. I'm sympathetic as the next person, but is a headache or your child's upset stomach a newsworthy event that the other 8 zillion subscribers to your social network are waiting for are update on?

So does this preoccupation qualify as an 'addiction'? Addiction is defined on Thefreedictionary.com as: "Compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit-forming substance." That would include those who get emotionally distraught when texts and emails aren't returned almost immediately or who check emails while at social events. The level of compulsion for this activity rests in the same pleasure centers of the brain as do other addictions like gambling, narcotics and alcohol so my vote is 'yes', the preoccupation is an addiction or at least the early warning signs of one.

"The very nature of the Internet also lends itself to overuse and abuse, encouraging us to exhibit behaviors that are counterproductive, isolating and disruptive to our closet relationships...to ourselves, our families, our employers and the community at large" says Dr. Dave Greenfield of The Center for Internet and Technology Addiction.

Now do I picture people holed up in a padded room, chained to a bed while some sympathetic therapist wipes their fevered brow with a damp cloth as they 'kick' their Twitter dependency? Not really. But a little research shows that extremes are being met and that the threat is real: in China one-third of high school aged children studied showed signs of addiction, including paranoia, when they were without their phones, and two-thirds were "constantly worried" that they would miss a text message when their phones were off. It could get worse, yes, but must it?

As a coach I am offering these tips to you, if you even suspect you are becoming dependent on your cell phone and social networking outlets. Share them with those you are concerned about and please realize, we might laugh about it, but it's not a joke by any means.

Tips to achieve balance from a coaching perspective:

Start your day working on a project instead of on the internet or e-mail. This one adjustment increased my production by an incalculable amount. When I turn on my computer in the morning I spend the first hour working on my most urgent assignments or tasks. After I have moved the project forward or accomplished that day's task I check e-mails and communications.

Schedule your email and internet use. This is often the toughest thing to put in place with my clients. I suggest that they plan out 2-3 times a day when they'll check their internet and messaging devices and outlets. This discipline can give you back the sense of control of your schedule that constant instant access has robbed from you. Try it for a week and see for yourself.

Share your schedule with others. My personal e-mail signature lets everyone know that I only check e-mail once or twice a day and instructs them to call me on my cell if it is an urgent matter. You are training people how to best work with you and again, it gives you back some sense of control of your schedule.

Work your focus 'muscle' little by little. If you are easily distracted, try starting small 'focus workouts', 15 minute blocks of time when you work on just one thing with no distractions. After a while, like a week or two, up that time to 30 minutes and build progressively. By the way (BTW in 'text speak'), even the most 'focus muscled' mind needs a break about every 90 minutes on average to operate at peak capacity so take frequent breaks, but real breaks, where you rest and recharge your brain.

Create 'free zones' or places you won't use the internet or where you'll limit its use. For example, during work hours turn off your personal cell and avoid your personal e-mails. If you're getting personal e-mails and texts at work then your production is going to slip and you are ripping off your employer - if you work for yourself this is doubly true!

Get help. Seriously, if your texting, e-mailing and internet use has passed the level of socially acceptable behavior and is replacing or endangering your relationships or work then you need to take action now. Ironically, searching the web for internet addiction resources can be a healthy step and there are many to choose from. But start with a friend, a live one, in a live conversation, and tell them of your concern and ask for support. Try the Center for Internet Addiction as I've mentioned above at http://www.virtual-addiction.com/.

I realize that this message is going out via the Internet and will be Tweeted, Buzzed up, Digg'd, posted on Facebook, etc. and there's a certain irony in that. What we're talking is not abstinence or burying your head in the sand to avoid the 'demon technology' or any other doomsday message. What I'm talking about is balance. As the Roman dramatist Terence remarked, "Moderation in all things."

I have to go now; I've used up my Internet allotment!

Health Care Reform: The New Promised Land

2009-09-07T21:12:40-04:00

The other day I missed a notice on Facebook to paste the following onto my FB status page: "No one should die because they cannot afford health care, and no one should go broke because they get sick." I don't know if this virtual social activism achieved anything, but it was the tipping point for me to share this story and weigh in with my support for health care reform.

A few thousand years ago, after escaping enslavement in Egypt and enduring the challenges and hardship of life in the desert, the Israelites finally arrived at the border of Canaan -- the Promised Land. In preparation for fulfilling their destiny as a nation, Moses picked one leader from each of the 12 tribes to scout ahead and bring back a report on this new land.

These leaders, referred to as 'the twelve spies', returned from their Canaan 'junket' after 40 days and filed their report. They had observed great abundance, huge and plentiful fruits, strong and healthy people who were like giants to the Israelites and, in general, a land that was indeed flowing with milk and honey. The land they described was the fulfillment of a vision, long sought after, sacrificed and fought for.

However, instead of celebrating the abundance and possibility that was now in reach, 10 of these spies interpreted the evidence as reasons NOT to enter the land of Canaan. They ignored the mandate of the people, not to mention G-d, to 'spy out' the land as an inevitable reward for all of the obstacles and trials of the past and embraced instead their own fears and superstitions. They reported that the challenges of conquering this new land were overwhelming and not to be taken on. Their recommendation was to turn and run as fast as possible, even back to enslavement in Egypt if necessary, because slavery, according to them, was better than death.

Further sensing the people's fears and emboldened by their newfound ability to sway public opinion, these 10 tribal leaders continued to ply their case 'offline' around campfires and in small groups, the social networks of the day. Gossip, half truths and misinterpretations became their tools to convince the rest of the nation to also be afraid and to keep things as they were rather than take the risks associated with the unknown and unproven. They built consensus by stoking the fires of fear and criticizing any leadership that would dare to put them at such a grave and perilous risk. That was 10 of the 12's course of action.

Two other of the spies from other tribes, Caleb and Joshua, were in opposition to their 10 fellows. They spoke of the possibilities of the land, the future benefit to all and encouraged the nation to move ahead. They told of the huge fruits, the health of the present inhabitants and embraced the vision of prosperity and abundance for all. What they saw and what they related, they thought, was in keeping with the founding principles of the nation and an obvious next step in their collective vision. They knew that the people could and would find and answer to any and all obstacles.

Not willing to shift from their position, the other 10 spies countered the influence of Caleb and Joshua, propping up other leaders to reinforce the story of the monstrous and fearsome giants to which the people of Israel would be like grasshoppers, in peril of their lives. The people, their confidence already shaken by the thought of one more obstacle, became convinced of the dangers and Joshua and Caleb were attacked and condemned by the crowds.

In those times the connection and interaction with G-d was still a pretty direct one and, observing this turn of events, G-d was tempted to find another people, one that would have the courage of their convictions, for Moses to lead. Moses intervened and, once again, asked G-d for patience with these people. G-d acquiesced but, he said, there would be consequences.

The 10 leaders would be struck down with plagues and die, not instantly, but after time to reflect on their actions and consider their punishment for their misdeeds. The generation who doubted and hesitated would be sent back into the desert one year for every day that the spies had been in Canaan, until the elders of that generation had passed away (hence the 40 years of wandering). Caleb and Joshua would be rewarded with leadership positions; in fact Joshua would be Moses' heir and lead the people into Israel as fulfillment of their national destiny. Forty years passed and many suffered and died because of the fear, selfishness, and harmful rhetoric of a few.

Now if you're unfamiliar with this story you may see the leaders' punishment as harsh; especially if you think that their only sin was in advocating caution and fear, but that's not the case. If you read closely you'll see that Moses hadn't picked one person from each tribe at random. He very specifically chose tribal LEADERS; those whose abilities, talents and tenor came with the expectations and responsibilities of their positions. Their sin was not solely in recommending caution or advocating Moses to find another homeland, it was in the means they used to influence opinion. They used gossip, rumors and fear mongering in a campaign meant to cripple a possible breakthrough move for the nation, one in keeping with their purpose and identity. They didn't just fail as individuals; they failed in their roles and responsibilities to their nation.

The people were punished for their sheepishness, their ability to be swayed by the errant leaders and their valuing their own individual security over the benefit of all. They had fallen for the 'monstrous and fearsome giants' smokescreen and lost track of the general and more urgent matter of a national purpose and the values they'd been espousing as they developed their vision. The people were punished for letting others do their thinking for them, for focusing on what could go wrong rather than on what was the right thing to do.

On a national level we are witnessing the modern smoke screens: so called 'death panels', threats to quality care and free enterprise and the like. Our job as a modern, educated and progressive nation is to seek out the truth and to weigh the issues on their merits. Our job is to move into that Promised Land where no one dies because they cannot afford health care, and where no one should goes broke because they get sick.

And this Promised Land, by the way, is not my distant observation as much as it is my real and unfortunate experience. My own father died 40 years ago last month of cancer at about the same age as I am now. The cost of fighting hopelessly for his life bankrupted us, ate up my parents' life savings and our education funds. In order to feed us and pay the mounting bills my mother borrowed heavily on my father's life insurance until it ran out. When my father died we were left in insurmountable, unrecoverable debt and we did, literally, go broke because he got sick.

My father, Thomas R. Lynch, was a union man, a church sexton, a civil defense volunteer, a member of the Knights of Columbus, a devoted husband, a loving father of fourteen and an eleven year old boy's hero and best friend. There was no way he deserved what he, and we his family, suffered because of illness. Forty years later I'm done with the desert and on his behalf I call out: "No one should die because they cannot afford health care, and no one should go broke because they get sick."

Here he is: Thomas R. Lynch:

1000 Journals and the Capacity for Hope

2009-09-01T12:51:00-04:00

What can one person do to change the world? How about add inspiration, beauty and create a community at the same time? Not bad for "some guy," eh?

A few years ago a friend handed me a partially finished journal and told me it was a collaborative journal being written by friends and strangers and, when completed, would be sent as a gift to a soldier in Iraq. My friend told me to add any image I'd like and then pass it back to him so he could get it to the next person, etc. until it was full of materials. Then the plan was that a journalist would sneak this book into Iraq and hand it over to the soldier.

I loved the intrigue and am a part-time artist so I added a figure that I thought would be a positive image, a yellow "dancing man" figure with the words "live" and "dance" written over the top. I didn't know it at the time but I was becoming part of one of the biggest art projects I've ever seen.

The real story behind the journal was that it was one of 1000 journals that an artist, known only as "Some Guy," had mailed, left or handed over in some form or another with the instructions: "Contribute something to the journal and then pass it on to someone else." One thousand journals made their way around the world, from hand to hand, sometimes randomly, sometimes, as in my case, friend to friend, and in at least one case, by mugging!

One at a time in the summer of 2000 Some Guy distributed the journals, thinking if he sent enough of them that he was bound to get at least one back. Finally, in 2003, one journal was returned after a visit to 13 US states, Ireland and Brazil. By then the word had spread further than just the "underground" and people were asking friends for journals: Do you have one, have you seen one, where can I get my hands on one? The three people I know who'd contributed were contacted and scheduled to be interviewed by filmmaker Andrea Kreuzhage (we didn't make the final cut though in one montage you can see my contributed image), who was traveling the world to interview contributors to this project.

The results, at least to date, are that 235 journals have been returned and the project isn't over yet. Articles have been written, new projects have grown from it and the movie has been released as a video, available at Amazon.com here. According to creator "Some Guy," the pages of the journals are filled with "amazing artwork, secret confessions, political rants and everything in between" and you can review the images on their home site: http://1000journals.com/.

So what do I love about it? Aside from the small footnote on my artist's resume that I'm in the project, I love the hope of it all. Here's a guy with a crazy idea, one that most people would say "that's crazy" to and yet he's done it and involved thousands, inspired millions and the project isn't over yet. The agenda was: here's a blank page, please fill it in, pass it on and return it to me. It's simple, straightforward, open and effective.

Not to mention that I love ideas that change the world and create a greater connection and a deeper experience of this life we're living. I love the belief that each of us has in us a genius waiting for expression and a venue if we just look far enough within. I know that all the challenges we're facing right now are linked into this, what my wife and I were calling this "capacity for hope" that Some Guy exhibits when he dreams up a crazy project like this one and actually makes it happen!

So, with no disrespect to the book of a similar title, I'm creating a project that, for now, is called The Capacity for Hope. It came about as my wife and I were taking a walk and discussing all of the crazy s@#t going on with our friends, neighbors and family lately: Divorces, foreclosures, bankruptcies and other issues, all in some way blamed on the economy or some other external force, but all of them creating real and, in many cases, frightening results.

I'm offering a free ongoing seminar, starting in September, for a limited amount of people, to offer ideas on how to overcome the negative influences, to find and get support from others who are struggling and in general to take on creating a positive shift in the world around us. The seminar will be held in the Chicago area for now and we'll see how it grows organically before considering, like Some Guy, to release it virally throughout the world. It may seem crazy but it's no crazier than reading headlines, voicing an opinion and waiting for things to change because it's "been long enough." It's time to roll up our collective sleeves and get into action, not our elected representatives, not our business leaders, and the "others" we put expectations and hopes in when things are too big for us. It's time for US to do what we can and offer the skills that we have in the service of hope and I'm starting with this project, this capacity we all have to give, receive and live in hope (plus action).

If you're in the Chicago area and are interested in attending this ongoing seminar, at no cost, contact me at James@Starofyourownlife.com with "Capacity Huffington Post" in the subject line. I'll have to limit the size of the class so don't wait too long, but I'll do my best to accommodate everyone who applies.

"Some Guy" says on the back of the journal: "This is an experiment and you are part of it." This Guy says, "Ddon't wait for things to change when YOU can make them happen NOW."

Cooking Up the Success You Want

2009-08-19T15:35:07-04:00

I work as a coach and one of my many 'recharge' hobbies is cooking. I consider a meal very similar to a work of art and am concerned not only with the tastes but the presentation. My goal is to get a 'wow' from my dinner guests and I'm most often successful. My style of cooking is very creative and I usually just follow my instincts and intuition with good results (mostly).

However, after a while my 'make it up as you go' style of cooking becomes a routine. I have a set number of culinary ideas and skills and I need to go outside for inspiration and education. I watch TV shows on cooking, read magazines and look online for ideas and to learn more about cooking. I even, and this is the shocker, use someone else's recipes now and then!

Life and business is like this model of cooking. You have a set number of ideas and intuition and you can follow them into any venture with varying levels of success; you may even get some 'wows'. You may even tap into the many sources of inspiration, creativity, training and resources available to keep you growing. This model and method can be useful and helpful and may be all you ever need to be fulfilled and happy in your endeavors.

But, if you are looking for growth, for breakthroughs and the biggest possible future for you and your business you may want to find an expert and follow their 'recipe' for success. In fact, the closer you follow a recipe, as in the cooking model, the more often you'll be able to replicate your successes and create a sustainable, repeatable model for growth and success.

Consider a recipe: ingredients, preparation, baking or cooking time, special instructions and a desired result. If your end result isn't exactly what you wanted then you can make notes and adjustments for the next time. You add an ingredient for a new or more textured flavor, vary baking or cooking time according to your oven, practice some of your preparation techniques, consult a more experienced cook and, in general re-think your recipe. You don't give up eating just because your cake was a bit dry any more than you'd quit your business because you had a few bad sales weeks or divorce your spouse or family because life had gotten a little boring or you're in a rut. So let's take on something that you're interested in causing a breakthrough in as if it was a recipe.

Start off by listing the ingredients: what do you do, what do you need, to get your goal. Write them all down as if they were items you could get your hands on and don't edit yourself; i.e. if it's a large chunk of time then just write that down, don't edit yourself because you don't presently know where you'll find the time.

What kind of 'processing' does it need? This is the 'bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour' type of instruction. How long would you need to do what you need to do in order to get results? Say for example that you're going to grow your accounts by 10% as a goal: ingredients are 10 new clients, and that means '10 cold calls a day for one month', let's say or, if it's a personal goal like weight loss, 'lose 10 lbs.-- 1/2 hour of working out, 5 times a week for 8 weeks'.

What kind of help do you need? Chefs have 'sous chefs' and tasters to give them feedback and be their support when they need it. Can you enlist someone to be a 'taster' for what you're up to? Tell them what you're up to and invite them to be a witness, much the same way that when I serve a dish up to guests I'm looking for a 'wow'. Let them in on where you are now and where you want to be and ask them to check in on you, be your 'help line' if you get stuck and in general be at stake with you for the result.

What will the result look like? Have a clear picture of the outcome. I couldn't imagine cooking something without knowing what the result should look like if I've followed the recipe correctly. Comparing my result to the photo in the cookbook lets me know if I've hit the mark or not, no matter how tasty the dish. You have to be working towards some result or you'll feel trapped, in a rut or like a drone working, working, working with no 'souffle' at the end of the tunnel.

Let's revisit a little: you're going to have a breakthrough in mind. You'll list what you need, what actions to take and how long it will take for the result. Along the way you can 'tweak' the recipe if you're not getting the next step the way you want it and you'll be asking for help along the way. If you find that your result is not perfect you won't give up or throw out the recipe and start from scratch, you'll adjust, fine tune, add or vary ingredients and try again and again. At the end, you'll aim to 'taste' success and to 'serve up' a 'wow'.

So now, get in the kitchen and get out of the 'hunger' phase. Thinking about a cake or pie doesn't make it appear; you have to roll up your sleeves and knead the dough. Spend your time looking for inspiration, education and new ideas and reduce everything to its ingredients and step by step instructions so that you can adjust, tweak, spice and fine tune until you get exactly the results you want.

Following this model will help you create awareness and awareness is key to making any lasting changes or building a successful model or enterprise. Who knows, you may wind up writing your own recipe book for the benefit of others!

Here's my offer: I'm available to you and to anyone at either 'Star of Your Own Life' (www.starofyourownlife.com) or 'JM Lynch Training and Consulting' either by email or phone and will come do one free session with any group, anywhere in the world, to help you get started on what you're passionate about, what you're doing to feed your soul or to set the table for your community with abundance and prosperity. Contact me and I'll arrange it with you -- I love to 'cook'.

By the way, my 'cook book' is written, The Hamlet Secret: A self-directed workbook for living a passionate, joy-filled life, (http://www.amazon.com/Hamlet-Secret-Self-Directed-Shakespearean-Passionate/dp/1438960662/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1250693366&sr=1-1) and is full of 'do it yourself' recipes for enjoying and savoring life for the tasty dish it can be.

Bon appetit!