2013-05-24T11:08:09-04:00 Janet Hubert http://www.huffingtonpost.com/author/index.php?author=janet-hubert Copyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc. HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Janet Hubert Good old fashioned elbow grease. tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.1031083 2011-10-28T12:53:00-04:00 2011-12-28T05:12:01-05:00

Janet Hubert http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janet-hubert/
Dr. Phil has talked about it; he's even had bullies on his show. The View had the little boy who was bullied then videotaped on their show. They brought big time football players on to make him feel better, gave him tickets to games, etc, brought national attention to the little boy's plight. One player I remember even told him that they, would be his big brothers. All well and good, but now what? Where do we go from here?

Sometimes I read these stories and they break my heart. I hear my own story within these stories.

I share my story with those mothers and fathers, who are left to deal with the carnage created by those kids who bully and their parents who are in complete denial of the damage their children have caused.

My rage is at the parents who revel in the fact that their children are well liked, let's call them the "popular" kids. Those "popular" kids love to make the not-so-popular kids lives miserable.
I remember dealing with a father on the phone, whose son had been bullying my son for years. On the advice of the school, when my son finally stood up and fought against his tormentors, I had a conversation with the bully dad.

"What's the big deal, all kids call each other names," he said. I knew this conversation would be going nowhere. Now, I live in a so called diverse, progressive, wonderful community, with a great school system, where black, white, live together in so-called harmony... (Yawn).

Bullying is everywhere, it is all over the internet, it is all over the news with programs like TMZ, people are paid well to bully other people, and we live in a society it seems, that condones bullying. Every time we sit back and write a comment with complete anonymity we are all guilty of bullying.

Perhaps if we hold the parents criminally responsible, something will change.

In the black community, bullying takes a whole other form. Smart black kids are bullied for not conforming to the status quo of what other children think black should be. If you aren't walking around with your pants down to your knees listening to rap music, then suddenly you aren't black. If your grades are stellar you aren't black enough. Young African American males are walking through high schools pretending to be dumb because they don't want to lose their so called street credibility. HBC colleges are losing great students like my own son because they feel they wouldn't fit in, he didn't want the scrutiny to continue like it did in high school. Being the child of someone in the public eye is not what it is cracked up to be regardless of what people may think. I come from the old Harper Valley PTA school of thought.

My frustration with his situation prompted me to create J.G. and the B.C. Kids.

J.G. and the B.C. Kids is the story of a little black boy who longed to belong, but dared to be different. My hopes were to bring book smart kids and street smart kid together to make life smart kids. I created this superhero because I understood what it felt like to be bullied myself. To the reader, I will always be Vivian Banks, but to my son I am just his mom. Other kids don't understand that, so at times I have apologized for him having to take the arrows that have been thrown so carelessly, missing me, but hitting him right in the heart.

For the parents of kids who are bullied, the damage will continue for years to come. I looked through the TV screen at that little boy's eyes. Children who are bullied are never the same again. Listen to your children when they come home and say they never want to go back to school. Hear them before it is too late. Bullying starts at an unbelievably early age now.

We now live in a society that seems to reward bad behavior. Pregnant teens are getting TV shows. Housewives, some of them (mothers), are punching each other out in front of the world. The great Chef Ramsey, who screams obscenities at people over food... why?

When will it end, perhaps when it affects the people's children creating some of this garbage we are being force-fed.

I recently saw Perez Hilton on a talk show saying he didn't realize he had been conceived as a bully, and now wants to be thought of in another light, same with 50 Cent. Well, here my two cents:

Bullies move on because it's easy for them; they have suffered no collateral damage, but the bullied sometimes never get the chance to.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.986141 2011-10-03T15:34:00-04:00 2011-12-03T05:12:02-05:00

Janet Hubert http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janet-hubert/
Are we angrier than white women? Well, let's examine this more closely, shall we? I remember growing up as a little girl, I hated dolls; not that I really did, it was just that they did not look like me, at that time there were no black baby dolls, like there is now, for my mother to purchase. That made me sad as a little girl, but it did not make me angry. I do remember someone giving me a Barbie doll, but she quickly went to the bottom of my closet.

While growing up, only the lighter skinned black women were considered beautiful. The sad thing is that today those standards of beauty are still in effect. I think a better description would be the politics of beauty. I am making the references of physical beauty to make a better point in pursuit of the angry black woman theory. We don't say the angry light-skinned woman, do we? That in itself is enough to piss me off, so am I angry yet... not quite.

I remember, in my 20s, I dabbled in modeling, and I was chosen to do the cover of Essence magazine; I had natural hair way back then as I do now. Thinking I was chosen for my ebony beauty, they proceeded to cut all my hair off, straighten it, and never used the cover. I was outraged and hell yes I was angry, because I thought this is a so called magazine for black women, yet even today that same magazine really supports the western image, which is now become the blond black woman. Does this make me angry? Yes.

Little girls who stand eye level in the supermarket waiting for their mommies to check out need to see images of themselves, funny all that I see are rap magazines with angry looking black rappers who are supposed to be successful, so why the angry Black man look? Oh yes, it means you have street credibility... oh, please!

Yes, even my own son thinks it is true, which saddens me greatly. "Why?" I asked him. His answer was this:

How many times do you walk into a store and if there is a black woman behind the register she has attitude and acts like she is doing you a favor by being there. I didn't have to think about it, it is true, as much as we don't want to admit it my people. I myself had to tell another sister in Penn Station, that I could indeed shake my neck better than she could, so just give me the damn information I requested. I felt very sad indeed, that perhaps we need to take a look at ourselves. I, too, have been guilty of jumping all over someone who made a simple mistake. Was it because I am an angry black woman?

We expect to be treated with less dignity, because we are black women. We can't today find things to even decorate our children's rooms with images of themselves unless they are gangsters and so on. We still have companies like Dove making stupid mistakes like putting the only black girl on the bad side of skin color. I don't see myself on TV unless I watch a re-run of myself. No, Ne Ne Leakes in not a role model for me, nor are most of the black women I see on the tube, I simply cannot relate. Does this make me angry? Hell-to-the-yes, it does. Shame on you BET, and TV One for not doing what you know you should do.

Perhaps black men need to remember, that our great great grandmothers were on the same slave ships, we were not in the penthouse section of the boat, but right there with them in chains. We, historically, have had to raise many of our children alone, without father figures, and that makes us angry. My son was included in that statistic until I re-married.

Granted there are many black fathers who are and were there including my own. Our anger is historical, but mostly I think we are simply tired women. I know I am exhausted with the weight of everyday life, and sometimes I just look damned angry.

We have not had the same advantages or opportunities as our white sisters, and frankly we need to stop looking at them for the justice we seek and create our own opportunities with our own curl patterns.

It also seems that the media reinforces this stereotype to the hilt, with negative images, of the Sassy angry sister, talk show host, reality TV personalities, basketball wives, and old antebellum movies. Does Hollywood only still see us in this light, or are these the images that they believe we want to represent us. Black men must stop telling us what we are and aren't.

I admit to my anger at the Chris Rocks of the world and others like him for making mockeries of us in terrible movies like Good Hair. The Help was of no help to me, and I think that with all the wonderful black actresses out there we can play big momma's ourselves.

So in defense of black women, I apologize for my anger if you should meet me on a bad day. You would be amazed at what a simple smile would do for the angriest of any women.
]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.877050 2011-06-17T09:00:00-04:00 2011-08-17T05:12:01-04:00

Janet Hubert http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janet-hubert/
I pondered my first blog and then it hit me like a lightning bolt. Fellow moms, it is that time of year for those of you who have graduating seniors, who are headed for prom, then their first year in college; this one is for you. Remember the book, Everything You Wanted to Know About Having a Baby, yeah we all bought it. It was my guide to everything that was happening to my body and everything I needed to buy for my little boy who was at that time, safely inside my tummy. Eighteen years later, if there was a book for us moms with graduates I'd call it the Mothers Guide to Survive Freshman Year, for everything that they don't tell you in those college tours, or on the common application.

It starts with the stresses of the SAT, ACT, the subject test. I said I would never become one of (those) mothers, but we all do in certain situations like test day. As I drove my son to the high school, he sat clutching his 2 number two pencils and I gripped the steering wheel like a vise. Next come the eternal horrible college tours, which you will really see nothing except the grounds, after driving for three hours if it's summer. I suggest you simply take the virtual tour.

Then the emails will start coming, hundreds of them from colleges that I didn't even know existed all touting that they want your child. Kind of reminded me of that old Uncle Sam poster, WE WANT YOU! I studied these colleges like I was studying physics; my son wanted nothing to do with the south, the west or the Midwest, why only he and god know. If there was a scholarship for toilet paper, I applied. Then came the waiting and the shopping, I was determined to get the best deal that I could, so who better than Macys at the end of winter sales. I got hot flashes when I saw the Tommy Hilfiger extra long twin; yeah people assume that I will always be Vivian Banks rich woman from Beverly Hills. Honey I wish, but it was still too expensive so every week I went back until I got my prize; half off and another 40%. I immediately called everyone I knew. BTW boys have these choices stripes, plaids, and solids, so don't bother complaining to the store people, they already know. It has been this way I am told since there were boys, but make it a point to let them know. Girls have practically the whole damned store to choose from. That is another story in itself.

I could go on but I do progress. Fellow moms I just want to give you tidbits of what is to come especially if you are going to be empty-nesters like me. Prepare yourselves for a moment Dr. Phil, Oprah and Suze Orman could not prepare you for. With acceptance letter now received or not, you son or daughter will be ecstatic or sullen, an active participant or a lump on a log. They now will give you the I hate you so I don't have to miss you routine. Moms prepare yourselves this will be the most painful process you will go through. That wonderful friend now thinks you suck, you don't know anything, about anything, like someone put the pod in your house and an alien is living with you. Carry on my sisters, get them packing. I was determined to make this a wonderful separation, he had more crap than he could possibly use, and I suppose I went a little overboard when the clerk asked me if I was going to college.

Yippee we were on our way, OMG my baby is going to college, I had done it, and this was and is a huge measure of success. My parents didn't have the chance to hardly finish high school. We arrived at the scheduled time, well one car load arrived, my husband was lost, only because I told him the wrong exit. It looked like a teenage herd of cattle, the line wrapped around the campus to the doors that were not open yet. We had to park four flights up and that meant four flights down. Campus help was nowhere to be found. At one point I sat on the curb and cried while a cop just shook his head.

We made it. So did my husband, and my new roomier mom and I took over when the boy gave that overwhelmed look. She cleaned, while I stuffed drawers and closets. More money for books that would be brought back in a week as classes were dropped and others added, meaning no money. Then came the moment, the announcement all freshman parents must leave, I felt my heart drop into my stomach, what would he do? He gave us a quick hug, and then bolted across the field like a colt set free. We stood there exhausted, broke, but it was done. The ride home was joyous, of course I broke like a 2 year old when I walked in his empty room, but I survived freshman move in, and you will too.

Visit Janet Hubert's personal website here.]]>