Ken Dychtwald Ph.D.

New Retirement Realities: Part 3 Of 3 'The Family Factor'

2013-05-08T07:25:33-04:00

Part III: The Family Factor -- Retirement in a New Era of Family Interdependence

This is the third part in a three-part series exploring findings from "Americans' Perspectives on New Retirement Realities and the Longevity Bonus," a landmark national study just completed by my firm, Age Wave, in partnership with Merrill Lynch. The study was conducted by research firm Harris Interactive among representative samples of more than 6,000 respondents age 45 and older.

Family Stresses and Strains

With today's economic uncertainties, many of us have one or more family members who are struggling financially. A brother who lost his job and is at risk of losing his house. An adult daughter who recently divorced and may need to move back in with you, at least temporarily --with her two small children. Another adult child who is anxious about his job security. A parent-in-law who is facing health problems and mounting healthcare bills and doesn't know where to turn.

Meanwhile, you may be nearing retirement and working hard to invest and save so that you'll be financially secure. Or you may be already retired and trying to manage your money and benefits smartly. How do you balance your own retirement needs with the pressing -- and often unpredictable--needs of your loved ones? It's a critical question that more and more of us are facing.

Making things even more challenging, high divorce and remarriage rates over the past quarter-century have made today's family structures and dynamics far more complex. For example, it is estimated that stepfamilies now outnumber original families. Multigenerational households are on the rise, too, doubling since 1980 and now accounting for more than one in five households.

The Bank of Grandma and Grandpa

The term "sandwich generation" was coined in the 1980s to describe baby boomers who needed to simultaneously care for both children and aging parents. Today, the sandwich generation is morphing into a kind of Rubik's Cube puzzle of connections and arrangements. It's not uncommon for people to find themselves extending one type of support or another to parents, in-laws, siblings, children, step-children, and grandchildren--sometimes at the same time!

It's important to note that Americans are not turning their backs on family members in need. In our "New Retirement Realities" survey, we found that fully half of parents over age 45 expect to provide support to their adult children sometime in the years ahead, and more than a third expect to provide support to grandchildren. This was particularly true of higher net worth grandparents, 41% of whom anticipate that they'll be helping to fund their grandchildren's college tuition. And because the average grandparent has four grandchildren, that can add up to a quite a lot of money.

The Four Mainstays of Family Support

Support for family members can take many forms. Our study revealed that beyond the love and care that flow steadily, there are the four mainstays of support common among today's American families:

Financial. 43% expect to provide direct financial support to family members, such as writing a check or providing a loan, to help them pay off looming credit card debt or just keep up with the bills.

Housing. 38% expect to provide or help a family member pay for a place to live. For example, "boomerang kids"--adult children who move back in with their parents--are a growing population. Research shows that nearly 40% of twenty-somethings move back to their parents' home.

Education. 30% expect to help pay education expenses for a family member. The average college tuition increased by more than 70% in the past decade, and more and more grandparents, uncles, and aunts are stepping in to help fund tuition needs.

Healthcare. 25% expect to help manage a family member's healthcare or long-term care needs. This can include paying medical bills or providing caregiving for an aging relative. As life expectancy increases, it is far more common for parents to live into their 80s, 90s or longer--sometimes with good health, but sometimes with disabling chronic disease. A growing number of us find ourselves in the role of caregivers. In fact, the percentage of adult children providing care to their aging parents has tripled over the past fifteen years.

A New Era of Family Interdependence

For most of us, retirement planning and preparation can be challenging enough without factoring in the support we may find ourselves giving to family members. But what we are seeing is more and more people sacrificing some of their own comforts and luxuries to help family members in need, whether it's downsizing a home to have the resources to help fund a grandchild's college education or buying a less expensive car in order to help out an adult child in a period of financial distress.

"For so many people, being able to support and help loved ones in need is a priority," says David Tyrie, Head of Personal Wealth & Retirement for Bank of America Merrill Lynch. "As a result, anticipating potential family needs is becoming an important part of retirement planning," he says.

The virtues of personal independence have always been important in American culture--particularly during the 20th century, when we transitioned from family farm-based lives to become industrialized city- and suburb-dwellers. But it appears that, whether because of our recent economic hardships or simply from the realization that sometimes it is too hard to go it alone, we are seeing an awakening of greater family interdependence. While I both applaud and respect families for coming together to be more caring, supportive, and secure in difficult times, I also recognize how important it is that these changes be factored into smart and strategic retirement planning.

This is the third in a three-part series based on this new research. In case you missed Monday's or Tuesday's blogs about "The #1 Retirement Wildcard," and "The New Retirement Lifescape," here are the links to Part 1 and Part 2. And, if you like, you can download the entire report at www.ml.com/2013retirementstudy/.

In addition, in case you'd like to watch me giving a presentation on the transformation of retirement (or you've got a family member or friend who's sorting their way through the challenges and opportunities of this stage of life), here's a link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ken-dychtwald/the-transformation-of-ret_b_3048327.html

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

New Retirement Realities: Part 2 Of 3 "Work And Leisure"

2013-05-07T08:47:01-04:00

Part II: New Retirement Lifescape: Work and Leisure -- a Revolving Door

This is the second in a three-part series exploring findings from "Americans' Perspectives on New Retirement Realities and the Longevity Bonus," a landmark national study just completed by my firm, Age Wave, in partnership with Merrill Lynch. The study was conducted by research firm Harris Interactive among representative samples of more than 6,000 respondents age 45 and older.

Retiring Retirement
It used to be that when you reached age 60 or 65, you expected to gracefully (and perhaps enthusiastically) leave your career behind and never work again. In fact, if you retired at an even younger age, it was a sign of success and achievement. Being free of all work obligations and entering into the "leisure class" was viewed as a great accomplishment.

Of course, previous generations had lower life expectancies, and so retirement was pretty short, spanning only five or ten years. Having this brief time to rest and relax at the end of life seemed sensible and fair --an "entitlement." But with rising life expectancy, retirement today can span twenty or thirty years or more. And that raises some very important questions.

I know that everyone needs and wants a break, but do you really want to be disengaged from productive activities for the rest of your life? Can you afford not to work at all for so many decades? Can our society afford to pay for so many retired people for so long? Are there some things about work that you will really miss? Is it possible to find a new career--maybe even a more satisfying one -- in retirement? Can retirement be a time to pursue work more on your own terms?

Work in Retirement? What For?
In our study, pre-retirees told us that not working in retirement is no longer the ideal. In fact, seven out of ten indicated they would like to include some work in their retirement years. I believe there are four important forces behind this desire to work a bit longer into retirement.

The first is financial. Many of us recognize that not working at all in retirement is truly unaffordable, and that continuing to earn some income for even a few years longer can help us be more financially secure for the rest of our lives. In fact, employment earnings now account for more than a third of retirees' incomes. And the truth is that many men and women, hurt by the volatile economy and financial markets, or who are a bit behind with their retirement savings, will have no choice but to work longer than expected.

The second is the desire to be productive. For many aging baby boomers, imagining a life of no work at all simply doesn't feel challenging or interesting enough. Our study found that almost half of pre-retirees say continued "stimulation and satisfaction" is the main reason they want to work in retirement. Research shows that people who continue to work in retirement maintain sharper minds than those who don't work. Four out of ten retirees say that work makes retirement more enjoyable, and retirees who work are almost 40% more likely to report being in good health. And, of course, since most work situations keep us connected to the attitudes and interests of multiple generations, continuing to work a bit longer is a good antidote to what I call "psychosclerosis" -- a hardening of the attitudes!

The third is friendship. It turns out that one of the most important benefits of continued work is something many of us may not even think about. When we asked pre-retirees what they thought they'd miss most about work, they said "a reliable income." However, when we asked retirees what they actually missed the most, the "social connections" trumped all other variables! (See the charts below.)

The fourth is demography. As the massive boomer generation moves into their retirement years, many employers are getting uneasy about the potential "brain drain" and are beginning to do what they can to keep the best and the brightest on their payroll -- on more flexible terms. This will trigger a growing number of innovations in the workplace that will increasingly enable us to find work that meets both our financial and lifestyle needs in later life.

A New Retirement Lifescape of Work and Leisure
Our study showed that hardly anyone wants to work full-time in their retirement years, and most people prefer a better lifelong balance between work and leisure. (I'm not so sure that my kids' generation is so fond of full-time work either!) Instead, today's pre-retirees are seeking a "revolving door" of flexible work arrangements, such as part-time work (39%) or going back and forth between periods of work and leisure (24%). Many also now view retirement as an opportunity for career reinvention, with half saying they want to try something different rather than continuing the same line of work they did in their pre-retirement years.

According to Andy Sieg, who is head of Global Wealth & Retirement Solutions for Bank of America Merrill Lynch, which commissioned this research, "Our financial advisors are increasingly finding that their clients are envisioning and planning for a retirement that is more engaged, productive and active than earlier generations. And they want to discuss not only the financial dimensions of this new stage of life but also the social, lifestyle, and health-related aspects. And an increasing number are exploring encore careers."

I'm sure that many of you are thinking that this all sounds just fine, but since so many employers aren't interested in older workers, it can be a bear to find a job -- any job -- if you've got a bit of gray in your hair. Well, you might be surprised to learn that between 2006 and 2011, the only age group that actually gained in employment numbers were men and women 55+, with a net growth of over four million (as you can see in the following chart from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics). During the same time period, every younger cohort lost ground in the employment ranks.

Just as employers loosened up their work/life paradigm when tens of millions of enormously talented boomer women entered the workforce in the 1970s, employers are now responding to demands for greater flexibility from their maturing workers (which, by the way, are often the same cohort of pioneering women, now a few decades older and more experienced).

Are you seeking reduced work hours, or would you like to work only part of the year? Four out of five large employers now allow employees to adjust their work schedules to better fit their lifestyle needs. Want to retire gradually, instead of quitting work completely on retirement day? Half of employers now offer "phased retirement," a gradual decrease in working hours as employees transition to retirement. Are you looking to take more breaks along the way? Almost a third of employers have taken a lesson from academia and now allow employees to go on sabbaticals, get off the grid and re-charge their batteries.

Or perhaps you are tired of "working for the man (or woman)" and have a passion to start your own business in retirement. While many think starting a business is for the young, you might be surprised to learn that there are twice as many entrepreneurs over age 50 than under age 25, and nearly one-third of people who switched careers in midlife started working for themselves.

Undoubtedly, working in retirement is not for everyone, and many people will work only because they have to. But I think we are approaching a turning point where many of us are rethinking the costs/benefits of twenty years of 24/7 leisure. And honestly, you'd have to be very, very wealthy to afford it. Perhaps staying more involved and productive can help us have a more fulfilling, enjoyable, and secure retirement.

Sigmund Freud once said, "The two things that matter most in life are love and work." What do you think?

This is the second in a three-part series based on this new research. In case you missed yesterday's blog about "The #1 Retirement Wildcard," here's the link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ken-dychtwald/retirement-planning-new-retirement-realities_b_3211973.html. Tomorrow, I'll be writing about "Retirement in a New Era of Family Interdependencies." And, if you like, you can download the entire report at www.ml.com/2013retirementstudy/.

In addition, in case you'd like to watch me giving a presentation on the transformation of retirement (or you've got a family member or friend who's sorting their way through the challenges and opportunities of this stage of life), here's a link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ken-dychtwald/the-transformation-of-ret_b_3048327.html

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

New Retirement Realities: A Three-Part Series

2013-05-06T07:48:41-04:00

Part I: The #1 Retirement Wildcard

Webster's Dictionary defines retirement as a time "to disappear" or "go away." That's definitely not the way people now view the prospects for this relatively new -- and steadily lengthening --stage of life. For previous generations, navigating retirement was very often like rowing across to the other side of a relatively calm lake. The destination was clear to see, and all you had to do was paddle straight ahead to get there. For most retirees, the goal was similar: a time to rest and relax after years of hard work. With shorter life expectancies, retirement was, more often than not, predictably brief. On retirement day, most people felt sufficiently provisioned with supportive benefits from both their employer and the government -- which, when combined with their own life savings, allowed them to have a relatively secure and comfortable final stage of life.

Today, life in adulthood and beyond is far more like rafting down a twisting, turning whitewater river. Its length is uncertain -- you might live 70, 90 or 110 years -- and new challenges, opportunities, discoveries, and potential surprises are around each bend. Today's retirees are living longer than any previous generation. The average 65-year-old can expect to live another two decades or more. And with each new breakthrough in medicine, the average "longevity bonus" will continue to increase.

There is no question that retirees today have unprecedented opportunities to enjoy their leisure, pursue their passions and possibly even reinvent themselves a time or two. But this new and extended period of life also presents a spectrum of real worries about health, healthcare costs, family financial responsibilities, and making sure you have enough money to go the distance.

To better understand how people are now thinking about and approaching retirement, my firm, Age Wave, in partnership with Merrill Lynch, just completed a massive -- and groundbreaking --survey entitled "Americans' Perspectives on New Retirement Realities and the Longevity Bonus." Conducted by research firm Harris Interactive, the survey gathered responses from more than 6,000 people age 45 and older from all walks of life (including pre-retirees as well as retirees), who weighed in with their hopes and fears regarding retirement.

In this three-part Huffington Post series (beginning today), I will present the key findings from this study and explore some of their implications for how you might best prepare and course-correct to optimize your retirement experience. If you like, you can download the entire report at http://www.ml.com/2013retirementstudy.

A Time for New Beginnings

Overall, the study revealed that Americans have a great deal of hopefulness about their retirement prospects. They view the "longevity bonus" as a chance to explore new options, pursue old dreams, and live life to the fullest. Fifty-seven percent of Americans age 45 and older consider retirement "a whole new chapter in life." Seventy percent of baby boomers want to include some continued work in their ideal retirement, and 51% of them say they'd like to take a break to recharge their batteries and then launch into a different line of work altogether.
But, perhaps as a result of the financial wake-up call that has been sounded in recent years, there is a great deal more thoughtfulness--and anxiety--regarding what they may and may not be able to achieve and afford in this stage of their lives.

In our youth, different types of worries may be top of mind. Will I fall in love? Will I keep my job? Will I get a promotion? Will I have kids? And if I do, will they turn out okay? Will I be able to afford their college tuition? Is my relationship with my spouse as good as it can be? Will I need to lend a hand to my parents or in-laws?

But what about in midlife and beyond?

Health Problems: Triple Whammy

What's keeping people up at night? When we asked Americans who are 45 and older, "What are your biggest worries about living a long life?" pre-retirees and retirees responded in no uncertain terms that (1) the prospect of serious health problems tops the list, followed by (2) not being a burden on one's family and (3) running out of money.

As it turns out, a health disruption is a triple whammy. First, it's unpredictable. No one knows exactly when he or she might fall ill, how bad the problem will be, or how long it might last. We've all had a friend or loved one who seems perfectly healthy one day, then receives a bad diagnosis or is sidelined with an illness the next.

Second, health disruptions can be very expensive. You might be forced to miss work, or you might need long-term care or be challenged by other health-related costs. Now is a good time to find out what healthcare costs your insurance, or Medicare, covers and what you would have to pay out-of-pocket. Waiting until a crisis hits to research contingency solutions is never a good idea. Unanticipated medical expenses can derail years of retirement preparation. Sixty percent of bankruptcies in the U.S. today are related to medical bills, and retirees who are struggling with health issues are twice as likely to say they are in a financial crisis.

And third, illness turns out to be the number one reason that people retire earlier than they planned. In our survey, we asked retirees whether they had retired on schedule, later than they had planned, or earlier than they had planned. Notwithstanding a growing desire to work a few extra years to shore up retirement savings, 57% of today's retirees say they retired earlier than they expected--while 35% retired on schedule and 8% retired later than planned.

The tragedy of these circumstances is that too many of us spend more time planning for our summer vacation than our retirement. And avoiding these issues won't make them disappear. Yet most people haven't thought through these potential challenges or ways to plan for or around them, and they haven't discussed and shared priorities with family members. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that 90% of our survey respondents said they don't feel extremely confident that they've got the right solutions in place.

Protecting Against Retirement Health Risks

Twenty-five years ago, many people would have simply counted on their employer to cover their healthcare costs in retirement. Two-thirds of large companies offered health benefits to retirees. Now, just one-third of these companies offer retirement health benefits. And of course, many pre-retirees have no health insurance at all. Moreover, there's growing worry that, under increasing fiscal pressure, government healthcare programs, such as Medicare, may be forced to reduce benefits in the years ahead.

Today, preparing for healthcare costs is becoming an essential part of retirement planning. Unexpected challenges, such as health problems, can be very tough both emotionally and financially. But, according to David Tyrie, head of Personal Wealth & Retirement for Bank of America Merrill Lynch, "If you can anticipate and prepare for some of these challenges -- and course-correct your plans when they arise -- it can help you get through them and stay on the path to a secure retirement."

Whether it's programs that supplement traditional Medicare (such as Medigap and Medicare Advantage), long-term care insurance, or putting some extra money aside to cover healthcare expenses in case you can't work as long as you anticipate, there are steps you can take that can help reduce the financial impact of a health problem in maturity. And just as important, taking better care of your health now -- by eating better, keeping the proper body weight, exercising regularly, and being sure to take sufficient time to rest and recharge -- can help you stay as healthy as possible in the years ahead.

Parts II and III to come. Stay tuned -- over the next several days, I will be covering more of the insights from this study, including the new role of work in retirement and how today's family interdependencies are impacting retirement.

In case you'd like to watch me giving a presentation on the transformation of retirement (or you've got a family member or friend who's sorting their way through the challenges and opportunities of this stage of life), here's a link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ken-dychtwald/the-transformation-of-ret_b_3048327.html

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

The Transformation of Retirement

2013-04-09T19:43:48-04:00

For quite some time I have been trying to figure out how increasing longevity combined with the boomer proclivity for lifelong personal reinvention is going to transform retirement. And, of course, as a psychologist and gerontologist, through my research and writing (16 books), I have been coming to my own conclusions regarding how society will cope and how this is all going to be paid for.

Several weeks ago, I had the good fortune of providing the keynote address at the annual convention of the American Society on Aging (ASA), the largest professional association of people who work in the fields of gerontology and aging services.

My keynote presentation was titled "The Transformation of Retirement" and I cast my net wide to explore: How long will we live? How will people make use of their newfound longevity bonus? How do different nations view the role and purpose of their growing ranks of long-lived men and women? How will the boomers' desire to stay socially engaged give rise to a revolution in mentoring, volunteering and philanthropreneuring? What are the personal, social and financial challenges of each of the five stages of retirement. Readers of the Huffington Post can view this presentation below:

Do Boomers Have The Guts And Wisdom To Course Correct Our Aging Nation?

2013-03-11T09:32:39-04:00

Each day, another ten thousand baby boomers turn 65. Born in 1950, I'm a member of this cohort. As we migrate into elderhood, our huge numbers and vast influence over the economy, social policy and the culture in general will transform America into a "gerontocracy." And the growing costs of our anticipated illnesses and entitlements will further strain our economy.

Are we prepared? No. Just as society's institutions were grossly unprepared for our baby boom, we have done far too little to prepare for the coming age wave. Ironically, while our demographic heft is not our fault, its impact will be our legacy. The question now is whether we -- not our parents or our children -- have the guts and wisdom to set the proper course corrections in motion.

Based on 40 years of research, dialogue, analysis and activism, I have come to believe that there are essential -- and achievable -- course corrections that are needed if we are to capitalize on our newfound longevity. Here are the five challenges and interlocking solutions.

Course Correction 1: Create a new purpose for maturity

In our modern age, maturity has no socially worthwhile purpose. Although medical science has focused on how to prolong life, political, religious and community leaders have not yet created a compelling vision for what tens of millions of long-lived men and women might do with those additional years. Currently, 40+ million retirees spend an average of 49 hours a week watching television. Without envisioning a new purpose for old age, we could be creating an elder wasteland and setting the stage for age wars in which the needs of the young are pitted against the entrenched power of the old.

Solutions:
1. Since elders are experienced adults -- not teenagers with wrinkles -- replace today's well-meaning but youth-centric volunteerism offerings (both tasks and timing) to better leverage the advanced talents and skills cultivated over a lifetime. And while we're at it, create greater tax advantages to support philanthropreneuring.
2. End the proliferation of "age ghettos" and what Gray Panther founder Maggie Kuhn called retirement enclaves -- "senior playpens" -- through the encouragement of a wide range of inclusive community-based intergenerational programs, activities and housing.
3. Mobilize a revolutionary global Elder Corps in which tens of millions of boomers are recruited to share their values, knowledge, skills and wisdom with youth in need.

Course Correction 2: Foster healthy aging -- on all fronts

In the ancient Greek fable, the goddess Eos falls in love with the warrior Tithonus. After requesting that Zeus grant Tithonus immortality, she realizes that she forgot to ask that he also remain eternally healthy. With each passing year, Tithonus grew older and sicker. His skin withered and became cancerous. His organs rotted, and his brain grew feeble. Ultimately, the once-proud warrior is reduced to a collection of pained, foul, and broken bones -- but he continues to live forever. Tithonus' story is a fitting allegory for what is occurring in our healthcare system today. While we have eliminated many of the childhood diseases that took our ancestors' lives, the nightmarish diseases of later life could become the physical, social and economic sinkhole of the 21st century.

Solutions:
1. Commit greater resources (yes -- even in this time of budget cuts) to the scientific research required to delay or, even better, eliminate the horrific diseases of aging -- with particular attention to the most problematic: Alzheimer's.
2. Establish legally binding standards of geriatric competency and provide the academic training and continuing education necessary to ensure that healthcare professionals are properly skilled and compensated for caring for an aging population (note: they're not currently!).
3. Stop all of the ghoulish death-extension profiteering while establishing a more humane, moral and respectful approach to late life palliative care and the dying process.

Course-correction 3: Encourage lifelong learning and re-careering

With the exponential pace of new ideas, sociologies and technologies, old dogs are going to have to learn new tricks. Rendering oneself obsolete -- or being rendered so by the pace of change -- isn't good for anyone. And since 2/3 of all the people who have ever lived past 65 in the entire history of the world are alive today, longevity is truly humanity's new frontier. Unless we unleash and harness the untapped potential of maturing men and women, we will be wasting our absolutely greatest growing natural resources: longevity and wisdom. With the emergence of "homo-longevus," gray could be the new green.

Solutions:
1. Replace the linear life paradigm with a new "cyclic" one that views the longevity bonus as a time for late blooming and/or new beginnings.
2. Smash the silver ceiling and eliminate the rampant ageism that permeates our workforce (and our culture) so that all workers can be judged on their competencies, not their birthdays.
3. Re-orient and turbo-charge our educational systems (with particular attention to community colleges) to distribute learning across the lifecourse and help adults reboot their skills and mindsets.

Course Correction 4: Assume responsibility for a lifetime of fiscal fitness

Approximately one third of all boomers are currently earning attractive salaries, have invested wisely, and will benefit from their share of the more than ten trillion dollars in inheritances their parents will leave behind. Another third will likely extend their worklives five to seven years in order to enjoy a satisfactory retirement. Yet, around twenty-five million boomers have accumulated high levels of debt, have virtually no savings, no investments, no pensions and no inheritance promise. If live-for-today boomers don't start living within their means and save far more responsibly for tomorrow, they will find themselves struggling with a poverty-stricken old age, placing crushing burdens on the U.S. economy and on the generations forced to support them -- while stalling the consumer marketplace (and attendant employment).

Solutions:
1. Upgrade financial literacy and financial responsibility through a bold national education "intervention" that targets people at every stage of life. And since we can't seem to get any of our current political leaders to upgrade our fiscal fitness -- maybe it can be a core project of the next first lady or first gentleman!
2. Help us help ourselves by encouraging increased personal savings rates, possibly through mandated, tax-advantaged savings programs. And correspondingly, we must stop measuring the health of the economy by consumption levels: it functions as an enabler to a society addicted to living beyond its means.
3. Affluence-test and target entitlements, including Social Security and Medicare, to match the diverse needs and capacities of tomorrow's elders.

Course-correction 5: Re-set the obsolete markers of aging

Aging boomers will not only live longer than previous cohorts, they'll grow "old" much later as well. When Otto Von Bismarck picked 65 to be the marker of old age in the 1880's, in preparation for Germany's first pension plan, the average life expectancy was only 45. On the day that Social Security began, the average American could expect to live 63 years. Life expectancy is 78 today -- and steadily rising. If it continues to elevate without ongoing adjustments in the age of eligibility for "old age" entitlements, every intergenerational financing program, including Social Security and Medicare, could ultimately crush the money and spirit out of the younger generations forced to support them.

Solutions:
1. Remove all economic, legal and hiring/retaining disincentives for older adults who wish to -- or need to -- keep working. And provide more flex-work, job-sharing, phased retirement, mentoring and sabbaticals so that everyone can have more balance over this longevity-caused extended worklife.
2. Unhinge old age entitlements from the obsolete marker of 65, and "index" them to rising longevity. For example, when life expectancy was 72 (in 1975), it might have made sense for the retirement age to be 65 (90% of life expectancy). Using the same formula, now that life expectancy is 78, "old age" entitlements should begin at 70.
3. Turn off the "third rail" and stop powerful special interest groups from blockading thoughtful debate about this much needed course-correction. Dialogue is needed: new and fair solutions are required. We can't afford to become Greece.

Are we up to the task?

As a generation, we have had the winds at our backs for a lifetime. Even with all of our ongoing complaining about this or that, we know that we have been blessed. But now we need to rekindle our youthful idealism and marry it with our extensive talents to help make sure that the aging of our generation won't inadvertently destroy the future for our children and their children. Do we have the guts and wisdom to step over the current political preening and set the proper course corrections in motion? I believe we do... and I surely hope that we will take the actions necessary to save the future before it's too late.

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

Remembering Maggie Kuhn: Gray Panthers Founder On The 5 Myths Of Aging

2012-05-31T14:52:00-04:00

This post is the second part of a recently unearthed interview I conducted with prophetic Gray Panther Founder Maggie Kuhn in 1978. You can read part one here. Her compassion, vision, wisdom and futuristic ideas can be found in every passage. Enjoy!

Ken Dychtwald: Many older men and women seem to feel that they are the victims of stereotyping and negative cultural images of aging. Would you agree?

Maggie Kuhn: Yes, absolutely! And in many cases, we elders are just as responsible for creating and sustaining those beliefs. To my mind, there are several myths that are the most debilitating in their effect on elders.

First, there is the myth that stereotypes old age as a disastrous disease which nobody wants to admit to having, but which affects us all. Old age is not a disease -- it is strength and survivorship, triumph over all sorts of vicissitudes and disappointments, trials and illnesses.

Another myth is that old age is mindless; you know, you can't learn anything more after 30, and then after 50 it's just a question of time before senility sets in. That kind of thinking makes me furious. I recently saw some statistics from a study at Harvard where a group of men at the age of 71 who were tested over a period of 12 years scored at least 15 points higher on the IQ average than they did in the beginning. Psychological studies have shown that there is no limit to learning.

Another wrong and cruel myth is that old age is sexless. I can tell you that it's not that way. Sex need not wither. In fact, it may take a whole new turn. Indeed, it ought to be flourishing right up to rigor mortis! A growing number of us older women are involved sexually, in varying degrees of intimacy, with men who are younger than us. What is known about such relationships? Old age can certainly be a time for sexual and sensual pleasure and discovery.

A fourth myth is that old age is useless. This myth comes because our technological society scrap-piles old people as it does automobiles. We elders have all sorts of skills and knowledge, and I submit that if we got our heads together, there wouldn't be a single problem that could not be solved. Mandatory retirement -- such as what I experienced -- is a perfect example of this type of ageism. It results in and perpetuates the image that old people are useless and unproductive and at best only capable of rest and play.

Fifth is the myth of the powerlessness of old age. We must be proud of our age. We can be proud of our history and our experience. We can be proud of our survivorship and our capacity to cope with change. We're not wrinkled babies. Our goal should be responsible adulthood. We're the elders of the tribe, and the elders are charged with the tribe's survival and well-being.

Dychtwald: What do you think about all of the retirement communities and "seniors-only" recreation centers that are springing up these days?

Kuhn: I think they're glorified playpens. While I admit that they help to keep elders safe, I don't like how they segregate older men and women from mainstream society. As you know, I live in a co-ed, intergenerational commune in Philadelphia. We all share our life experiences and help each other - and everyone has chores and responsibilities they're responsible for. We benefit from our inter-dependence. In our modern society, there's too much emphasis placed on "independence." As we live longer lives, I strongly believe we'd all be better off if we were more "inter-dependent."

Dychtwald: What do you think about the phrase "senior citizen?"

Kuhn: "Senior citizen" is a euphemism which I reject as insulting and demeaning. I prefer to be called by my name, or, if not, I'd like to be identified as an "old person" or an "elder" for this is what I am.

Note: After this discussion with Maggie Kuhn, I took serious note of her emphasis on the word elder. At that point in my career, I was trying to envision and describe the emerging challenge of more and more people providing support and care to their older loved ones. "Eldercare" is the word I invented more than three decades ago... Today, with 5+ million hits on Google, I guess the word stuck.

Dychtwald: Maggie, I'm inspired by your boldness, sensitivity and strong commitment to social change. I believe that your lifestyle and philosophy will go a long way to encourage other elders to energize and expand the quality and experience of their lives and, by doing so, transform the process of aging for all of us.

Kuhn: Thank you Ken. We are a new breed of old people. There are more of us alive today than at any other time in history. We are better educated and healthier, with more at stake in this society. We are the elders, the experienced ones: we are maturing, growing adults, deeply concerned for the well-being and survival of our society. Instead of retiring from life, I am pleased and excited to be able to recycle and redirect my goals. I continue to realize that old age is a time of great fulfillment -- personal fulfillment -- when all the threads of life can be woven together.

Liberating Aging

2012-05-30T14:30:00-04:00

Maggie Kuhn was a woman far ahead of her time. She was both a visionary and a role model for young and old, attesting to our potential for strength, worth and beauty in the later years. I'm also honored to say that she was my friend and mentor.

In 1970, she co-founded the Gray Panthers after long, productive stints on the staffs of the YWCA and the national office of the United Presbyterian Church. Finding herself forcibly retired, bereft of her accustomed role and a sense of meaningful life involvement, she transformed into a brilliant, feisty, outspoken activist. Nicknamed "America's wrinkled radical," she unflinchingly challenged the "powers that be," from the U.S. Senate to the American Medical Association. She could be found espousing her views about the liberation of aging on everything from The Evening News to "Saturday Night Live" until she passed away at the ripe old age of 89 in 1995.

Several weeks ago, someone unearthed -- and sent to me -- the notes from an interview I had conducted with Kuhn back in 1978. As I re-read her prophecies, I was stunned both by her clarity of vision and the accuracy of her forecasts -- made nearly 35 years ago. Way before all of the current brouhaha about healthy aging, the third age, 50+ and the power of AARP, Kuhn laid out her prophetic blueprint for the world to come. In this exclusive two-part posting (the second part will appear tomorrow), I'm delighted to be able to share with you the essence of this grand woman's thinking about the unique role, challenge and purpose of aging. Enjoy!

Ken Dychtwald: Maggie, do you have any special feelings about growing old at this particular time in history?

Maggie Kuhn: This is indeed an age of liberation and self-determination. I'm glad to have reached seniority at this time. In fact, I believe that women and old people represent society's biggest untapped energy source. In my 70's, I am now feel free to speak out and act in ways that I was not able to when I was younger. I haven't dyed my hair and I can't afford a face lift. I enjoy my wrinkles which I regard as badges of distinction -- I've worked hard for them! I've come to believe that when you're young you have the face that God gave you, but when you get old you have the face you made yourself! Be proud of it.

Dychtwald: Are there any advantages to living a long life?

Kuhn: I guess that when I think about it, there are three things in particular that I like about getting old. First, you can speak your mind, as I certainly try to do, but you have to do your homework first; otherwise, you'll quickly be dismissed as a doddering old fool. The second thing I have liked about getting old is that I have successfully outlived a great deal of my opposition; many of the people who were my detractors are not around anymore! And then the third thing that I've especially liked about getting old is that it's really kind of a miracle to be able to tap into the incredible energy of the young, while making use of the knowledge and experience that comes after living a long, full life.

Dychtwald: Would you say some more about what you think the best roles would be for society's elders?

Kuhn: We who are older have enormous freedom to speak out, and equally great responsibility to take the risks that are needed to heal and humanize our sick society. We can try new things and take on entirely new roles. Let me describe them:

Testers of new lifestyles: In old age, we don't have to compete. We do need desperately to cooperate, to live communally; to reach out to other human beings we never knew before. Our society worships bigness, numbers profits. I prefer to esteem smallness -- small groups caring for one another, small groups of activists taking on giants. Small can be beautiful.

Builders of new coalitions: Age is indeed a universalizing factor, enabling us to close ranks among the young and old, black and white, rich and poor -- to form coalitions of power and shared humanity.

Watchdogs and watchbitches of public bodies, guardians of public interest and the common good: Cadres of watchdogs can observe the courts, watch city councils and monitor the public and semi-public bodies where critical decisions are made, often hidden from public view.

Advocates of consumers' rights and whistle-blowers on fraud, corruption and poor services: We need patient advocates in nursing homes, advocates for the hearing-impaired, advocates of elderly residents in retirement homes.

Monitors of corporate power and responsibility: We can establish media watchers to monitor television and the press. We can organize protests in stockholders' meetings, reminding the multinational corporations of the ultimate ethical questions involved in their operations, the need to protect their workers' safety and the environment, etc.

Healers of a sick society: We can use our weakness and disabilities as powerful social criticism and levers for change. I'm enormously struck with what antibodies in the human body do to combat disease and put down infection. I'd like to think of us as releasing healers - people working out of their own understanding, their own sense of history, their own freedom from some of the tyrannies of earlier years, to help heal a sick society in whatever way they can.

Educators of the young: By our example and by our reaching out and sharing what we know. The experience and skills of old people should be valued and utilized. As elders, we should see ourselves as being particularly responsive to the needs and questionings of our younger friends and family. When we are kept apart from those who will live on after us, we deprive ourselves and we also deprive the young; our society is correspondingly weaker because we have not lived together.

Dychtwald: It appears that many older people do a great deal of living in the past. What do you think of this?

Kuhn: I think that we -- the elders -- should be society's futurists. We ought to be doing future testing of new instruments, new technologies, concepts, ideas and styles of living. We have the freedom to do so - and we have little to lose.

Tomorrow: Maggie Kuhn debunks the myths of aging.

Note: The Gray Panthers began in 1970 when six elders who were forced to retire from national religious and social services organizations, decided to pool their efforts and help one another use their new freedom responsibly. The motto that the Gray Panthers chose was "Age and Youth in Action!" The course of action they determined for themselves was to use their knowledge and experience, their network of contacts and relationships, and their ample free time to work for broad-based social change. For more information about what the Gray Panthers are doing today - or to join their organization, visit: www.graypanthers.org

S&P Decided Your Aging Parents Are Destroying America: Is That OK With You?

2011-08-14T21:25:43-04:00

We stand poised at the edge of history, experiencing a longevity revolution unlike anything the world has ever encountered. And this "age wave" is impacting us in some unexpected ways. One disturbing example is that Standard & Poor's just downgraded America's credit rating, causing an unimaginable loss of money, security and confidence. On the surface it may seem unrelated, a decision based exclusively on the size of our national debt and the unnerving political gridlock in Washington. But look a little closer, and you'll see that it's also a decision based in large part on S&P's biased belief that older adults are a huge financial burden and that they bring nothing positive to the world.

Standard & Poor's Has Decided that Older Adults Will Crush Our Economy

In October 2010, S&P released a report: "Global Aging 2010: An Irreversible Truth." The very first page of this report states: "No other force is likely to shape the future of national economic health, public finances, and policymaking as the irreversible rate at which the world's population is aging." If you read the entire analysis, you'll see that S&P has determined that older people are a burden on society, a weight... and the more of them there are, the more likely the country will fail.

Over the course of my 35+ year career in gerontology, I have attended more than a thousand meetings, conferences and conventions in which the challenges and opportunities of the emerging new era of aging and longevity have been discussed and debated by top experts in the field. However, prior to the release of this report, I had never once encountered anyone from Standard and Poor's taking part in any of these discussions or even in attendance at any of these events. I guess they believe that they can unilaterally cook up their ideas and proclaim to all the world how the "age wave" should be viewed: negatively.

Let's back up for a moment and reflect on just how remarkable our new "longevity" is, with all its positive potential. Consider one startling fact: Throughout 99 percent of all the years that humans have walked this earth, the average life expectancy at birth was less than 18 years. Infectious diseases, childbirth, accidents, violence, and many other hazards usually brought life to an early close.

Thanks to modern advances in sanitation, public health, food science, pharmacy, surgery, medicine, and, more recently, wellness-oriented lifestyles, our life expectancy has climbed from an average of forty-seven at the beginning of the 20th century, to seventy-eight today -- and it's still rising. In fact, two-thirds of all the people who have ever lived past 65 are alive today. This new era of longevity may very well be humanity's greatest triumph; yet S&P sees only the potential negative implications.

Age Power

I'm not naive enough to believe that the aging of our society is without challenges. But it has its opportunities too. Perhaps the S&P analysts weren't aware that Warren Buffett is considered America's wisest investor at 81, or that Betty White has become one of the most admired and loved comediennes at 89, or that John Glen celebrated his third career by going back up into space at 77 or that Ronald Reagan was 69 when he became the President of the United Sates. Late achievement, while multiplying in frequency, isn't altogether new. Grandma Moses didn't start painting until she was almost 80. George Bernard Shaw was at work on a new play when he died at 94. Galileo published his masterpiece Dialogue Concerning the Two New Sciences at 74. Noah Webster was 70 when he published An American Dictionary of the English Language. Frank Lloyd Wright designed the Guggenheim Museum in New York at 91. Mahatma Gandhi was 72 when he completed successful negotiations with Britain for India's independence. I. M. Pei was 78 when he designed the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum in Cleveland. Picasso painted Rape of the Sabines at eighty-one. Golda Meir was prime minister of Israel from ages 70 to 76. At 94, conductor Leopold Stokowski signed a six-year recording contract. People don't turn 65 and only become a burden on society. Many are huge contributors to the greater good.

Ageism Can Be as Misguided and Damaging as Racism and Sexism

It's obvious that our nation remains somewhat obsessed with youth. Considering the fact that older adults control most of the country's wealth, very few of them can be seen in popular advertising that doesn't have to do with either impotence or incontinence. The entertainment media continues to emphasize a distorted picture of the glory of youth and the irrelevance of maturity (did you know that if you're over 28 you can't even apply to be a contestant on American Idol?). And if you're an unemployed older worker, it can take more than twice as long to secure a job compared to your younger competition. If I step outside my role as a gerontologist and put on my psychologist's hat, it's pretty obvious to me that gerontophobia (the fear of aging and discomfort with the elderly) -- and ageism (a set of beliefs used to justify age-based prejudice) still permeate every facet of our culture.

It wasn't always this way. During Colonial times, our elders were revered for their wisdom and experience. So highly valued was longevity that both men and women often exaggerated their age. Similarly, people actually tried to appear older than they really were -- hiding their natural hair beneath powdered wigs, to enhance the illusion of age. Out of respect, older men and women were given the best seats in town meetings and in the churches. Our "Senate" was even named based on the root word "senex" which means "wise old man" or "sage."

However, with the arrival of industrialization at the end of the 1900s, physical strength trumped lifelong experience and the old were moved to the sidelines while youth took center stage. Many prominent leaders of the time, including Dr. William Osler, one of America and Great Britain's most respected physician-philosophers, voiced this new attitude. In his now infamous 1905 valedictory at Johns Hopkins University, Osler argued that men older than 40 were useless cogs in modern society:

"All the great advances have come from men under 40, so the history of the world shows that a very large proportion of the evils may be traced to the sexagenarians -- nearly all of the great mistakes politically and socially, all of the worst poems, most of the bad pictures, a majority of the bad novels, not a few of the bad sermons and speeches." -- Dr. William Osler

Throughout the decades that I have worked in the field of gerontology, I have happily watched this type of overt ageism diminish with each passing year. But last October, when I received a copy of the S&P "Global Aging" report, I was truly ALARMED to see that S&P had taken ageism to new heights and that they had little regard for any of the social or economic contributions of men and women 65+.

Connecting the Dots: America's Downgrade and S&P's Ageism

A few weeks ago, when Standard & Poor's downgraded the entire U.S. economy, and I watched all of the media coverage, I was shocked that while there was much attention to the political gridlock, no one was connecting the dots to S&P's negative view of the aging of America. What if some, possibly large, factor in their downgrade is their unchallenged belief that older adults are essentially a "burden" -- that your mom and dad (and in the years ahead -- you) have absolutely nothing useful to contribute to society and that their presence is a purely negative drain on our economy and overall well-being as a country?

Imagine how we'd react if S&P had downgraded America based on the number of Christians in our society, or Hispanics, or African Americans or Jews. We'd be outraged and wouldn't stand for it. And we shouldn't let their aging-burden-downgrade remain unchallenged either!

The Path to a Successful Retirement: Lessons from the Trailblazers

2011-07-20T18:00:00-04:00

The financial "reckoning" we have just gone through has caused many of us to seriously rethink our current lives and future retirements. While many Americans got pretty shaken up over this past decade, most of us are emerging wiser, more disciplined and with a more pragmatic approach to a new kind of retirement.

Discovering the Path to a Happier Retirement

To find out exactly how different groups of retirees are faring in this stage of their lives and to learn what psychological, social and financial factors contribute to their happiness, my firm Age Wave recently joined forces with SunAmerica and Harris Interactive to conduct The SunAmerica Retirement Re-Set Study.

In our comprehensive survey of one thousand men and women 55+, we set out to reveal what the different types of retirement experiences are today, and the key factors that lead to a happy and secure retirement.

Meet the Four Faces of Retirement

We discovered that there are four distinct retiree types -- each with its own psychological, lifestyle and financial profile.

The first and most turned-on segment of retirees (20% of the total) we've named the Ageless Explorers. For them, retirement is a positive and fulfilling new chapter in life, an opportunity for new experiences, encore careers, and continued personal growth. They gave decades of thought to the retirement lifestyle they desired and planned accordingly. They are the most likely to have developed solid financial plans for managing both their savings and lifetime income and they are highly likely to have taken advantage of professional retirement planning advice along the way. The damage they experienced during the recession feels behind them now. In fact, most report that their financial strength is stronger now than before the economic downturn. In addition, in the SunAmerica Retirement Re-Set Study, each segment received a grade for their level of retirement happiness. Ageless Explorers gave themselves an A.

Cautiously Contents (18 percent of all retirees) are living a more traditional version of this phase of life. Less interested in new careers or the potential stress of personal reinvention, for them, retirement is a pleasurable time for relaxation and a life of leisure after decades of hard work. And they're enjoying it! Most of this segment are cautious planners -- and their risk-aversion has surely helped them avoid or weather the recent financial storm. With their proclivity for planning, they are far more likely to have developed a long term plan for saving and investing (75 percent) . They are inclined to value professional financial advice to help protect their retirement savings and lifestyle. Most currently find their financial situation to be in good shape. Their retirement happiness grade = B.

The next two segments are doing less well in retirement. While fate, misfortune and back luck have had something to do with their difficult circumstances, the kind of retirement they're experiencing is also a result of their own life choices.

Live for Todays (27 percent) have many ambitions and dreams for their retirement. Unfortunately, because they took too few steps to sufficiently prepare financially for their longer lives, retirement is a time of continual uncertainty and anxiety. While "back in the day" they might have imagined that everything would simply work out, in their maturity they're living through the downstream effects of the absence of responsible planning. Many are forced to work in retirement, not for the satisfaction and stimulation, but because they need money to pay the bills. Unfortunately, today they're living with the bad choices -- or absence of choices -- they made years ago. This segment was very hard hit by the recession, and are now grappling with increasing financial stress and tensions. For their retirement happiness grade, they gave themselves a C.

Worried Strugglers is the largest of the four segments (35 percent). For this group, retirement is a time of considerable anxiety and stress. Often overwhelmed -- and usually struggling, they have little interest in new experiences, staying productive, or even focusing on relationships with friends and family. Mostly they feel worried. They also are the most likely of the segments to have been dealt an unfortunate financial or health blow. To make matters worse, because during their working years they had done so little to plan for what they wanted to do in retirement, their options are now severely limited. It is important to note that it wasn't just a run of bad luck in maturity that impacted these men and women. In fact, they readily admit that they didn't take the best care of their physical or fiscal health when they were younger. They did little saving and investing for retirement -- and spent too little time nourishing their friendship networks. Now they often have to rely on other family members for support. The recession made them significantly more vulnerable and further increased their financial insecurities. Retirement happiness grade = D-.

Lessons from the Trailblazers

By "reverse engineering" the four segments, we can readily see that the type of retirement people have is not just a matter of luck. Ageless Explorers and Cautiously Contents are enjoying their retirement with a high level of happiness and financial security. Live for Todays and Worried Strugglers are having a hard time of it due to misfortune and/or questionable planning. Although some retirees were dealt a bad hand, preparation and self-discipline play a powerful role in creating a happy and successful retirement. For example, while 72 percent of "Ageless Explorers" had a clear plan for managing their savings and income only 25 percent of the "Worried Strugglers" did. And, while 79 percent of the "Cautiously Contents" made it a practice to avoid high interest debt, only 51 percent of the "Live for Todays" did. Overall, "Ageless Explorers" and "Cautiously Contents" were far more likely to plan, making the right lifestyle and financial moves in their 40s, 50s and 60s to achieve a secure and fulfilling retirement. (For a complete study report, including an in-depth analysis of the four retiree segments, visit http://retirementreset.com/)

Five New Rules for the New "Retirement Re-set."

Just as any navigators will take into account the successes and failures of those who have gone before, based on these study findings, we can begin to craft a map of the path to a successful and secure retirement. This journey includes five key ingredients.

First, since hardly anyone can afford a 20+ year, non-working retirement anymore, we should all expect to work a bit longer. That could be a good thing for all of us. Studies consistently show that retired people who stay engaged and productive are happier and healthier, than those who move to the sidelines.

Second, another helpful rule for the new retirement is the importance of financial planning. While living in the "here and now" is a wonderful approach to staying mindful, as a financial strategy it's a disaster. In this era of 401(k)s and volatile markets, help helps: trusted financial advisors can provide valuable assistance to what is no longer a "do-it-yourself" project. And, the earlier one begins this process, the more likely there will be a sustainable outcome.

The third rule is to keep learning and growing. Learn about new ideas, media and technologies, take an interest in the lives and interests of younger people, continually stretch yourself, try new things, and keep growing -- that is what can help bring your retirement years alive.

Fourth, it's time to buckle up and start living within our means. Far too many of us have fantasized a style of life not matched by our ability to pay for it. This new era of increasing longevity and economic restructuring calls for greater financial self-discipline among all of us.

Fifth, try to live the next chapter of your life with "purpose." A great deal has been said about how to live longer (eat your veggies, get a good night's sleep, practice yoga etc.), yet there's been far too little discussion about what to do and who to be in retirement to feel a sense of purpose and happiness. We desperately need a new version of maturity in which older people are not relegated to the trash heap, but rather play a central role as mentors, teachers - elders.

And ... if you'd like to watch/hear my thoughts about the social and political changes our society will need to set in motion to accommodate so many of us living longer, I invite you to watch these two YouTube clips:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oX-zU9svReI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nskLQBow7JI

Is Retirement Getting Better Or Worse?

2011-07-13T13:00:00-04:00

Exactly 10 years ago in 2001, Age Wave, in partnership with SunAmerica Financial Group and Harris Interactive, conducted the landmark "Re-Visioning Retirement" study, for which we interviewed 1,000 men and women age 55 and older to learn how they felt about retirement. This groundbreaking investigation was the first to look beyond basic financial and demographic issues to reveal the emotions, attitudes, expectations and behaviors of pre-retirees and retirees nationwide. The study revealed that the majority of Americans thought they'd be able to comfortably retire in their early- to mid-60s. And, thanks to a lifetime of savings, guaranteed company pensions and rock solid government entitlements, most thought they'd be able to afford decades of non-working leisure.

That was just 10 years ago! Back then, the Cold War had ended and the "War on Terror" had not yet begun. The government was running a $230 billion surplus. The Internet was an exciting novelty. And while a quadrupling in stock-market values in the 1990s bolstered retirement savings, unemployment levels were under 5 percent.

Then, things changed ... dramatically. Rocked by events and reactions associated with 9/11 and then the recession, the stock market showed virtually no net gain during the last 10 years and many people saving for retirement have suffered losses in both investments and home values. Unemployment rates are now hovering near 10 percent, making it difficult for many to get by, let alone save for retirement. And the government is now running a $1.3 trillion deficit, putting into question the sustainability of retirement entitlements such as Social Security and Medicare. At the same time, the massive Baby Boomer generation has begun moving into their retirement years. This vast generation brings both new expectations and hopes for retirement, as well as lower savings rates and greater uncertainty for how they will fund their increasingly long lives.

The Wake-Up Call: What a Difference a Decade Has Made

And so, to find out exactly how the recession and all of the changes of this past decade have impacted the public's mindset, family dynamics, lifestyle expectations and attitudes toward retirement, Age Wave, SunAmerica and Harris Interactive again joined forces to conduct The SunAmerica Retirement Re-Set Study (for a complete study report, visit retirementreset.com).

Our comprehensive 2011 survey of 1,000 men and women ages 55 and older revealed that while many Americans got pretty shaken up over this past decade, they are emerging wiser, more disciplined and with a new more pragmatic approach to an entirely new kind of retirement. Just as a personal health crisis can sometimes jolt an individual into making smart -- and even long-needed -- lifestyle changes, many people have been permanently jolted by this financial wake-up call.

Retirement Mindset Re-Set

While financial losses are easily measured in stock charts and home prices, the psychological damage and costs of a recession are just as real. In fact, anger, worry and financial insecurity remain pervasive. However, our study revealed that a more pragmatic vision of retirement is emerging.

Seventy-eight percent of the respondents said that they can still have a fulfilling retirement by being more financially disciplined. In fact, most believe they can still "get there from here" -- although, for many, "there" is now envisioned more realistically. For example, in one of our focus groups, a pre-retiree said that before the recession he was hoping that in his retirement, he'd get to play all of the great golf courses in Europe. Now, he said, he'd be quite satisfied to play all of the great public courses in New Jersey!

SunAmerica Financial Group's President and CEO Jay Wintrob reflects, "Americans have re-set their vision of an ideal retirement. They are course-correcting: intending to save more, spend less, be more disciplined and adjust their lifestyle expectations."

Living to 100

When we asked the survey participants if they'd like to live to 100, a whopping 67 percent said yes! But longevity has its potential problems. Their biggest worries about living a very long life were: 1) losing their health, 2) being a burden on their family and 3) running out of money. On the other hand, they viewed the key benefits of extended longevity as: 1) continuing to remain productive, 2) developing deeper relationships with their family and 3) the chance to be around to witness new discoveries and watch the world evolve.

What the pre-retirees in the study told us is that if you're going to wind up living to age 80, 90 or even 100, it would probably be wise to work longer. Whether driven by financial practicality or a desire to live a more engaged and productive life, 77 percent of pre-retirees say they would ideally like to include some work in their retirement. And when we point-blank asked what the primary reason would be, the No. 1 response was the stimulation and satisfaction that continued work offers. Money was also important, but it ranked second.

The Retirement Wildcard: The Bank of Mom and Dad

Family and relationships are at the heart of what Americans most value, and these difficult times have brought families closer together. Eighty-five percent said they now appreciate the importance of quality relationships with their friends and family even more. And, an incredibly high 96 percent said that "it's important to protect myself and my family against financial uncertainties."

Not only have family "ties" been re-prioritized, but some potential family "tensions" surfaced as well. In an era when so many working-age people have become financially strapped, family assistance has become the new retirement "wild card," as maturing men and women must balance their retirement plans with the possibility of having to financially and emotionally support aging relatives, adult children, grandchildren and siblings. Half expect they will need to provide some financial assistance to family members. And, in a new twist on "child-care" that may extend many more decades than originally anticipated, 70 percent of these say they expect that they will need to provide financial assistance to their adult children.

Retirement Planning: Not a Do-It-Yourself Project

People increasingly recognize that new economic realities and new retirement dreams mean new financial solutions are needed. People have become far more cautious and now say that protection from losses is the top priority for retirement investments. And what did these age 55-and-older men and women say was their biggest financial worry at this stage in their lives? The unpredictability of tax increases downstream.

One of the interesting insights that emerged from the study had to do with asking retirees from all walks of life if they had retired earlier or later than they had planned. While 9 percent reported that they had retired later, more than five times as many (49 percent) said that they had retired earlier than they had planned. While it's natural to think that early retirement is most likely a sign of financial success, it's not anymore. The top reason people give for early retirement is unexpected health problems.

Many people now recognize that retirement preparation is not a do-it-yourself project, and that they need guidance to set a new, more predictable path toward successful retirement. Many now strongly feel that financial education should be a lifelong process, with 92 percent saying that financial management should even be a standard part of high school education.

And yesterday's version of the fast-talking stock broker is passé. Today, people want a financial advisor who listens and understands what is important to them. They're seeking a trustworthy advisor who speaks their language and can help them identify solutions that are specific to their needs and priorities.

So - is Retirement Getting Better or Worse?
We asked all 1,000 or our pre-retirees and retirees whether they thought that retirement would be better or worse for the boomers. And the answer we heard was "it will be both." People said that boomers will have less government entitlements, less money and less respect from younger generations (which probably won't bode well for their receipt of intergenerational entitlements). On the other hand, they believed that in this new era of retirement, compared to previous generations, boomers will be more active and youthful, more likely to continue to learn and grow in maturity and that they'd ultimately be living more interesting lives.

What President Reagan Told Me About America

2011-02-04T10:25:30-05:00

On Sunday, Feb. 6th, our nation will pause to celebrate what would have been the 100th birthday of Ronald Reagan. I'm certain that philosophers and pundits from every political persuasion will weigh-in on President Reagan's political legacy -- and on his strengths and weaknesses as America's 40th Commander-in-Chief.

However, I would like to take this occasion to share an experience in which President Reagan taught me something powerful and lasting regarding the value -- and importance -- of loving (yes I mean loving) our country.

Here's what happened. Exactly 21 years ago, John Bryan, the worldly and philosophical Chairman of the Sara Lee Corporation, invited a small group of business and government leaders and their spouses to a private island in the Bahamas for an exclusive four day "think tank" focused on "Understanding The Future." The curriculum for this retreat was going to cover everything from science, technology and demographics to the art of leadership. The faculty for the gathering included, besides myself, John Naisbitt, author of "Megatrends," Lester Thurow, then Dean of the Business School at MIT, James Fletcher, the Director of NASA, Zbigniev Brzezinski, Counselor of the Center for Strategic & International Studies, and last but certainly not least, former President Reagan.

As it turned out, President Reagan addressed our intimate group of 50 or so people on Tuesday, Feb. 6th, which also happened to be the date of his 79th birthday. So, after lunch was served on an outdoor patio on a balmy Caribbean day, his birthday cake arrived and we all joined in singing a rousing rendition of "Happy Birthday." The president seemed to be in very good spirits as he then posed for pictures with each of us. As my wife Maddy and I stood beside him, I was struck both by his larger-than-life charisma and the all-too-human frailty of an elderly man.

As we took our seats, we were informed that Mr. Reagan would first deliver an informal speech on a variety of domestic and international issues. We were also told that when he finished this speech, we would then be able to ask him a wide range of questions.

What an exciting opportunity! I was in my late 30's at the time, and Reagan was the first president I had ever met (I've had the honor of meeting four more since then: Ford, Bush Sr., Carter and Clinton). Sitting with a small group of extraordinarily powerful and interesting men and women, I was going to be getting a chance to participate in a private, no-holds-barred discussion with one of the most renowned world leaders of the modern era.

However, while he was completing his talk, Reagan's assistants discreetly handed out pre-prepared questions to each of us on 3x5 inch index cards. Apparently, the former president preferred to be asked questions that he already knew the answers to.

Well, it's not my nature to go along with such pre-packaged protocol. So after he responded "astutely" to a handful of (prepared) questions, I raised my hand to catch his attention -- which wasn't too hard to do since Maddy and I were sitting directly in front of him and only about seven or eight feet away.

He selected me. I took a moment to stand up and face him, with respect. Although I hadn't voted for Reagan and had issues with some of his political and economic policies, I have to admit that when he turned to talk to me, I immediately felt engulfed by his legendary personal gravitas. I then steadied myself, took a deep breath and asked: "Mr. President... as a long-lived American, and as a prominent leader of Americans, I imagine that you've given a great deal of thought to what makes us and our country special? Could you share your feelings about this?"

His face revealed a slightly pained look as he realized that I was not working off the cue cards. Nevertheless, and to his credit, after first taking a moment to reflect, and then fastening his eyes on me he said: "Well Ken, I have been thinking about that very question myself lately. Here is what I think makes America the greatest country in the world."

"In this day and age, you could move to Brazil, but in so doing you wouldn't ever be considered a Brazilian. If you moved to Japan and spent the rest of your life there, and even became fluent in the language and culture, you'd never be accepted as Japanese. Similarly, if you chose to live and work in France, and even raised your family there, the French would surely never think of you as a Frenchman. But anyone who moves to America from countries like these and gains citizenship, can become an American!"

A deep silence fell over our group as we all realized we had just heard something profound... and very important.

I was so moved by the clarity and passion of Reagan's extraordinary response that I may have only imagined his eyes welling up with emotions -- but they did, and I was transfixed. He continued by explaining to me and to our group that in our nation, people from every conceivable religion, race, political persuasion, ethnic background and nationality have joined together to undertake an historic social experiment: the creation of a living, breathing democracy -- from scratch. And to raise the ante, we are doing so by capitalizing on the combined resources, creativities, experiences and values of a truly diverse mixture of humanity.

And then, in another dramatic moment, former President Reagan reflected further: "The other thing that I particularly appreciate about America," he then said, "is that in nearly all the nations of the world, each of their constitutions tell their people what they can do. In ours, the people tell the government what it can do."

When he finished, a hush fell over our group as everyone -- Democrats and Republicans alike -- had been deeply touched by both the insightful nature of President Reagan's reflections and the intensity with which he was feeling them. And since in my "normal" life, I tend to spend a good deal of my time with professional cynics, I must admit that I was truly struck by how good it felt to experience a burst of pure unadulterated pride in being a part of the grand -- noble even -- American experiment.

Now, you should also know that while "patriotism" generally fascinates me, I'm sometimes put off when people use twisted versions of it as a self-aggrandizing contrivance. However, Reagan was different. His love for America was pure -- almost spiritual. As the President shared these comments with me and our group, it was apparent that he didn't just believe in America, he genuinely loved America -- and he didn't just love one segment of America or one type of Americans... he loved the full and complete vibrancy of the American experiment.

What Ronald Reagan taught me on the occasion of his 79th birthday, is that believing in America is terrific but loving America is an even higher form of patriotism. And so, in celebration of Mr. Reagan's birthday I'd like to propose that while we're analyzing his political and economic priorities, we don't forget what may be his greatest legacy -- his deep and heartfelt love for our remarkable nation. Happy Birthday President Reagan.

Long-Term Care: The Solutions You Should Be Talking About Now

2010-11-02T07:17:46-04:00

This month is Long Term Care Awareness Month. Taking a moment to think about your - and your family's - possible future long term care needs is critical for us all since average life expectancy is now at 78 and rising. And, if you're already 55 or more, life expectancy has soared to around 84. This longer life can be cause for celebration or concern - especially concerns for your health and money. Two-thirds of people over age 65 will need some kind of long term care, and many of us aren't prepared for it. In fact, most of us haven't even thought about it. Perhaps I can help.

To better understand increasing longevity and its challenges, my company, Age Wave, one of the nation's thought leaders on retirement issues and Harris Interactive recently partnered with Genworth Financial to conduct the landmark study "Our Family, Our Future: The Heart of Long Term Care Planning." We polled more than 2,000 adults nationwide, gaining broad insights into how an individual's long term care needs could impact family members' lives, marriages, work commitments and financial stability. A complete report is available at this link. Some of the key findings from this eye-opening study follow.

Live Long, and -- Hopefully -- Live Well

Americans now say they would like to live to age 92 ... as long as they remain healthy. Respondents overwhelmingly reported that how long they want to live depends on how effectively they can maintain good health and independence. However, only 35 percent even considered the possibility of needing long term care if their good health is interrupted. Yet almost two-thirds (66 percent) of us will need long term care at some point in our lives.

The #1 Retirement Worry

Uninsured medical expenses are the top financial worry among men and women age 55 and over. People told us they worry most about these expenses' unpredictability and potential for high costs. The study also revealed that many Americans are confused about what long term care actually is, and they're surprised to learn that Medicare and/or traditional health insurance do not cover most long term care needs.

Why Plan for Long Term Care?

According the study's respondents, "not being a burden on my family" was the most important reason to plan ahead for long term care. Being "able to afford quality care in the setting I choose" was the next-highest priority, and "protecting my spouse's/loved ones' quality of life and future security" was next. When asked what aspect of "being a burden" worries them most, people told us that extended care can impose financial pressures on family members and also interfere with their lifestyles. Ironically, financial and caregiving challenges nearly always do fall on family members' shoulders when people fail to plan thoughtfully for their own potential long term care needs.

Caregiving is Everybody's Business

Currently, an estimated 66 million Americans serve as family caregivers, and 80 percent of all long term care support is unpaid. Spouses, adult children, siblings and grandchildren provide it. The impact of caregiving can be unexpected: while only 40 percent of caregivers anticipate that they will contribute financially to a family member's care, the reality is that 83 percent do. Beyond the out-of-pocket finances, we found that these responsibilities caused nearly half of caregivers to miss work, change shifts or even miss career advancement opportunities.

The #1 Age-Related Fear

We found that Alzheimer's is the disease people fear most in later life -- more than cancer, heart disease, stroke or diabetes. Today, one in eight, or 5.1 million Americans over age 65 have Alzheimer's. As Americans age, it is projected that our Alzheimer's rates could triple unless we see medical breakthroughs to prevent or treat it -- and I certainly hope we will! See this recent op-ed piece that I co-wrote with Supreme Court Justice (ret.) Sandra Day O'Connor and Nobel Laureate Dr. Stanley Prusiner for a more complete examination of this issue. And track the progress of USAgainstAlzheimers, a new bi-partisan political advocacy network committed to stopping Alzheimer's by 2020.

The Coming 'Caregiver Crunch'

Smaller families, the superior longevity of women, repeated housing relocations and the rising number of middle-aged women in the workforce will soon create a mass shortage of family caregivers: a "caregiver crunch." More than ever before, we all need to craft a game plan for how we'll handle potential long term care needs.

Talking and Planning for Your Peace of Mind

There are three core topics in family conversations about long term care: (1) what care options are most preferred (e.g. if you needed some help, would you prefer to be cared for at home, in an assisted living facility or in a nursing home?); (2) potential roles and responsibilities of different family members' (and possibly, help from a professional care coordinator, aid or nurse), should it ever be necessary to manage care; and (3) how to pay for any required long term care (with your or a family members' savings, through Medicaid or with a long term care insurance policy?). Alarmingly, we found that over 90 percent of all Americans have NOT discussed all three of these issues with their spouses, adult children and/or parents.

An Untapped Resource

Financial professionals can be valuable allies when you consider options to protect against long term care's financial and emotional costs. In fact, 78 percent of the study's respondents said they would find it helpful to talk to a financial professional about long term care. But only 16 percent have done so. Perhaps it's time to get that conversation started. To help get you ready, I have found these websites very useful: www.longtermcare.gov, www.caringtalk.com, and www.ResearchLTC.com.

My Own Personal Decisions

Six years ago, my wife Maddy and I stopped to weigh what might happen to our family if one of us ever needed long term care. We felt that purchasing the insurance would carry a cost; however, we concluded that there were far higher potential financial and emotional costs to avoid for ourselves and our children. We realized that if either of us ever needed some help, we wouldn't want to burden our children and take them away from their own families or careers to look after us. My parents bought their long term care policies in their 70s; we decided to buy ours in our early 50s when the rates were lower and we were far likelier to qualify. We also took advantage of special discounts for couples and tax advantages for small business owners. We think of our long term care policy as "peace of mind insurance."

Conversations about long term care planning can be difficult, but they're essential to maintain your family's financial and emotional stability. There are many different approaches to handling an extended care event and more and more community resources are now available to help you out. Regardless of which approach is best for you, give it some serious thought ahead of time. You'll give yourself far greater choices and control if you talk about it now. Don't wait for an emergency to ignite your decision making.

In fact, please share this article/blog with your loved ones and use it as a catalyst for productive family discussions.

I'd welcome all your thoughts, ideas and questions about these themes.

Ken Dychtwald, Ph.D., is a psychologist, gerontologist and author of sixteen books on aging, health, life transitions and retirement-related issues. They include Age Wave, The Power Years, and his new book, A New Purpose: Redefining Money, Family, Work, Retirement, and Success (with Daniel J. Kadlec). The founding CEO of Age Wave, he lives with his family in the Bay Area.

New Retirement Rules: Caught Between the Dow and the Tao

2010-08-25T07:00:00-04:00

The current financial "reckoning" is causing large numbers of pre-retirees to seriously rethink their current and future lives. While these distressing times have caused many retirement dreams to shrink or even disappear altogether, they're also providing a much-needed social/financial/spiritual wake-up call.

There's an existential battle going on to create a better balance between the Dow and the Tao - between the material and the spiritual, work and play, spending and saving, now and tomorrow. Yes, these are tough times, but I think they are perceived to be so partly because we've had it pretty darn good for so long. Our grandparents and parents certainly endured tougher sledding than this. Nevertheless, dealing with today's problems is a challenge for all of us: to be hopeful when we've lost a lot of money and time; to be encouraging when friends and relatives need our help or have lost their jobs; to be positive when there's so much vitriol and negativity in the media.

Millions of us are now looking for new meaning in our lives, and there's a growing desire - along with the vitality and life experience - to make something of the next decades of our lives. There seem to be five new retirement rules that are emerging:

First, since hardly anyone can afford a 25+ year non-working retirement anymore, we should all expect to work a bit longer. And, it probably makes sense to consider the possibility that there could be a satisfying part or full-time "encore" career waiting around the bend - that might even be more enjoyable than the job you've held during your main career. Maturity doesn't have to be either all work or all play. Maybe in the new retirement, enabled by the rise of sabbaticals, job-sharing, retraining, flex-retirement and phased retirement - and even charitable non-paying work, you can craft a better balance between the two. Should continued work be viewed as a failure? Absolutely not! In fact, studies consistently show that the majority of people who step to the sidelines and withdraw from a contributing life go through a period of sadness and profound disorientation. In contrast, retired people who stay productive and engaged, who reinvent themselves, are statistically happier, healthier, and think of these as the best years of their lives.

Second, perhaps another helpful rule for the new retirement is that relationship planning is just as important as financial planning. You can have all the money in the world and a fancy house, but if there aren't people in your life whom you care about and who care about you, you'll be likely to have a miserable time. At the end of the day, it's not the things we own that nourish us, but rather the experiences and relationships we share. How do you create intimacies with family members who might live at a distance? How do you forge new friendships with people from different backgrounds or different generations? How do you better connect with your parents, siblings, children and grandchildren? The art of creating nourishing relationships is something we all could be better at.

The third rule is to keep learning and growing. From my 35+ year experience in the fields of psychology and gerontology, I've become convinced that the number-one cause of premature aging is not atherosclerosis--hardening of the arteries--but "psycho-sclerosis," the hardening of the attitudes. Seeking to learn about new ideas, media and technologies, taking an interest in the lives and interests of younger people, continually stretching yourself, trying new things, and growing--that is what will keep you on the most satisfying and most youthful retirement path. For many, the fountain of youth is more likely to be found at the local community college than at the health spa.

Fourth, one clear message from the economic and demographic situation we're in is that it's time to buckle up and start living within our means. I can't even believe I'm saying this--I am so much a creature of this credit card era. It's become painfully obvious that not only have our leaders made some profound blunders, but we've botched things up too. Far too many of us have fantasized a style of life and a way of spending not matched by a high degree of discipline and responsibility regarding the making, saving, and use of money. This new era of increasing longevity and economic restructuring calls for wiser long term thinking and greater financial self-reliance among all of us.

Fifth, try to live the next chapter of your life with "purpose." Whoever said "he who dies with the most toys, wins" was wrong. When you give back of yourself, share what you know, when you help those who could benefit from you, you lose nothing. In fact, you gain. In the popular media, a great deal has been said about how to live longer (eat your veggies, get a good night's sleep, practice yoga etc.), yet there's been far too little discussion about what to do and who to be in retirement to feel a sense of purpose and contribution. We desperately need a new version of maturity in which older people are not pushed to the sidelines, but rather play a central role as mentors, teachers - elders. And, we could surely use some more "grown-ups" as role models. The longevity bonus we'll be receiving can provide a fantastic opportunity for volunteering, mentoring and philanthropreneuring - a time of not only leaving a legacy, but also living a legacy.

Ken Dychtwald, Ph.D. is a psychologist, gerontologist and author of sixteen books on aging and retirement related issues including his latest A New Purpose: Redefining Money, Work, Family Retirement and Success. The founding CEO of Age Wave (www.agewave.com), he lives with his wife and children in the San Francisco Bay Area.

The Aging of America: Triumph or Tragedy? (VIDEO)

2010-06-15T16:20:33-04:00

We stand poised at the edge of history. We are about to confront a demographic shift of enormous magnitude: increasing longevity, declining fertility, and the aging of the baby boom are triggering an enormous "age wave." This wave has the potential to create vibrant new stages of life with positive roles for the multiplying ranks of elders--and an equally compelling potential for social, financial and political catastrophe.

For many, life's prolonged second half will be a time to chart a new course. We'll have the time and resources to reverse past failures or build on past victories, perhaps changing careers, taking a sabbatical, or returning to school. With longer life spans, there will also be sufficient time to take a more active and contributing role in the lives of our children, grandchildren and community life.

For others, however, this "longevity bonus" will be fraught with pain and suffering. As bodies suffer and minds fail, tens of millions of us could wind up spending our final decades struggling with depressing loneliness and unrelenting pain. Large numbers of tomorrow's elders could also wind up impoverished, left stranded by an absence of financial preparedness and dwindling old age entitlements.

And who will pay for all of this? Can our country afford to have tens of millions of us living to 80? Or 100? Will existing pensions and entitlement programs survive long enough for us to reap even part of what we are hoping for? Can our current health care system handle the onslaught of chronic degenerative diseases, such as Alzheimer's? Can we wipe out this dreaded disease - and others - before they become the sinkhole into which 21st America falls? Can we envision - and bring to life a new "purpose" to maturity? And who of our leaders has the wisdom, courage and vision to chart the smart course?

In this keynote address, which was part of the general session of the recent joint convention of the American Society on Aging and the National Council on Aging, I found myself raging against America's unpreparedness for the aging of our society, challenging our misaligned health care system, sounding a wake-up call to our financially irresponsible population, questioning the new purpose of aging and lambasting our leaders for their shortsightedness in public policies pertaining to the age wave.

After having spent, 35 years studying (and worrying about) these issues, I offer these 16 minutes to you as a wake-up call, and with the deepest hope that in the years ahead, we can - and will - do the right thing.

Part 1.

Part 2.

Ken Dychtwald Ph.D., is a gerontologist, psychologist, documentary film-maker, public speaker and author of sixteen books, including Age Wave, Healthy Aging, Age Power: How the 21st Century Will be Ruled by the New Old, The Power Years: A User's Guide to the Rest of Your Life, Gideon's Dream: A Tale of New Beginnings and his latest A New Purpose: Redefining Money, Family, Work, Retirement and Success. He has served as a fellow of the World Economic Forum and is widely considered to be North America's most visionary and original thinker regarding the lifestyle, economic, health care, workforce and marketplace implications of the age wave.

My Parents' Love Letters

2010-02-08T17:27:00-05:00

As we head toward Valentine's Day, love is on many people's minds. Many young people fear they will be trapped in a marriage that becomes stale, predictable, or boring. I'm humbled to say that my parents -- Pearl and Seymour Dychtwald -- have been married 67 years and are living proof that such a fate is not inevitable. As you can hear for yourself, their love and acceptance of each other has grown stronger over their nearly seven decades of marriage.

Here's an excerpt from an interview with my parents that appears in a brand new book entitled Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truth from Real Couples about Lasting Love by renowned marriage therapists Charlie and Linda Bloom.

The Blooms: The Dychtwalds were definitely not made from the same cookie cutter. They appreciate their differences and according to Pearl, "It's not despite our differences that we have succeeded in creating such a rich life together, but because of them."

Pearl: Although we have spent about 99 percent of the past 67 years together, the first three years of our marriage were quite different. Seymour was 21 when we got married in 1942, and I was 18, just out of high school. We were a couple of kids. Six months after our wedding, he joined the army and three months after that he was sent to China, where he was stationed until 1946. I missed him terribly. I lived with my family in Newark, Ney Jersey while he was overseas, but the pain of our separation was great. When Seymour finally came home, I was overwhelmed with happiness. I didn't want to be separated ever again, and that's pretty much the way it's been ever since. The experience provided a powerful lesson about the preciousness of our connection and our desire to do whatever was necessary to sustain and deepen it.

Seymour: We stayed in very close touch while I was away. We wrote to each other every single day. Of course there were no emails in those days and you couldn't make telephone calls, so those letters were our lifelines. Between the two of us we wrote over 2,000 love letters. And we still have those letters today!

Pearl: During our lives, we've had our share of difficulties, losses and illness. One of the things that drove Seymour to focus so intently on earning a good living for our family had to do with his growing up in a very poor family during the Depression.

Seymour: My father left us when I was seven years old, and we never heard from him again. I kept hoping he'd be there for me, but he never was. It was hard. I was the youngest of four children, the baby. I started working for pennies when I was just a kid to help support my mother.

Pearl: Like most members of the Depression-era generation, we grew up with an acute sensitivity to money matters and were driven to earn enough money to provide for the family, which, by 1950, included our two sons, Ken and Alan.

Seymour: My one regret is that I didn't spend more time with the boys. I was so determined to build a successful clothing business that I left most of the child-rearing responsibilities to Pearl. In addition to being my hard-working business partner, she's always been a wonderful mother. I couldn't ask for a better mother for my sons. She's steady, patient, and very loving. I didn't really think about spending more time at home then. It was a different world. Men didn't get so involved with the family back then. If I had to do it over again, knowing what I know today, I'd have spent more time at home.

Pearl: We retired in 1987 and were hoping to enjoy that next chapter in our lives. But in 2003, our lives changed. Because of his diabetes, Seymour developed macular degeneration in his eyes, and his doctor suggested surgery to correct his vision. Rather than restoring vision, the surgery resulted in a loss of vision. He has virtually no possibility of recovery of sight in either eye. He is legally and permanently blind.

Seymour: I'm now unable to drive, read, watch movies, or do most of the things I used to love to do. Yet there's still much I can do because of Pearl. She's become my eyes. She helps me find things, drives me places, and takes care of me in ways that make me feel that my life is still good, that I'm still a productive and worthwhile human being.

Pearl: I am doing what I want to do. This is what I want to do. Caring for you brings me happiness and fulfillment.

Seymour: Pearl and I were faced with a crisis of a different type when the stock market took a big hit in 2001. The stocks that we had been holding lost much of their value. For the first time in almost fifty years, I was scared about not having enough money to keep us for the rest of our lives. I was really worried that we might be in serious financial trouble. For a long period of time I couldn't sleep at night. I was up worrying about what we were going to do.

Pearl: I was never that worried about the finances. I knew that if worse came to worse, we could make some adjustments in our lifestyle and cut back on some of the luxuries we had grown accustomed to without making any extreme sacrifices. It was just a matter of scaling back. We both knew how to live on less. We'd done it before, and if we needed to, we'd do it again. Mind you, there have been times when I've been frustrated with Seymour because he wasn't listening to me or he was upsetting me for some other reason, but I'd usually come up with some way to get through to him.

Seymour: Like when you dumped the bowl of water on my head?

Pearl: I don't even remember what I was upset about, but I was angry, and I just picked up a big bowl of water and poured it over his head. We both agree that it's not enough to just say "I love you," which we do on a daily basis to each other and other family members. We also stress the importance of displaying love through acts of kindness, caring, and generosity. For example, one of the ways that Seymour has come up with is by leaving love notes on the windshield of my car.

Seymour: I started doing it years ago when I knew her car was in the parking lot at the community center. I got a kick out of imagining her coming back to her car and finding that note on the windshield, seeing her smile as she read it. If I had advice to give young people today, it would be to love and respect each other always.

Pearl: And don't forget to remind each other of what you admire about him or her. Marriage is something you have to work at. You can't take the other person for granted. You can't just expect that because you're married, you don't have to continue to be as loving and attentive as you were before the wedding. Expressing my love to Seymour makes me love him more. Don't hold back.

Seymour: And praise your spouse's good points. Emphasize the positive. Oh, and don't forget to have fun.

This interview has been excerpted from Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truth from Real Couples about Lasting Love by Charlie and Linda Bloom.

Ken Dychtwald, Ph.D. is a psychologist, gerontologist and author of sixteen books on aging, life transitions, and retirement-related issues including Age Wave, The Power Years, and his most recent book, With Purpose: Going from Success to Significance in Work and Life (with Daniel J. Kadlec, Collins Life; 3/09). The founding CEO of Age Wave, he lives with his wife and children in the San Francisco Bay Area.