Marcia Reynolds2013-06-19T04:34:52-04:00Marcia Reynoldshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/author/index.php?author=marcia-reynoldsCopyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc.HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Marcia ReynoldsGood old fashioned elbow grease.How to Use Yoga Wisdom at Worktag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.32075822013-05-07T18:34:37-04:002013-05-07T18:34:47-04:00Marcia Reynoldshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-reynolds/Yoga Wisdom at Work. I had the opportunity to interview the authors, Maren and Jamie Showkeir. Here are some insights to using yoga principles beyond the mat and into your world.
Marcia: Yoga has exploded in popularity in the last few years -- it seems to be everywhere. Most people tell me they use it to keep limber, to maintain strong balance as they age and to work out the kinks they develop while sitting in office chairs or on airplanes all day. How can practicing yoga really help people be more effective in their work lives beyond the physical benefits?
Showkeirs: Most people are familiar with the physical practice of yoga, and a lot has been written about the ways it can relieve stress, calm your mind, and so on. All of that would certainly be useful in the workplace. But doing the yoga postures actually is only an eighth of a full yoga practice. It's an ancient philosophy based on "Eight Limbs," and offers a wide array of practices, including a code of conduct and practices that help people become more focused, self-aware and connected to themselves and to others.
Marcia: So it sounds like your book covers more than doing stretches at your desk or using breathing or meditation for stress relief.
Showkeirs: The book certainly covers those practices, but it also covers the full spectrum of the Eight Limbs. We think that yoga practiced more broadly can give people a new way of viewing how they work. The practices can help them connect differently with coworkers, look at the meaning of their work contributions in a different way, and in these crazy, rapidly-changing times, help them keep perspective and sanity. Yoga offers guidance about developing your potential and that of others, managing your energy, keeping healthy, ethics, discipline, leadership. Even though it is an ancient practice, it is completely relevant for the modern workplace.
Marcia: Give me some examples of what yoga is beyond the poses so I can easily apply this at work.
Showkeirs: Getting connected to your breath and learning to harness its power to calm you down or increase your energy is a wonderful and easy way to practice yoga at work, and we outline several techniques in the book. Meditation is another time-tested yoga practice, which is backed by research that shows this practice can actually create new pathways in your brain, helping to create productive habits and get rid of those that are destructive. A couple of the limbs are aimed specifically at training the mind -- our consciousness. People in this country invest a lot of time and energy to on physical fitness, and doing things to expand their knowledge and skills. But it's relatively rare to put that same devotion toward training the mind. These practices help quiet all that chatter in your mind, which leads to enhanced intuition, insight, focus and efficiency, and sets the stage for you to enhance creativity and innovation.
Marcia: People probably think of the mental side of yoga as very esoteric, but it sounds like it has a lot to offer that is practical as well.
Showkeirs: Our book is designed to be very pragmatic, and to give people concrete, practical ways of practicing yoga at work. And it includes lots of wonderful stories from yoga practitioners working in a wide variety of jobs who speak to the real benefits that they get from taking their yoga practice into the workplace. You know, we believe when people learn to live the values from the book, they will carry them forward as adults into the workplace creating amazing work cultures.
Marcia: I too believe that yoga wisdom is a way to change the workplace and the world. Good luck with your book launch!
For more on yoga, click here.]]>Are You Facing a Quarter or Midlife 'Crisis'?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.28499022013-03-12T13:18:30-04:002013-05-12T05:12:01-04:00Marcia Reynoldshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-reynolds/what women go through in their mid-life crisis and why women around the age of 29 are going through a quarter-life crisis. I was included in a televised discussion this week on HuffPost Live with a number of women facing or recently passing their 30th birthday, giving me the chance to hear how they define their torment.
I found both similarities and differences between quarter- and mid-life examinations. I believe the quarter-life crisis is coming to the forefront as leaders like Sheryl Sandberg and Marissa Mayer are pushing women to assess their professional and life values early in their careers.
Most women seriously reflect on the choices they have made and the career-life paths they are on when transitioning into a new decade of life (men do too, but this post focuses on women). You may feel lost as your priorities shift and the question, "Will my future give me happiness and fulfillment?" creates stress instead of hopeful anticipation.
The problem is that no one has defined what "fulfillment" looks like, so the quest has no specific destination. This all adds up to a restless craving to realize your potential which peaks as you approach each decade of your life. However, the angst you feel when experiencing each life passage is triggered by a different desire.¹ Here are a few examples:
Age 30 - The questions focus on career choices. The yearning is to ensure long-term happiness. "Will the choices I make around my career and family make me happy in the long run?" You may have already made a career move or landed in an "accidental career." You might struggle when differentiating societal, peer and family "shoulds" from your personal desires, but deride yourself for not figuring it out already. This could lead to a big career or life change, including starting your own business.
Age 40 - The questions focus on life purpose. The yearning is to ensure the significance and value of your efforts. You might be coping with ongoing inequality in your workplace or just feel misunderstood and mismanaged. There might be a "niggling" voice that says you have a bigger dream and purpose to achieve. You could recreate yourself at work or drop off the corporate ladder unless the organization is big enough to give you a lateral move to explore what else is possible. If you decide to move on, you might face some hits and misses before you successfully land on a new path.
Age 50 - The questions focus on legacy. The yearning is to ensure age-defying relevance. You face age discrimination more than men so you seek to seen as relevant as try to decide what you will do to share the wisdom you gained over the years. You might pursue richer ways to apply your talent and skills. Or you might look for ways to give back to the communities that supported your growth up to now. For some, this pursuit feels less driven than in previous years. For others, the yearning is just as strong but feels more universal than personal.
You might define your quarter- and mid-life assessments differently, as we are all unique. Some women pass through the stages with more ease than others. I welcome your comments and experiences.
Regardless of what questions you are grappling with right now, here are some questions that could help you embrace your restlessness as an opportunity for self-exploration and growth instead of letting it feel disruptive, confusing and scary.
What have I accomplished that I am proud of? Does this work still fulfill me or is the joy disappearing? Is there something I need to let go of in order to move forward?
Is there something more important and fulfilling that I can focus on now? What conversations am I having that bring me alive?
What do I want more of in my life? What yearning is emerging?
What have I been afraid to do? What step do I dare take now to find out what is on the other side?
Questioning your journey as you pass into new life phases is good practice even if it is uncomfortable. Most people will tell you it will all turn out OK. If you begin to feel like a stranger to yourself, find other women who are as restless as you and are willing to challenge the status quo of their existence. A good coach who specializes in life transitions can help as well. Hopefully, it won't be long before you come to love the new person you see.
¹ The research that defined these phases can be found in Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction. San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler, 2010.]]>Where Are All the Angry Women?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.19056372012-09-24T12:00:30-04:002012-11-24T05:12:01-05:00Marcia Reynoldshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-reynolds/Unlocking the Full Potential of Women at Work. It reminded me of all the articles I read when I started researching my book seven years ago. The statistics, problems and calls to action were the same. Women are vital to corporate success, yet little has changed to meet their needs, honor their strengths or trust them to hold top positions unless there is a crisis.
One question continuously asked is why women don't stay in corporate positions long enough to earn the top executive positions. We know many don't leave to raise babies. Many leave out of frustration, disillusionment, loss of hope and sometimes sheer boredom. If we know this to be true, why aren't there thousands of women working together to change the corporate environment?
At the 2012 Women in the World Summit, Nobel Peace Prize winner and Liberian peace activist Leymah Gbowee asked, "Where are all the angry American women?" She was referring to the lack of women willing to stand up for their reproductive rights. I heard her words as a call to action for women to speak their mind in our companies and organizations as well.
If not enough women stand together, the problems will never stop. In fact, as Shannon Kelly declared in her post, The War On Women is a War Against Everyone, there is a movement intent on taking us back to times when problems were worse.
I am amazed.
When I teach diversity in my leadership classes, most people claim gender issues no longer exist. The women, if there are any in the room, either say nothing or tell me privately about their struggles to be recognized as a leader. Yet they won't share their frustrations publicly. They don't want to do anything that might to damage their personal progress.
I don't understand.
We tell women they can pursue any career path they want. Yet when they become engineers or politicians, they face a blatant, not just subtle, discrimination. The shock often sends them running to another career, disillusioned by the society that said they could achieve anything if they worked hard enough.
Enlighten me.
We still need changes in economic, political and social structures to utilize the talents of women. Yet when I am standing in the checkout line at the grocery store, everything screams at me to be more attractive, care about a Kardashian and cook better for my family.
Work is now an integral part of women's lives, either by desire or need. Companies with a percentage of female leaders in the boardroom do better financially. Why aren't leaders listening to what women need to feel valued and fulfilled? Are women not loud enough?
A group of women's rights activists have come together with lawmakers to make changes. Where? Buenos Aires. They call it the Women's Parliament. They were formally acknowledged last year and now they are transforming their most important initiatives into legislative bills. The idea for the group was first mentioned to lawmakers in 1998. It took 13 years to win official approval. The women never gave up.
Umair Haque wrote a blog post every American woman should read called, Declare Your Radicalness. He said we are "...the inheritors of the legacies of adventurers, grand risk-takers, plucky pioneers, those with the courage and sheer impertinence to defy a status quo that tried it's damnedest to stop them from creating a future that was brighter than the drab present they refused to settle for."
Where are all the radical women who won't stop until the future is brighter for all women?
Whether or not you thought Anne-Marie Slaughter threw feminism under the bus, she made a powerful call to action in her viral Atlantic article, Why Women Still Can't Have it All, "If women are ever to achieve real equality as leaders, then we have to stop accepting male behaviors as the default and the ideal. We must insist on changing social policies and bending career tracks to accommodate our choices, too. We have the power to do it if we decided to, and we have many men who will stand beside us."
In response to Slaughter's article (there were over 2,400 comments online), Rebecca Traister wrote in a piece in Salon, "There are miles to go before feminism sleeps... We are still very much in the midst of reversing eons of gendered injustice." She also notes that "backlash politics" is pushing against the strides we have made. If we give in now, how many accomplishments will be erased?
Are you willing to stand up and fight? Here are a few tips to help you get started:
Claim your power. Many women I meet say they don't feel they have the power to change anything. Lauren Stiller Rikleen says in Power Strategies for Women the first step women must do is to get comfortable with the pursuit of influence and power. They will accomplish more by learning the nuances of influence and enjoying the impact they have when they wield their power than just relying on their accomplishments to speak for themselves.
Clarify your vision. What does the world you want to live in look like? How are businesses operating so that people not only have lives, but are enjoying their lives too. Instead of trying to fix what is wrong, we need people who can paint a picture of a future that inspires others to follow and fight for.
Work step by step to bring your vision to life. Change is incremental; it takes a lot of little steps and ideas spoken before the tipping point is reached. We can't give up now.
Find people who aren't like you to align with. The broader your network of advocates, the greater your influence and ideas. The more people of different backgrounds come together, the greater the possibility for creative ideas to emerge.
Can you get angry enough to change this pathetic situation women still face at work? The decision is yours. As Martin Luther King said, "The right time to do the right thing is always now."]]>Choosing What to Wear to Worktag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.18075412012-08-21T14:00:03-04:002012-10-21T05:12:12-04:00Marcia Reynoldshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-reynolds/
I didn't want to dress to please men. Nor did I want to wear black or blue chunky suits. So I chose to be a bit outrageous without looking sexy. Fortunately, I was acknowledged for my good work. Yet I wonder if my unconventional look played into the strength of the glass ceiling I hit.
I didn't consider the impact of my clothes on my credibility or on my ability to influence others. What's worse, I didn't consider the impact my fashion choices had on the women on the career ladder below me who longed for a role model to inspire their rise up the rungs.
Whether you like it or not, a woman is judged by her wardrobe. From Hillary Clinton's hair and pantsuits to Marissa Mayer's sweaters and boots, people equate a woman's look with her ability to lead. These days, men, too, are thinking twice about their fashion choices.
I am not asking whether this is right or wrong. I'm asking, "If this is the truth you must live with, how do you choose what to wear to work?"
This issue was recently explored in theNew York Times as it applies to women in Silicon Valley. The article suggests that women in technology on the west coast are "bucking convention not only by being women in a male-dominated industry, but also by unabashedly embracing fashion."
"Women in the tech world aren't confined to wearing a standard black suit, so they can have more fun with their day clothes," designer Stacey Bendet Eisner said in the Times article. "They also want an element of sophistication to their clothes because they want to be taken seriously."
It sounds like these women are mixing sophistication with touches of personal statement while staying away from looking sexy.
The chief executive of Samasource, Leila Janah, told the Times, "I remember briefly attempting the Adidas and jeans and sweatshirt over T-shirt look, but I realized I was trying to dress like a young tech geek, and that just wasn't me."
I surmise that today's objectives are to like your look, feel confident when you walk in a room and stand out with your choice of shoes, jewelry and traces of color.
Don't forget to include your haircut. Long or short, straight or curly can undermine your impact as well.
"Fashion talks," says Shira Tarrant and Marjorie Jolles. You aren't just working to let the men know you are confident, successful and serious about your work. The other people who are paying attention are women, including your peers, employees and mentees. Will they respect you and seek you out more or less by what you wear? Your choices of clothing could affect their futures.
Fashion sends signals, good, bad or surprising. What we wear tells the world who we are. What we choose represents how well we think about ourselves, how successful we have become and what trimmings we enjoy.
With this in mind, here are four tips to consider when choosing what to wear at work:
1. Take your cues from the environment, leaders and customers. The Times article highlighted differences in dress in Manhattan from Silicon Valley. Once I had to pack to teach classes in Los Angeles, New York, Madison and New Orleans. I brought four wardrobes with me. This fall I have to pack for Copenhagen, Mumbai, Moscow and San Juan, Costa Rica. I need to honor what is appropriate and expected locally for a woman of my credentials and success.
2. Show off your success, not your sex. I always dress one step up from what my clients wear to work, including my purse, shoes and scarf. I like wearing skirted suits and dresses, but when I'm teaching all day, pants are more comfortable. My clothes show off my body, but they don't show skin anywhere I wouldn't want people to stare. I want people to hear my words, not stare at my body or clothing.
3. Wear what fits. I am short and as I age, I've become denser. I have learned to look at how clothing fits from the back to the front, from my shoulders to my toes. If it doesn't fit anymore, it becomes someone else's treasure. When you try your clothes on, raise your arms in front of a mirror. Does that flatter you or not? Also sit in a chair to see how you look. Don't forget to look at your hair from all angles as well.
4. Clean out your closet every three years. My image consultant said that women look in their closets and say, "Look at all the money in here." How can you throw things out of value? If it no longer fits, if it has gone out of fashion, or you haven't worn it in two years, give it away. Better to have a few good looking outfits than a closet full of things you shouldn't wear any more.]]>What Ambition in Women Looks Liketag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.14848002012-05-08T12:10:49-04:002012-07-08T05:12:08-04:00Marcia Reynoldshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-reynolds/Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, say that women lack ambition, I thought, "She's an executive, not a researcher. This idea will be disproved." Yet she continues to be given a platform to tell this story. People continue to listen. This is another low blow to high-achieving women.
I do applaud when Sandberg looks at societal and systemic problems that need to be addressed. Yet she also says the problem stems from girls being brought up to lay back and be communal. Yes, there is still gender stereotyping in the media and many girls are brought up with desires that might keep them out of the boardroom. But an increasing number of studies and books reflect a different story. There are many other reasons women leave before they are offered an executive position. Most are not due to a lack of ambition.
Why do women quit fighting for higher positions or quit their jobs altogether, moving on to something else?
1. Women are not motivated by the traditional "carrot and stick" approaches that business counts on. From my experience and research, many women are not motivated to achieve because they want money and titles. They are motivated by "motion and meaning." They want frequent, new and significant challenges and they want recognition for their contributions. They are restless and often disappointed. This may frustrate their ambition, but the drive remains. They just have to recreate their vision to get their needs met. Instead of climbing up the corporate ladder, they drive themselves out the door. They take their ambition elsewhere.
As a result, women bounce around jobs and companies more frequently than men. Eventually, many bounce off the corporate ladder all together. According to MBO Partners' Independent Workforce Index, some 8.5 million women are choosing to fly solo when it comes to work in the United States, making up 53 percent of all independent workers.
2. Young women often don't realize the barriers to their success are still so strong.Shelby Knox, committed to reviving feminism as a way of helping women feel sane as well as strong, says women enter the workforce thinking they are equal and there are no barriers. Then they face the truth. Many have early successes, but most hit a wall along the way where they are given less challenges and recognition. Knox says that many young women blame themselves for this plateau. Either their confidence suffers, keeping them from pushing forward, or they give up the battle along the way. They don't lack ambition. They lack a sense of reality.
We need to encourage girls to achieve their dreams. And we need arm them with the confidence and skills to deal with the realities they will face. We can encourage while being pragmatic.
3. Women are told to act like men and are then chastised for this behavior. In her famous TED talk, Sandberg discusses the structural restraints in companies that could make it hard for women to stay on the leadership ladder. Ambitious women are often judged harshly. Jennifer Berdahl of the Rotman School of Management says women who achieve are often seen as less likable. This negative social reaction can deter other women from climbing the corporate ladder. Yet this doesn't mean women aren't ambitious.
Unfortunately, frustrated women often leave the system instead of trying to change it. "Often, women decide to leave jobs because they don't believe they'll be able to improve their situation," said Emily Hoffman, vice president of development and delivery at VitalSmarts in an article by Little Pink Book on Why Women Quit. "Bottled resentment and anger that women may feel towards colleagues or managers eventually manifests itself in simply quitting."
The sad truth is that if women keep leaving, nothing will change. Who else will stand up to the unfairness that is still keeping women back? Anger might not make us likable, but being political and polite will only maintain the status quo.
It's easier to change a system from the inside than it is just talking about it from the outside. Although I don't agree that you need to play golf, Julie Steinberg wrote a good article for the Wall Street Journal on what women need to do to get ahead. Most of all, we need to stand together. A crowd of angry voices is harder to ignore than one courageous "complainer."
4. Women shy away from important career-defining conversations, such as negotiating how and where they do their work, asking for promotions and letting people know about their accomplishments. In her new book, Pushback, Selena Rezvani teaches women how to speak up for what they want, whether for a promotion, a new challenge or a raise. If people keep misunderstanding women's motivations and desires, they will continue to be labeled negatively. Women have to know how to speak and ask so they will be heard.
Women ARE ambitious, whether they are nurturing and collaborative or independent, assertive, and decisive. They may need to speak up and educate people better on what they need.
Everyone else needs to practice listening.]]>Do Mean Girls Win At Work?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.12222132012-03-13T08:44:10-04:002012-05-13T05:12:02-04:00Marcia Reynoldshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-reynolds/ Do Mean Girls Win? The author cited evidence that "the attitude that you have to be a 'mean girl' to get ahead doesn't seem to be losing steam." I disagree with this perspective, but I do agree with the comments made by the authors of the the books they mentioned, which I share in this post.
For starters, neither a Nice Girl nor a Mean Girl wins at work. Unless a woman is perceived as a capable adult that doesn't fit into these two labels, she won't work her way too far up the career ladder.
Yet even if you aren't labeled "mean" or "nice," I believe being a woman is never an advantage at work. No matter how many books or articles declare feminine traits as essential to corporate success, these traits are only valued in industries that thrive on compassion, insight and nurturing. Even then, a medical clinic for example might want these traits in their employees, but they still only promote people into upper management positions if they demonstrate they are confident, assertive and can speak with both brevity and clarity.
Essentially, being adept at empathy and intuition won't get you promoted. Yet the women who are promoted aren't necessarily cold-hearted and mean. Nor are they considered mean by other senior leaders if they demonstrate confidence, assertiveness and good communication skills in spite of scores of writers who still write about "the curse of being a tough woman."
Confident and assertive women are not "mean." The people responsible for promotions label them "qualified." It is angry, aggressive women bent on changing their dysfunctional workplace who are considered mean and ultimately, not promotable.
In truth, what it takes for a woman to win is not that much different from a man.
Christy Whitman and Rebecca Grado, authors of new book, Taming Your Alpha Bitch, agree. They assert that women who confuse forcefulness with true power ironically end up dis-empowering themselves by creating conflict and competition. They suggest that women who demand changes don't understand the fundamentals of persuasion. True female leaders demonstrate composed confidence and a deep understanding of the business, two traits that apply to successful men as well.
A strong woman isn't necessarily a "woman of strength." Being a Warrior can help you win battles in the field. It doesn't help when you make it to the board room. Here being smart and savvy is more important.
Bernadette Boas, author of Shedding the Corporate Bitch, says that after channeling the "bitchy mindset" so often, "I was full of angst and attitude." To snap out of it, she didn't need sugarcoating. Rather, "I needed to be told this wasn't going to get me where I wanted to go." Boas realized that her skills of connection and persuasion would help her be more successful in the long run.
There are still barriers to women in terms of the old boys club at work and the subtle discrimination they face. These barriers are diminishing slowly, and there is a lot of work still to be done to create parity for women. But being nice, mean or resilient won't make these roadblocks disappear. The best a woman can do is to get superlative results working with others and connect with as many people as she can on a personal level so they see her as a smart, confident human.
In fact, fewer and fewer Americans care whether their boss is a man or a woman. A recent survey of more than 60,000 people by Kim M. Elsesser of UCLA and Janet Lever of California State University shows that the proportion of people who have no preference when it comes to the gender of their managers now stands at 54 percent. This number has risen from 43 percent in 2006 and 36 percent in the 1980s.
Apparently, the stereotypes are melting away. Yes, 46 percent of the respondents did prefer a man or woman with the majority opting for a man, but it is up to us to accelerate this evolution.
How can we do that?
1. Quit speaking in labels, starting with a ban on the phrases Mean Girl and Nice Girl. I wish writers would quit using these terms in their articles and books, especially in the titles. I believe we can best support women in the workplace by putting these terms to rest.
2. Teach women to finesse instead of fight their way up the ladder.
3. Agree on what makes a good leader regardless of gender and recognize whenever ANYONE shows these traits.
4. Help women strengthen their confidence. The reason women don't self-promote as well as men is because they spend more time finding fault in their work than celebrating their wins.
A post for the Harvard Business Review noted confidence as a major factor keeping women out of the corporate suites. As Jill Flynn, Kathryn Heath, and Mary Davis Holt wrote: "Having combed through more than a thousand 360-degree performance assessments conducted in recent years, we've found, by a wide margin, that the primary criticism men have about their female colleagues is that the women they work with seem to exhibit low self-confidence."
Cultivating leadership presence can be learned. It's time we take on the mission to advance the inner game of leadership for women.
What types of women win at work? Ultimately, the winners are women who are confident with themselves as well as their skills, who get results, and who model the behavior they would like to see in others.
Read more about the research and techniques for strengthening your confidence and leadership presence in Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction by Marcia Reynolds, PsyD.]]>Why We Need to Support Mentag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.11278862011-12-05T16:35:35-05:002012-02-04T05:12:01-05:00Marcia Reynoldshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-reynolds/End of Men" as many writers would have you believe. As the definition of "what it means to be a woman" changes, so does the definition of "what it means to be a man."
The problem is the lack of support for this evolution.
Women are not becoming less feminine; they are learning to speak up, take charge and more easily make decisions while still possessing more "feminine" qualities at varying degrees. Men are not becoming wimps; they have been given the freedom to express their "softer" emotions, find joy in less "manly" tasks, and choose careers based on meaning and fulfillment instead of taking a path based solely on money.
We are all evolving. It's the labels and judgments we place on each other that are not evolving.
I don't think there is a role-reversal going on. I think there is a blending of roles and possibly the wonderful disintegration of roles that limit who we are as we try to succeed and be happy on this planet.
Whenever I write about the new relationship dynamics where women are breadwinners and men offer more emotional support than financial assistance, I get a slew of emails telling me I am naïve. Women tell me few men tolerate female dominance in any fashion. Men scream that women marry for the alimony.
I question whether we are doomed to play out this scenario -- we have free will. I believe the more educated and experienced we are, the more we can change this story.
How do you judge what is right for women and men? Do you define masculine and feminine in conventional or contemporary terms? Are you open to a new conversation?
The leadership conversations don't help either. There is talk that our postindustrial, knowledge-based economy is more congenial to women with their strengths in social intelligence and collaboration. These are learned behaviors that many men display as well. We should focus more on defining the strengths of leaders in today's global marketplace instead of focusing on gender. I believe this focus will open doors for both women and men.
The idea that men and boys are at risk because of the rise of women only harms our social evolution. We need women to keep evolving. Poverty rates for women compared to men and the numbers of women in leadership roles are still dismal. We need to keep celebrating the rise of women in business, politics and family life around the world.
And we need to publicly acknowledge, respect and honor men who don't push to be a hard-driving professional or CEO if they don't want to and follow their passion instead, who seek an emotional bond with those close to them, who don't let their egos and sex life get bruised if their partners make more money than they do, who honor skills of listening and empathy as well as focus and accomplishment.
It is possible that the "child-rearing brain" creates a conflict with what I suggest. It is also possible that we, as humans with self-awareness and free will, have the ability to choose how we judge others and react to their choices.
The evolution is happening anyway. Will you support it or resist it? What will you tell your children? It's up to us to accelerate or delay the identity evolution of men and women.
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Marcia Reynolds, PsyD is a leadership trainer and executive coach who writes for smart, strong goal-driven women. Her book, Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction, is full of exercises and real stories designed to help you face your challenges and realize your potential in this crazy, busy world.
]]>Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.10023912011-10-09T13:30:05-04:002011-12-09T05:12:01-05:00Marcia Reynoldshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-reynolds/Stewart Brand, editor of the Whole Earth catalog, Steve Jobs told the 2005 Stanford graduating class to "Stay hungry. Stay foolish." The words described how Jobs lived his life. He didn't live to fit into the system. He lived to create what he thought was possible.
How can you live by these wise words especially in times of economic problems and dark omens of the future?
For me, the most significant word is not hungry or foolish, but "stay."
No one accomplishes great things without a passion for their work and strong beliefs that what they are doing is right and good for many.
Last week, the Norwegian Nobel Committee announced that it "has decided that the Nobel Peace Prize for 2011 is to be divided in three equal parts between Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, Leymah Gbowee, and Tawakkul Karman for their non-violent struggle for the safety of women and for women's rights to full participation in peace-building work."
These women know the meaning of "stay" in dark times.
Even with passion and conviction, there has to be endurance. I recently heard education expert Sir Ken Robinson say, "We live in a veil of beliefs and values." If your life's work is about lifting the veil so others can have equal rights and opportunities to live up to their potential, then you need to know how to persist even when your efforts feels futile.
The Dalai Lama said, "To be born at all is a miracle. What will you do with your life?"
Stay hungry. Stay foolish.
If money weren't an issue, what change would you like to make? What movement would you like to create or add your voice to? What were you once passionate about but gave up hope?
Is there any reason that you would like to say, "Oh yeah, I'll show you!" Great things have come out of the desire to prove others are wrong about us and our ideas.
Could it be that you haven't stepped out or you gave up because what you tried didn't seem to work?
Maybe it's time to try again. Start small. Prove what you know is right with little experiments so you have inspiring data instead of just an idea.
Find people to work with that support your point of view. Stay away from people who tell you to play it safe.
Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, Leymah Gbowee, and Tawakkul Karman, and the late Steve Jobs all started with few resources but they had the tenacity to take small steps that led to big changes in the world. My hope is that their work inspires many more women to take steps toward making the world a better place for all.
We must stay hungry and foolish to create a world where everyone can live up to their greatest potential. Will you join me in realizing this vision?]]>10 Steps Toward Making Peace With Foodtag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.9313802011-09-29T07:00:00-04:002011-11-29T05:12:01-05:00Marcia Reynoldshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-reynolds/
This topic came up in a recent conversation I had with Michelle May, MD, author of Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat: How to Break Your Eat-Repent-Repeat Cycle and Leslie Schilling, MA, RD, a Memphis-based registered dietitian specializing in eating disorders.
The two clinicians broke into a frenzy about how the diet food industry makes women feel so guilty about wanting a cookie that they become obsessed with food, creating the deprivation-craving-overeating cycles so many live with on a daily basis.
Dr. May gave me an example of how the diet food industry perpetuates the "good food-bad food = good girl-bad girl" concept using a recent commercial for Fiber One Brownies. The ad depicts a bouncer guarding a velvet curtain while the voice-over makes a dramatic claim: They've been off limits to dieters since time began. A dieter shoves the bouncer aside and peeks through the curtain to find women dancing in the aisle under colored disco lights, grabbing packaged brownies from a silver tray. As the renegade dieter takes a bite of the forbidden brownie, two men, one holding a head of iceberg lettuce, look on baffled. The look of ecstasy on her face says it all: The deprivation is over.
For decades, the food and diet industries have bombarded us with various versions of these conflicting messages: The foods women love are bad (or fattening, sinful, unhealthy) and women are bad if they eat them (weak-willed, guilty, unhealthy). We will rescue women with our diet versions of the bad foods so they can be and feel good (attractive, happy, virtuous). One blogger wrote, "Fiber one's 90 calorie brownies are literally the BEST thing that has ever happened to me." Really? Doesn't life have a lot more to offer than a diet brownie?
The message that women should always be dieting has become so ubiquitous that it is accepted as conventional wisdom. The "dieting is normal" message reverberates on the morning news talk shows, in doctor's offices, during Pilates class, and even at the family dinner table. When I got out of college, I remember visiting a friend I had not seen in years. We spent all of our time talking about our diets and weight loss and gains. Wasn't there anything else important to discuss?
"Women have been made to feel unworthy of real food," Schilling told me. "Food manufacturers, touting health, deceive the public about nutrition and appropriate food consumption. They take a highly processed food, replace the fat and sugar with sweeteners or spike it with fiber, and label it as healthy and guilt-free."
Where does the guilt come from? Schilling says, "The diet-food industry has evolved and expanded right along with the American waistline. If the products actually helped, wouldn't waistlines -- and the diet-food market -- be shrinking?"
Dr. May passionately added, "The implication that food is the enemy, and that women in particular, lack the ability to manage it has serious unintended consequences."
According to Dr. May, "Dieting often leads to feelings of deprivation, cravings, eventual giving in, guilt, and overeating." Dr. May coined this the eat-repent-repeat cycle. "Most people blame themselves for their perceived lack of willpower, or more accurately, won't-power. However, it is a predictable chain of events caused by this unnatural love-hate relationship with food."
Dr. May feels people should eat what they love. I argued that a lot of packaged foods people crave are made with ingredients that I feel are toxic, like corn syrup. Dr. May says that if you are less focused on "good" and "bad" foods and defining yourself by how you make these choices, it is easier to be in tune with what your body wants and needs. You naturally make better choices.
I have to say that as I have aged and quit worrying about being skinny, I am healthier, happier and look just fine in my clothes. I am coming to understand we are making girls, and now even boys, crazy over the obsession with weight loss that they carry into adulthood.
You may argue that there is a problem with obesity. That may or may not be another story. You can ask Dr. May about that.
May and Schilling offer these 10 tips for breaking the eat-repent-repeat cycle:
Eat what you love. All foods can fit into a healthy diet using the common sense principles of balance, variety, and moderation to guide your eating.
Love what you eat. Slow down and eat mindfully, without distractions.
Value quality over quantity.
Small, sustainable improvements in your eating are more effective than a drastic, temporary overhaul.
Use nutrition information as a tool, not a weapon.
Choose the healthiest option that won't leave you feeling deprived.
Don't expect yourself to eat perfectly -- it's not possible or even necessary.
When guilt is no longer a factor, common sense will prevail.
Accept that you'll sometimes regret the choices you make. Learn from your experiences.
Exercise for healthy and energy, not to earn the right to eat or pay penance for eating a "bad food."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Marcia Reynolds writes for smart, strong goal-driven women. Her book, Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction, is full of exercises and real stories designed to help you face your challenges and realize your potential in this crazy, busy world.
]]>Praising "The Feminine" Is Discriminatingtag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.9078742011-07-28T18:01:30-04:002011-09-27T05:12:01-04:00Marcia Reynoldshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-reynolds/
To talk about women as if they are all alike and want the same things from life is not only silly, but heart-breaking to the thousands of women who fall outside the box.
As women are more educated and have the potential to earn a good living, the more they desire to do something significant. This requires women accept their power and take on leadership roles, actions still frowned on by many Americans. We are not as progressive as we claim.
A study preformed by researchers at Northwestern University recently found that, first of all, "Women are viewed as less qualified or natural in most leadership roles ... and secondly, when women adopt culturally masculine behaviors often required by these roles, they may be viewed as inappropriate or presumptuous."
Therefore, when people talk about natural feminine traits as being receptive and nurturing, a growing number of women think either there is something wrong with them or they must be lone warriors to succeed. What's worse, their husbands, managers and teachers wish they would be quiet and more "ladylike," though most people except Florida Republican Allen West would ask us to be more "diplomatic" and "collaborative" when suggesting we change who we are.
So if you don't fit the accepted definition of "woman" and you don't bring those wonderful "feminine traits" to the table, who are you?
If you dare to be ambitious, pursue multiple passions with vigor, struggle with impatience, commit to excellence even if some people have to get out of the way for you and you strive to make a difference using your talents, are you a cultural misfit? If you are nauseous when seeing workshops on the Divine Feminine in your inbox, are you dysfunctional?
I would like for us to stop assigning certain personality traits and approaches to the "feminine" or the "masculine" which creates an "us vs. them" mentality that helps no one.
Shannon Kelly, author of the blog Undecided, wrote in her post Us Vs. Them, "We like our people simple. Our women especially. Easily defined. Simply categorized. And when it comes to women, the less threatening, the better."
The rise of females having the gumption to publicly express their ambition and opinions is not about women abandoning feminine values. We are all experiencing an evolution of consciousness where women are free to choose a life based on passions instead of expectations. It is exhilarating! But because there is resistance to this evolution, it is also confusing and often disheartening for women in both their personal relationships and in the workplace.
Whether you are a manager, teacher, or friend, can you ask every woman you meet what motivates them and what they want to create? Here is a hint... it might be different from what drives you and what you assume it should be.
It is time we look each other in the eyes with a sense of curiosity, to seek to know the person standing in front of us. Who is the person beyond the labels? What strengths, gifts, talents, and perspective does she, or he, bring to the moment?
There is nothing wrong with women who take on too much work for the love of it, who get bored if they can't look forward to new and exciting challenges or who give up an easy life or turn a down secure, well-paid job to find work that feels more significant.
The good news is that there will be more and more of these women. Whatever you call them, every year many women get stronger and more confident in spite of those who judge them.
Let's quit defining what a man or woman should be and get on with the business of being the best humans we can be.
If we can allow each other to be who we are, it will be so much easier for smart, strong, goal-driven women to proudly accept who they are. It is a time of transformation. As women walk through the fog of confusion trying to follow their hearts while "doing what is right," shouldn't we help them choose for themselves? Shouldn't we stand for freedom for all instead of confinement?
Being feminine is not the same as being a woman.
Marcia Reynolds, Psy.D. explores the challenges and needs of smart, strong, goal-driven women in her book, Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction. She is a professional coach and leadership trainer who works within a variety of industries around the world.
]]>Three Ways Women Can Better Manage Their Careerstag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.8685312011-06-30T11:24:02-04:002011-08-30T05:12:01-04:00Marcia Reynoldshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-reynolds/
Without analyzing and working to change the belief systems, assumptions and behavior that have an impact on the opportunities for women, there is little change in the long run.
If the programs have little effect on the continuing lack of gender parity and female representation at the top levels, what can you do if you don't want to work somewhere else right now?
Short of starting a revolution, you can do three things for yourself: 1) manage sideways, 2) manage up, and 3) manage your career beyond your job.
Manage sideways
Patrick Lencioni, author of Five Dysfunctions of a Team, says, "...managing the team you belong to should be your first priority." There is power in peer respect and credibility. Your peers will either bolster or hinder your attempts to move forward.
If you enjoy being a star performer, you might overshadow those around you. Shine a light on them, too by showing a sincere interest in the projects your peers are involved in. Look for ways to help them solve their most pressing issues. Become an advocate for their needs; this makes you a valuable ally. Don't just listen to them more in meetings. Set up individual meetings to better understand their goals and issues. Hopefully, these meetings would also serve to rebuild any trust you may have broken in the past.
Be relationship-focused as well as results-focused in your conversations. Ask your peers for their feedback as well, including their evaluation of your leadership presence.
Manage Up
Many women think they should be noticed for their good work. No matter how hard you work, you still need to actively create positive visibility with your boss and the management team above.
Positive is a key word. If you are angry with management for their lack of recognition, you have to adjust your attitude from irritation to feeling determined, even passionate about helping the company to excel. Use your "I'll show you" energy to become a visible leader of change. You don't want to be seen as a Rebel. You want to be seen as a committed Visionary who gets results.
Move from a problem-finding to problem-solving mindset. Inspire others to participate by making new projects fun look fun and innovative. When senior leaders see how well you can orchestrate creative solutions that get results, you will get the recognition you crave.
Make sure you include your boss in your plans. If you spot an organizational problem that you can fix, ask your boss, "Would you support my efforts in creating wider visibility in the organization?" Your boss might have a perspective that you missed in your planning.
Don't forget that the best way to connect with your boss is to discover a solution to one of his or her problems. This might take some sleuthing and focused listening to discover what is keeping your manager up at night. Be a trusted resource and your boss might seek your ideas more often.
Manage Your Career
Don't just do your current job well. Develop an eye for projects that will have a significant impact on productivity in the future. This will give you political power whether you want to move up the ladder or not.
Most high-achievers see things from a tactical perspective, meaning you focus on how to do your work better or on how your direct reports can be more productive. Although you are proactive about improvements, you may not see what hot issues are emerging.
In addition, evaluate your work from a strategic perspective. This means stepping back and researching what issues will need to be addressed six to twelve months from now based on changes going on in your company, industry, marketplace, or the world.
Claire Shipman and Katty Kay described this focus in their book, Womenomics, as finding the high-profile, high-reward projects that are just starting to grab everyone's attention. "If you are ahead of the curve on buzz, it also gives you a chance to leap on those areas early on and claim them as yours."
Listen to what the executives are talking about, read the industry newsletters, tap into bloggers who write about your industry, join discussion groups on social media platforms and then do Internet searches on topics that keep coming up. Then determine what you can wrap your passion and energy around.
When you discover a new idea or solution, organize tiny pilots for your ideas to test your theories. Once you are sure you have found some unique solutions, find champions on the leadership team for your projects.
Champions are executives who will plead your case when you are ready to propose your new idea. Look for an executive who has a reputation for supporting fresh ideas. Also, look for someone who will benefit from what you want to try by demonstrating how your ideas will increase your champion's productivity or image of success in the company.
Don't keep your boss in the dark. Let your boss know early on that you have sought a mentor in the organization.
Regardless of how women are viewed overall in your organization, you are valuable resource. Be creative with your solutions and create raving fans in your organization. If you do this, you can choose whatever direction you want to take.
Adapted from Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction. ]]>Why McKinsey Has Women's Empowerment All Wrongtag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.8493282011-05-05T03:12:00-04:002011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00Marcia Reynoldshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-reynolds/Wall Street Journal article, "Coaching Urged for Women." The article heralded the McKinsey & Co. report released this month that claimed that "inadequate career development holds back female executives." As a result of their research, they surmised that the lack of women in top management positions is due to insufficient coaching, leadership training and rotation through various management roles.
Although the report includes a suggestion for leaders to work on the limiting mindsets that create the barriers for women, the recommendations focus primarily on "fixing the women" instead of on fixing the system that created the problem. A recent Harvard Business Reviewarticle demonstrates that companies that are committed to putting women through mentoring and training don't necessarily promote them. They just make them busier.
I love that I have a cadre of amazing female leaders that I coach. Yet, it would make their lives easier if the male leaders they had to deal with were coached as well.
In January, the head of North American HR of one of the largest software companies in the world told me that they were working on developing their female employees even though the top management team was still made up of men. He said, "I coach many of the women myself. I help them see how they can best work in this male-dominated company."
I asked him, "Are you also developing programs for men so they can best work with women in your company?" He quickly said that would not be possible given their German management team.
Pattie Sellers, Editor-at-Large for Fortune magazine, made a sobering statement at this year's ICAN Women's Leadership conference. "There will not be parity for women," she said. Parity will not happen in our lifetime. Parity will not happen with the power structures in place today, she said. She claimed that there is a narrow band of acceptable female behaviors making it extremely hard for women to lead authentically. These limitations and stereotypes will keep the imbalance in place.
Selena Rezvani, author of The Next Generation of Women Leaders, says, "Women are often not seen as intellectually or emotionally equipped as their male counterparts. Stereotypes of women as too passive, too emotional or too ambitious to lead are simply not based in reality." She describes how our social conditioning has entrenched the nuanced barriers that women face. You might think discrimination is fading, but Rezvani sites countless studies and examples that demonstrate this ongoing force in the workplace.
In addition to the negative judgments around female emotions and behaviors, the determination that they lack skills is also not based in reality. Rezvani cites a study done by Lawrence A. Pfaff in 2001 that included 2,482 managers from 400 companies across 19 states that found that female managers scored higher than their male counterparts on 20 different leadership skills. The measurements extended beyond "soft skills" like communication and empowerment to include skills typically attributed to men such as decisiveness, planning, and setting standards.
A study published in 2008 comparing the scores on standardized math tests of seven million boys and girls across 10 states found no difference in their math proficiency. Many of these girls now entering fields of engineering, accounting and finance. The fact that few make it into leadership positions can't then be blamed on a lack of skills or knowledge.
On the bright side, Sellers also said that more and more women are starting businesses to create the companies they want to work for. I suggest we support these companies by buying their goods and services and suggesting others do the same. This may be the only way of decreasing the female leadership gap.
In spite of these bleak reports, I am optimistic that some of our leaders, especially the younger ones, will "get it." There will be enlightened leaders who see that the answer is not to "fix women" but to change the mindsets of both men and women that keep women in an inferior light.
Dr. Rachel Remen, author of "Kitchen Table Wisdom," writes, "When you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life whole." When leaders stop trying to fix the female problem and instead promote women being valued in the workplace for who they are, then we might start seeing the numbers of female leaders rise.
Women don't give up their ambition as the McKinsey report suggests. The system gives up on them when they paint women as inadequate.
Yes, there should be equal opportunities for development for women and men. In addition, all leadership training should have a day focused on men and women dialoguing about their needs, desires and challenges so they can all move forward together.
I once heard a story about an African village that sees every problem as a result of their "system." When a child commits a crime, the elders are gathered. They do not ask, "What is wrong with the child?" They ask, "What have we done that this act has occurred?"
Can we turn this conversation from being a "they should" declaration to a "we should" conversation? I urge coaching for both men and women to maximize the full potential of all people seeking to be leaders.]]>We Survive Through Community, Not Individualismtag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.8409912011-04-04T19:20:00-04:002011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00Marcia Reynoldshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-reynolds/
Hello My Lovely Family and Friends,
I am very blessed to have wonderful friends who are helping me a lot. I am now staying at a friend's home. We share supplies like water, food and a kerosene heater. We sleep lined up in one room, eat by candlelight, share stories. It is warm, friendly, and beautiful.
During the day we help each other clean up the mess in our homes. People sit together in their cars, looking at news on navigation screens, or line up to get drinking water when a source is open. If someone has water running in their home, they put out sign so people can come to fill up their jugs and buckets.
Utterly amazingly where I am there has been no looting, no pushing in lines. People leave their front door open, as it is safer when an earthquake strikes. People keep saying, "Oh, this is how it used to be in the old days when everyone helped one another."
No one has washed for several days. We feel grubby, but there are so much more important concerns than that for us now. Living fully on the level of instinct, of intuition, of caring, of what is needed for survival, not just of me, but of the entire group.
There are strange parallel universes happening. Houses a mess in some places, yet then there is a house with futons or laundry out drying in the sun. People line up for water and food, and yet some people are out walking their dogs. All happening at the same time.
Other unexpected touches of beauty include the silence at night. No cars. No one out on the streets. And the heavens at night are scattered with stars. I usually can see about two, but now the whole sky is filled.
The mountains of Sendai are solid and with the crisp air we can see them silhouetted against the sky magnificently.
And the Japanese themselves are so wonderful. I come back to my shack to check on it each day, now to send this e-mail since the electricity is on, and I find food and water left in my entranceway. I have no idea from whom, but it is there. Old men in green hats go from door to door checking to see if everyone is OK. People talk to complete strangers asking if they need help. I see no signs of fear. Resignation, yes, but fear or panic, no.
They tell us we can expect aftershocks and even other major quakes for another month or more. And we are getting constant tremors, rolls, shaking, rumbling. Last night my friend's husband came in from the country, bringing food and water. Blessed again.
Somehow at this time I realize that there is indeed an enormous Cosmic evolutionary step that is occurring all over the world right at this moment. And somehow as I experience the events happening now in Japan, I can feel my heart opening very wide. My brother asked me if I felt so small because of all that is happening. I don't. Rather, I feel a part of something happening much larger than myself. This wave of birthing (worldwide) is hard, and yet magnificent.
Thank you again for your care and Love of me.
I remember stories of sharing like this after 9/11 and Katrina. Then I read stories like the one in The New York Times in which no one would stop to help a man stuck on a freeway, at least until a poor migrant family showed up to help.
I wish there were a cosmic shift going on, as the writer said, but in the United States, where we honor "rugged individualism" over community care and sharing, I think the Earth will have to make some drastic moves before the dominant mindsets shift.
I can barely stomach the selfishness represented by our current crop of budget-slashing politicians. They represent the extreme of putting individual gain and free markets at a higher status than community responsibility. My own state legislators are focused more on ensuring that we can carry guns than they are on strengthening the education and healthcare in our communities, two things that we desperately need to rebuild our strength in the marketplace after being slammed by the economic tsunami.
Our corporate leaders aren't much better. Few know how to foster an inspiring sense of community in the workplace. The sole focus on profit suffocates the spirit of cooperation and drains the passion out of our workers. At the core of our economic crisis is a spiritual crisis that began at least 100 years ago.
Short of a natural crisis, what will it take to bring back a sense of community? If our leaders won't do this, what can we do to demonstrate how beautiful life can be when we come together out of love instead of fear? Or am I being a naüve idealist?
I hope the words of the young woman from Sendai inspire you to help another human in need today. We can start with one hand-holding at a time.]]>When Women Talk About Themselves, They Earn Moretag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.8349162011-03-16T10:45:00-04:002011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00Marcia Reynoldshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-reynolds/survey of working adults conducted by Accenture, 68 percent of the women thought it took hard work and long hours to advance in a company. The result often leaves women feeling burned out, and in some cases, they don't even choose to move up the ladder. Yet the study also found that even though many women are dissatisfied with their jobs, they aren't planning to leave the company any time soon.
In reality, people don't advance into top positions just because they work harder and give up their lives for the company. If you focus on these traits, you will be more resentful than successful.
I do live 360 interviews for my executive clients. The interviews center on these two questions: "What does my client do well as a leader" and "What could she do differently to increase her value as a leader in this organization?" No one says my clients should work harder. Most often the suggestions for improvement include:
Increase your visibility by sharing your ideas and unique perspective more often.
Build your key relationships by letting stakeholders and senior leaders know how you can help them.
In other words, show the world what you know. This makes you indispensable. This gives you leverage for choosing your career path.
The problem is that most women don't like to self-promote. As a result, they don't even know what makes them special. Another comment I frequently hear in my leadership interviews is, "She is valued more by senior management than she values herself."
In my own career, I survived many layoffs and zig zagged up the corporate ladder through a number of high-tech companies, taking on greater and more interesting challenges each time I moved. I learned early on that self-promotion is not bragging. Flaunting my unique core talents helped management determine how best to use me. This keenly positioned me to use my strengths to help the company grow.
When I ask my female executive clients to identify what they contribute beyond their skills and knowledge, they act as if I'm speaking another language. They are able to tell me what they have accomplished, but they struggle articulating what traits they possess that helped drive their success. These women hold top leadership positions. They possess special and critical traits that qualified them for their roles. Yet they become totally helpless when I ask them to tell me what makes them special.
On the other hand, the men evaluating these women have no trouble defining what makes these women special. Often these traits are similar for women, as if there are specific things women leaders excel at. I have read studies that attempt to prove that women are better at some leadership competencies than men. I have read other studies that debunk this theory. Therefore, my summation is simply observational, but you might find you possess these talents as well. From my experiences, women stand out for:
Bringing a more comprehensive and long-term perspective to the table
Providing a deep sense of how systems and people interconnect in the organization
Speaking up and confronting difficult situations (yes, strong, smart women tend to confront issues head-on more readily than men)
Dealing well with ambiguity
Embracing the value of diverse people and ideas
Reading non-verbal and emotional cues
Do any of these traits characterize your contributions? What else do you call forth that helps you move forward at work and in your life? What can you develop that will make you stand out? In my last post, I explored how fostering a global perspective will give you a key competitive advantage in the workplace. What do you have a passion for that could put you on the short list for stimulating projects and advancement? What would make you indispensable?
If you aren't sure, here is an exercise to help you articulate your worth to your organization: Describe a peak experience where you felt fully alive and excited about your work. This could be while you were working on something, or at the end of a project or challenging situation. What five things did you contribute to creating this peak experience beyond your work knowledge and skills (personal strengths, gifts, talents, emotions, attitudes, values, unique sense or perspective)?
If you still struggle with filling out your list, keep a success journal. Whenever you do something well, ask yourself what special insight, values or traits you conjured forth to get the results. When someone tells you, "You did a great job," don't just say, "It was nothing." Ask them what specifically they thought you did. Let others help you identify your special contributions.
Do you want to take control of your career? Discover what makes you stand out and be proud of yourself for being a show off.
***
Marcia Reynolds, Psy.D., president of Covisioning and author of "Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction," works with companies and individuals to implement leadership practices that are both effective and fulfilling. Read more at www.outsmartyourbrain.com. ]]>How to Distinguish Yourself in Today's Workplacetag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.8031972011-03-01T07:48:00-05:002011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00Marcia Reynoldshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-reynolds/the uprisings in the Middle East will affect the average American? If you are in business, you should know. You can't help but be affected by major happenings around the globe. Knowing this can give you the competitive edge you need in business.
Whether they do it begrudgingly or with open arms, more companies will tap women for executive positions in this new decade. How can you make sure you are on the short list for advancement? Or... If you run your own business, what will give you the competitive edge?
A leading differentiating factor women can possess is having a global perspective.
First, most everything we touch these days is affected by the global marketplace, but few people in the United States (and other big countries) acknowledge the world beyond their own borders. It's important for a leader in today's marketplace to understand the global economy to make deliberate decisions for both innovation and problem-solving.
Tim Hartford, author of "The Undercover Economist," explained in an NPR interview that if you look at what goes into your daily cappuccino, you will find that the coffee, the chocolate powder, the wood for the cardboard holder and paper cup, the petrol in the plastic spoon and possibly the steel in the cappuccino maker come from different countries. It's likely only the milk is local. He notes that displacing any one part of the global economy can disrupt others... much like the analogy where the butterfly influences the hurricane.
Cultivating a Global Perspective
If most women are naturally inclined toward inclusiveness, broad-based perspective, and compassionate understanding, then we have the natural gifts to use a global perspective for making short-term decisions and contributing ideas for long-term gains. Here are three ways you can gain this perspective:
Travel More
Even if you have to figure out ways to bring your family on some of your journeys, figure out ways to cross borders and oceans at least once a year.
I have had the wonderful opportunity to teach classes globally since the 1980s. In my corporate positions, I taught classes in western Europe and AsiaPacific as well as across North America. After starting my own business in 1995, I expanded my reach into eastern Europe, the Middle East, Africa, Central and South America. In 2010 alone, I delivered leadership and coaching programs in The Netherlands, Spain, Mexico, Singapore, South Africa and China, bringing my count to 22 countries across six continents.
The more I travel, the more amazed, and sad, I am about the lack of global perspective in the leaders I teach, especially in the United States. I was impressed not only by the advances in leadership mindset in Brazil (read Arianna's post), but thoroughly surprised to find Chinese leaders in profit-making companies interested in learning coaching, emotional intelligence and team collaboration skills to sustain the global success they are currently experiencing.
The United States is no longer number one in innovation. In 2010, we were rated 11th. We are sorely lacking in gender parity, which has proven to increase financial success. Our educational system continues to weaken. The shadow of the countries growing faster than us is threatening.
A global perspective widens your lens of possibility. You can provide possible solutions based on what is successful in other parts of the world. Additionally, a global perspective helps you to understand the sandbox your organization is playing in.
If you can't travel...
Watch Global News
Sometimes I can't get U.S. news when I travel. In Russia, I was able to access BBC. In Chile, I mostly had the English version of the Arabic-language news network, Al Jazeera. In Hangzhou, China, I watched the news from Hong Kong. I love getting a perspective of world events through different eyes. If I spoke another language, I would definitely watch the local news.
If you can't travel, scan the channels from your local cable or satellite TV companies. Seek foreign news sites on the Internet. You might find some interesting programs from other countries. If you speak another language, you might find more options on the list.
Even more important...
Talk To People
Seek out people who have lived in other countries or at least, have traveled beyond their borders. Ask questions about the cultures, the business practices and the changing family dynamics. Be curious. Don't judge.
When you meet people from other countries, ask them how they see your community and company in contrast to their homes. Listen for their unique insights, note their frustrations, hear their dreams, and feel their hope. We can learn so much from the people themselves beyond the news stories and books.
A progressive company should be on the lookout for innovative processes and management ideas. Having a global perspective is necessary for companies to pursue superior customer experiences, profitable growth and, ultimately, a competitive edge. Will you be the one to provide this perspective?