Natasha Dern2013-05-19T00:24:16-04:00Natasha Dernhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/author/index.php?author=natasha-dernCopyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc.HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Natasha DernGood old fashioned elbow grease.Does Being Spiritual Make You a Doormat?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.13278502012-03-09T06:00:05-05:002012-05-09T05:12:02-04:00Natasha Dernhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/natasha-dern/
It is a very New Age tendency to forfeit common sense in favor of passivity. For many, the path is often misunderstood as a practice of passivity. It is not -- its being fully engaged in one's life, the world and relationships. If people are constantly expecting you to give in, let go, forgive bad behavior, and accuse you of not being spiritual when healthy boundaries are established, then they are treating you like a doormat.
Practicing love, tolerance, compassion, forgiveness and so on does not mean that we leave ourselves wide open for other people's abuse. For starters, we should strive to extend the same goodwill and compassion to ourselves that we to extend to others. The Buddha said, "You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." So putting ourselves in a position of being violated by another is not demonstration of love and affection in action, but of powerlessness.
Remember the rule: we teach others in how to treat us. When we have allowed someone to be less than respectful or to mistreat us for a long period of time, it becomes a habit. Then, they resist when we decide to set a boundary that forbids their behavior.
Boundaries are such an essential part of life. A boundary is a container that is necessary for spiritual unfolding, a vessel in which Divine purpose can be revealed. And if you don't have boundaries, your spirituality is going to pose real problems for yourself and for others. The purpose of setting boundaries is to take care of yourself, to protect yourself.
Those invested in mistreating you may not want to see you grow and expand. They see your progression as a threat and begin to shame you for your decisions and choices. When you become more conscious and begin setting boundaries, the majority will not like the new terms. But if the relationship dynamic is about you always giving, and never receiving in return, it's time for a change.
As we progress on the path, the need to act when faced with the questionable intentions of others will arise, but now our action comes from a different motivation. It's no longer "retaliation" in the usual sense, which comes from aggression and fear, but rather from a place of truth. We are strong enough to tell others that their behavior is inappropriate, not appreciated, nor tolerated. This may cause them some confusion, but do not despair and hold on to your boundaries no matter how others react. If the wise way fails, wish them well. Let go. Move on.
Other times, it may require retreating from the situation and giving it space, sitting down and having a frank conversation, protesting, calling the police and pressing charges, walking away entirely, and never looking back. Boundaries should be clear, specific, reasonable, and enforceable.
No, being on the spiritual path and leading your life with love and kindness is not an invitation or permission for others to take advantage or loot the kingdom. Unless of course, you allow it.
Your purpose is to love and appreciate yourself fully, including setting healthy boundaries for mutually appreciative and respectful relationships. Meet each situation that arises with fresh awareness and an open heart, and respond in whatever way is most beneficial and effective. Turning yourself into a doormat for the sake of your spirituality rarely leads to empowerment.
For more on mindfulness, click here. ]]>Are You Jealous of Others Or Are Others Jealous of You?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.11434582011-12-14T13:03:29-05:002012-02-13T05:12:01-05:00Natasha Dernhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/natasha-dern/"If others are jealous of you, then you are on the right path. If you are jealous of others, then you need to find the right path." -- Unknown
One of the questions I often hear is: Why are people jealous? Why are people jealous of me? My reply: Because they only see the destination and know nothing about the journey.
The eyes of jealousy see only the diamond, but lack any insight as to how that diamond was mined. It judges based on external factors and takes no consideration of the process.
In life, when you are finally blessed, only you know what you've been through and what it took to earn every bit of your good fortune. But to jealous outsiders who judge by appearance alone, you mirror what they want to have; but they do not dare to do what you've done to achieve the same results. They covet without merit and they want to have without effort. But life doesn't work like that.
When you want to become what you are not, have what is not yours and take when its not offered, this is a side effect of a mindset that stems from the notion that another person's success or happiness somehow diminishes your own. If someone gets that great job, that wonderful girlfriend or that new house, it means you can't have it. They won. You lost. But perception isn't always reality.
Due to the creative nature of jealousy, you'll find plenty of reasons to feel jealous. But are you aware of why you feel this way? Until you can reach that awareness, you'll continue repeating the pattern of manifesting new reasons to be jealous.
But why be jealous in the first place? Because you have not allowed your own juices to flow, your own light to grow, your own being to bloom. Hence the emptiness inside, and you look at everybody else exterior and compare it to yours. But remember this: Exteriors are made to look beautiful on purpose and can be very deceptive. Do not be fooled into believing that others have it better than you -- no matter what it looks like from the outside -- there's more to a life than meets the eye.
That's why jealousy is self-defeating, because everyone is unique and incomparable. Once this understanding settles in you, jealousy disappears. You are just yourself, nobody has ever been like you and nobody will ever be like you. And you need not be like anybody else, either. If you do, then you need to ask why you want to be a carbon copy of another when you were created to be an original?
Jealousy leads nowhere but to suffering because it changes you, distorts you. You become more and more artificial by imitating others, competing with others. You can go on competing, comparing, nurturing resentments and becoming mean to others, but it will not stop them from getting what they're meant to have. Your jealousy will prevent you from getting what you're meant to have. What you may not realize is that by coveting another's fortune means that you also covet their misfortunes. You can't have one without the other for no human life is immune. To think otherwise is a fallacy.
When you make the effort to become more, jealousy will disappear. Then you simply become you, and you are nobody else, and there is no need because authenticity is priceless -- don't settle for anything less.
]]>Your Reality Is an Illusiontag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.8470792011-05-22T07:00:00-04:002011-07-22T05:12:01-04:00Natasha Dernhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/natasha-dern/ "Illusion is the first of all pleasures."
-- Voltaire
Many of us have heard of the saying that "Life is an illusion." It is casually declared by many, and with such certainty I might add, as if to imply an understanding of reality. But what does the saying really mean? Is everything really an illusion or is it wishful thinking on the part of humans? Or is it because as T.S. Eliot says, "Humankind cannot bear very much reality," that we cling to our illusions even if they contradict the obvious?
To assert that everything is an illusion poses a problem. If everything is an illusion, why bother trying, improving or aspiring? Since none of what you experience, see or feel is real anyway, then who or what exists? The assumption may be that nothing exists. But isn't this in a way a diminishment of life?
Everything you and I see, touch, smell and hold is real -- is it not? Many schools of thought throughout time have pointed out that the world as we know it is an illusion. How could that be? Does that mean every experience I've had, or every person you have loved or cared about is an illusion? If not, then what do they mean by the statement?
Could it be that reality is not an illusion but that our version of reality is an illusion? In other words, none of us are perceiving reality for what it is but rather for what we wish it to be. Unfortunately, one simply cannot see things as they really are, cannot be aware of reality, with illusions acting as mediators.
There is a difference between what something is and what we think it is. Actually what
we think is utterly inconsequential to what is. Illusions do not exist in the world (out there) but in here. The inner world is fertile ground for illusions to take root which then get projected into the world, thus influencing the perception of others about reality. These distortions, in the realm of reality, have no purpose other than for distraction and delusion.
So how can we know if illusions are creating reality? Well, we can't while we are under their spell and we can know only after the illusions no longer exist that we were living in illusion in the first place. When we begin to understand the difference between reality and that which we impose upon it through own thoughts, choices and beliefs, we will be made to realize that much of our despair, anger or pain was fueled by these mis-perceptions.
Most conflict, whether on a personal or collective level, stem from illusions. In our daily lives there is infinite opportunity to create them. We create them about our jobs, finances, relationships, friendships, love and life in general to shield us from that which we view as undesired truths. We do not want to live in reality but are comfortable living in illusion and we believe that somehow the gain far outweighs the effort needed to eliminate them.
As human beings we are conditioned (illusions) to hold onto culture, religion, tradition and politics even at the expense of our well being. From these elements our identity is shaped, and how this identity expresses itself is unique to each of us. Only time will tell if this identity is congruent with the essential self. In other words, illusions are learned and then passed on. Without knowing it, we live and express these distorted ideas, practices and patterns that influence our perceptions of reality and in turn create our reality. And then we point and say, "Look, that's reality." But upon further exploration, we realize that our perception was the illusion all along and not reality itself.
To summon the courage to question or challenge beliefs, assumptions and certainties ushers in a wiser and more mature perspective on reality. It takes experience to no longer mistake one for the other, and with time, life will reflect this distinction. Just recently we saw this distinction at play as Egypt and her people discarded their illusion of fear and powerlessness to reclaim their reality for freedom. People around the world are removing the veils at lightning speed -- illusions be gone -- its about time, don't you think?
]]>Why Do We Fear An Empty Mind?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.8535512011-05-15T03:17:00-04:002011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00Natasha Dernhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/natasha-dern/"Man finds nothing so intolerable as to be in a state of complete rest, without passions, without occupation, without diversion, without effort. Then he feels his nullity, loneliness, inadequacy, dependence, helplessness, emptiness."
--Blaise Pascal
Why is it so hard for us to tolerate emptiness in our minds? The prevalent belief that action always equals progress may be a contributing factor. We perceive emptiness as an undesired state, something to be feared. We feel uncomfortable with those moments when our minds seem devoid of any creative or productive activity. We rarely, if ever, simply sit with and allow the feeling of emptiness.
When a thought enters the mind, it is replaced by another. It is automatic. We are not aware that a thought has segued into another thought. But upon developing the muscles of concentration, we become conscious of the entry and exit process of our thoughts. The mind gradually begins to entertain fewer thoughts per minute. We become aware that there is an interval, a delay, a space between one thought and another. This space is emptiness but also a fullness. At this level of awareness, we are in the sanctum of pure awareness. There are many who are living in this state of pure awareness, and their experiences are lucid and real.
Many are in search of this state, whether they know it or not. We are wired to seek and find what we seek. This quest is as old as humanity itself. There is no need to spend time and energy seeking some illusory "self." What you are seeking is inside of you, and it is you. It is the mind that asserts otherwise.
When you believe this mind, you seek this "I" outside yourself. All one has to do is to remain quiet, calm the mind and experience this space between the thoughts. In this state, only the "I" exists. When you let this "I" in your mind be, without resisting, you enter the realm of emptiness -- pure consciousness or the creative void. Whatever comes up, do not take it personally. Just observe. Allowing your mind to "go blank" for a little while won't kill you, and will actually help you discover your potential, unlimited.
Now developing some comfort with this state is both simple and complex in concept. Since we are slaves to stimuli, we can't imagine harnessing such a practice of emptiness or of being. We are incessantly tempted to turn our attention to something just to avoid this sensation. Blankness is not nothingness. To be empty does not mean non-existence. Emptiness is the ground of being, and because of it, everything is possible.
When the ego cooperates in suspension of all sense impressions and thoughts, it enters the realm of empty, unnameable nothingness. This nothingness is the gateway into the deeper layers of consciousness. It is here where inspiration, knowledge and creativity will ultimately strike. While we are here, we do not decide what will be experienced but to allow whatever awareness it wants us to have.
When self is absent and thoughts negated, we are open to the unknown. Not only does the mind become utterly blank, but it loses the all encompassing idea of a personal ego. We are oblivious to all lower sensations and are instead awake to the rich, conscious and sublime nothingness. Since the capacity to remain in this state for more than a few minutes can impose a strain, the intellect or imagination rush in with ideas or images, thus ending the tension. With time and practice we can endure the weight of this indescribable and incomprehensible experience.
If we succeed in holding steadfastly to this nothingness in deep concentration or meditation, we realize that it is not a mere mental abstraction but something real, not a dream but the most concrete thing in our experience. The contrast between the personal and the impersonal melts away, and only the sense of Being remains -- a Being that stretches far and wide, like the silent trance of infinite space.]]>What Is Spiritual Transformation?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.8366802011-03-18T09:19:00-04:002011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00Natasha Dernhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/natasha-dern/Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.
--Osho
On the path of transformation, no one can bypass the inevitable descent into the psychic ocean in search of the essential self. This stage of the journey requires a leap of faith into uncharted territory -- getting acquainted with the parts of you that you have forgotten, ignored or rejected. Since many around us are out of touch with their own depths and have never experienced the qualities of this Self, they can't in any shape or form mirror that Self back to us. When a certain essential quality is not seen in us or as us, we tend to lose contact with it and are not even aware that it exists.
As a consequence of this lost connection, we build our lives, unconsciously, around finding ways to avoid this reckoning. Due to this avoidance, we become collectors of ideas, beliefs, concepts, experiences and strategies which only form the reality of the ego/personality and nothing else. In time, we begin to believe this is who we are.
We need to dive into this ocean, not to avoid it. We need to feel it. If you believe that the integration of your realization should just happen by itself, or that it should be easy, then you're missing the point. Without transformation from the emotional depths of your being, you are not permeable to essential presence. If transformation is to become truly spiritual, then the realm of emotion is what awaits you.
To subject your emotional nature to critical analysis unleashes its transformative powers. When you feel, see and question this principal part of you, you begin to wonder if there is desire, doubt, hate, anger, lust, fear or anything else that holds you prisoner. Are you really any of this? You will find that once you touch the bottom of an issue or conflict within your psyche that you discover that it actually doesn't exist, and its existence was an illusion.
Therefore, it is here, in this realm, that you gain true understanding and insight, which is simply your own essence touching your mind. From this, a deep sense of openness, expansion and spaciousness begins to emerge for the journey. It requires the reclaiming of our capacity for depth and emotion because essence wants to experience everything in its totality.
Transformation is not about rising above or transcending, it's about moving through what is and a lot of what isn't pleasant. In fact, it's very difficult. It's painful, and one can understand why so many avoid it in the first place. We can do meditations, apply techniques and feel great. However, this state won't last unless we actually confront the deficiencies, the pain and the watery depths and walk through it. It is not a simple process, nor a short or easy one. A mind lost in vague and diffuse state cannot be a searchlight, and therefore is unable to see the hidden contents clearly enough to acquire full knowledge about them.
Spiritual transformation has to do with actualizing potential. It needs to be done while we are in the world. Experiencing essence is not that difficult because you can get a taste of it while meditating or via other methods and modalities. But to truly own your essence -- to experience it as who you really are and to behave accordingly -- requires moving through the barriers and inner terrains of your psyche. It means learning to make your inner understanding the source of your external actions in the world.
Finally, when you courageously and persistently seek this mysterious self, it will eventually, in its own time, yield and display its secrets to you. Until then, the road calls you forth, and forth you must go, for the path will end only when you have found the answer to question, "Who am I?"
]]>The Single Pathtag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.8308912011-03-06T11:51:00-05:002011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00Natasha Dernhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/natasha-dern/
It is astounding to see the number of people taking such an active role in pursuing love. It has become a career path of sorts. Cyberspace has become the new playground for singles to meet and connect -- all from the comfort of home. Magazines and media bombard us with an endless stream of advice on dating and mating, finding and keeping, and all the other techniques and methods of forcing love to happen. Yes, forcing love to happen. The mystic and poet Kahlil Gibran reveals, "And think not you can guide the course of love. For love, if it finds you worthy, shall guide your course." Love is a mystery, not a methodology.
Love is a human obsession and nobody is more obsessed than a single person in search of the perfect one. When single people get together it is no surprise that the conversations always revolve around love and relationships. Being privy to these conversations myself, it has gotten my inner detective working over time. For example, if all of us have a complimentary half/soulmate -- where are they? Why are some people love magnets while others seem to end up in the desert Sahara? Is there a reason for all this and if so -- what is it?
I once heard a quote that intrigued me: "Being single is nature's way of forcing you to love yourself"-- this quote has so many layers of meaning and depth. I'll go one step further and say that being single is a profound opportunity for self realization. An opportunity to determine your worth and value, to define your boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not, to understand that the highest expression of love is to become more of who you are, to realize that love does not require you to compromise your self respect, dignity or self worth, to reflect on what you believed you had to give up in order to get what you thought was love, and to know the depth of your capacity to love deeply, truly and completely.
Being single is not a permanent condition but a preparation. You are in the most profound initiatory and adventurous phase of your life -- building a relationship with your soul. Be willing to stop moving, talking, planning, searching, looking. Instead honor and embrace the path you are on even if that means being alone for a while. Love will come at the appointed hour and whisk you off your feet, doubt not, for the divine person you are preparing for is also being prepared for you.
Finally, we do not decide when or how or who we fall in love with, because there is more to our journey to love than meets the eye. The wisdom of Rumi tells us: "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
]]>What Is Enlightenment?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.8253652011-02-24T08:53:00-05:002011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00Natasha Dernhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/natasha-dern/"There is no enlightenment outside of daily life." -- Thic Nhat Hanh
What is this enigmatic and exalted state called "enlightenment"? Why is everyone so enamored by this word? Why is everyone so eager to attain it? Does anyone really understand the essence of it? Many speak of it as if they do, and while others use it to enhance their status. I have been in the presence of such people, and I am always astounded at the level of ignorance guiding their behavior. Such people are nowhere near awakened, let alone enlightened, and this includes both teacher and student. It is like the blind leading the blind. The irony is that the effort they expend on becoming enlightened only impedes the realization that they already are. Enlightenment is not something you do; it is about being.
This beingness seems to be the hardest lesson to master, for it involves a gradual, developmental and cumulative process of growth through steps and stages. It emerges as a natural consequence of allowing, rather than by any egoic effort to attain it, because it involves surrendering and the ultimate dissolution of the ego in order to realize it. You can read the world's greatest mystical and spiritual literature, become very knowledgeable on techniques, rites and rituals, and yet remain completely unchanged. Accumulation of knowledge is not enlightenment, and neither is the prowess of mystical vocabulary the proof.
What we need is a new definition of what enlightenment means within the context of modern existence. The popular version is depicted as a sudden state of rapture and ecstasy, accompanied by luminous light and visions, an end of suffering and the dawning of bliss, thus permanently enlightening the aspirant. All this may very well be true, but does this depiction really explain what enlightenment is?
This state of beingness is easy to attain or maintain in an ashram, monastery or somewhere up in the mountains far removed from the challenges of modern life. There's nothing wrong with pursuing a monastic life or dedicating your life to simplicity and seclusion; this has its time and value on the journey. But how much of that pursuit is authentic, versus escaping the demands of the world? When you live in seclusion, you bet it's easier to maintain a consciousness of love and compassion.
So what is enlightenment? How about coming down from that mountain and putting your unity consciousness to the test amidst mortgage payments and credit card debt, divorce lawyers and aging parents, nasty bosses and health problems, wars and poverty? Such conditions, as the alchemist knows, burns away the dross to reveal who we are not. Yes, in the midst of the madness we awaken, grow comfortable with our dualistic nature and develop mystical stamina so that we can handle our sobriety. Illusions are like drugs and enlightenment is like rehab.
An enlightened person neither seeks the light, nor remains inactive in the darkness. Their goal is not enlightenment, but of conduct toward self, life and others. When you're in the presence of such a person, no verbal exchange is necessary to know who you are dealing with. Such people can serve in monasteries or stock markets, run corporations or run for office, walk the desert or walk to work. They have the ability to see things as they really are, to accept what is and remain open to all of life. This is done not out of naiveté or denial, but out of profound understanding of how life really works.
"After enlightenment, the laundry." -- a Zen proverb
]]>The Three Essentials of Optimismtag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.8197752011-02-09T08:48:00-05:002011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00Natasha Dernhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/natasha-dern/
As we all know, our emotions are heavily influenced by our environment, and often we can't help but sympathize with how others around us are feeling. In these instances, we can choose to be mindful. If you find yourself engaging, agreeing or participating in the "misery loves company" club at work, with family/friends or elsewhere, politely excuse yourself.
Since you may or may not want to totally eliminate such people from your life, just arrange things so at least you only have to deal with them in small doses. Lack of optimism is infectious. Especially in these challenging times, the key is to have minimum exposure to such influences which can begin to seep in without your awareness. Your optimism is a precious resource and one that needs to be protected.
When you are optimistic you feel light, agile, flexible, mentally alert and physically healthy. So it is all the more reason to cultivate this precious resource for when the time or need arises. You will need all your senses working in full capacity to be able to take control of the situation. When you're optimistic you also keep people around you motivated, driven and energized.
Yet being conscious about the thoughts you think, the company you keep and the activities you engage in takes an enormous amount of time, effort and commitment. Is it worth it? Absolutely. Here are the three essentials of optimism.
Essential Mind:Shift Your Focus
Becoming optimistic is a process of self persuasion. It means convincing yourself to give up your addiction to negative dramas whether in your own life or in the lives of others. It means doing something extremely difficult -- setting your own optimistic standards for what should be allowed into your mind, your social circle and your life.
Essential Will:Self Discipline
Setting your mind to focus on optimism or slipping into the right frame of mind requires practice. You can't simply declare one day, "From now on, I'm going to be optimistic" -- and have it automatically happen. Daily awareness, practice and self-discipline will produce results more effortlessly.
Essential Being:Transformation
As you focus more on becoming optimistic, as you practice and assert it, you will find it easier to avoid unproductive people, situations and diversions. You will begin to see a dramatic shift in your consciousness. You will begin to see hope where you thought there was none. You will begin to see solutions where you saw only problems. You will begin to attract people who offer you more. You will begin pursuing activities that feed and nourish you on all levels.
Finally, the most important thing about learning the craft of optimism is that you'll be happier. Despite all the problems/challenges around you, you will feel more "right with the world" -- as though it is yours, that you belong here, and that you matter. "I have become my own version of an optimist," says Rabindranath Tagore, "If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door -- or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present."
]]>Is Everything Karma?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.8149212011-02-02T02:52:00-05:002011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00Natasha Dernhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/natasha-dern/"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours." -- Wayne Dyer
We are all created equal in spirit but are not equal here on earth. Either this inequality has a cause, or it is purely accidental. No logical person would attribute this inequality to blind chance or pure accident. In fact, it would be illogical to do so. Each one of us is born into circumstances not of our choosing, or so we think. What then determines the intricate plot of this thing called life? Is everything the result of an invisible cause? In other words, is everything karma?
This apparent inequality seems to suggest that life is somehow unfair. Why should one person be a genius and another an idiot? Why should one person be born into the lap of luxury and another into abject poverty? Why should one person be born with altruistic qualities and another with criminal tendencies? Why are some blessed and others cursed from the moment they enter this sphere of life? What could possibly create such a diverse set of life circumstances?
The theory of Karma, the law of moral causation, comes from Buddhism, but this belief was prevalent in India before the Buddha came into being. Nevertheless, it was the Buddha who formulated this theory into a complete doctrine. According to Buddhism, this inequality among people is due not to heredity, environment, nature vs. nurture, but also to Karma. In other words, our own past action is the cause and our present expression is the effect. How could this life that you and I live be the effect of a cause? Is this effect solely based on this life alone? From the Buddhist perspective the answer would be no but it is a contributing factor.
Also, the theory of karma alludes to predestination, but if this were true then free will would be an absurdity. The only thing that is determined and fixed is gender, race, physicality, family and the dynamics we inherit from all these factors. Are these then not the seeds that reveal a particular path or destiny? However, what we choose to do with what karma has created for us is ultimately the goal.
Part of our growth is to understand our individual relationship to the cosmos, to understand how the universe affects us. Based on the principle that individual behavior mirrors universal patterns -- any act -- a thought, for example -- can have enormous impact. An examination of karma offers clues about our life purpose, showing us the deep imprint within our psyches and helping to guide us out of tendencies and thoughts that are no longer useful.
Karma, in the world of form, manifests as gain and loss, disgrace and praise, happiness and misery. Since the accumulated effect must somehow express itself through our experience we are often left feeling like a victim: "Why is this happening to me? What did I ever do to deserve this?" Rather than taking this stance, we need to remember that the law of karma is the teacher of individual responsibility. We learn through our reversal of fortunes that we are indeed the architects of our destinies. With our own self directed efforts there is every possibility for us to create new and favorable environments in the here and now. This is the beauty of the physical realm that we can undo, redeem and transform all causes into beneficial effects.
When the unexpected happens, when we meet up with difficulties, failures and misfortunes -- is this karma in action? Perhaps. But does it really matter whether it is or not? Should we not focus on our present life instead of blaming a past causation for our personal ills? By understanding karma, we have insight, and with insight come intention to make better choices in the present which will ultimately create favorable effects in the future. "As the blazing fire reduces wood to ashes, similarly, the fire of Self-knowledge reduces all Karma to ashes." -- Bhagavad Gita]]>100 Tips to Make 2011 the Best Year of Your Life!tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.8024322011-01-03T01:48:00-05:002011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00Natasha Dernhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/natasha-dern/
Know that you have a mission.
Gain perspective.
Embrace challenges.
Surround yourself with people who are on the same page.
Seek out mentors who can inspire your path.
Define your personal and professional boundaries.
Clarify what your skills are worth.
Reinvent yourself.
Think of yourself as a corporation.
Learn to act instead of react.
Take advice only from people who've been in your shoes.
Eliminate distractions.
Grow your focus.
Watch your thoughts. They play a role in your reality.
Pay attention to details.
Learn to listen more.
Look beyond appearances.
Practice more gratitude.
Increase your stamina.
Meditate. If you don't, learn.
Know your priorities.
Write out your goals in full. Be specific.
Under-promise and over-deliver.
Keep your word.
Maintain integrity.
Take a leap of faith.
If you have a dream, go for it.
Keep your plans to yourself.
Speak less and do more.
Don't settle.
Take time to smell the roses.
Go to sleep early.
Make that phone call.
Need help? Ask.
Make your own opportunities.
Refine your mannerisms.
Be mindful of what you accept into your mind.
Read more.
Think savvy but be humble.
Accept your present situation as is. It won't last forever.
Flow instead of resist.
Surrender.
Have faith.
Be a leader.
Remember that money is not everything, but satisfaction is.
Be authentic.
Expect more from yourself.
Remember that you are the creator of your destiny.
Apply more passion to everything that you do.
Define your vision.
Remember that patience is a virtue.
Breathe when in doubt.
Remember that perseverance is king.
Stay motivated and pass it on.
Speak with more clarity.
Declutter your environment.
Make time to be with family.
Remember that every setback is a set-up.
Be more creative.
Think outside the box.
Don't follow the herd.
Carve out your own niche.
Be bold. Be brave.
Trust your instincts.
Know your worth.
Ignore your haters.
Don't brag. Let your efforts speak for themselves.
Remember that timing is everything. Don't give up.
Use more logic than emotion.
Cultivate discipline.
Know your values.
Beware of temptation. It comes in many forms.
Think twice before you act.
Know your weaknesses.
Acknowledge the one/ones who gave you an opportunity.
Say "thank you" to everything -- the good, the bad and the ugly.
Be the kind of person you'd want to meet.
Say no to distractions.
Follow your bliss.
Remember that clarity precedes manifestation.
Remember that your life matters, and you matter.
Remember that failure is not a option.
Surround yourself with people who know more than you.
Eliminate jealousy.
Eliminate competition from your mind.
Do not compare yourself with others. It will cost you.
Eliminate shortsightedness.
Practice long-term thinking.
Build credibility.
Remember that greed is not an ally.
Build your life on your terms.
Take care of yourself.
Know your opponents.
Know your limits.
Preparation invites opportunity.
Take responsibility. Refuse to cast blame.
When in doubt, walk away.
Ask for what you want.
Remember that love knows where to find you.
Remember that determination unlocks the door to your potential.
]]>Are You Sensing Something Big on the Horizon in 2011?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.8009202011-01-02T22:44:00-05:002011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00Natasha Dernhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/natasha-dern/
Right now many are in throes of the most challenging time of their lives. Whether you got hit personally, financially or professionally, no one dodged the bullet. There seems to be so much pain, disillusionment and anger in the air. Sometimes it feels as if the whole world is spiralling out of control, or so it appears.
Could all this shaking, quaking and rumbling be a wake-up call? Could something else be at work here?
I was recently talking to a colleague, who is an excellent astrologer, about the massive shifts and changes that we've all been experiencing. Her take on the state of affairs were most interesting. Those of you who are familiar with astrology or follow planetary alignments and transits know that an intense configuration involving Pluto (fundamental transformation and change), Saturn (the establishment) and Uranus (humanitarian progress and freedom), all in cardinal signs (Capricorn, Aries and Cancer) referred to as the "Grand Cross," came to pass and will reverberate well into 2011.
This alignment of epic proportions signals a turning point in which economic, cultural and political difficulties come to a head and demand resolution. It marks a period of accelerated change. When these planets come together, a negotiation of their differences is at the table and you can bet we're going to see change, breakdowns and crisis. But hang on to your hats, folks; let's not forget to add the recent full-moon lunar eclipse (eclipses are accelerators) into the mix to amplify this supercharged configuration. The last time a lunar eclipse fell on the winter solstice was 1638; as you can imagine, it is very rare thing indeed.
Numerous astrologers say that this cosmic trigger will be a defining and critical point for humanity and for the planet. So it seems that what we're all going through is not an accident but a preparation, that something big is on the horizon -- but what?
Everyone that I have talked to this year -- clients, business associates, colleagues, friends, employees and acquaintances -- all seemed to sing the same tune. Despite their predicaments and hardships, they felt something was heading their way. Of course, they could not articulate what that "something" is, but it seems that everyone is sensing it on a visceral level.
Astrologically, we are at a critical juncture in our human history, and the choices we make at this time will determine the outcome. In 2010 alone, many experienced massive endings, whether it manifested as a move, divorce, loss, bankruptcy, etc. There was a sense of urgency to act. It seemed that everyone was being called to get very clear, to purge the inner and outer clutter without any further delay. Waiting was no longer an option. Time was of the essence, and you had to make a decision. Was this intense? Yes. Was it fun? No. Was it necessary? Absolutely.
So what we have been seeing, experiencing and witnessing the past two years is really just the tip of the iceberg -- a precursor, so to speak -- for fundamental change on social, cultural, economic and political levels. Tensions will be high, but freedoms, tolerance, peace and prosperity won't be far behind.
What do you think? Are we at a critical juncture? Do you feel a change taking place within? Do you feel something big is on the horizon?]]>Fame: How Low Can You Go?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.7809942010-11-29T21:17:00-05:002011-05-25T18:10:25-04:00Natasha Dernhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/natasha-dern/
It is unfortunate that many in the public eye use fame (or their 15 minutes of fame) to expose their lives to the masses and burden us with their private issues. Who really cares? I mean, does it add or enhance my life or yours in any way? There are women being tortured all over the world, children dying of starvation, poverty running rampant, and the economy is in shambles. Some claim it's entertainment, but I beg to differ; this isn't entertainment, it's mindless drivel.
What's so entertaining about an adult woman who keeps checking into rehab, or the misguided actions of a man-boy who's now a joke in the court of public opinion?
Most celebrities are not good role models and should not be regarded as such. They live in a bubble of excess, indulgence and access. It is astounding to me how these people navigate through life without an inner compass. How do you then make a decision? If your inner compass was misaligned, then it would be impossible to move in the right direction -- right? But for these people, their inner compass seems to be malfunctioning only in the area of sex and relationships. How convenient? Has this become a new strategy to boost or jumpstart a career? It seems, of late, that the more you open your mouth about private matters (the more outrageous the better), the faster your rise to fame becomes, the more books you sell, the more CDs fly off the shelves, and the more attention comes your way. What kind of message does this send to the rest of society? "How low can you go to be famous?" is what I'm hearing.
If you sit back and observe, many celebrities are taking private issues public in order to revive a career, peddle their goods, garner exposure, be in the limelight long enough for the offers to begin rolling in. Now mind you, there's nothing wrong with earning a living, but what is disturbing is the method by which they are achieving these objectives. Most celebrities and the reason for their fame is simply the ability to tap into the collective unconscious -- it creates a resonance of ''they are just like me.'' Actually, they are not like you. They may claim their lives are normal, or they want to live a normal life, but sorry, your normal person doesn't live in a 10,000-square-foot mansion.
Fame is a responsibility that the very few carry with grace -- it reveals character or lack thereof. Anyone who watched the Rihanna interview last year knows that this beautiful young woman realized in the midst of her private horror that her fame wielded a lot of influence on impressionable young girls. What is admirable is that she stepped up to the plate and declared by word and deed that to have stayed in an abusive relationship was detrimental and would parlay the wrong message. Was it her intention to become a role model? I would assume not, but whenever life blesses you abundantly, you'd better believe that responsibility of thought, word and deed is part of the bargain. Abundance is not given for meaningless pursuits but as a platform to change the landscape of human consciousness.
I hope more public figures use their platforms to enlighten and educate rather than shock and titillate the base side of humanity for a quick buck.
What do you think? Has the pursuit of fame gone too far? What does fame even mean now? It seems to compel those in pursuit of it to resort to some extreme measures to secure it. If push came to shove, would you do the same?
]]>Sacred Space: Why You Should Create Onetag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.7877462010-11-24T13:23:50-05:002011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00Natasha Dernhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/natasha-dern/
In this day and age, when things are moving at lightening speed, a sacred space offers us a 'pause' from all the madness out there. We all need a space of our own where we can go to receive nourishment and to remember our divinity. We cannot undervalue such a discipline, for it has the power to transfigure us. You will find the more you spend time in your sacred space the more your soul comes to life and fills your mind and heart with inspiration, enthusiasm, vitality and a purpose with which to live.
Your sacred space is made sacred by your affirmation and intention that it be so. It can be a small corner in your bedroom, a shelf or a dresser, your work area or night table where you can display objects that have deep meaning and help to remind you of who you really are. It should be a place you can sit or kneel in front of. By doing this you are honoring your inner light. You do not need elaborate objects or expensive statues. All you need is whatever that will center you and delight your spirit. When you choose to create a sacred space, you anchor your spirituality in the mundane aspects of your life, to place right under your nose a daily reminder of your spiritual quest. In other words, you bring God into the details.
Listed below are several helpful ideas, suggestions and tools you'll need to begin creating your sacred space.
Setting up your space:
Alter: The alter serves as an entry point into the deeper layers of your being -- concentration and focus of mind body spirit become heightened.
Table cloth: Traditionally white table cloths are used for alters, but you can use any color that stirs your soul.
Incense & Incense burner: The aroma of incense calms you, opens your mind, and thus enables you to enter a receptive state.
Candles: I recommend using two candles. The two candles will symbolically represent heaven and earth, body and soul, etc. You can use a gold candle which represents the masculine aspect of creation (Sun) and a silver candle which represents the feminine aspect of creation (Moon). You can use any 2 color combination that appeals to you.
Stones: The power of stones helps to ground your energies. They represent the ground beneath your feet. It is a symbol of your path. You may choose more than one stone to represent the qualities and energies you wish to cultivate.
Self actualization letter: You can be very creative here. You can use beautiful stationary paper to write in full detail all that you desire to be or bring into your life. This letter is a vow to support and encourage the highest within you.
Religious Symbol: You can choose the image of the cross, or a God/Goddess, Christ or Buddha, or the picture of a sunset or anything that represents divinity to you. Make sure you resonate with the symbol and should be placed in the center of your alter.
Image of self: Choose an image that best represents your soul -- it could be an image of a tiger or eagle or a certain shape or color that mirrors your spiritual essence.
Music: Choose a CD for relaxation and play it often in your sacred space. You will find that it will soothe your emotions and unlock your creative genius. Use music to relax, heal, inspire and restore you.
You might also include the following in your sacred space: Photographs of your mate or pet, or family and friends. Mementos from your life. Inspirational quotes or famous figures you admire. Rocks, crystals, leaves, flowers, shells, sand, feathers, branches, a bowl of water, poems, wind chimes, a small water fountain, essential oils, prayer beads, singing bowl or giant floor pillows. Only include what feels good to you.
Once you begin to construct your sacred space and once you are ready to use it, you will find yourself drawn to this place more and more as you'll crave the solace and comfort it provides. Place all the loose ends of your life here and see what happens. Sit here and listen to your soul. Sing, dance, pray, weep and dream the dreams of the creator. As you carve out your own piece of heaven on earth you not only uplift your spirit and create harmony in your life but transform every aspect of yourself. You may find that your sacred space has magical powers -- or is it you?
]]>Solitude: Why Do We Fear It?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.7768842010-11-06T14:36:00-04:002011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00Natasha Dernhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/natasha-dern/
Where can you find silence these days? Almost everywhere you look, something is screaming for your attention. The minute you leave your house, noise begins to fill all the spaces in your day. The clamorous atmosphere of the world exhausts you by the time you get to work, pick up the kids, and start dinner. Your nervous system is shot and even then, we seek more noise.
Is it possible that noise has become soothing? So soothing, in fact, that we can't do without it? I know many who are seekers of noise, at any cost, to avoid the quieter places within. If you want to punish these people, put them in a room by themselves.
To resist or avoid solitude reveals something: due to a chaotic inner life the antidote is more noise. The downside to living in such a manner is lack of meaning and connection. The noise becomes the glue that binds two people, creating a false sense of camaraderie, but all the while, the parties involved sense something is missing and soon part ways.
When we are too busy in the world, filling our days and nights with people, things and places, we lose perspective. Without perspective, we can't see what's really going on. You begin to use the noise of the world to tune out the incessant inner voices that clamor for love and attention. Every mystic from every age and time has repeated the same truth: the soul's voice will be heard only in silence and deep reflection.
When the soul is ready to reveal itself, it will do two things: get rid of the people in your life who are hindering your progress and force you into taking the time to reflect upon your life. In other words, whether you are willing or unwilling, the soul will push you into the realm of solitude to restore balance and ground your energies. Otherwise, feelings of being overwhelmed, or tendencies to overreact to minor annoyances, begin to creep in.
That said, an important distinction needs to be made here. There is a world of difference between solitude and loneliness, though the two terms are often used interchangeably. From the outside it may appear the same, but appearances can be deceiving. Loneliness is marked by feelings of isolation and persists even when one is with other people, which is perhaps the most bitter form of loneliness. Solitude, on the other hand, is a state of being alone, content with your own company, enjoying the silent places of your soul without feeling lonely, and it can lead to self-awareness.
Socrates, the great Athenian philosopher, hailed, "The unexamined life is not worth living." Self-knowledge is the delicious fruit of solitude. It will enlighten us in ways that no book or teacher or philosophy could, for it involves the intuition and not the intellect.
While we may struggle to attain a healthy balance between the outer and inner life, the more we allow people to crowd our life, the less chance we will have to know ourselves. Solitude is a time for examining our lives, our motives, our longings and our aspirations. It serves our evolution from the inside and out.
The occasional retreat from the world will benefit us; we will come out stronger and clearer. When practiced on regular basis, solitude will help empty out, cleanse, and restore a new sense of faith and trust in life. It is not suggested that we should neglect our outer life for the inner one, but we must turn our attention inward on a regular basis if we wish to live peacefully.
That's why you should not fear or resist your alone time or solitude; instead, use it to your benefit. Use this time to dig a little deeper, to remove obstacles and reconnect. The discipline of solitude and silence is a crucial component in a healthy life. Learn to embrace it.]]>Women: Who's in Charge of Your Life?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.7682132010-10-28T08:45:00-04:002011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00Natasha Dernhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/natasha-dern/
I believe a woman must search her own soul, dig for her own treasures, and follow her North Star in order to find her brand of happiness. Self-awareness has become a prerequisite for this day and age. I think without taking the time to explore the regions and territories of our inner life, we rob ourselves of authentic joy and peace. In reality we are not what our environment created, what our parents drilled into us, or what society expects of us. As women, we are living in the most amazing period in human history. We have freedom, choices, and options that give every one of us a chance to find our own field of dreams. If we don't like the way our life is going, we have the power to change it. We have the tools and resources to do so. This is why it is so important to explore our inner saboteurs, for if they are allowed to reign over our lives for too long, we will continue to reap adverse consequences.
You may be wondering what exactly are inner saboteurs? They are mostly comprised of thoughts and feelings that undermine your self-worth, self-confidence and self-image. They are thoughts and feelings absorbed from external sources and are therefore internalized without your awareness. They are the voices or inner dialogue you hear that tell you or keep reminding you that you'll never amount to anything, you'll never find love, you'll never succeed, you're not good enough, you're unattractive, you're stupid, you're weak, you're unlovable, you'll never get married, you're a fake, you're worthless, you're too old, you'll never be happy and so on. I call these voices the inner saboteurs. They influence your decisions and choices in life, love, relationships, career, money and friendships. If you are experiencing any difficulty in any of these areas, suffice it to say that your inner saboteurs are involved. Everyone is influenced by these voices, yet each person experiences them in a unique way. Through my own personal struggles and those of other women, I have found four common sources from which many of our limitations are born.
Let us examine these sources and explore how they have more or less influenced or limited your own personal well-being. These sources may not describe your situation exactly, and your experiences may not be completely negative. Still, many women are influenced to some degree by each of the following:
1) Your past experiences and memories:
The majority of us learned negative beliefs about ourselves from traumatic experiences and learned to define ourselves within these parameters. In other words, the experiences made us feel bad, so we think we must be bad, and we have believed it ever since. These voices or inner dialogue you have with yourself may sound something like, "I'm not good enough. I'm not as good as others. I'm not worthy to be loved, happy or successful. I don't care what happens to me. I'm a victim. Everybody hates me. Bad things happen to me. I'm not lucky. I hate myself. I hate my life, etc." These thoughts and feelings are interpretations of past experiences and do not define who you really are. Even though they are a product of the past, they still wield a great deal of power over your present.
2. Your environment, parents and caretakers:
Parents always try to do the best they can. However, we learn to believe what they believe. Even if they were wonderful people, they may have inadvertently taught us conditional love, reward and punishment, to be judgmental, to aim low, to settle and avoid spreading our wings, to be happy with our lot, to never complain, to give but never receive, and a host of other messages that imbedded themselves within our minds from which we operate in the present. They taught us by their example and their words: "Do what we say and you'll get our love, but disobey us and you won't. Be a good girl. Girls don't get angry. Girls should be seen and not heard, etc." Oftentimes questioning or examining the mindset they planted within us can be painful. But nevertheless, the seeds remain, and it is up to us to weed them out.
3. The people around you:
It is no surprise that the closest people to us have tremendous power over certain areas of our lives; these people include family members, friends, and co-workers, whose opinions might affect us negatively: "Don't become too successful. Don't be too original. Be like us and we'll continue to like you. Don't dream too big or you might get disappointed. Accept the status quo. It's harder for women out there. Women have it tougher in the work force. Hide your attributes if you want to get a man. Hide your power. Hide your intelligence. Hide everything except what the world expects to see." These voices might force us to remain in a rut just to make others happy. Because we don't want to fall out of favor with them, we sabotage any progression, both personally and professionally. In other words, we become people-pleasers.
4. Mass media:
This voice is perhaps the most blatant one of all. We hear it every day through the newspapers, magazines, television and radio: "Buy this product or service and you'll be more beautiful, glamorous, exciting, wealthy, young, vibrant, desirable, hot, sexy and attractive to the opposite sex." Women are bombarded with these messages on a daily basis. These voices influence our self-image, and if we don't measure up, we feel inadequate. Therefore, we end up criticizing ourselves inside and out, which robs us of our confidence and leaves us insecure. We need to learn how to deflect these messages and begin to live from our centre more.
As you can see, there are many influences that shape the inner landscape of your life. It is wise to discover the source of your inner saboteurs and whence they came. In other words, who's in charge of your life? Which of the above sources have you internalized as your reality? By discerning who and what created you inner saboteurs, you help to build your bridge to freedom. Be mindful when they come knocking at the door of your mind, take a deep breath, gather your courage, stand tall, feel confident, feel your power, and shout out with passion, "Nobody's home!"]]>