2013-05-21T14:26:59-04:00 Pamela Sage Dodson http://www.huffingtonpost.com/author/index.php?author=pamela-dodson Copyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc. HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Pamela Sage Dodson Good old fashioned elbow grease. tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1507668 2012-05-11T16:15:17-04:00 2012-07-11T05:12:13-04:00

Pamela Sage Dodson http://www.huffingtonpost.com/pamela-dodson/
What if someone's mother were dead? It's a reminder of that loss. If someone were adopted they might wonder about their biological mother. If someone was in foster care, would they have anyone worth thinking of as a mother? And if one had a mother, perhaps she wasn't a loving mother. Do these people feel left out and alone?

My mother is now dead, but when she was alive, Mother's Day was an odd experience. She expected cards, flowers, and a visit. She was the mother. I was mostly OK with that; after all she had given birth to me. Nonetheless, part of me felt like it was a lie. She had never been emotionally invested in any of her three children. She certainly had never been the mother any of us needed.

Instead her mother, our grandmother, filled that role. She lived only a half block from my parents home. I always stopped on the way home from school for cookies and milk, a hug, and to debrief on my day. She was the one who expressed sympathy if I'd had a bad day.

I loved having overnights at her house. At my home you never knew when something was going to blow up and you might be in the center of it. Here, I could cuddle up with a TV program and popcorn without the fear of harsh words. She was the one who snuggled while reading me books, or showed me how to bake a pie. Her unconditional love filled the void left by my own mother. She always believed in me, listened to me, valued me, and was concerned about me. When she died I was devastated. I still mourn her loss.

When my actual mother died, I had a hard time feeling much but regret and guilt. I'd tried so hard and had given my mother every opportunity for a meaningful relationship. I really wanted that, but she seemed incapable of it. I came to accept that in my head, but not in my heart.

So, on this Mother's Day, if you don't have a biological mother worth celebrating, think of who has filled this nurturing role. Send a card (it doesn't have to be Mother's Day card, maybe a "thank you" or "you're special") to that mother-in-law, foster mother, aunt, grandmother, or older female friend who offers you love and support. Tell them how much they've meant to you. It will make their day and yours as well.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1327943 2012-03-08T11:22:45-05:00 2012-05-08T05:12:02-04:00

Pamela Sage Dodson http://www.huffingtonpost.com/pamela-dodson/
It's not likely we can rid the world of bullies. Throughout history there have been bullies like Hitler and others like the kid next door. Some babies come out of the womb with genes that make them angry and belligerent towards the world. Others become bullies because of the situation they are born into, abusive caretakers, or lack of positive and engaged role models. Nature and nurture play their part and there's not much we can do about either.

And bullies are not just the bane of children. Many adults have a neighbor, boss, or work colleague who intimidates them. For others it's the person they married, or are in a relationship with. It could be a friend, or the guy in the car next to us. It can even be an institution forcing people to comply through social pressure. Bullies don't disappear as we get older. They are everywhere.

Children and adults react much the same when confronted with bullies. It's difficult to summon the courage to stand up to them, because they are often popular, powerful, and sometimes have accomplices. We all fear retribution if we try to thwart them, and we worry about being cut out in some way whether it's a job or becoming a social pariah.

While reading the book The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander by Barbara Coloroso, it was the role of bystanders that I found most interesting. Bystanders are the people who stand by watching the bullying happen. They are also guilty because their silence condones it. The message they send is clear -- do what you will, we are all afraid. The bully is emboldened.

But how might such a situation change if bystanders made it known to the bully that their behavior is unacceptable? Some schools have actually worked with children on this approach and studies have found it does have some impact on changing the culture of bullying in the school. But the truth is, schools alone can't fix the problem.

The larger issue is that children don't live at school. They only spend six hours a day, five days a week there. So, even if schools have an anti-bullying policy, it's not enough. Schools can't take the place of parental attitudes. Schools can't compete with the cultural messages children are bombarded with daily from news media, TV programs, sports, movies, songs, etc.

Our larger society celebrates people with power. We admire people who win no matter what the cost and people who survive by getting rid of anyone in their way. We feel sorry for victims and we certainly don't want to be one.

Only when the vast majority of us acknowledge bullies in all their form, for what they are -- only when enough of us take a stance against them, will things change. We have empowered them. We need to take that power away by standing up together and saying this behavior must stop.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1220135 2012-01-23T11:19:02-05:00 2012-03-24T05:12:01-04:00

Pamela Sage Dodson http://www.huffingtonpost.com/pamela-dodson/
As a former teacher-librarian I can tell you the idea to dispose of school libraries and librarians isn't new. In the 1990s, when I was a high school librarian, some of us were assigned to cover both middle and high schools. Money for books and resources were cut back. Today that district has no librarians, only aides, in its high schools or middle schools.

Last year I volunteered in an elementary school library in this same district. It was a contract negotiation year and in the end elementary librarians were given only a two-year contract and are no longer working with 5th grade classrooms.

I'm not sure administrators, other teachers, or parents understand what a teacher-librarian does. They know he/she doesn't work in a traditional classroom and doesn't grade papers. They think anyone can check out books or read a story, but there is so much more to it than that. To start with libraries are no longer just about books, they are information centers.

Teacher-librarians have two degrees because they need to know how to manage a library and how to teach children. These skills are necessary and substituting an aide with no knowledge in either field is a downgrade in quality education. Teacher-librarians do many things, but here are three of the most important.

• They teach students information skills using a variety of resources, including online. Everyone assumes kids can just jump on the internet, find a site, and be done. The real issue is locating quality information. They need to learn skills that will help them assess if information is accurate.



• Teacher-librarians do a lot of reader's advisory, meaning they help connect students with great books they will love. To do this they are constantly reading children's books and reading magazines that critique new children's books.



• Teacher-librarians collaborate with classroom teachers to help students find resources and teach lessons that enrich and expand on what is happening in the classroom.

Mike Eisenberg is the Dean of the Information School at the University of Washington. In 2007 he gave a speech on the importance of teacher-librarians after cuts were made in school programs. Parents started a petition to save school libraries and their librarians and some gains were made. But the issue persists and we need everyone to make a strong statement on this issue.

So, if you think school libraries and the teacher-librarian-information specialists who serve in them are important, help send that message. Go to this site and sign the petition to the Obama Administration to ensure that every child in America has access to an effective school library education. Then let your school district and state legislature know you value this resource.

I did because teacher-librarians fill a unique position. Ask any child.
]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.1177271 2012-01-04T13:36:57-05:00 2012-03-05T05:12:02-05:00

Pamela Sage Dodson http://www.huffingtonpost.com/pamela-dodson/
Once, when my life was far more complicated than it is now, I was in a store and saw a basket of those stones that have words or phrases engraved on them. Looking through them, one drew my attention and I knew it was what I wanted. It said, "Simplify." I took it home and placed it on my desk so that every day I would see that word and be reminded.

For me that word still rings true, and every year I continue to work on simplifying my life. Our lives are cluttered with so many must-dos, should-dos, and want-tos. It drives us crazy. Admittedly, there are some things you can't change, at least right now. But if you think about it, there are always things you could work on that would help simplify your life.

Think about what makes you content and what drives you crazy. Find a few manageable things you can work towards to make your life happier. It might be as big as looking for a job closer to home. Less commute, more time. It could be as small as getting rid of a bunch of earrings and buying one good pair to wear every day. Fewer decisions, less stress. It might just be unsubscribing from those unnecessary emails you get every day.

For me it was too much "stuff." People died and left us with their stuff. We had kids who went off to college and we stored their stuff. Eventually I felt like I was drowning in stuff. It was overwhelming, but I began with one box, one drawer until I made a noticeable dent, then a bigger one. I'm still working on slimming down our stuff, but every year I make progress and I feel good about it.

It's not always easy or fun to change things, but when you do it frees you. To look in a closet and easily find the scarf you want, to join a carpool so you have less driving, to skip that meeting you don't really need to be at. It's all good.

These days what I want is smaller and less. I want more time to do what I enjoy and to be with those I care about. That's what makes me happy. What can you put on your list to work toward that will simplify your life?

Check out what others are doing to simplify their lives.

For more by Pamela Dodson, click here.

For more on mindfulness, click here.
]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.1160718 2011-12-21T09:39:43-05:00 2012-02-20T05:12:01-05:00

Pamela Sage Dodson http://www.huffingtonpost.com/pamela-dodson/
Other than the spiritual aspect, the heart of a holiday usually centers around "breaking bread" with others. Bread, one of the most ancient foods, is found in almost every culture as a traditional item at celebrations. If you don't already include an ethnic bread in your holiday festivities, you may discover one you'd like to include from the list below.

Holiday Yeast Breads from Around the World:



Stollen: This traditional bread originated in the German city of Dresden. Its oblong shape with a crease down the middle meant to represent a swaddled Christ Child (thus Christollen). The sweet dough is rich with candied fruits and when baked is rolled in confectioner's sugar.

Challah: This braided Jewish egg bread is eaten at many religious occasions including Hanukkah (Chanukah). It began in ancient times as a piece of dough set aside for the temple priests. Today the word challah is used to refer to the whole loaf. When baked it is glazed with egg yolk and can be topped with sesame seeds.

Julekake: This sweet bread is especially popular in Norway and Denmark. Traditionally it is spiced with cardamom filled with mixed candied fruits that give it the colors of the Christmas season. It can be lightly iced. I like it best toasted with butter.

Panettone: This Italian Christmas bread was created in Milan. You need a special pan to bake the traditional loaf which is round and tall (sort of like a mushroom) and baked with raisins.

Cesnica: A traditional Serbian wheat bread that is baked by women according to many rules on Christmas morning. The word "cest" means share. It is baked with an object inside and the loaf is sent counterclockwise around the Christmas table three times before eating.

Krendel: This Russian Christmas bread is shaped like a pretzel and either dusted with sugar or lightly iced. It is filled with fruit like prunes, apples, apricots, etc.

Kerststol: Dutch bread with almond paste and dried fruit.

Gubana: Originating in Slovenia/ North Italy (Friuli) this traditional bread is shaped like a snail shell and is eaten at various holidays throughout the year. It contains raisins soaked in grappa, pine nuts, grated chocolate, citron and more.

Beigli: A Hungarian bread that is rolled up with a filling of walnuts and/ or poppy seeds. When cut it provides a lovely spiral design.

Three Kings Bread: Also know as Twelfth Night Cake, this bread may be the oldest bread on the list. It was originally an Arab recipe, the Romans baked it, and it is traditional in Span, Portugal and Mexico (Rosca de Reyes). The bread is baked with citron and some object, like an almond, is included to symbolize the baby Jesus. Whoever gets that piece of bread is said to have good luck. Three Kings refers to the Three Wise Men. It is also known as King Cake and is eaten during Mardi Gras in New Orleans.

Fougasse: This is a flat bread (similar to focaccia) is associated with southern France. It is made with orange water, anise seed, olive oil and can be shaped like a leaf.

Christopsomo: A Christmas bread meaning "Christ's bread" and considered sacred in Greek Orthodox homes. Only the best ingredients are used and it is said to assure the well-being of a home for the next year. It can be decorated with dough to represent the family's life or shaped like a cross. It uses olive oil, oranges, pine nuts, raisins and walnuts.

These are some of the holiday breads that have been eaten for centuries. You might want to buy a loaf at a specialty bakery or make one to share this season. You may feel a connection that goes way beyond your own dinner table.

Check out some holiday bread recipes here:

If you find my short summary of breads and place of origin inexact, remember old recipes are often regional, recipes are altered, and the words cake and bread are often used interchangeably.
]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.1152583 2011-12-16T12:53:46-05:00 2012-02-15T05:12:01-05:00

Pamela Sage Dodson http://www.huffingtonpost.com/pamela-dodson/
The model, Christy Turlington Burns, in an interview says her family traditions include spending alternate Christmas holidays in New York or California. This year will be a New York Christmas. They will "see The Nutcracker, go ice skating at Rockefeller Center, make a fire, read The Night before Christmas and drink hot chocolate."

One way to create traditions is to build your own collection of special holiday books, adding a new one each year. Children connect with these stories and look forward to them. These shared stories will remain with them as fond memories of cozying up with someone special in the glow of Christmas lights or Hanukkah/ Kwanzaa candles. And someday they may want to share those same stories with their own children.

Here are some suggestions of wonderful books, old and new, that will add to your family's holiday happiness.

Delightfully charming: Snowmen at Night by Caralyn Buehner; Bear Stays up for Christmas by Karma Wilson; Morris's Disappearing Bag by Rosemary Wells; Mr. Willowby's Christmas Tree by Robert E. Barry

Loving lesson or inspirational: A Christmas Memory by Truman Capote; A Wish to be a Christmas Tree by Colleen Monroe; The Spirit of Christmas by Nancy Tillman; The Year of the Perfect Christmas Tree by Gloria Houston; The Night of Las Posadas by Tomie dePaola; The Christmas Coat by Virginia Driving Hawk Sneve.

Extending a child's world view by including stories from other cultures: Piñata in a Pine Tree by Pat Mora; Coyote Christmas: a Lakota story by S. D. Nelson; A Stork in a Baobab Tree by Catherine House; Jan Brett's Christmas Treasury; Christmas Around the World by Mary D. Lankford; Duke Ellington's Nutcracker Suite by Anna Harwell Celenza.

Classic and traditional: Nutcracker by E.T.A. Hoffman and pictures by Maurice Sendak; Polar Express by Chris Van Allsburg; The Night before Christmas - same poem, buts lots of different illustrators, find a version you love; A Pussycat's Christmas by Margaret Wise Brown; The Twelve Days of Christmas illustrated by Jan Brett; Cranberry Christmas by Wende Devlin; The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson

Pair a story with a specific activity: read The Christmas Cookie Sprinkle Snitcher by Robert Kraus and then make cookies; read The Spider's Gift by Eric A. Kimmel and then buy or make a spider ornament or cobweb for your own tree; read The Legend of the Poinsettia by Tomie dePaola, then go out together and select a poinsettia to display in your home; read The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson then go see a local Christmas pageant.

Just for Fun: How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss; The Night Before Christmas Pop-up by Clement Clark Moore and Robert Sabuda; The Twelve Days of Christmas in your state (it's a series); Russell's Christmas Magic by Rob Scotton; Where Did They Hide My Presents?: Silly Dilly Christmas Songs by Alan Katz; The Night Before Christmas by Clement C. Moore and Richard Jesse Watson.

Hanukkah: Light the Lights! A Story about Celebrating Hanukkah and Christmas by Margaret Moorman; The Runaway Dreidel! by Leslea Newman; The Borrowed Hanukkah Latkes by Linda Glaser; Hershel and The Hanukkah Goblins by Eric A. Kimmel.

Kwanzaa: Seven Candles for Kwanzaa by Andrea Davis Pinkney and Seven Spools of Thread by Angela Shelf Medearis.

So spread the cheer by buying a holiday book from your community independent bookstore and have a very happy holiday season.
]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.1114634 2011-11-28T16:14:01-05:00 2012-01-28T05:12:01-05:00

Pamela Sage Dodson http://www.huffingtonpost.com/pamela-dodson/
So Saturday morning, when my husband opened the Financial Times Weekend edition and read me bits and pieces of an article entitled, "Two hours that sank Strauss-Kahn," I was surprised. It seems that the French may soon be embroiled in a Watergate-type blowup. An American investigative journalist, Edward Jay Epstein, has researched the entire event and come up with damning evidence that suggests DSK may have been set up. Epstein's investigative research is to be published in the New York Times Book Review.

There was apparently a lot going in the French-owned Sofitel Hotel just before and after Strauss-Kahn was arrested. DSK has always maintained he had consensual sex, and perhaps it was. But the supposed victim, maid Nafissatou Diallo, may well have been part of a plan to bring down DSK before he had a chance to run for French president in the April 2012 elections. He had been forewarned by a diplomat that there were rumors of a possible scandal planned to embarrass him.

The new information presented is based on specifics that were given to the prosecuting and defense attorneys by the hotel. Using telephone records, security camera footage, and data from electronic key cards, Mr. Epstein has raised valuable questions that strongly suggest what happened that day may in fact not be just about sex.

Hotel records show Diallo (the maid) used a key card to enter a room close to Strauss-Kahn's several times before and after the alleged incident. The hotel has refused to reveal the name of the person staying in that room. Records also show two different people entered DSK's room with key cards before the alleged event took place, while he was in the shower. Afterwards, almost an hour passed before the police were called, despite the fact housekeeping and hotel security staff had been informed of the supposed forced sexual attack. Medical services were also not summoned for Ms. Diallo.

The following may be the most difficult data to reconcile with the supposed events. When DSK was arrested, his IMF Blackberry was left behind in his room. It disappeared and according to the GPS was still in the hotel until it was disabled thirty minutes later. DSK believes it was stolen because he planned to have it checked for "bugs." Associates of DSK informed Mr. Epstein that an email message sent to his wife about finding someone to check his cell phone had been seen in the Paris office of the UMP (Mr. Sarkozy's political party).

Also, the hotel's chief engineer, Brian Yearwood, visited DSK's room before police were called and then sat with Ms. Diallo in the service area. But, perhaps the oddest thing in the aftermath of these events was revealed by security cameras. Film shows Mr. Yearwood and an unidentified man giving each other high-fives and doing a celebratory dance that lasts several minutes. Under the circumstances that seems like a very strange thing to do.

All of this has reminded me that someone should not be judged guilty until all the evidence is in, even a womanizing world leader. Also it is possible information gathered on any of us can be helpful, as well as harmful. And lastly, that real life may be truly stranger than fiction. I expect to read more in the news and to see these events depicted in a TV movie.
]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.923976 2011-08-11T15:41:28-04:00 2011-10-11T05:12:01-04:00

Pamela Sage Dodson http://www.huffingtonpost.com/pamela-dodson/
As with most things, I am sure the reasons are complex and have been building for some time. Riots over political, social, or economic issues are nothing new. What is relatively new, however, is how social media has changed how these events happen and how people perceive or react to the information provided via these mediums.

We all know how Twitter has brought people together on fairly short notice in flash mobs to sing or dance. We have seen the YouTube videos and thought, isn't this fun. The reverse side of this has been tweeting to bring together flash mobs to do violence or incite riots, as in England and the U.S. cities of Philadelphia and Milwaukee

I watched a video on the BBC of two girls who had taken part in a riot and were being interviewed by a reporter. They referred to the riots as "brilliant." They could hardly wait to participate again and said the cause of the rioting was rich people. When the reporter pointed out that much of the damage being done was to middle class businesses in their town, the girls stated that the owners had money and they didn't and that provided all the reason they needed to engage in such acts. The girls ended by saying the rioters had the power now and would show that police were no longer in control.

I find that rather frightening and have been quite dismayed by it, but today I was pleased to see another twist in these events. Some people in these riot-torn towns have decided to change the flow of these events and have once again used Twitter as a change agent. They tweeted about when and where to gather and help clean up the mess that the rioters caused, organizing themselves quickly and collaboratively. Soon many people arrived with brooms and dustpans and began the clean up

All of this caused me to reflect back on something that I heard over the 4th of July weekend. I spent it in Twin Falls, Idaho participating in the Minidoka Pilgrimage. Minidoka was one of the camps where Japanese-Americans from the Seattle area were confined until World War II was over. The pilgrimage occurs once a year to remember what happened and to discuss the civil liberty issues.

On the second afternoon of the pilgrimage, a panel of survivors from Minidoka talked about their past experiences. Following that, there was a panel of young people who were there because they were descendants of those incarcerated at Minidoka. These young people were asked to each answer this question, did they think it was possible this type of event (rounding up and incarcerating citizens because of ethnicity) could happen again in the United States.
Every one of them said no. When asked why they didn't think it couldn't happen again, they said because of social media. I was stunned because, as an educator and librarian, I believe history does tend to repeat itself and we don't seem to learn as much as we think we do. I also know you can't believe everything you see on the Internet or relayed via social media. It seemed unbelievable that social media could stop a government action or the public anger that accompanies an event like Pearl Harbor or 9/11.

But after seeing these two videos today, I feel some hope. There are good people in the world using social media for positive things and that helps counterbalance the bad things being done with it. It all comes down to the individual. So, maybe that panel of young adults was right. Maybe social media can help change our future and how things happen. It's a good thought. What do you think?]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.909145 2011-08-04T11:51:11-04:00 2011-10-04T05:12:02-04:00

Pamela Sage Dodson http://www.huffingtonpost.com/pamela-dodson/ Hunger Games and she asked my opinion.

Children have always yearned to grow up faster than most parents want them to. In the past, it was far easier to maintain some control over that pace, but in today's technological world it is harder than ever to keep tabs on what children are exposed to. One area that parents thought might still be under their watchful eye was reading. After all, many parents take their kids to the library and see what they check out. Parents also have access to their children's teacher and the books in their kids' backpacks. So what could be the problem with reading? Believe it or not, peer pressure.

Today, parents of children in grades 3-5 complain of being harassed by their children to allow them to read books that were written for teens. Titles like Twilight, Hunger Games, and the later Harry Potter novels. These books were written for young adults who have the age and experiences to understand more mature themes and relationships and to process them accordingly. They were never intended for elementary school children.

However, it's not unusual today to see a 3rd or 4th grader toting around a physical or digital copy of the titles listed above. If they don't have it with them, they are proclaiming for all to hear that they have read it, i.e. they are part of the in-group and are grown up.

Most parents know very little about teen books and acquiesce to the constant whiny entreaties of their child, agreeing to let them read the book. Other parents feel these books are a bit too mature for their child, but think if "everyone is reading it," it must be OK. There are also parents who stand their ground, but the child may well borrow a friend's copy and read it in secret, or download it onto an electronic device. After all, giving in to peer pressure, and finding a way around parents to do it, is nothing new for kids.

If you are able to convince your child to wait to read a particular book you are uncomfortable with, there are some things you can do to take the sting out of the situation. One is to take them on a special outing to a bookstore and buy them a title you both agree on. Another would be a visit to the library where a children's librarian can suggest hot titles that are age appropriate, or books similar to the book they really want to read. Realistically, not all children will be pacified with these options.

If your child is determined to read a "hot" title that deals with more mature themes, you might want to strike a bargain and read it together. You could share one book reading it together, or form a book club where you each have a copy and read a portion, then talk about it. By allowing the child to read the book and sharing that experience with them, you have created a win-win situation. The child wins the chance to read the desired book and gain peer parity (so important at that age). The parent wins the opportunity to share something their child values and to frame that experience. This is your opportunity to make certain the child's questions are answered by a knowledgeable source and impart the values you want your child to come away with.

As for my hair stylist, she settled on the read together option with discussion. She owned an e-Reader, so she downloaded the book on that device and borrowed a physical copy from the library (so they could bookmark and flip back and forth easily for discussion). Her daughter had been asking to use the e-Reader, so as an extra bonus she got to use that device. After reading a certain number of chapters, they would sit down and discuss the story. The result was the mom still felt she could guide her daughter's reading experience, and the daughter was able to read the story she desperately wanted, as well as spend special time with her mom. And because this arrangement was negotiated, the child learned something about compromise as well. Now, that is win-win.
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