Shelby Knox

Smart Girl Guide to New Year's Eve

2009-12-15T13:17:41-05:00

New Year's Eve - a sparkly dress, a glittering party, a bubbly drink, and if you're lucky, a kiss that lingers minutes past midnight. What better way to send off 2009 (good riddance!) and ring in the next decade?

Yet, anyone who's ever experienced a New Year's Eve knows the expectations are higher than for almost any other night of the year - and the pressures, dangers, and stresses are doubled as well. Whether it's how to tell your boyfriend that you'd like to remain a virgin into 2010 or that tonight's the night to try something new, it's important to have a plan for how you want your night to go.

Whether you're standing in Times Square watching the ball drop, dancing your way into 2010, or hosting your own bash, here are some tips for a safe, sexy New Year's night:

Make your resolutions. Decide before you head out for the night how far you're willing to go with your partner. Is the kiss at midnight enough or are you ready to head back to someone's house for more? It's easier to stick to decisions you've made before alcohol and the spirit of the night carries you away. Don't be afraid to make your intentions known before the evening gets underway - your partner will respect you more for being firm in your choices.

Stock up on Plan A and Plan B. The hours between work and the party are for making sure you look hot in your outfit, not for running around town looking for rubbers. Go to the drugstore the day before to get condoms, lube and anything else you'll want to spice up the evening. While you're there, stop at the pharmacy counter and pick up Plan B One Step, the only one-pill emergency contraception that can be taken up to 72 hours after unprotected sex. You always plan to have safe sex but even the best made plans can go awry - Plan B One Step is just one pill, you can get it from the pharmacist without a prescription (if you are 17 or older), and the sooner you take it, the more effective it is.

So this is what FourSquare is for! Map out your party before you head out and decide early where you'll be waking up in 2010. If you plan to hop from bash to bash, make sure you leave each location with the same crew you arrived with. Never leave a friend (or even a friend and her date) alone at a party. Keep in touch by text to see when people are ready to move on - and be careful about posting your movements on Facebook and to your Twitter feed. What may seem like a fun running timeline could read like a road map to a stalker.

Have some Spirit Sense. If you're going to drink, don't be stupid - make sure you have a designated driver or chip in for a group cab. The same rules you use at a frat party apply tenfold on New Year's Eve: don't accept a drink from anyone you don't know and never leave it unattended. If a friend starts showing symptoms that go beyond buzzed - nausea, dizziness, hallucinations, loss of consciousness - seek medical attention immediately and tell the EMS you suspect she may have ingested a date rape drug.

Think about tomorrow. If you do plan to drink, be nice to yourself beforehand. Have a good dinner and make sure to drink one glass of water for every alcoholic beverage you consume. If you think there's a chance of a New Year's Day hangover, put some Gatorade in your fridge (it's all about the electrolytes - most of the pain of a hangover is from the dehydration) and put some aspirin next to your bed before you head out for the night.

Have fun - and a safe, sexy send-off for 2009!

Smart Girl Guide to College (Sex)

2009-09-08T11:36:04-04:00

When I started college, I had never been to a party where there were drugs or alcohol. Within the first week, I was rolling a keg down three flights of stairs and watching a friend get it on with a fraternity president while standing in three feet of dish soap bubbles at a "foam party." I wish I could say these were the dumbest things my friends and I did, but that would be a big lie.

We obviously weren't alone. A new survey of college freshmen from MomLogic.com found that 26% have passed out from drinking too much and 32% have hooked up or had sex with someone they regret. 13% have woken up somewhere and not known how they got there. That's terrifying -- and sadly, not surprising.

Girls have to be extra careful at college. No parents or curfews -- and lots of boys and booze -- will, without a doubt, lead to some mistakes. But following the Smart Girl's Guide will help make sure your worst one is leaving your flip flops in a cow patty:

Safeguard Your Va-jay-jay. If you're having sex, you've got to protect yourself. Many college health centers offer students discounts on birth control, so make an appointment and check out your options. Also, pick up the free condoms most health centers give out -- it's not 1955, so you're just as responsible for the rubber as he is. No one wants to go home for Thanksgiving break with an STD.

Don't Do the "Pull and Pray." Be prepared for the unexpected -- those (rare but probably inevitable) times the condom slips off or never makes it on in the first place. Instead of crossing your fingers and hoping the stork passes you by, pick up a pack of Plan BÂ® One-Step, A.K.A emergency contraception -- now available in just one little pill that can prevent pregnancy when taken within three days following unprotected sex. You don't even need a prescription if you're over 17 (visit the pharmacy counter, show ID -- that's it!) Consider getting an extra pack to keep on-hand in your room. Emergency contraception is a college staple, like beer and Ramen noodles, that a Smart Girl should never be without.

Two words: Cock Block. Exactly what it sounds like: a friendly human shield between your vagina (or whatever) and sweaty jock boy's penis. Every Smart Girl will both need and serve as a cock block at some point during her college career. A CB is responsible for making sure her drunk friend isn't making her way upstairs with the creeper in the corner and that all the girls who arrived together, leave together -- without any hangers on.

Smart Girl 2.0. Facebook, like coffee, is an essential of college life. How else can you find that guy whose buddies dragged him off to play beer pong just as you were getting somewhere? But, as you probably know, it's also the perfect stalking tool, and not in a good way. Keep your status updates vague or risk having that overeager boy from biology "randomly" end up at the same party as you, with flowers and a marriage proposal. Take steps to make sure you're not the next YouTube sensation. Think twice before doing that striptease on the bar -- phones aren't just for drunk texting anymore!

Avoid the Roofie ... and the Pee. You've heard it before but, seriously ladies, watch your drink. Make sure it comes directly from the bartender's hand and never leaves your sight. Date rape drugs work quickly and are frighteningly prevalent on college campuses. Beware the trash can punch. I mean, really, let's think this one out: it's in a trash can. If that isn't enough, remember it's meant to get you as drunk as possible, so brew master frat boy used a lot of Everclear (read: 95% proof alcohol). And, as the party goes on, the likelihood that someone has peed in it gets higher and higher. You've been warned.

Hook Up With Yourself. College is an amazing opportunity to figure out who you are as an adult woman, free of your parents and high school boyfriend. This can mean anything from taking up German or trying out fencing to changing your taste in partners. Make a pledge that if you choose to have sex, it will be good and good for you, physically and emotionally. Get a vibrator and your roommate's class schedule and find out what turns you on. Try abstinence for a while. Take a pole dancing class to find your inner erotic creature. Whatever feels right to you, go for it -- just be safe and true to you along the way.

Sex, Lies, and Federal Money: My Experience With Abstinence-Only Education

2009-05-07T12:37:34-04:00

Every year when I was in high school in Lubbock, Texas, we were herded into the auditorium for a lecture from a local youth pastor about the birds and the bees.

At the culmination of every presentation, the pastor pulled a girl up onstage, produced a dirty, dingy toothbrush from his pocket and asked if she would brush her teeth with it. When she invariably said no, he pulled out another toothbrush, this one in its original box, and repeated the question. When she said yes to that one, he brandished the rejected toothbrush above his head and announced to the audience, "If you have sex before marriage, you are the dirty toothbrush."

A report recently released on the state of sex education in Texas details other bizarre things students are taught in the classroom about sex, contraception and their bodies, all subsidized by federal dollars. One skit, titled "Jumping Off the Bridge," concludes that giving a condom to a teen is like saying, "Well if you insist on killing yourself by jumping off the bridge, at least wear these elbow pads." Another presentation equates pre-marital sex with instances of marital murder-suicide. Still another compares women's sexuality to crock pots that take awhile to get warmed up, and men's to microwaves that are ready to cook at a moment's notice.

An entire generation of American teens has been confused, misinformed and endangered by abstinence-only-until-marriage programs like these. They are not just paid for by the federal government; states can't use these dollars for anything else.

In the past 15 years alone, more than a billion taxpayer dollars have been doled out to every state to teach curricula that often contain factual inaccuracies about condoms and contraceptives, generalizations about sexuality that are based on biases about gender and sexual orientation, and religious messaging that probably violates the U.S. Constitution.

The programs were a pet project of the Bush administration, and key to attracting votes and contributions from the religious right. Now, much of the money is still being doled out to faith-based organizations and crisis pregnancy centers, the latter often stating as their sole purpose the convincing of pregnant women, including ten and twelve year-olds and their families, that having an abortion will mean a lifetime of regret.

Unbelievable as it may sound, there is no federal law mandating or supervising the medical or scientific accuracy of information taught in schools or given out in tax-exempt pregnancy centers, a loophole used to tell young people that condoms don't work, homosexuality is never part of normal human behavior and sexuality is the one academic subject in which students will be rewarded for lack of knowledge.

In fact, abstinence-only sex education is so damaging that 25 governors, Republicans and Democrats, have refused abstinence-only funds. Rising rates of sexually transmitted infections, unwanted teen births and an increased need for abortion have dramatized the inefficacy and danger of such programs. And last year, the Journal of Adolescent Health published its opinion that abstinence-only funding may constitute a human rights violation.

A Lack of Leadership from Stuart Productions on Vimeo.

The huge majority of Americans agree. 88% think teens should receive information about condoms and contraception as well as abstinence in the classroom. Yet, no moves have been made in Washington to make good on these convictions.

If President Obama and Democratic leaders were to fulfill their own promises it could only be a financial win. The public costs associated with teen pregnancy alone total more than nine billion dollars a year, with additional costs of treating sexually transmitted infections. Economic impact statements have shown that every dollar spent on comprehensive sex education would be one of the few good investments these days. Failing to eliminate all funding for abstinence-only programs would be a setback for human rights and tempt a suit for taxpayer fraud.

President Obama and Speaker Pelosi, if you have to throw a bone to the right wing, let it not be the bones of the youth who elected you. The young people who so overwhelmingly voted for change -- partly on the promise of comprehensive sex education -- are certainly not asking for a bailout. We just want the facts that can save our lives.

Video by Charles Stuart. Originally published on rhrealitycheck.org.

Abstinence is the New Feminism (And Other Things I Learned at Harvard)

2008-04-01T10:19:00-04:00

The chastity movement has grown up and gone off to college, which is no wonder, really, since legislators recently decided to focus attention and federal money on keeping unmarried adults abstaining until at least their 29th birthday. The members of Harvard's True Love Revolution, a campus chastity club, are the newest crusaders on the celibacy bandwagon.

While they do not require a purity pledge for entry, True Love Revolution's ideology is closely aligned with the abstinence-only programs that have brought us, just this year, higher teen birth rates and the scary statistic that one in four teen girls have a sexually transmitted infection. The premise of Harvard's True Love Revolution group is the popular myth that discussing and promoting both abstinence and safer sex methods is squarely contradictory, and they employ some of the same misinformation and scare tactics as high school abstinence-only teachers to get that message across - including casting doubt on the effectiveness of condoms and contraception and overstating or inventing the dramatic, horrible consequences of having sex.

When I opened the New York Times Sunday magazine to read about "College Students Who Opt Out of Sex" my six years in the sexual health movement and my prior stint as a ring wearing, pledge taking virgin gave me a pretty good idea of the modus operandi of these groups. But what I didn't expect was Janie Fredell, the young woman who has both John Paul II and John Stuart Mills' Subjugation of Women on her reading list, and who claims abstinence is her version of "the personal is political."

Janie and I seem to have a lot in common. We are both 21 years of age, study government and are iffy about law school, and are both from hotbeds of evangelical fervor - Janie from Colorado Springs, CO and myself from Lubbock, TX. We have both spent an inordinate amount of time during college talking to reporters about sex. And I walked away from the abstinence-only movement for the same reason Janie says she gravitated toward it - in a word, feminism.

Janie Fredell claims she abstains from sex because women "suffer from premarital sex due to a double standard which devalues women for their sexual pasts and glorifies men for theirs." While most feminists would agree that such a double standard exists, and that it is based on gendered stereotypes that cast women as either passive or promiscuous and men as unerringly overly sexual, where Janie and I part ways is in what we can do about it.

The decision to remain abstinent is no less valid, or feminist, than the decision to have responsible, consensual sex - and abstinence in itself is an effective method of prevention against sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancy. What confounds is that although Janie rails against the stereotypes and sexual double standards imposed upon women, she aligns herself with a movement that not only accepts but also relies upon those stereotypes to convince young people to join up. In doing so, she is refusing to challenge the social constructs that plague relations between and among the genders and is instead attacking the act of sex itself - a time-tested tactic that has proven both impractical and ineffective, to say the least.

Sex is inevitable, even for those of us who pledged otherwise, so it seems far more proactive to challenge outdated and harmful notions about each gender's relationship to sex, not necessarily with sexual activity, but by educating both men and women toward positive, healthy expressions of sexuality that neither subjugate nor deny the humanity of either partner. The last thing anyone, male or female, needs on a college campus is a rancorous and harmful debate about the merits of sex or no sex. Instead, someone needs to start an open and honest discussion about sexual health and responsibility that encompasses everything from abstinence to contraception and personal fulfillment and pleasure. Janie Fredell, are you there with me?

Teen Sexual Health Crisis: What Parents Can Do

2008-03-13T15:30:00-04:00

While America is focusing on the evolving drama of the Spitzer sex scandal and the MySpace musical styling of "Kristen," the young woman who he paid for sex, the CDC has announced that one in four American teen girls has a sexually transmitted infection. It's fitting that the stories made it into the same news cycle: America's sexual repression and unwillingness to discuss the deed have led to a national sex scandal and a national public health crisis, and all on the same day!

The most reported statistic to come out of the CDC study is that 1 in 4 girls, ages 14-18, has an STI. More alarming, if possible, and certainly more telling, was the discovery that almost half of black teen girls have at least one infection, as compared to 20 percent of white teens. The information in the study is more reliable than other studies on teen sexual behavior because it did not rely on teens to report their sexual activity and the incidence of infection, which often skews results, but instead required that the young women in the study be tested for STIs in person.

This isn't the first scientific call to arms about teen sexual health: studies revealed several months ago that teen birth rates are on the rise for the first time in 15 years. Parents are increasingly alarmed and confused about what is an established teen sexual health crisis. What can parents do to make sure their teen doesn't end up as a statistic?

First and foremost, America has to get over its squeamishness about teens and sex: not talking about it for the past 20 years has proven ineffective, to say the least. Lessons about sexual health and responsibility begin at home, with parents, grandparents, and older siblings the preferred sources of information for most young people. If sex is discussed early, often, and without shame or judgment, your teen is more likely to come to you when they do decide to start having sex. If you haven't talked to your teen about sex, use this study as opening for that conversation. Some community organizations, like Planned Parenthood, even offer sex education programs that parents and teens can attend together and Advocates for Youth offers advice, information, and materials for parents nervous about "The Talk."

Sex education begins at home, but should be supplemented and streamlined at school. Americans must call on their elected officials to end almost 1.5 billion dollars of funding for ineffective abstinence-only sex education, and put money and resources toward a model of comprehensive sex education that has been proven to delay teen sex and increase teen sexual responsibility. We can't expect young people to act responsibly if we don't give them the information and tools to do so. And even if you live in a "liberal" area, don't be surprised if your teen is getting abstinence-only -- talk to your teen's principal and insist on seeing the sex education curricula, or even better, offer to serve on a parent advisory board that helps shape the curriculum.

The CDC study found that the most common sexually transmitted infection found in the young women was human papillomavirus (HPV), which is the most common STI among women of all ages, and can cause genital warts and even cervical cancer. Scientists have developed a three dose vaccine that protects against the most cancerous strains of HPV called Gardasil, which is administered to young women ages 9 to 26. The HPV vaccine has irked some religious conservatives who claim vaccinating young people against a sexually transmitted infection will promote sexual promiscuity -- a theory that holds about as much water as the idea that NOT talking to them about sex will assure they wait until marriage. Look into getting the vaccine for your daughter, and using the appointment as an opportunity to talk about sexual responsibility, birth control, and STI's.

Parents and schools, of course, are only part of the equation. Young people themselves also have a responsibility to use the information they are given and make responsible, healthy decisions, and the media making and political worlds must also take steps to support teens in making those decisions. There is no quick fix, but simply starting an open, inclusive conversation is the first step.

Seventeen Tackles New Teen (Pregnancy) Trend

2008-01-29T16:17:00-05:00

While Juno is trading a hospital gown for Oscar couture and Jamie Lynn is dodging photographers in Louisiana, the American public is grappling with the new visibility of the teen baby bump and turning back to the media for answers.

Actual teen voices, the only ones that can really tell us how to reign in our newly rising birth rates, have been conspicuously absent from the discourse. Seventeen magazine and the Candies Foundation are attempting to remedy this with the release of a new study that showcases what young women are thinking, or at least telling pollsters, about sex and the new baby boom.

I've definitely had my issues with Seventeen magazine in the past, and as a young sex educator am always a little leery of studies like this one, mostly because they allow adult readers to generalize from the statistics without being exposed to the intricate, convoluted reasons why things are the way they are. But this time, Seventeen got it right: the issue, out on newsstands, talks respectfully and frankly to young women, in a space where they are all eyes, about sex and the real world -- and allows us to learn a few things in the process.

The study illustrates one point really well: young people are confused by the messages they are getting, or not getting, about sex. The most alarming statistic out of this study, to me at least, is that HALF of all the teen girls surveyed said it was possible they would get pregnant in the next five years. Possible? As in, you aren't sure, but maybe? That's terrifying. The uncertainty speaks to a lack of sex education in schools and is also indicative of the general disempowerment young people feel about sex and their bodies because we won't talk with them about it in a positive, informative way, even at home.

Continuing that theme, two out of three girls told researchers that they were more worried about STDs than an unplanned pregnancy. Whether that is a result of abstinence-only scare tactics involving pictures of advanced herpes and the like, the social stigma of "catching something," or the current Hollywood trend of glorifying teen motherhood while painting over the challenges, it still means that young women are quite uncertain as to how to protect their bodies.

There is no quick fix, but parents and schools are the obvious candidates when looking for a long-term strategy to prevent teen pregnancy and educate teens about sex and themselves. A refreshing and necessary aide: concerned organizations (in this case, The Candies Foundation) pairing with popular teen media and the experts (Planned Parenthood) to put forth a positive, informative message that has a chance of cutting through all the other stuff teens get every day.

Hollywood Bests Washington On Teen Sex

2007-12-17T14:47:31-05:00

This month we learned that teen birth rates are on the rise for the first time since 1991.While this alarming statistical shift should inspire concern or anger or action, it has received little more than wary acknowledgment from any of the 2008 presidential hopefuls (on either side of the aisle), and has gotten little more than passing attention from the mainstream news media.

Not so for art. Juno, one of the hottest films to come off of the festival circuit this year, looks squarely at this increasingly common teen reality: young, pregnant, and more than a little confused. While definitely flawed (one especially anti-feminist line made my jaw drop, and Juno as a modern feminist heroine is a whole other post), what is and isn't in this film can teach us a lot about why the rates are rising - and what we can do about it.

Quick summary: Juno and her best guy friend have sex, resulting in pregnancy. Juno figures that a high school student who talks on a hamburger phone is probably not ready to be a mother, so she embarks on exploring her other options. After a badly handled look at abortion, she sets her sights on providing middle class comfort to the baby to be by placing him/her with Mark and Vanessa, a yuppie couple that will do and pay anything to adopt a child. Everyone and everything is a bit more complicated at second glance, which keeps this comedy honest and on track.

Juno's journey, of course, starts with sex. While the word condom is never mentioned, it seems obvious from Juno's expanding belly that she and Bleeker didn't use one, or any other method of contraception. Juno's sex education, or lack of it, is relegated to a single shot of a middle-aged woman putting a blue condom on a banana, with a voice over expressing Juno's annoyance at the term "sexually active". The omission of any discussion about condoms or safer sex shouldn't seem odd, however, considering most teens in the United States are barred from discussing these issues in their health classes.

Obviously, or so it seems, the rising teen birth rates are related to astronomical increases in funding for abstinence-only programs that continue despite mounting evidence that not only do these programs not work at all, they also present medically inaccurate, biased information, including exaggerated condom failure rates and stereotype tinged portrayals of relations between the genders.

Inexplicably, the democratically controlled House has offered a funding increase for these programs to the tune of over a hundred million dollars, perhaps hoping to trade teen health for something more valuable politically. It is also, by the way, not like there are no other options: the Responsible Education About Life (REAL) Act would provide the first ever federal funds for comprehensive sex education curricula that would cover abstinence, contraception, relationships, and responsible decision making.

While it is hard to know if a fictional character like Juno could have avoided her situation had she been taught the facts in health class, it's easy to see we are making getting information as hard as possible for her real life counterparts.

Already pregnant, Juno decides to, in her words, "procure a hasty abortion". She makes an appointment, choosing the clinic that does not require a parent's signature. Lesson number two: while Juno is presumably lucky enough to live in one of the 17 states that does not require parental notification or consent and one of the 13% of counties that has a provider, many young women are stopped at this point in the process. Political maneuvering to chip away at the right to abortion has left many young women without options, which has contributed not only to the rise in the teen birth rate but also driven some desperate young women and their partners to turn to dangerous "black market" abortions or to attempt to end the pregnancy themselves, often with tragic results.

Juno makes it to the clinic only to be met with a protest sign wielded by a classmate. While the sign is tame and even humorous compared to some I have seen, Juno is unnerved enough to decide to leave the clinic before even talking to anyone but the receptionist. Because the plot hinges on getting to the adoption option, the viewer is never asked to consider what it means to be frightened away from receiving medical care. You, blog reader, are not so unfortunate.

Anti-choice protesters often set up camp outside family planning clinics and young women especially are deterred from entering. Protesters are now employing even more intimidating tactics, like taking pictures of patient and employee license plates to post on the Internet. And clinic violence is not a thing of the past: a New Mexico clinic went up in flames last week as a result of arson. Obviously, if women are too scared to go inside the clinic, they can never reach the information and services inside. That, sadly, is the point.

As she enters her latter months of pregnancy, Juno wryly declares herself a "cautionary whale". So, take heed: while it all seems to turn out alright for Juno, a stylized, albeit lovable Hollywood character, not all teen moms to be can be content with knowing that happy endings are in vogue. Teen birth rates, as well as rates of sexually transmitted diseases, will continue to rise if we don't give young people responsible, medically accurate sex education and young women continue to be denied and frightened away from reproductive health care.