A gay man can grin and say ironically, "I'm a really good mother," which may mean that he performs the daily child care in his home, but his comment does not define him as a mom. Nor is a lesbian who coaches her son's hockey team a father. Both are just doing what parents do.

The increasing fallibility and uncertain availability of XY-chromosome role models combines with the blurring of gender roles to raise a question: Does a male role model actually have to be a man?

For decades, women have been told that when it comes to our children's achievements -- or shortcomings-- we hold all the cards.

It's possible -- very possible -- to raise exceptional, morally-grounded children no matter what your family looks like. The development of your child's moral character depends less on whether there is a male or female figure or two parents. These values come from one place: you.

We as a culture have held fast to the idea that we need to protect the boundaries between male and female. This is wrong, and even dangerous. Instead, we need to be reframing the discussion, and asking: What makes a boy a boy?