My colleague has designed a new team statistic called "the squander®," the offensive team's statistical equivalent of a pitcher's "blown save."

Limbaugh had made himself an icon of the reactionary right and an enemy to all persons of color. Two-thirds of all NFL players are black. There would be consequences for Rush's choice to pander to racism.

The Alice-in-Wonderland performance of the men in blue has increased demands for instant replay. Baseball purists explode in response that, after all, the game is not football. What are we to do?

What then might amuse those football fans whose team has already fallen into the dumper? You can adopt another club just for the 2009 season. Toss them overboard and pick a winner.