Speaking as a gay man, it's one thing for us to use "faggot" or "dyke" among our own. Often these terms are delivered with a knowing wink, a certain warmth, almost in a family sort of way. Even so, they're still dicey in our community.

Nobody would ever ask a biological mom how much her out-of-pocket expenses were for a week of neonatal ICU for her preemie. But let anyone know you adopted or used a gestational surrogate or egg donor, and people feel entitled to ask the price tag.

No, there's no "polite" way to ask for Benjamins from your guests. It's tacky to ask for cash; actually, it's not cool to ask for any kind of wedding gift. But, manners to the rescue, there is a workaround for folks in your position.