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Why We Will Not Be Telling Our Kids That Mommy's on a Diet

Posted: 09/19/2012 2:11 pm

Written by Cody Coombs for Babble.com

For some reason, my wife, Casey, and I have always been on different weight fluctuation schedules. She zigs while I zag. I zag while she zigs.

Just before we first got married, Casey went on a strict diet and strenuous exercise regimen hoping to hit a goal weight for the wedding. Meanwhile, I was in the middle of gaining noticeable weight. Casey pointed out that I no longer looked like the slim guy I was in high school and I took that as a challenge. I just wish I had better understood the change in metabolism that my body was undergoing at that time. My nightly jogging trips, interrupted by quick stops to the McDonald's for two Big Macs per visit, didn't seem to do the trick like they used to.

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6 months into our marriage, I was up to the heaviest weight that I've ever been in my life. The only real wake-up call that things were getting out of control was when I played basketball. I used to be able to cut around people without much problem, but I started to realize that I was no longer cutting around people. Instead, people were jumping out of the way hoping not to get plowed by the oversized train that was coming at them full steam ahead.

After some serious diet and exercise, I dropped down to my high school weight. Meanwhile, Casey gained quite a bit of weight while on an unnecessary medication. Several years later, Casey ironically dropped the weight while pregnant with Addie and I, you guessed it, gained weight.

And on and on and on the cycle went.

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Last year, I started dropping serious weight again while following a strict diet and exercise routine. Casey, on the other hand, believes she has gone up on the scale. Consequently, Casey has decided to begin a diet that will reduce her caloric intake and change the types of foods she eats. The rest of us in our family of four will continue to eat the foods that we've been eating.

Needless to say, Casey's change in eating habits will end up affecting the entire family. There's just no avoiding it and at some point, our Addie's going to ask why it is that her mom is always eating different things than the rest of us. She may even ask why it is that her mom is crying because she just wants that damn ice cream bar sooo, sooo bad.

Casey and I discussed how this would affect the family and we decided that while my wife is on this diet, we will be telling Addie that Casey is eating different foods to make her body healthier than it was before. We will not mention weight or looks or the size of our pants, and that's how it will be long after Casey ends this upcoming diet. And that's how it will remain until Addie is grown and off living on her own.

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Casey can do what she wants. She's a grown woman and she can make decisions that she feels are best for her body. If she wants to diet, I'll support her. If she wants to go on a nothing but ice cream for a week diet, I'll support her -- I may even join her on that one. However, Addie doesn't need to know Casey's true reasons for being on whatever diet she's on.

My 7-year-old daughter doesn't need to grow up wondering if she needs to go on a diet because her mom went on a diet. I want Addie to grow up understanding that everybody's body is different. We were all born differently with different traits and different strengths and there's nothing wrong with that.

I want Addie to feel comfortable with other people's differences and I want her to feel comfortable with her own differences. Self-comfort leads to self-confidence, and self-confidence opens doors that lead to success and happiness in life.

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Written by Cody Coombs for Babble.com For some reason, my wife, Casey, and I have always been on different weight fluctuation schedules. She zigs while I zag. I zag while she zigs. Just before we f...
Written by Cody Coombs for Babble.com For some reason, my wife, Casey, and I have always been on different weight fluctuation schedules. She zigs while I zag. I zag while she zigs. Just before we f...
 
 
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12:33 PM on 10/05/2012
I am overweight and always have been except for about 5 minutes in high school when I dropped 60 pounds after a heart-breaking crush on my first boyfriend. About 15 years ago, I was in a car accident that caused some significant damage to my right ankle, and 2 years after that, I gained about 100 pounds due to a change in lifestyle from developing arthritis in that ankle. At just over 300 pounds, I'm a proud wife and mother of 2 beautiful, healthy kids. I struggle to get out there and move my body, but it is hard and it hurts a lot. I watch what I eat; I'm the first person I've ever known to go on a calorie-counting program and actually gain 8 pounds.

It's been pretty easy to have the family's eating to my eating. We all eat healthy food. It's about portion control and exercise. There are no awkward questions regarding what I'm eating because we all eat the same food. I simply don't let my kids eat junk at home. On the rare exception of a night out at a restaurant, we all get something different, anyway, so what difference does it make that I get the Southwest Chicken Salad and unsweetened tea, while my son gets the double cheese burger and fries with his chocolate milk?
05:39 PM on 09/21/2012
That's the best approach. Don't make a big fuss about it. Adopt the approach of "We eat eat healthy food in this family, because we want to be healthy." Parents don't need to apologize for not giving their children packaged foods, junk foods and soda. There was a time when such food didn't even exist. The convenience culture has led to their proliferation. But we don't have to buy into it.
09:55 PM on 09/20/2012
What a wonderful article. Thank you for this.
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ginadeoliveira2008
Seen a shooting star tonight and I thought of you
03:59 PM on 09/20/2012
I've read the comments and truly don't understand this new fad. Not a new diet. The prohibition around the word diet! I grew up with my mother always dieting-- she was plump-- but it never ever worried me a bit. I was thin by nature. Our DIET helped too. We ate Mediterranean, inherited. Now it seems people are as fragile and impressionable as infants, some words are so traumatizing they can't be pronounced! As if they carried curses of great power. Go figure!
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ginadeoliveira2008
Seen a shooting star tonight and I thought of you
03:45 PM on 09/20/2012
Do you truly believe she won't notice what goes on in the house and all changes of habit concerning her beloved parents?
03:35 PM on 09/20/2012
I always made healthy, made from scratch meals, even limiting meat/poultry to 3 oz a serving as long as 25 years ago. I did all that because we were broke! But it kept all of us slim.

However, my daughter raved how much better her friend's mom cooked. The mom was Korean, I figured Oriental food was just better.

When I met the woman later, I found out all of her food was take out or frozen meals, LOL!
03:26 PM on 09/20/2012
Many, many years ago, the definition of diet referred to the way you ate, not just to a regimen to lose weight. Addie is old enough to know that her mommy is on a diet. One of my friend's daughters (who was thin) started dieting, to my friend's horror, at the age of 7. She stopped eating differently than the rest of the family, and incorporated a healthy diet for everyone. That included having a little ice cream once in a while. If this family does the same thing, it will give the daughter life long good habits.

I have been on Weight Watchers more times than I care to admit. They no longer advocate not eating certain foods (they refer to them as "red light" foods). Instead, they say allow yourself a treat once in a while. If you cannot have a container of ice cream in the house without eating the whole thing, then go out and have a cup of ice cream (without all of the extra junk on it) or a cone, but not everyday.
02:07 PM on 09/20/2012
Wow, it seems like the majority of people who commented here are way better than the average American people. I have never seen so many people in one place all agree to shun the word 'diet' as one of those other four-letter words. Sure, diet is a verb, but it is also a noun that simply means food and drink, not ghastly combination and limitation of foods that are always a bad idea. For all you know, whatever 'diet' Casey is on, it may very well be the way she eats for the rest of her life. Who is any of us to judge? At least she's not sitting on the couch pounding frosting shots and complaining that she doesn't know why she's gaining weight.

http://www.deathmetalmommy.blogspot.com
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
reelchick
yada, yada, yada....
04:26 PM on 09/20/2012
I'd kill for a carton of icing right now :)
10:22 AM on 09/24/2012
Amen to that.
02:02 PM on 09/20/2012
I applaud the idea of not putting the "diet" idea into your daughter's head, but why not simply make a lifestyle change for the whole family? Probably the best thing a person could do for their child is teach them the value of good nutrition, healthy food and physical activity for great health. It would solve the problem of mom and dad having lifelong weight fluctuations and going on and off of diets. A healthy lifestyle and good nutrition would be the best option for the whole family - a commitment to consistent health instead of living in the trap of diets that don't work and weight fluctuations.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
trishwc
Stay Positive..Be nice
01:48 PM on 09/20/2012
I actually love this. I have always been slender. When I was a young girl(9 or 10) my mom was always buying the latest exercise equipment to lose weight quickly and was on a constant diet. The exercise was great. She lifted weights at a gym long before it became the norm. BUT, the dieting, somehow made ME believe I needed to do the same. Not once did my mom hint that I needed to diet. Remember those old space bars? Chocolate flavored and meal replacement type thing. One day I ate 10 and hid it. I was hungry because I started mimicking her eating. As a personal trainer, I see very few women who actually like their bodies. The very beautiful seem to be the toughest on themselves and their tears are heart wrenching. It is so sad that we've come to a place where thin is so important and our idea of beauty is superficial and unhealthy.
Rubberfish
Who needs a stinkin' micro-bio
06:49 PM on 09/20/2012
''I was hungry because I started mimicking her eating.''

That sounds interesting. How did she eat, and how did you eat before you started eating like her?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
trishwc
Stay Positive..Be nice
08:17 PM on 09/20/2012
 Great question. I knew she was dieting, because she talked about it a lot.  I was very young, so I don't recall exactly. She and her best friend dieted and spoke of it a lot. So, it probably was more her words than her actions.  I remember thinking that not eating what I wanted must be a good thing.  Before that, I never thought about it and ate a great, healthy diet for a very active child. That I still remember eating those bars says something.  She found the wrappers and told me clearly I didn't need to diet. I believe it's confusing to girls to get those mixed messages from their major role model. I read a story once about a woman who was trying on swim suits in a dressing room that had moms and daughters.  To a woman, it was ..my thighs look fat, my stomach is too big....The author walked out, looked in the mirror and said "Boy, do I look fabulous."  Because that is what we should teach our girls.
10:22 AM on 09/20/2012
January 2012, I was pushing past 200 lbs. I've asked my kids to join me in the effort to eat healthier. Not a diet, just not as much junk or processed food. More fruits and I'm trying to get them to eat veggie's. Also, more park time or just moving around time.
Like I tell them, you have to move it to lose it. And replacing your morning bacon, egg, and cheese with a banana or yogurt wouldn't hurt either.
09:41 AM on 09/20/2012
"goal weight for the wedding...". As the saying goes - that is the lowest you'll ever see her from that date forward.
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10:46 AM on 09/20/2012
Same goes for men. I've seen plenty of plump grooms walking around a couple years post-wedding -- and this is without growing humans inside them for 9 months at a time.
01:25 PM on 09/20/2012
That's not always true. I'm thirty lbs lighter than I was on my wedding day 4 years ago.
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09:22 AM on 09/20/2012
""...our Addie's going to ask why it is that her mom is always eating different things than the rest of us. She may even ask why it is that her mom is crying because she just wants that damn ice cream bar sooo, sooo bad.""

Why isn't your wife making meals for the whole family so no one needs to diet?

The woman cries because she wants ice cream? What kind of family do you have???
04:54 PM on 09/20/2012
"Why isn't your wife making meals for the whole family so no one needs to diet?"

Please don't push the stereotype of the wife being responsible for feeding the family. That's just irritating!

But I agree with your point - why not just a healthier 'diet' for the whole family?
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09:03 AM on 09/21/2012
Well, excuse me for "irritating" you. The wife is who usually prepares the meals for the family. 
02:54 PM on 10/05/2012
It was a joke. Good Lord, when did we all become so perfect that we have to judge every choice that people make!?!
06:41 AM on 09/20/2012
You should never "diet," just eat healthy the way you would eat if you were at your goal weight. And YES - you should, MUST involve your whole family in being healthy.
06:46 PM on 09/19/2012
I too want my son to not have to think he needs to go on a "diet". So many times we go through emotions and things in our life which affect our eating and thus the scale. I think it would be great to feed your entire family healthy organic meals and make it a lifestyle rather then a diet. Adding lots of fruits and veggies and other healthy foods, splurging every once in a while on your favorite things (guilt free) as well as adding some exercise thrown in will be a great start to a lifelong love of health and wellness. If you are interested in learning more you can check out my blog at www.lovealittlejewel.com
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bigbe
I can't remember the last time I forgot something.
10:56 AM on 09/20/2012
Here's an idea, When you're depressed or things aren't going well in your life why don't you walk in the country and enjoy nature. Don't take a Big Mac with you and if you need to have a good cry there is no-one to bother you. The excercise is great, the time alone is great and you would be surprised how the time to think can ease your mind.
Another thing; Don't take a tv with you to watch your soap operas and munch cheetos all day.