Written by Ellen Seidman for Babble.com
The mysteries of the universe are many:
How was Stonehenge built?
Is there extraterrestrial life?
What happened to Amelia Earhart?
Has nobody ever told Donald Trump he needs a better haircut?
And yet, the everyday head-scratchers that crop up once you become a parent can be every bit as perplexing as these biggies (and some days, even more so). Ever asked yourself any of these questions?
1. Just what exactly is the allure of Thomas the Tank?
Yeah, he's a train and kids love them some trains. Still, he and his pals have zero personality and the storylines are a yawn. Thomas becomes a transvestite: Now that would be awesome.
2. Why isn't mac 'n cheese a food group?
It's mysteriously missing from the food pyramid. Alert the authorities!
3. How come kids mistake moms for human tissues?
News flash: My sleeve is part of my clothing; it is not your snot rag.
Related: The 10 biggest secrets we hide from our kids
4. Is my kid someday gonna realize I'm not completely sure of what I'm doing?
Perhaps, but hopefully she'll be 37 at that point. Until then I'll just keep right on repeating, "Because I'm the mom and I said so!"
5. Is it so bad to let your child skip bathtime (again) because you're exhausted?
A diaper-wipes cleanup is even more sanitary than sitting around in icky bath water, the Surgeon General has determined. (In my dreams.)
6. Is Sophie the Giraffe secretly flavored with crack?
I've never actually licked her myself, but I'm gonna try and see if I get high.
Related: 10 things you should NEVER say to a mom
7. Why hasn't anybody yet invented a self-cleaning playroom?
Come on, IKEA!
8. Is it OK to still desperately want the birthday cake slice with a flower?
I personally think so, unless you pummel a toddler to snag it.
9. Where do kids get their fashion sense from?
And wouldn't it be awesome if you didn't have to bother matching outfits?
10. Why can't the kids to leave you alone while you're in the shower?
OMG, I won't even condition my hair! Just let me soap up in peace!
For 8 more questions all parents ask themselves, visit Babble!
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When you pick up a Ninja Turtle, a Firefighter and a Ballerina from preschool. Ignore the snickering mothers and be thankful your husband let your sleep in after a night up with the baby.
5. Remember, back in the olden days people only bathed once a month, sometimes even less often. If your kid only bathes once a week it won't die of an accumulation of toe fuzz and belly button lint.
6. Babies instinctively know that Sophie is PVC-free. If that's not reason enough to gnaw on her, I don't know what is.
7. Why WOULD anybody invent a self-cleaning playroom? YOU'RE cleaning it!
8. Yes, it's ok. It's even ok to get the one with little marzipan pigs.
9. Their fathers. You know how they would dress themselves if they didn't have wives.
10. Never mind the kids not leaving you alone in the shower; last time I opened the shower curtain my dog and my 2 cats had parked themselves on the floor and on the counter tops, looking at my dripping body with an expression of expectation.
1. Kids, mostly boys ages 3-6, like Thomas the Tank Engine because firstly, he's a train, and boys have always liked trains (or anything else that has wheels for that matter) because they not only move, but they also pull things and make noise (oh goody!). If a train comes to life with a face and can talk, even better! For young kids story lines don't have to be sophisticated (as countless Barney videos have proven) as long as something happens and somebody saves the day.
2. Mac and cheese don't need to be a separate food group since it's already in two other food groups. That doesn't change even if your kids eat it by the gallon.
3. Kids view their moms as a multi-tool of sorts. Beyond being a handy nosewipe moms are also greatly appreciated as couches and entertainers (can you say "peek-a-boo" for the 100th time?)
4. Depending on how good of an actress you are they'll figure it out WAY before they're 37, like, 30 years sooner...
5. Remember, back in the olden days people only bathed once a month, sometimes even less often. If your kid only bathes once a week it won't die of an accumulation of toe fuzz and belly button lint.
To be continued