How to be a BAD Valentine

Happy Valentines Day!

Everyone is talking about how to be a good, romantic valentine. How about something different today? How about How to be a Bad Valentine. This is a woman's perspective and directed at men.

Most women I know say that it's the little annoying things that add up and can't be smoothed over with flowers, jewelry or chocolate, though if it's dark chocolate from Paris, then, we might consider overlooking a few things.

I've heard from lots of women over the years, and what you are about to read here, based on research, ok anecdotal, case reports, but research none-the-less, are the relationship killers.

Guys, you ready? Ladies, are you thinking of passing this along to someone?

A friend of mine says that when his wife wants to get his attention, she says, "Honey, the CLUE PHONE is ringing and it's for YOU."

Some of these might make you squirm a little, so buckle up, because this is what I'm hearing from women who are looking for the escape hatch:

14 and a half Ways to be a Bad Valentine:

#1 Leave the seat up

#2 Never under any circumstances throw in a load of laundry without being asked

#3 Answer direct questions with unintelligible grunts or other caveman like responses, such as Uh, ummh, wha, na.

#4 Forget the names of her close friends and relatives

#5 Avoid any date that includes the words art museum, musical theater or ballet

#6 Don't apologize, even when you know you blew it

#7 Keep all control of the money

#8 Avoid saying, "Excuse me" after belching, farting or making other manly noises

#9 Wait to be asked to say "I love you"

#10 Discount her opinions and make most of the decisions

#11 Only hug or touch her when you're interested in sex

#11a. Spend 3 minutes or less on frolicking and fondling before intercourse. BTW, begging is not foreplay.

#12 Criticize her driving, cooking, appearance, work, friends, parenting, etc.

#13 Expect her to provide her own tech support

#14 Siding with your mother over your sweetie

Now, if you want to spend time with a therapist or divorce lawyer, then by all means follow this advice.

If not, a few loads of laundry, emptying the dishwasher once in a while without being asked and giving her a hug while whispering, I love you, is the best way to avoid the Bad Valentine list next year.

My brother-in-law, Phil, the chef, says that you can create a lot of goodwill with cookies! He's so right. For most women, goodwill comes in the form of men making some attempts at thoughtfulness.

A little effort goes a long way with women. We really don't ask for much, we're kind of pathetic that way. But trying and making an effort helps us forget the transgressions, and then there's always chocolate.

I want to hear from you! What makes a Bad Valentine. What are the stories?