Report from the Socialist International Conspiracy
Surely you have heard by now of the imminent socialist takeover of America, and if you find the prospect unlikely, ask yourself: How many socialists do you know who lost millions in the recent stock market crashes? Just as I thought -- none -- and that's not only because you don't know any socialists. The truth is that we, the Socialist International Conspiracy, not only saw this coming, we are the ones who made it happen.
The plan took shape during a particularly intense criticism/self-criticism session at our 2000 annual convention in a booth at an Akron IHOP. We realized that we'd been recruiting no more new members per year than the Green Bay Packers and that, despite all our efforts, more Americans have been taken aboard UFOs than have embraced the historic promise of socialism. So we decided to suspend our usual work of standing on street corners and hissing, "Hey, how'd you like to live in a workers' paradise?" Instead of building socialism, one worker at a time, we would focus on destroying capitalism, hedge fund by hedge fund.
First, we selected a cadre of crusty punks from the streets of Seattle, stripped off their Che T-shirts, suited them up in Armani's and wingtips, and introduced them to the concepts of derivatives and dental floss. Then we shipped them to Wall Street with firm instructions: Make as much money as you can, as fast as you can, and as soon as the money starts rolling in, send it out to make more money by whatever dodgy means you can find -- subprime loans, credit default swaps, pyramid schemes -- anything goes. And oh yes: Spend your own earnings in the most flamboyantly gross ways you can think of -- $10,000 martinis, fountains of champagne -- so as to fan the flames of class resentment.
These brave comrades did far better than we could have imagined, quickly adapting to lives of excess and greed punctuated only by squash games at the Century Club. But we could not have inflicted such massive damage to capitalism if we hadn't also planted skilled agents in high places within the government and various quasi-governmental agencies. When all this is over, Phil Gramm, for example -- the former senator and McCain economics advisor -- will be getting a Hero of Socialism award for his courageous battle against financial regulation. That's the only name I can name at this moment, but I will tell you this: If you happened to have been in a playground in the suburbs of DC any time in the last few years, and noticed an impeccably dressed elderly man poking around under rocks, that was a certain Federal Reserve Chairman, looking for his weekly orders from the central committee.
Things were going swimmingly until about a week ago, when the capitalists suddenly staged a counter-coup. We had thought that the nationalization of the banks would bring capitalism to its knees, but instead, the capitalists were craftily using it to privatize the government. Goldman Sachs, former home of Henry Paulson, has taken the lead, planting its agents so thickly about the erstwhile public sector as to earn the nickname "Government Sachs." Among the former Goldman Sachs operatives now running the country, in addition to Paulson, are the president's chief of staff, the chairman of the New York Fed, the man appointed to take over A.I.G., and the 35-year-old boy wonder selected to oversee the bail-out program.
According to the New York Times, "Goldman supporters" insist there is no "conspiracy" and not a black helicopter in sight -- just a bunch of public-spirited investment bankers sacrificing their normal 8-figure salaries for the good of the nation. But we socialists know a conspiracy when we see one, and some in our ranks are complaining bitterly that as capitalism began to collapse, the bankers seized the life raft that was intended to save the laid-off, the foreclosed-upon, and the exploited masses in general.
Ah well, we socialists still have the election to look forward to. After months of studying the candidates' economic plans, we have determined that one of them, and only one, can be relied on to complete the destruction of capitalism. With high hopes and great confidence, the Socialist International Conspiracy endorses John McCain!
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It seems that fear is a good enough justification for political tactics. ..........
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The Repubs October Surprise is going to be charging that the illuminati are controlling the Congress.
We fear what we don't understand. We don't seek to understand it either, we just entrench ourselves in old beliefs. Human nature.
SIC.......
Excellent ... Lest we forget what a money making opportunity Communists and Socialists were for American Capitalists during the Cold War. One could argue that the post WWII US boom was due entirely to having the Communist/Socialist boogieman around as a way to leverage trade cooperation out of the "Free" nations of the world.
Many rich American families owe their fortunes to the Communist/Socialist threat ... that needs to be remembered.
"The purpose of government is to protect the rich from the poor." This is the first premise of Adam Smith's political economy, the bible of the right (and like most other bibles, misunderstood and often misquoted). Of course, even Smith had to argue himself away from such a simplistic hypothesis. Still in certain circles, even among those whom would be at the sharp-stick end of this equation, believe that if one believes anything other than that, one is a socialist. Donc, nous somme les socialistes, tous le monde socialistes. (And Francophiles out there? Theo wants to know if his French is improving).
"...more Americans have been taken aboard UFOs than have embraced the historic promise of socialism.
That is a funny quote. Where did it come from?
Barbara,
To make up for the problems caused by the big bad socialists, we the people we make it up to the capitalists by showering them with taxpayer money.
"Although there are many things to like about the government’s plan, the failure to suspend dividends is not one of them. These dividends, if they are paid at current levels, will redirect more than $25 billion of the $125 billion to shareholders in the next year alone. Taxpayers have been told that their money is required because of an urgent need to rebuild bank capital, yet a significant fraction of this money will wind up in shareholders’ pockets — and thus be unavailable to plug the large capital hole on the banks’ balance sheets.
Moreover, given their own equity stakes, the officers and directors of the nine banks will be among the leading beneficiaries of the dividend payout. We estimate that their personal take of the dividends will amount to approximately $250 million in the first year."
By Scharfstein and Stein,
David S. Scharfstein is a professor of finance at Harvard Business School. Jeremy C. Stein is a professor of economics at Harvard.
http://www
WSJ today stated that some of the bailout money may be used by the banks not to shore up reserves and ease the credit crisis but rather for acquisitions. Who can resist?
The one time I've met Barbara Ehrenreich in person was at the Socialist Scholars' Conference in NYC back around 1990; I was there doing a Libertarian propaganda booth, and she was one of the many interesting people who stopped by.
Obama's economics aren't particularly more socialist than McCain's; both of them are going to borrow money from China (though only McCain's pretending that's not another hidden form of taxation), and Obama's going to spend more of it on welfare for poor people while McCain will spend more on welfare for poor defense contractors.
Work hard people, real hard...you
"[T]he capitalists were craftily using it to privatize the government"
That's the first thing coming out of this economic crisis that's made any sense.
Brilliant!
Third or Fourth International?
Barbara,
There isn't an American breathing who knows what socialism means. To say Obama is a socialist or even a Socialist) is risible, unless the people who say it mean a National Socialist. There are certainly similarities there, the ruthless control of the media, the suppression of dissent and criticism and the adoption of the philosophy based on the idea "tell a lie big enough and repeat it often enough and it will become true."
I notice Obama's lie, being repeated by his disciples, is that his free healthcare programme will be based on the European model. Healthcare in Europe is NOT free, it is free at the point of delivery, a very different thing. Health and welfare are funded by ring fenced taxes. To fund a healthcare service free at the point of delivery similar to that in Britain would put a total of10% on poayroll taxes.
I don't think Joe the Plumber will buy that somehow which is probably why Barry is not letting on.
http://mac
So Obama is a "National Socialist"? Let's examine the characteristics of a fascist state and decide which administration most closely fits the bill:
1. Powerful and Continuing Nationalism
2. Disdain for the Recognition of Human Rights
3. Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause
4. Supremacy of the Military
5. Rampant Sexism
6. Controlled Mass Media
7. Obsession with National Security
8. Religion and Government are Intertwined
9. Corporate Power is Protected
10. Labor Power is Suppressed
11. Disdain for Intellectuals and the Arts
12. Obsession with Crime and Punishment
13. Rampant Cronyism and Corruption
14. Fraudulent Elections
May I ask what is the source of these 14 points?
To be precise what I am asking is two questions:
(1) why these 14 are "fascist" descriptors?
As opposed to say other forms of authortarianism.
(2) what is the basis for these 14 points - the author/scholarly research etc.
Many thanks
I think you had a typo in your post. You've used the wrong candidate's name.
10% on payroll taxes? Funny how when the republicans decided to go to war, money wasn't a concern, but when it comes to healthcare, you have to organise a cake sale to fund that.
Great to hear from you, Barbara. Please keep writing during this crazy time, we need a voice of intelligence and reason!
HuffPost's Pick
Personally I have nothing against Socialism, it sure beats the alternative, Anti-socialism.
That's too FUNNY!!!
I knew there was something wrong with capitalist
That's right ! For an avowedly Christian country (shattering its own constitution which, apparently, declares that politics should keep out of religion and vive versa !) to find socialism not the essence of the teaching of Christ is, frankly, absurd.
'Devil take the hindmost' is not a tenet of any religion that I'm aware of.
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