Teens are currently experiencing it. Their parents remember it all too well. I am referring to that dreadful form of torture known as teasing and bullying. I asked parents to recall who teased them as children and during which years. The answers came trickling in at first but once the ice was broken they came pouring in. Several bullies were named including Lisa from 9th grade, Jeffrey from 1st grade, Brooke the five year teaser, George K., and on and on. Then there were parents who said that there were too many bullies to name.
I heard from adults whose classmates had been bullied by teachers. This included a 7th grade social studies teacher who told a boy that she'd like to "mop up the floor with his face to enhance his beauty." Another teacher is reported to have broken a ruler over a disabled boy's head.
Parents reported that they were teased by siblings during childhood and that bad feelings linger. Aunts and uncles and even grandparents were listed among the bullies.
As suspected, being teased/bullied is a very painful experience. It is one that adults remember years later. They may not only remember the name of their bully but also the age at which they were bullied and the circumstances that finally stopped the bullying. Usually, the end of bullying was related to a change in circumstances such as going to a new school or a new grade.
Well, I would like to say several things to our former bullies now that we are adults. You hurt us. You made us afraid to walk to school or to ride the bus. You made us feel sick about going to school. Going to recess and physical education classes was supposed to be fun but you followed us around during those times as well. Mostly, we remember that we had no one to talk to because we were embarrassed and didn't want to disappoint our parents. We may have started out as shy and timid but your "I hate clubs" etc. made us depressed and even less confident.
We hope that you have changed. We request that you take time to learn and teach two very humane lessons. The first is to be empathic toward others, i.e. to try to understand what others may be feeling. The second is to be "inclusive." There is no benefit to excluding and "freezing out" people. It makes them feel left out, sad, and worthless. As far as we know, we have one life; let's treat each other kindly. Bullies: if you want to do reparations, then teach your kids, students, or friends' kids about the importance of kindness and good feelings that come from being treated nicely with both behavior and language!
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Last year, I received a Friend Request on Facebook from my grade school tormentor. It came with a interesting personal note: "Remember me?"
I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or truly ignorant of how his behavior had shaped my life.
It's easy for people to say "Bullying is just part of growing up," or "You need a tougher skin." These are not the words of individuals who faked illness so as to skip school. Nor is it the advice from someone whose house was crank-called and had eggs thrown at it for the better part of six years.
There were times, when it was at its worst, I had dark thoughts: not of harming myself -- but I certainly wished harm on my antagonist. I would never have done anything myself, but it did not stop me from wishing for his horrible end more than once. While I can never condone violence -- self inflicted, or upon others -- it's not hard to see what could possibly drive a bullied child to that point.
Bullying will never truly become extinct -- it's folly to believe otherwise. While we can all hope that talking to our children and educating them on acceptance of differences will help curb such behavior, we must continue to push for stricter laws and ramifications for those who commit such acts. It's time for the Bullies to be scared -- of what's in store for them if they continue their
Barbara