Is our country ready to embrace aging?
I recently came across an article in the New York Times, in which the writer described her reaction when she spotted an attractive woman walking along a street in Los Angeles:
She startled me the other day, walking down Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills: a middle-aged beauty with long, blown-out hair in a shade somewhere between butter and margarine, her body narrow and svelte but large-breasted. She perfectly hit a certain look: gently tanned face as smooth and puffy as the moon in a children's book, a delicate shine to the skin. Nose small, lips pumped up. The space between arched eyebrows a smooth plateau. Her age could have been 40, but then again it could have been 60.
While visiting Los Angeles a few weeks ago to talk with producers about television programming for women over 50 (applause!), I met someone like that: a smart and lovely 50ish exec who was so impossibly perfect -- hair, teeth, skin, body, sun-tanned glow (which I found out was from weekly visits to a tanning salon, one of the craziest things anyone of any age could do to themselves) -- I felt dowdy and old. But only for a minute. Because next to my 55-year-old laugh lines (okay... crow's feet), slightly turned front tooth (perceptible only to me, I'm told), and happily imperfect un-blow-dried curly hair, she looked... dated. The more she talked, the more confident I felt that my version of post-50 life would be the future of aging in America: embracing your age, laugh lines and all.
Perhaps because so many celebrities have turned the 50 corner -- Oprah, Madonna, Michelle Pfeiffer, George Clooney, Sheryl Crow, Bon Jovi, to name just a few -- that aging, and looking good (and real) while you're doing it, is cool. It's as though they put their own personal blessings on this next chapter of life, and it makes us feel a whole lot better knowing they're members of the same club we're in. If they are okay with it, we reason, then maybe we can be okay with it, too. After all, Americans follow the style trends set forth by famous people... why not their attitudes about aging? Can you imagine what would happen to the discourse if every celebrity stood up and said, "Embrace your age!"?
Unfortunately, there's still a dearth of well-known role models who age with grace and dignity... in public. Too many still choose the "must look young at any cost" route, which doesn't always end up being the best decision. Helen Mirren jumps to mind as a modern post-50 woman, especially since in "real life" her hair is a natural, beautiful gray, and was recently voted as having the "Body of the Year." Then, there's Meryl Streep, who gets more lovely and successful with each passing year. There are many well-known women over 50, a few who are true cultural icons who grew up right along side us, but I would never refer to them as positive beacons of light for aging without fear. Too many are soldiers in the anti-aging movement, marching through their 50's and 60's with hair impossibly blond or black, faces too smooth, bodies too taut and toned... an old-fashioned version of what a modern post-50 woman could be.
The writer of the article in the New York Times, though, seems optimistic about certain trends that are emerging. She referred to a few well-known women over 50 who have become spokespeople for major beauty and skin care companies, such as Ellen DeGeneres and Diane Keaton:
Once a middle-aged woman could sell cosmetics only if she was an ex-model, an official Aging Beauty like Isabella Rossellini or Andie MacDowell, and even they were airbrushed liberally. But Ellen and Diane are both average-looking people who look their ages.
This is nothing short of revolutionary. Yes, our society may be tiptoeing into this new way of engaging with post-50 women, but change is most definitely in the air. The cynical side of me thinks marketers see the immense opportunities that the post-50 demographic represents. We are, after all, a large and quickly growing group with lots of disposable income, especially compared to other age groups.
The idealist in me believes that we -- those over 50 -- have finally gotten our message across... and it's this:
Embrace your age, engage with life, take control of your future, and live. Care for your body, exercise your mind, be a part of the world, stay connected with people who are supportive, and you'll discover a secret that many women and men over 50 who are doing these things already know: If you feel good, you look good. And if you feel and look good, age will be the furthest thing from your mind.
Follow Barbara Hannah Grufferman on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BGrufferman
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60 isn't the new anything. We're not going to live to 120, no matter what anyone says. That's a hard message in a culture that has invested so heavily in fantasy and the myth of endless opportunity.
I understand exactly what you are saying. And we still have a long way to go . . .
Thanks for reading and commenting,
Barbara
I admire Jamie Lee Curtis more than my sister in lifestyle--Ellen, because Curtis (long ago) had the guts to publish a photo-spread of what she looks like before she was done up for public appearances. She has paunch just like the rest of us!
It is more important, IMHO, to have articles on everyday women who are proud of who they are and how they look. I would venture to say that 75% of women (and men) who read over 50 articles have no budget for looking their best--not in this economy.
Just this year I stopped dying my hair at age 59. I backed off from this beginning in 2007 because I could no longer pay to have a professional dye my hair.
When I turned 59 in 2011, I stopped dying my hair entirely; the OTC colors are wrong for my look and because I could no longer afford the 6 buck dyes every 3 weeks.
You are absolutely right that this is an important discussion AND that we can't judge others by what they choose to do. I've written many articles about that. It's a much bigger issue than getting a little fix here and there, or highlighting your hair, or maybe getting a little Botox once in a while. It's when we, as a society, are forced to feel as though we MUST do these things to compete for jobs, love, respect, that it spirals out of control and people feel the need to go to extremes. That really has to stop. It's time.
Thanks for reading and commenting,
Barbara
I SO agree, I *was* in technology but was not rehired I believe because of age--I WAS having my stylist dying my hair back then and it looked great. But the hiring managers are literally young enough to be my child--if I had one,
Here is an idea; why don't we start our OWN BUSINESSES? Then the agism wouldn't be there.
Why is it, we over 50 folks, are NOT taking advantage of start up money from the Government? The credit restrictions were loosened (thanks Obama) and the natural field would be in Green businesses...yes even cosmetics.
Look at it this way; we gave the WORLD Earth Day..,yes we did. Why have we dropped the ball? What have we got to loose?
Mebbe we cannot save the world at this point, but why not try and improve it...even if it is close to home businesses like community gardens or recycling or solar>wind?
There is money to start this and when we hit 60 some colleges give us education for FREE so that we have the new information to start businesses...,and certificates-- even online courses--check it out.
Lets talk about this, don't cha think?
fb @ celtglen dot com
Luv\
CG
All best,
Barbara
Our culture is bombarded with thin, smooth, young; and often as we age we are dismissed by many. It is as though we are invisible. Ageism is alive and well.
All that being said, I will not be deterred from becoming an outrageous old woman!
All best,
Barbara
It's not that we should look to celebrities, but the truth is . . this country LOVES celebrities. Witness the statistics on magazine sales when there's a celebrity on the cover, or how advertisers still love to use celebrities to sell products, or how reality tv shows have catapulted people with zero talent to celebrity-status. The K Clan sells. Can you imagine if all celebrities stood up and embraced aging with grace?
Thanks for reading and commenting,
Barbara
It takes no courage to color your hair. Publicly go gray and and show yourselves and the world that it's ok to be your age. I do!
When I turned 50 I felt FANTASTIC and I'm very fit. But, the droopy jowls made me look like an old basset hound. I had plastic surgery, and I feel and look a lot better. Sometimes, there's nothing wrong with cheating your age a bit.