A few months ago I posted an article here on The Huffington Post that posed this question: "Are Women Better at Aging Than Men?" It generated a lot of debate and discussion.
I referenced an article by Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, Yale professor of psychology, that was published in Psychology Today and which seemed to underscore my belief that women's natural strengths -- coping skills, empathy, ability to listen, patience, desire to create and sustain strong connections and bonds with others -- help them tackle new problems and situations that arise as they age, and also give them the courage to pursue new paths. In the article, I asked:
Do women embrace aging better than men? Are we happier with our lives and are we better equipped to handle the myriad changes than they are? Are we better at digging deeper into our very core to extract our inner resources for what we truly need as we get older?
The answer, according to Dr. Nolen-Hoeksema's research is yes. But, there's more to the story.
Amazingly enough, not only do these skills help us age with a greater sense of confidence, happiness and peace, but they can also extend our lives.
Conventional wisdom says that biology is the critical factor in longevity. If your parents lived to be 85, you probably will, too. Not necessarily, say the authors of "The Longevity Project," a new book that is based on research conducted over a span of 80 years. In a recent interview, the authors said, "Genes constitute about one-third of the factors leading to long life. The other two-thirds have to do with lifestyles and chance."
Through my writing and lectures, I urge people to focus on the importance of taking control of health and lifestyle, especially as we age (stop smoking, don't bask in the sun, move your body, eat well, get the essential health checks and so on), but, based on the research, there are many other factors that contribute to longer life as well: a strong marriage, coming from a home with parents who stayed married, and being conscientious throughout one's life, among others. However, according to authors Howard Friedman and Leslie Martin: the number-one strongest social predictor of long life is a strong social network.
There is much research that supports the premise that women live longer than men, and the main reason, according to the authors, is that women tend to put a greater amount of time, energy and attention into creating and maintaining connections with others throughout their lives.
Women thrive on the building and nourishing of friendships and look upon them as an integral part of our ongoing support system, especially when going through tough times (dealing with aging parents, illness, death, loss of job). And, as so many studies and anecdotal evidence have shown, women, once they reach midlife, are more confident in their own personal power and are willing to tap into that power to not only help themselves, but to help others. The extraordinary thing is that we don't even have to know the other women personally to make and feel a connection.
My network of women friends on websites, Facebook, and here on The Huffington Post has grown exponentially because I've been reaching out to them, and they've been reaching out to me. I've learned so much from all of them, and they continue to enlighten, motivate and engage me, every day. It's no surprise that Facebook's (and other social media's) fastest growing segment in the United States is women over 50. Many use social media to kick-start their social lives after a divorce or being widowed, or to network for business opportunities, but the majority of women over 50 are more interested in connecting with other women to encourage, support, applaud and learn.
It's not just through social media, however, that women excel at connecting. Natural caregivers, women have always embraced the challenge of threading ourselves to our work, families, friends and communities, creating strong and lasting bonds as we forge ahead in life. And, as it turns out, a strong connection to your network of friends has a positive impact on health, which no doubt adds to ones longevity. Last week, a friend sent me this email:
Subject: Schmoozing With Your Girlfriends is Good For Your Health!
I just finished taking an evening class at Stanford. The last lecture was on the mind-body connection-the relationship between stress and disease. The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. At first everyone laughed, but he was serious.
Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality "girlfriend time" helps us to create more serotonin-a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well-being. Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities. They rarely sit down with a buddy and talk about how they feel about certain things or how their personal lives are going. Jobs? Yes. Sports? Yes. Cars? Yes. Fishing, hunting, golf? Yes. But their feelings? Rarely. Women do it all of the time. We share from our souls with our sisters/mothers, and evidently that is very good for our health. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym.
There's a tendency to think that when we are "exercising" we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged-not true. In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking! So every time you hang out to schmooze with a gal pal, just pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for doing something good for your health!
Cheers!
The message is simple:
Women: we have a remarkable ability to connect, engage, share and maintain solid networks and relationships throughout our lives. This is our greatest strength. It is a true source of our power as we age, and now we know it is also a source of our longevity.
Men: Live like women, or at least stay closely connected with us. It could add years to your life.
2011 New York City Marathon Weekly Training Countdown
I'm running in the NYC Marathon in November to celebrate my 55th birthday and raise money for the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network, in memory of a friend who succumbed to the disease last year.
Every other week I'll be adding another mile or so to the long run (keeping the two short runs the same distance), and I will be adding "speed work" to my training. Next week, I'll run 10 miles! Stay tuned...
For more information on the Jeff Galloway Run/Walk/Run Method, check out his website, www.jeffgalloway.com.
Staying connected is a powerful tool. "Friend" me on Facebook, and follow me on Twitter (BGrufferman). For more information about "The Best of Everything After 50: The Experts' Guide to Style, Sex, Health, Money and More," please visit my website, www.bestofeverythingafter50.com. Stay well, and stay in touch.
Follow Barbara Hannah Grufferman on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BGrufferman
Mireille Guiliano: Aging With Attitude: 9 Ways To Boost Energy, Improve Health and Look Good
There is reference to serotonin above. Your readers might be interested in:
http://www.ox.ac.uk/media/news_stories/2011/111203.html
or
http://www.elsevier.com/wps/find/authored_newsitem.cws_home/companynews05_01925
for the same story.
Robert
Thanks so much for adding to the knowledge base about serotonin! I hope readers will click on both of the articles you posted in your comment for more information.
All the best,
Barbara
Barbara
All the best,
Barbara
Thanks for reading and leaving a comment (even though I'm not sure why it's a bummer) . . .
Barbara
lol
Thanks for reading, and commenting!
Barbara
Lets not confuse a similar to me, self-reenforcing, group think, with genuine quality of life. My experience with women tends to favor a foisted belief system over an empirical one. It all depends on the question asked. Women tend to rationalize away what isn't in there reach anymore where as men are more determined to live or die as a mane should live.
Can women live a long life with self-delusions of happiness? Sure, but I won't equate that to a real sense of happiness were life is measured by what we can tactile experience. I rather have live a good life than believe I've lived a good life. Yes, there a measure of quality in communal humanism but my experience is that its mostly phony and dependent on self-induced ignorance. Few people know themselves and have little to offer other than obsequious friendships.
How would that be? There's no one way a man should live, any more than there is any one way a woman should live. And are men's social networks any less likely to have group ideas than women's? I doubt it. Boys' club mentality can be seriously nasty - look at the behaviour of testosterone-fuelled business, sporting or military groups, when men who individually are good people can become horrible.
As to rather living a good life than believing you have - you're still believing you have. What you perceive as a good life may be seen very differently by someone else, which is all you're doing when you talk about women not living good lives. You're imposing your values on them and assuming they're deluding themselves. One could just as easily say the same of your view of what makes a good life. It's all in the perception.
You are right that there is no gender based “way” to live, plus your response to Mr. Kimball’s statement about one living a good life vs believing one lived one… :p … was on target! (see my reply to him for my opinion).
However….. Let’s not kick the men too much, until there are shows like “The real Househusbands of Chicago, Portland, Cleveland, Buffalo, Columbus, and San Diego.” :)
Respectfully Your Grace,
Lawson
He he he! No Scott, though you may have inferred it, the article does not "imply" longevity dependence on social networks, any more than advice to eat right and exercise implies "dependency". Apparently, you don't see having friends (a social network) as an additive to one's "purpose for living."
I am sure there are many anecdotal examples on both sides of this concept, but the general truth is that having friends as one ages has been shown to improve many parameters of physical health, mental capacity, emotional stability, and spirit for men and women. Purpose! Yes, you are right that it is a large part of longevity, but you can’t eliminate the interactions with friends from that formula… it is just not that simple.
As for your second paragraph, odd as it was, I actually sent it to a couple of Psychologists buddies, who made little sense of it either (one asked perchance you might live in a cave?).
Then there is this: "I [would] rather have live [sic] a good life than believe I've lived a good life." Huh? What exactly is the difference, and how would you know??? Wait, I know, escape the Matrix!
Communal Humanism? You mean friends??
Regarding your last two sentences, reflecting on "your" experiences, I will refrain from comment, because it appears you have mostly shallow friends who should be members of Sycophants Anonymous. You might want to get out more... :)
Have a pleasant day,
Lawson Meadows
All the best,
Barbara
Barbara
Thanks so much for sharing . . .
Barbara
Thanks so much. I hope this article, and Drs. Friedman and Martin's book, will open more mens eyes to the power of "living like a woman."
All the best,
Barbara
As sportin' life said:
Methusaleh lived 900 years!
Methusaleh lived 900 years!
But what good is livin'
When no gal will give in
To no man what is 900 years?