Life After 50: The End of Aging as We Know It

There's nothing short of a not-so-quiet revolution picking up massive steam on the Internet... and not a moment too soon.

We are continuously bombarded with messages at every turn urging us to join the war against aging (at a cost). We listen to the "anti-aging sirens" sing sweet words of encouragement (and promises) in our ears whenever we turn on the television, see a movie, or read a magazine (even those allegedly aimed at "older women"). "Youth is beauty," the sirens sing. "You don't really want to age... do you? Who will hire you? Who will love you? Who will desire you? Come with us, and be young, young, young..."

Advertisers who desperately want the baby boomer dollars often use models half our age, or those so airbrushed that they make 50 truly look like it's the new 40 (a ridiculous line invented by some marketer, no doubt) in a distasteful attempt to have us believe that we can, in fact, reverse the clock.

Plastic surgery is on the rise (for men as well as women) even in the face of massive unemployment and high debt loads among the "over 50" market. A recent Wall Street Journal article -- "Debt Hobbles Older Americans" -- opens by announcing "More Americans are reaching their 60s with so much debt they can't afford to retire," and yet we, as a group, are willing to shell out mega bucks on skin cream, invasive procedures, chemical peels, Botox, and so on in an effort to erase our lines, recapture our youth, and compete head to head with the true youth of this country for jobs, love, sex and attention.

When my grandmother entered her 50s it was a level playing field. The only ones who got their faces lifted (in strict secrecy) were major Hollywood stars. Everyone else just hoped for the best and went down the aging path together. In today's world, however, the level playing field is a distant memory. Those who can, often do. Those who can't... well... time to become invisible, perhaps?

There's a dearth of celebrity role models who choose to age with grace, vitality and dignity... in public. Helen Mirren jumps to mind, especially since in "real life" her hair is a natural, beautiful gray, and just recently she was voted as having the "Body of the Year" There are many well-known women over 50, a few who are true cultural icons whom we watched grow up right along side us, but I would never refer to them as role models for aging without fear. Too many are soldiers in the anti-aging movement, marching through their 50s and 60s with hair impossibly blond or black, faces too smooth, bodies too taut and toned.

Isn't it time to change how we view aging? Have we created a society of "haves" and "have nots" based not so much on how much we have, but on how much we can spend on looking younger? Have we completely removed any opportunity for a level playing field? Have we fooled ourselves to the point where we actually believe we are younger just by erasing crow's feet with Botox? And do we think we fool others?

Last week I posted an article--"Why Should Gray Hair Work Against Women?"--which opened a floodgate of comments and emotions here on Huffington Post (as well as on Facebook and Twitter). It's clear that many people believe once we start to age--and look it -- we are doomed, especially in the job market. But the good news is.. these same people are starting to get angry... and take action.

Julianne Franklin Tutko, a blogger, posted this comment on Facebook:

Last night I was watching television and an ad for a product promising "Complete Gray Coverage!" featuring Andie MacDowell came on. My first thought was "What would happen to the perception of gray hair on women being somehow 'bad' if all the Andie MacDowells of the world simply stopped coloring their hair and went gray?" Is this a case of 'art imitating life' or 'life imitating art'? I believe it is the latter. We believe that gray hair on a woman somehow detracts from what passes for beauty because we are fed a steady diet of women in their forties, fifties, and well beyond who don't have one gray hair and are held up as icons of beauty. And that is simply ridiculous!

Brilliant writer and author of Marrying George Clooney, Amy Ferris, wrote:

When we're in love -- with another person, with life, with our pets, with our self, with our work, with our faith, with our friends, family, with our country -- there are no wrinkles, or grey hairs or schmata's that become the focal point. You can't fake it. Orgasms you can fake, love you cannot. I don't wanna be younger.
 I want to be wanted. I want to be needed. I want to be useful, and I'm pretty sure I can't get that in a bottle.

Around the time I was researching and writing my book, The Best of Everything After 50, a guide to living life after 50 with health, vitality and style, a revolution was taking shape on the Internet. Sophie Lumen quit her job and started The Art of Aging, which has gone from several fans to almost 10,000 and growing. Like so many of us, Sophie was dismayed by the constant anti-aging messages, and instead chose a different message: It's okay to age. In fact, it's a privilege. She recently told me why she thinks her website and Facebook page are gaining such momentum:

A quiet revolution is growing online that transcends income, race, culture and every kind of demographic except one--women over the age of 50. It is a movement that has left advertising out, social media in. It even has it's own Creed:

• I will age with humor, serenity, and to the best of my efforts, health.


• I will continue to express my creativity and personal style.


• I will challenge the stuck way our culture looks at getting older.

Sophie explained:

I started The Art of Aging Facebook Page out of a desire for a real community of mature women powered by heart and wisdom, not by marketing agendas. The response has been passionate and enthusiastic. Women are responding because we all need new ways to deal with aging in our culture. I've used what I have on hand as a contribution--my own art, inspirational ideas, and videos with plops of humor. It is a very collaborative, evolving project--the inspiration works both ways. The women in The Art of Aging community generously share years of experience, kindness, and wit with each other. It's very real.

Wanting to show how she truly walks the talk, Sophie recently posted a close up photo of herself on The Art of Aging Facebook Page, showing every line and wrinkle. That photo, she said, has received more "hits" than anything else she has ever posted.

Sophie and I are seeing more and more women every day talking on Facebook, websites, Twitter, and other social media in an effort to shift the discourse and create a societal sea change.

Maybe marketers are starting to pay attention. A few days ago, executives at Bare Escentuals, the company that put mineral powder makeup on the map, unveiled the brand's new advertising campaign--"Be a Force of Beauty"--designed to focus on women's inner beauty, inspiration and humor, not how to look younger.

In an effort to move the paradigm shift along, I've come up with a few of my own "Creeds" to live by:

• Be fearless after 50
• Embrace your age, no matter what it is
• Don't focus so much on what others think
• Embracing your age and wanting to feel pretty, healthy and fit are not mutually exclusive.
• Whatever you do, do it for the right reasons
• Get angry about ageism, and take action
• Know how beautiful you truly are
• Support and encourage other women. Chances are good they feel as you do.
• Be a role model for younger women by showing them how fearless you are


And lastly:

Love yourself, love your life, stay as healthy as you can, move your body, be informed, stay engaged, use your mind, keep a handle on your finances, be bold, be brave, walk with confidence, live with style . . . and then . . . you will know how truly wonderful life after 50 can be.
* * *
For more information about living your best life after 50, visit www.bestofeverythingafter50.com. Staying connected is a powerful tool. "Friend" me on Facebook and "Tweet" me on Twitter (BGrufferman). Stay in touch and be well!

2011 New York City Marathon Weekly Training Countdown (9 weeks to go!)

I'm running in the NYC Marathon in November to celebrate my 55th birthday and raise money for the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network, in memory of a friend who succumbed to the disease last year. Here's an update on my training schedule for this week:

Saturday: 6 miles using a run/walk ratio of 3 minutes/30 seconds
Monday: 7 miles using a run/walk ratio of 3 minutes/30 seconds
Thursday: 24 miles with using a run/walk ratio of 30 seconds/30 seconds
Every other week, I'll be adding another mile or so to the long run (keeping the two short runs the same distance), and I will be adding "speed work" to my training. Stay tuned!


 
 
 



Follow Barbara Hannah Grufferman on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BGrufferman

Comments

[WomensCoach]

02:14 PM on 10/02/2011

I guess I am one of the "lucky" ones because I don't look my age. Just recently a man guessed my age as 10 years younger than I am and with a fair amount of internal shame, I didn't correct him. It's so ironic to me because I can recall a time 20 plus years ago when I was proofed at a restaurant and didn't have my license. I was on a sales call --- the dinner was with a client and everyone at the table was male. I had a picture of my infant son but no "proof" that I was of age to drink. The drinking age in Maryland (where I was) at the time was 18 and they refused to serve me a glass of wine. I was outraged and humiliated. And then now when looking young is such a gift. Truth is I'm still the age I am. My mind knows it, my body knows it, my inner wisdom knows it and being the age I am is way better than the age I was when I was humiliated that I looked so young. I think there is a transition period when your emotions have to catch up with your brain. I'm still working on it and I know many women our ages are too. Enough with the young messages --- It aint so great to be young. Much better to be wiser and at peace. Thanks for the great post.

[Lines Of Beauty]

10:39 AM on 09/12/2011

Fabulous post Barbara. I love Sophie's creed and yours too. I especially like "don't focus so much on what others think."

Here is mine: "It is such a gift to allows ourselves to be right where we are supposed to be."

Thank you! Louise www.linesofbeauty.com

[Hope On Hope]

10:59 PM on 09/09/2011

This is a "revolution" whose time has come! Thank you for articulating this issue so well.

We can relate! After hearing "No one notices you after you're 50" from a young sales clerk, my friend Janice decided it was time to react. She wrote about it in a post called "Red Suede Rebellion."
So we're joining the revolt ~ lead the way!

http://www.hopeonhope.com/?p=1657

[KathyA11]

09:32 PM on 09/09/2011

I'm 56, and have never dyed my hair (I found my first grey hair when I was 12 -- I used it as a guide to part my hair). Silver in the front, pewter behind that, and salt and pepper at the back. It's short -- a lot shorter than my husband would like, but I hate the feel of long hair (and he knows he's fighting a losing battle). When we lived in NJ people stopped me in Costco, Barnes and Noble, and even Yankee Stadium to compliment me on it. I take a certain amount of pride in it -- but even without the compliments, I still wouldn't dye it. It's me -- to quote Popeye, "I yam what I yam."

I inherited my mother's great skin, so despite my lifelong love affair with the sun, I have few wrinkles (drinking a lot of water and using moisturizers no doubt contributes) -- and those that I have are a badge of honor. I'm not 20, and wouldn't want to be 20 even if I had the chance (though I wouldn't mind weighing what I did back then, for my health). I'm retired, and wear makeup when I go out (the Bare Escentuals line mentioned above -- I've been hooked on it for about 8 years now, because you never feel like you're wearing goop on your face) because I like the way it makes me look -- since I'm the one I feel the need to please, there

[Mercy Jumawan]

03:59 AM on 09/09/2011

Being 50 has already been a challenge mentally, emotionally and physically. There's too much pressure to look good nowadays just to be hip and in. But, I really don't buy that stuff of spending beyond my means to beautify myself more so indulge in radical options to look younger. Getting through our age is not easy, but eventually will learn to accept that physically we're no longer in our 20's. Let's empower ourselves to be better individuals by loving ourselves more, loving our families more and loving our passion more.

[Mercy Jumawan]

03:47 AM on 09/09/2011

Glad to know Barbara that you're one of the vocal women in this world advocating this subject matter. True enough that beauty is an overkill word that advertisers, films and others are putting too much emphasis as if life has no other important issues to tackle than being pretty, beautiful and young - this leaves us women over 40 insignificant in this world.

[Barbara Hannah Grufferma]

10:09 AM on 09/09/2011

Dear Mercy . . . thank you so much for reading, and for leaving your thoughtful comments.
I think it will take a societal sea change, which would be a powerful legacy for future generations. We are not insignificant . . . not even close . . . and the key is to remember that. Power starts in the mind.
Please stay in touch here, and on FB.
All best,
Barbara

[Joan-H]

07:26 PM on 09/08/2011

Thank you, Barbara. I love this message. The more often it is printed the more likely we, of a certain age, will begin to internalize it! (There are a lot of years of adverse propaganda to erase.)

I will keep my wrinkles and gray hair any day over botox and root touch-ups! Doggone-it, I've earned the wisdom and fuzzy vision and the right to forget sometimes (especially the location of my glasses).

Unfortunately, I have discovered we, as a society, are raising, uh, we have raised, another generation or two that has bought into the media bombardment of cosmetics, even surgery, over true health and inner beauty. You made a good point about old Hollywood star glam (and extremes) being the current everywoman standard. It will take a revolution to change the face of natural aging in our society. I hope this is a beginning. If I didn't get the first half of life modeled properly for my daughter, then I will work on doing better for the second half.

I've happily followed Sophie on Feed the Beauty/ Art of Aging for a long while now. Her leadership is an example of what social media is meant to be - a positive and supportive community built around a common interest. In this case, come as you are. Better yet is the message through the creeds - age with humor, serenity, and health; go forth with creativity; and challenge the current culture of aging. Simple, yet powerful. Make that, empowering.

[Barbara Hannah Grufferma]

10:13 AM on 09/09/2011

Dear Joan . . . thanks for your great, positive comment! I, too, think Sophie is a wonderful example of how we can live our best lives after 50, and I hope more women join The Art of Aging community. And you are so right: the more often the message of my article is printed, the more we will be able to internalize it and be agents for true change.
I would love to re-post my article every week here on Huffington Post with a different title!! LOL! However, for sure I will stay on course with my message.
All the best,
Barbara

[emzie54]

07:05 PM on 09/08/2011

I think advertising and the media have a huge influence on how women perceive themselves. From the time we're children, we've been blitzed and bombarded about how we should look and act. I continually read about anti-aging creams and how to "look younger" or how to "dress to take 10 years off your age". How about accepting your age, and not caring about how others perceive you? No wonder we feel insecure and unsure of ourselves! Thank you for such an insightful article. I hope women will feel empowered, and able to live their lives fully and not worry about what others think about them. I feel empowered by finally accepting myself for what I am, rather than trying to fit into someone else's preconceived notion of what I should be.
P.S. - Good luck in the marathon- I think that's great that you are running in it!

[Barbara Hannah Grufferma]

10:15 AM on 09/09/2011

Dear Emzie54 . . . thank you so much re: the Marathon!!! I was just telling a friend that I am so much stronger (and a bit faster!) now that I am almost 55, than when I ran it the first and only time, when I was 47. Isn't that good news??? It was only after I turned 50 that I truly started to do all the things I propose in my book, for good health and fitness. I have never felt better, or more powerful. And THAT's what I hope to convey to other women (and men) over 50. It's not about looking "younger" . . . not at all.
All best,
Barbara

[D. A. Wolf]

05:19 PM on 09/08/2011

Love this article. You continue to inspire us, Barbara, and remind us to keep moving in any and every way we can - with our strength, humor, smarts, and grace.

[Barbara Hannah Grufferma]

10:16 AM on 09/09/2011

Dear D.A. . . . thank you for reading and leaving this lovely comment. As you continue to be one of my favorite "must read" writers . . . I am honored that my posts inspire. Thank you.
All best,
Barbara

[Carolyn Grotevant]

03:41 PM on 09/08/2011

Anyone who knows me even in the slightest knows that I'm an independent thinker. I frankly don't give a you-know-what about what anyone else thinks, individually or as a society. I am who I am and I happen to enjoy who I am.

I don't let anyone tell me that my hair shouldn't be gray. They aren't going to tell me that it shouldn't be half-way to my waist either. Don't bother telling me how I should dress or what political beliefs I should have or what I should buy, drive or anything else. They'd just be wasting their breath. I don't use anything other than soap and water to make myself "beautiful." I have my own inner beauty and confidence in who I am. That's all that's important to me.

I don't think that society's attitude is the problem. I think our own attitude is the problem. We, this boomer generation, are the largest population. And, yet, we let a smaller bunch of younger people try to tell us who we are supposed to be? We should be setting our own example of aging. Natural is a very important word in this. We care about natural everything else, why not carry this concept into ourselves?

If we change our own attitudes, I believe everything else will follow. And, if not? Who cares?

[playflute2]

10:59 AM on 09/08/2011

Hi! Barbara, As I watch some of the ads on t.v. for 'anti-aging' stuff, I think to myself--'What are you 12 or something?' and I hear my mother's voice in my head--Dear, the younger they look, the older you are getting. She did not mean that in any kind of disparaging way, but more that our view of the world changes in a radical way as we get older. At 66, my view of the world is far different than it was at 26, 36, 46, etc. I'm not considered a 'boomer' since I was born just before that demographic began, but still, kind of, fall into that category. I think when we all (women and men) begin to embrace the wisdom, courage, etc. that comes from living many years and then begin to let younger folk know that we can still enjoy, grow in, and relish life, we will begin to help them learn how to truly embrace life. Thanks, as always, for a well-written article.

[Merry BrownHayes]

10:32 AM on 09/08/2011

Both you and Sophie are taking our perceptions of 'getting older' to a new level of conversation. Thank you for that. As an over 60 'boomer' knowing that I can decide to move my life beyond being held captive by the 'youth focused' marketing machines is an exhilarating and freeing mind-set. I asked my husband of over 30 years what he thought about my decision to stop 'coloring and weaving' my hair. His answer .. "Real is always better"! Why it's taken me so long to accept (as Sophie says) 'The Beauty' is pretty astonishing to me .. but knowing I'm getting there is exciting! Time for Re-Invention!

[Barbara Hannah Grufferma]

10:18 AM on 09/09/2011

Dear Merry . . . thank you, and I'm so glad we've been able to connect!
It is time for re-invention, as you put it, and yes, there is beauty in all of us.
Please stay in touch . . .
Barbara

[Vicki Day]

09:42 AM on 09/08/2011

An excellent article on a subject dear to my heart - love it

[Lois Geraldine]

08:04 AM on 09/08/2011

Barbara-Woman, you are one live wire example of 'The Art of Aging Creed'! Thank you for sharing the joy and hope of 'The Art of Aging' community with your readers, xo Sofi
Sophie Lumen
inspiration!evangelist

[merde111]

11:13 PM on 09/07/2011

Bravo, sister! This part of your creed says it all for me: "Know how beautiful you truly are." Women who have experienced many things and who bear the marks of life, love, pain and happiness on faces and bodies, have so much to bring to the table! The mistake is in thinking we're supposed to bring the same things to the table at age 40-60 as we did at at 20-40. We're not! And anyone who insists that we need to turn our minds and bodies backward to be loved and valued - instead of encouraging us to move forward into a powerful, experienced, wise and passionate maturity - don't want the best for us, and don't deserve our time and energy.

[Barbara Hannah Grufferma]

10:00 AM on 09/08/2011

There's a beautiful song which starts out . . . "You see the lines upon my face, they tell the story of where I've been . . so many stories . . . " As Laura Geller, the makeup artist and entrepreneur told me when I interviewed her for my book--"Love your wrinkles. They are yours and yours alone."
All best,
Barbara