Palin Press Release First Draft

For Immediate Release
August 29, 2008
John McCain Selects Alaska Governor Sarah Palin As Vice Presidential Running Mate
ARLINGTON, VA -- U.S. Senator John McCain today announced that he has selected Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to be his running mate and to serve as vice president.

Governor Palin reflects John McCain's strong commitment to women's issues. The campaign recognizes that previous outreach, such as when John called his wife a "trollope" and "you cunt," were unsuccessful. Similarly, laughing at supporters who asked of Hillary Clinton, "How do we beat the bitch," may not have adequately conveyed the campaign's respect and admiration for Hillary Clinton's historic campaign. John McCain has always recognized Hillary's pathblazing, as reflected in his comments about her scientifically improbable reproductive feats, when he asked the coy rhetorical question: "Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno."

Certainly, Governor Palin will be following in the footsteps of another fine gubernatorial Republican, McCain fundraiser Clayton Williams, in advocating female sexual expression, though she will have to clarify herself whether those views include encouraging rape victims to treat it like the weather, "as long as it's inevitable, you might as well lie back and enjoy it."*

Governor Palin has almost 2 years of experience governing a state with a population larger than some American cities. In Alaska, Governor Palin challenged a corrupt system by abusing her power only for personal reasons, never for cash. This was viewed as edgy and eccentric. She fired the Public Safety Commissioner of Alaska after he refused to terminate her former brother-in-law. (He was a jerk.) She put a stop to the "bridge to nowhere" sponsored by Republican Senator Ted Stevens that would have cost taxpayers $400 million dollars. (Should we mention this? It might draw attention to Governor Palin and Senator Stevens' twin corruption investigations.)

Senator McCain feels strongly that women disappointed that the Democratic Party passed over a talented, hyper-competent woman will flock to the side of the hot librarian version of Dan Quayle. After all, its not about reproductive rights, equal pay for equal work, and all that crap, right? A transparently cynical effort at tokenism works for everyone, right ladies?

(Let's clean this up before we send it out to the press, gang, but I think this sums up our feelings.)

*If you do a search for McCain lie back and enjoy it in google, the sponsored link is for McCain-Palin. Outreach!

Read more reaction from HuffPost bloggers to John McCain's selection of Sarah Palin as his running mate

Comments

[Srkdqltr]

McCain has run a cynical and snarky campaing up 'till now. Do you think he thinks this is funny like his attack adds or does he think the Obama campaign will go easy on her because she is vulnerable?
Does McCain Think????

[bdaved]

Ms. Palin was for the Bridge to Nowhere before she was against it.

[davidly]

She's enough to reduce what was supposed to have been the most historic presidential nomination in American history--worthy of a chapter in the history books, some say--to a distant fading memory on most news pages. Some chapter: Even on Huff Po it's "Palin" that dominates the pages.

One may say, 'Yeah, but it's just mockery.'
Quayle got pretty roundly mocked. For eight years.

[davidly]

Whoops. Make that four years.

[AlanBJ]

And she wears fake non prescription glasses in order to appear smart. So is the anti-Hillary. And any so-called Hillary supporters who'll vote for this...

They don't love or care for Hillary and her agenda...

They just hate Obama.