Why Do You Hate Us, Sarah?

05/25/2011 01:00 pm ET

All right, Governor Palin, I'm going to hell. And do you know what really hurts? You don't care. A God-liking lady such as yourself should have some compassion, no?

Here's what you said to Ryan D'Agostino in this month's Esquire:

Bored, anonymous, pathetic bloggers who lie annoy me....I'll tell you, yesterday the Anchorage Daily News, they called again to ask -- double-, triple-, quadruple-check -- who is Trig's real mom....And I thought, Okay, more indication of continued problems in the world of journalism.

Bloggers are the vanguard of today's media landscape. They do the heavy lifting, reporting the outlier stories folks wouldn't otherwise get, the ones that metastasize into the warts-and-all truth of modern life. No one likes bloggers who lie, but you have not had a problem with lies being told about you. Quite the opposite.

So church lady, you got some of that you-betcha God love to spare? I mean, come now guv. WTF? You've got zero Christian feeling for bloggers or anyone else who doesn't share your worldview. We're not all God's soldiers. That's the real issue.

Sure, bloggers (and let's not forget the tabloids) made fun of your handicapped child and questioned whether or not he was your kid. Sure, bloggers howled with laughter (and whooped it up on their sites) when you made those dumbass comments about Russia. And it's true bloggers pretty much made Troopergate happen, figured out (then amplified) the whole you cheating on your husband thing, the abuses of power, hubby-as-proxy-guv, the lies, your habit of doling out sweetheart jobs to elementary school sweethearts, your teenage daughter's pregnancy, the shotgun marriage, and God (really, don't you think?) knows what else.

Sarah, you big hottie, don't be annoyed with bloggers. So they have no sense of decorum. Neither do you. Without bloggers you would not have such an excellent roadmap to a better you. Think about it that way. Some of us are meaner than others, but all we want from you is, well, for you to become a good person. Tall order, I know, but it's the Lord's truth.