THE BLOG

Sensual at Any Size

06/19/2014 05:04 pm ET | Updated Aug 19, 2014

You don't have to be a size 8, have a big ass and large breasts, a small waist, swing your hips, and show copious amounts of cleavage to entice a man. I'm not saying those things aren't sexy. Of course they are; but there's much more to what makes a woman alluring... and men instinctively know this.

Confidence is one of the sexiest things in a woman, many men say; but it's deeper than confidence. What men are really picking up on when they see a woman with that gleam in her eyes, that sultry smile on her face, is the self-awareness of sensuality.

Sexuality is usually associated with sensuality; and though there is a strong correlation between the two, you can be sexual without being entirely sensual, and you can certainly be sensual without being sexual.

Women who are aware of what feels good to them, what arouses their senses (not only their sexual ones) ooze sensuality. A knowingness. These women understand this looks like confidence, but smells like seduction. Empowerment. Being in possession of yourself.

It doesn't matter if you're a size 6 or a size 32. If you've got it, you've got it. And men know it when you walk in a room or look them in the eye.

But this smoldering self-awareness is not about gaining the attention of men, either.

Real sensuality becomes so... intoxicating, so enchanting ... when its power is harnessed with the intention of being whole, of expressing the fiery, vibrant woman within ... not for the purpose of getting a man's phone number, but rather for the purpose of being free.

Sensuality is about being in-tune with and expressing the feelings that are elicited when we're captivated in a moment of pleasure.

It requires curiosity. Awareness. And an openness to surrender, to be fully present, with what we're experiencing right now. It allows you to feel passionate and alive.

To be aware of your senses and express them is an act of devotion, of loving self-care. And this changes the way you live.

You begin relishing moments of beauty and finding joy in simplicity, like: a full moon; the smell of campfire; the pull of your bottom lip in a passionate kiss; your child's laughter.

There's an acknowledgment of the temporary, that life is fleeting and fragile, and so to experience it fully, we grant ourselves permission the freedom to feel whatever gives us pleasure, without repression. You bless these experiences. They make you whole because you're expressing who you truly are. The truth is: We're all sensual. We're made this way.

Yet, our culture continues to have special adjectives for the more sensually and sexually inclined woman: dirty; naughty; loose; floozy; hooker; tramp; hussy; slut; whore; bad. It seems we're afraid to see, in fact, this woman is often radiant and succulent, fully recognizing her desires and what delights her. What's "bad" about that?

What's "bad" about the woman who wears fishnet stockings with a pencil skirt on a Monday afternoon because she feels hot when she does? Because it makes her feel good. Because she can own that look... you know the one: seductive and suggestive in a classy way. The way a grown woman can. The kind of woman who knows herself, what she likes, and what she doesn't like. The kind of woman who can immerse herself in the moment, with gratitude, and with an acceptance for who she is.

Sensuality is birthed in gratitude. Gratitude for our ability to touch, taste, see, smell, and hear. Gratitude for our bodies and the marvelous sensations we experience through them. The sensual woman wants to devour them all. To feel it all. To be embraced by them.

So, she's grateful for her body... regardless of the size of her stomach, or the size of her thighs. Even if she's far from her ideal weight.

She may even spend a little extra time rubbing lotion on her thick upper arms, the ones she wishes weren't so thick, while facing herself squarely in the mirror, and still managing not to feel overcome with shame and poor body image. Instead, she accepts herself for how she is right now and bravely chooses not let her size stop her from living life passionately.

A woman fully owning her sensuality will moan in delight as a luscious drink reaches her lips; or shudder when a mouth softly brushes across her neck; she will sit outside on a clear night, wrapped in a cozy blanket, mesmerized by the stars. When a song touches her heart with poignancy, resonating to the core of her, she's not afraid to cry. The next moment, you may find her laying in the grass with her children, finding magical shapes in the clouds. She's alive.

And though this isn't about sex or about getting a man, the paradox is, that this kind of woman wields so much inner power, is so scintillating, so enticing, that she can literally bring a man to his knees. Maybe it's simply to explain a bill to her as she sits in a waiting room. Perhaps it's to slowly remove her leather boots, or to slip off her clothes as he kisses down her spine.

She gives a gift to a man... allows him, too, to surrender in the moment, to her magnificent self-awareness, to her wild femininity. Together, they experience freedom.

And speaking to you as a big girl, now: Trust me... women of any size can possess this.

2014-06-19-photo1legs.jpg