Celebrities Are Just Like Us

This past Sunday morning, it was reported that the musical artist, Chris Brown got into a bitter exchange of words and a physical altercation with a woman, widely identified as Rihanna. Eyewitnesses report that the situation got so violent that people ended up calling 911. Rumors will continue to spread in the aftermath of this incident and it will be hard to discern truth from fiction. One fact, however, is certain: this is yet another testament to the fact that domestic violence does not discriminate against anyone and is a critical issue that needs to be addressed in our community today.

This horrific situation happens only two days after the end of National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week, a three-year-old effort to target and teach 16-24 year olds, the most-at-risk age group for domestic violence, about the warning signs of dating violence.

We are constantly peering into the lives of celebrities with an awe and desire to elevate our own status and become a part of their reality. The gossip surrounding the Rihanna and Chris Brown incident demonstrated that although the lifestyle of celebrities is materialistically glamorous it is not emotionally immune to the difficulties of human interaction. Life is not idyllic- it is merely life popularized for the public with the same pitfalls and harsh realities that each of us experience on a daily basis.

Domestic violence is a universal problem blind to income, age, race, status, religion, and physical appearance. It is often a silent assailant crippling victims of their self-confidence and denying them independence. Victims, the majority whom are women, endure abusive relationships because they feel partially responsible for their suffering, they are fearful for themselves or their children, and they are unaware of resources available to break the cycle of abuse.

A study published by Francine Lavoie in 2002 about dating relationships and abuse found that "both victims and abusers attribute the responsibility for violent dating behavior to victims, caused by: provocation by the girl; the victim's personality type; the girl's need for affection; communication problems; and peer group influence." Only 33 % of domestic violence victims ever come forward about their abusive relationships and because of these widely held inaccurate beliefs, women - our friends, our neighbors, our coworkers - are stripped of their voice and forced to suffer in silence.

Dating violence is a cycle of abuse. Most relationships do not begin with physical violence, they begin with control and often the victim allows their partner to be controlling- commandeering free time, choosing what clothes to wear, constantly checking in via text message, email or phone call, and verbal belittling. Before we fall in love or invest time and energy in a relationship, it is often easier to leave, to place one's needs and self-confidence above his or her partner's. However, once one can conjure up memories of happier times, it is easy to fall into the trap of holding onto the romanticized glimmer of possibility and hope that that person can change.

Moreover, we should classify dating violence as a cyclical behavior because it is a learned behavior. Generalized feelings of female inferiority and male domination are normalized through social and cultural acceptance. Witnesses of domestic violence at home often become subjects to or perpetrators of violence in their future relationships. Chris Brown in an interview in Giant in 2007 is quoted as saying, "My stepfather used to hit my mom. He made me terrified all the time, terrified like I had to pee on myself," he told the magazine. "I remember one night he made her nose bleed. I was crying and thinking, 'I'm just gonna go crazy on him one day ... ' I hate him to this day."

To prevent the violence, we have to educate youth about healthy relationships and provide them with an environment for a safe, open dialogue. We have to move the discussion about domestic violence from the wings of the private sphere into the epicenter. If healthy relationships and respect for others is not being taught at home, it is the responsibility of schools to teach it, model it, and enforce it in the classroom.

Empowering young women and girls to be self-assured and teaching young men to respect their partners as equals could transform the dynamics of relationships. Human interactions will never be simple; they will forever be riveted with emotion, confusion, and passion- that's what makes them exciting. Yet, there is a difference between excitement and danger.

For the millions of us, at the end of the day, we are all individuals grasping at the chaos. We fail and we triumph- no one is superhuman and everyone could use a healthy dose of self-assurance.

Create a new cycle - model healthy relationships.

To learn more about the signs of dating violence and what you can do to help a friend dealing with abuse, please go to www.beckysfund.org

Comments

[ggirl]

This incident put them both in situations where he has to know he needs help and she need to find out why she keep taking the abuse. I think they both have issues,or problems.

[JewJitsu05]

Why am I'm not a feminist:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VKUXiD1vFQ

[JenniferAnnsGroup]

Thank you for covering this often unreported topic. As you point out "celebrities are just like us," but I'd add that a distinct difference is that when non-celebrities are abused there's rarely any news coverage.

A surprising statistic from a study published July, 2008: 44% of all students will have been in abusive relationship by the time they graduate from college!

In 2006 my 18 year old daughter was murdered by her ex-boyfriend. I created a non-profit group in her memory and encourage everybody to visit our site to educate themselves about this very real danger.

Drew Crecente
Executive Director, Jennifer Ann's Group
http://www.JenniferAnn.org

[h0tr0d]

One of the biggest problems of Domestic Violence is the lack of honest and credible debate on the subject. Quoting you "income, age, race, status, religion, and physical appearance­"....what'­s missing is gender. Why ? Because you are a member of a special interest group pushing a story that supports your ideology. That is really the problem with the lack of debate on this subject. Most DV experts are dishonest about real statistics.

And what about those teenagers ? Aren't females more likely to initiate violence in that age group ? But you didn't report that because it doesnt suit your ideology. What about the psychological abuse women have fostered upon men for all time ? No comments about that ?

Nothing excuses a man from hitting a woman, unless she strikes him first. Let's hope it doesnt turn out Rihanna actually initiated the violence which would not be unusual in that age group at all.

[Citizens]

Join the "Cause" of Becky's Fund on Facebook!

http://apps.facebook.com/causes/49834?m=4c64c1a1&recruiter_id=5678637

[Yarrr]

"Just like us"? I sure as f**k don't beat up women.

[Citizens]

Yarrr, glad to hear that you are not like Chris Brown, but maybe you are like the victim in this case. Or, it is a certainty, that you know a victim of DV since it impacts 1 in 3 women in their lifetime.

I often find it helpful to read an entire article and not just comment on the headline, give it a try?

[mamacat]

We do have a problem with violence in our country. I think that the citizens of this country would be shocked if they really understood how much violence there is in this country, compared, for example, to the countries of Scandinavia. It is my understanding that violent crimes exist over there at a rate of maybe 1 per cent of what they are over here, and maybe even less than that. Whatever the figure, whether it is 2%, or less than 1%, it is incomparably less than what it is here. Likewise, their prison population as a percentage of total population is much, much less than ours.

We need to have a look at some of the things that are wrong here. Without meaning to sound condemnatory, I think we have a lot of room for improvement. Perhaps one of the problems of having a multicultural and multiethnic society is that there is a much greater likelihood for violence in daily interactions, when there are so many differences in how different groups see the world.

On the other issue of how we should treat celebrities, I would like to see laws that made it easier to prevent the destructive behaviour of paparazzi. It would be only fitting that they pay a price for intruding into the private lives of what we think of as public figures.

[joebiz]

Thank you for bringing this issue to light.

My concern is that the term "domestic" violence mitigates the fact that violence, whether physical, psychological, economic, sexual, and/or social, has no "domesticity." Meaning that violence between two or more people in a relationaship is still . . . violence.

The terms domestic abuse, spousal abuse, or intimate partner violence are sometimes used to make something ugly sound less severe. Long forgotten are other types of "abuse" like passive abuse: it's when one partner(s) abuses in a covert, subtle, and veiled way. This includes victimization, procrastination, forgetfulness, ambiguity, neglect, spiritual and intellectual abuse.

Given the broadness of methods for abuse and violence, it makes sense to be more aware of behaviors from ones' partner(s).