Cal Chamberlain, R.I.P.

Cal quit his job as a blog commentator at CNN in Washington, DC when he became so disillusioned by the hypocrisy of media that he couldn't stand being part of it anymore. He came back to New York and back to making large sculptures for the Madagascar Institute for Burning Man--tremendous dragons curling up out of the sand, or a huge chandelier that had, as the story goes, fallen from the heavens when the Gods were quarreling. On April 29th, eight days after his 41st birthday, the New York Times photographed a piece he had worked on where two oil tankers welded one on top of the other (www.bigrigjig.com) -- he was ecstatic.

A lopsided grin broken by a scar from a bad car accident, Cal had a devilish cackle most often heard when things were absurd or ironic. He was born in the Seattle projects; he ran away from home, eventually heading to New York with the goal of meeting Billy Idol and Debbie Harry. He met one and bedded the latter: the song "Bike Boy" was an a lyrical ode to him he told me. We'd been friends - sometimes close, sometimes not - for 20 years. I had just spoken to him last week. I had introduced Cal to a literary agent who found his charisma and "rock and roll" story of growing up a punk rock kid interesting. It was. He's been inspired by a friend's memoir, Girl Bomb by Janice Erlbaum (Janice writes about him in her blog this week www.girlbomb.typepad.com). I pitched him for a reality cooking show; his ease in the kitchen was something he downplayed but excelled in. And, since working with Pseudo television, an Internet company way ahead of its time in the 1990s, he was far more comfortable in front of the camera than interacting with people.

Probably 90 percent of the movies I've seen are those he forced me to watch, sometimes more than once - Fight Club, Monty Python, Lord of The Rings. He loved classic punk rock, trance, Japanese pop music and classical music, the latter because it reminded him of riding around in the car with his grandmother, the only family member he's ever spoken of and genuinely missed. When I moved to New York in 1988, we walked around the city at all hours of the night: arcades in Times Square, diners in the East Village...When I was home sick with pneumonia, Cal brought me food after his shift bartending gig was over. Once, when he couldn't locate an ashtray, Cal nonchalantly flicked his cigarette ashes into his boot. Cal wanted desperately to find love and have a baby, even though he generally found the world an angry, hypocritical place. When his pessimism would plummet to depression, I'd just and watch the epic Lord of the Rings trilogy with him, again.

A detective from the Manhattan South precinct left a vague message on my phone and I knew even before calling back. I have to believe that, regardless of what the reason that up being on his death certificate, it was Cal's choice in some way or another. He hated summers. I can't help being angry, maybe not directly at him, but at the world for not making it easier for someone who was an independent thinker, someone who was sensitive and talented and ethical in a way that made day-to-day living hard. I fought hard against the urge to go down to the morgue and chew him out - it was only the next day that I found out that his body was so decomposed that they identified him by his tattoos anyway. He didn't leave a note or send an email to his friends. I'm guessing that this time, unlike the times before when he said he didn't have the courage, it was enough to take him over the edge. I hope wherever Cal is now, he's found the sweetness that his soul deserves.

For more information about his memorial, please email [e-mail].

Comments

[artsandcrafts]

I am always amazed when I hear about someone like Cal, sort of after the fact. Like -- why wasn't he famous? He sounds like such a brilliant, interesting person. I wish he could have finished his memoir; maybe that would have put him more on the map. There are so many downtown New York celebrities that the rest of the world has never heard of -- but should. I'm sad for him, sad for you, and sad for folks like me who didn't get to discover his brilliance during his lifetime.

[rachelchanteuse]

I also get really angry when the world's best and brightest are snuffed out like this. I mean, I know it is a choice, but sometimes . . . is it really? Even in a place like New York City, true individuality and free thought isn't given the creedence it deserves. I do hope that reincarnation exists and that Cal gets to finish all the wonderful art, memoirs, creative projects, and briliiant ideas in the next life that he left undone in this one.

[RobinSeattle]

I'm glad the guy had the integrity to tell CNN where to go, but I would have liked to read specifics on how he and CNN came to a parting of the ways. I'm sure he had some stories that would prove what a clown show CNN---Fox Lite---has become.

[gopackers]

I know; I would love to have been able to read his memoir. I'm sure he would have talked about that, and so many other interesting things.

[heal57]

This is a very moving piece. Thanks for sharing. I, too, hope that Cal is in a place of peace. It's a rough world here for many of us. My deepest sympathy to you.

[dragkingmax]

No, the world certainly doesn't make it easy for independent thinkers, free spirits, and basically anyone who goes against the grain. The thing is -- I believe we ALL go against the grain and if we actually talked to each other more, especially those different from us, we would know that. I am really fortunate to have quite a diverse roster of friends and I accomplished that through being really open-minded and rarely writing anyone off until I felt I had somewhat gotten to know them. I have struggled with depression and substance abuse for most of my life, and I have to say, it really has helped to connect with people not like me, because it makes me less afraid of the world in general. I always walked around feeling like such a freak . . . and then I met some people who looked like they blended in on the outside and they were absolutely just like me on the inside. Then I met more, and suddenly, I realized there is much more to the commonality of the "human condition" than I had ever realized. I don't know whether or not your friend would have or did believe that, but I can really relate to his struggles as you describe them, and it makes me absolutely sure that I need to keep fighting to stay in this world, because I know there are people here who need me to.

[riotforchange]

I certainly know what it's like to want to check out, so it always scares me and makes me sad to hear of someone who has gone through with that choice. I am so afraid there will come a day when my mantra of, "It will pass; it will pass," just won't work anymore.

[littlejohn1]

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, Dr. Vranich. I haven't heard of him or his work, but I certainly know what it's like to lose someone close to you. Stay strong.

[photojane]

Cal's sculptures are truly amazing. I'm so sorry to hear about his passing. He will certainly be missed in the art world, and it sounds like, in the world as a whole.

[Jacki]

it's been a really sad couple of days. i have my own memories, but it helps to hear others' too.

thank you for writing.