Cheating Boyfriends And Why Breast Is Best

Dear Doc,

JLo was bottle feeding her babies in People magazine. What information is she reading when she says that it was the best thing for her kids? What is your take? -- Steve

Steve,

Breastmilk -- for at least the first six months of a baby's life -- is hand's down the best thing for that developing child's health long and short term. It's good for baby (less incidence of asthma, allergies, diabetes, cancer, gastrointestinal trouble, it also can boost intelligence, protect against obesity and high bloodpressure) and it's good for mothers (reduced risk of cancers and osteoporosis). Even mothers with colds, flus, breast cancer or implants can breast feed safely. Barring any serious problems with the technicality of breastfeeding itself, it may be inconvenient in that it does require that mom be available and near baby every few hours (or that she pump milk if she's away for a day). Yes, what JLo decides to do is her business, however when she does a photoshoot holding a bottle of formula that millions will see it, becomes our business. She could have given us any other reasons (or kept it private!) why she made the decision, but it being the "best" for her babies is definitely not one of them.

Dear Dr. Vranich:

I really hope you can give me an opinion about my situation. I met a man who I became involved with, he told me he was separated. In a three month period he visited me five times (we live in different countries and he travels for work). Suddenly he decided to take some time off. He reappeared, wanting to spend time together. I have found out he is spending a time with his other woman and he lied big time to me. What interpretation can you give of this man. Did he see me as a fool? -- Anna Maria

Dear Anna Maria,

From what you describe, he's a liar and a cheater. Since he travels a lot, he has the opportunity to meet women and keep them from knowing about one another. Cell phone out of range, stuck on the tarmac, so many hours ahead or back, fell asleep, jetlagged... sound familiar? He didn't see you as a fool, but because there were probably times when the facts didn't line up and you ignored them - you now feel foolish.

You are not the first who he has lied to and you will not be the last. He has done nothing to rectify the situation and continues to cheat. First, get a complete STD test. Second, kick him-to-the-curb-like advice negates how heartbroken and upset you are -- acknowledge you are furious and hurt and work through the pain in whatever way you can. Third -- now this is the hard one -- you need to thank whatever God or deity you believe in for the experience. Thank Him (or Her) for having made the relationship as short as it was (regardless of how long it was), for not having gotten married, for not involving children...Thank Them for the lesson, which is -- I'm going to guess now -- to trust your gut, to ask questions, to feel you deserve answers, and to learn how to heal. Learning to overcome being betrayed is a hard lesson, but it will help you with all your relationships forever.

Finally, do not let the bitterness make you less positive and loving -- you were not being foolish, you were trying to believe in love. Cut yourself some slack.

Comments

[ruffian]

Also breast feedinghelps you lose the baby weight

[QueenCeleste]

No doubt J Low's decision to bottle feed was based on her best interests, not her babies's.

[zizyphus]

Many women prefer to bottle feed as it saves their breasts from getting more stretched out. Plus, other people can feed the bottle fed baby. Some husbands are so jealous of the nursing baby that the women have to quit, or never get to try.

Having nursed both my babies, I think it was well worth the sagging and the inconvenience. It is one of the most natural, profound and gratifying acts that only a woman can perform.

[Maia Szalavitz - Huffpost Blogger]

See Maia Szalavitz's Profile

Yes, breast is best-- but we don't know JLo's situation beyond the fact of her having twins. In fact, many, many mothers of twins are simply not able to breast feed. We don't know anything about her medical conditions, etc.

Judging her for it and saying that she should reveal her private medical conditions is disgusting and can exacerbate post-partum depression. The advantages of breast-feeding exist, but it is certainly not the case that babies are damaged for life if someone cannot breast feed. Making such people feel like failures does nothing to improve breast-feeding rates.

[luziannagirl]

Oh yeah, breast is best, with no close second....and that's been a well-known fact among those who pay attention to science (as opposed to the medical industry) for at least 20 yrs. Unfortunately, way too many doctors and hospitals are still locked a stranglehold by the baby products industry.

A mere two weeks ago a relative's newborn son was given a sugar-water bottle in the nursery despite her instructions to the contrary, her stated plans to nurse exclusively, and her status as an experienced nursing mom.

Is it any wonder the U.S. has such an abysmally high and climbing rate of childhood obesity, type II diabetes, allergies and asthma?

[Sarah76]

If this baby was given sugary water it was on doctors orders because the baby had blood sugar that was too low for colostrom to bring up. Both of my kids were born with low blood sugar, one that I was able to bring up on my own and the other needed to go to the NICU for sugar water. It did not affect my ability to breast feed him until he was close to a year. However, it could have been extremely dangerous if not treated immediately. Please dont blame the nurse, she had the baby's health in mind and was only doing this on doctor's orders. Also, your relative should have been made aware of the reasons but maybe didn't grasp the seriousness. She may have noticed that her baby's blood sugar was checked regularly for the rest of their stay in the hospital.