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Dr. Belisa Vranich Headshot

Cheating Boyfriends And Why Breast Is Best

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Dear Doc,

JLo was bottle feeding her babies in People magazine. What information is she reading when she says that it was the best thing for her kids? What is your take? -- Steve

Steve,

Breastmilk -- for at least the first six months of a baby's life -- is hand's down the best thing for that developing child's health long and short term. It's good for baby (less incidence of asthma, allergies, diabetes, cancer, gastrointestinal trouble, it also can boost intelligence, protect against obesity and high bloodpressure) and it's good for mothers (reduced risk of cancers and osteoporosis). Even mothers with colds, flus, breast cancer or implants can breast feed safely. Barring any serious problems with the technicality of breastfeeding itself, it may be inconvenient in that it does require that mom be available and near baby every few hours (or that she pump milk if she's away for a day). Yes, what JLo decides to do is her business, however when she does a photoshoot holding a bottle of formula that millions will see it, becomes our business. She could have given us any other reasons (or kept it private!) why she made the decision, but it being the "best" for her babies is definitely not one of them.

Dear Dr. Vranich:

I really hope you can give me an opinion about my situation. I met a man who I became involved with, he told me he was separated. In a three month period he visited me five times (we live in different countries and he travels for work). Suddenly he decided to take some time off. He reappeared, wanting to spend time together. I have found out he is spending a time with his other woman and he lied big time to me. What interpretation can you give of this man. Did he see me as a fool? -- Anna Maria

Dear Anna Maria,

From what you describe, he's a liar and a cheater. Since he travels a lot, he has the opportunity to meet women and keep them from knowing about one another. Cell phone out of range, stuck on the tarmac, so many hours ahead or back, fell asleep, jetlagged... sound familiar? He didn't see you as a fool, but because there were probably times when the facts didn't line up and you ignored them - you now feel foolish.

You are not the first who he has lied to and you will not be the last. He has done nothing to rectify the situation and continues to cheat. First, get a complete STD test. Second, kick him-to-the-curb-like advice negates how heartbroken and upset you are -- acknowledge you are furious and hurt and work through the pain in whatever way you can. Third -- now this is the hard one -- you need to thank whatever God or deity you believe in for the experience. Thank Him (or Her) for having made the relationship as short as it was (regardless of how long it was), for not having gotten married, for not involving children...Thank Them for the lesson, which is -- I'm going to guess now -- to trust your gut, to ask questions, to feel you deserve answers, and to learn how to heal. Learning to overcome being betrayed is a hard lesson, but it will help you with all your relationships forever.

Finally, do not let the bitterness make you less positive and loving -- you were not being foolish, you were trying to believe in love. Cut yourself some slack.

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