Office Fascists, Internet Dating Tips And Boys' Brains
Q: My father-in-law is in his mid-70s but seems to be having problems with his memory, the whole family has noticed it but no one wants to say anything. It's probably Alzheimer's right? -Worried Daughter in Law
A: It could be vascular dementia which results from a series of small strokes or changes in the brain's blood supply (whereas Alzheimer's is a brain disease characterized by lesions that gradually destroy cells in the brain). Less common forms of dementia are: Pick's Disease, Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease, Huntington's Disease, Parkinson's Disease, or Lewy Body Disease. Getting him evaluated as soon as possible is critical for treatment.
Q: My boyfriend insists his brain is bigger than mine. Is that true? -Boston Brainiac
A: Yes, however, men and women have the same number of brain cells. The cells are just packed more densely in women. Read The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine - one of my favorite books ever.
Q: I'm a guy who wants to put a profile on a dating site. What should I say in it? I'm new at this and don't want to come off like an idiot. - Internet Idiot, New Jersey
A: 1. Size up the competition. Yes, this means check out what other guys have written (and no, it won't make you gay). Too many men write their profiles without having read other profiles first and they end up thinking they are being really witty when they're really just regurgitating every online dating cliché ("Wow, so hard to summarize myself in this box" or "I like going out for fancy dinners and just renting a movie and sitting on the couch"). Don't try to hard to be funny--the humor doesn't usually come across. And please, please, spell check before you post.
2. Avoid generalizations. We all like movies, food, vacations, etc. Try: your your all-time favorite sexy movie scene is Salma Hayek tango dancing with Ashley Judd in Frida, gnocchi rocks, and the beaches in Croatia are fantastic.
3. Post a clear straightforward picture. Think mugshot, passport, headshot--no hat or sunglasses. We don't care if you can catch fish (no matter how big they are), ride a jetski and don't really want to see the picture of you rock-climbing in Arizona. We want a full body picture, hopefully next to something that will give us a size reference. And even if that picture with your ex lopped??? WC out is the best one ever - the dismembered hand over the shoulder is a dead giveaway. We don't want to be that girl. You and your dog is better.
Q: I thought I just got a nice simple "clock in, clock out" 9 to 5 job, but today I ran into the office manager. She's a Nazi control freak that keeps everything under lock and key and lives to keep the place running according to rules. No one can stand her, but she is especially irritating to me. I have to fill out a form to get another stapler and can't eat "snacks that might break into fine particles and encourage varmints" in my cubicle. I'd like to start a revolution or at least put few cogs in her well-oiled machine. Thoughts? - Can't be controlled, Philly
A: I'm not sure who needs to get a life more, you or her. You just got a simple 9-5 job you can punch out of - have the evenings to yourself, weekends, sick days....Don't make this your raison d'etre. This office is this woman's life, her reason for living - don't make it yours. Put a chain on your stapler, eat your goldfish crackers in the hallway and be thankful you didn't have a mom who was super punitive when it came too potty training.
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You forgot one of the most important internet dating faux pas: No, absolutely without exception, are you to post a WEBCAM PHOTO SHOT!! That weird green hue, that fisheye strangeness, those nostrils resembling that of a small rhino's...they make one look like an extra from the Star Wars trilogy.
I've been suffering for over two years with two senior members of my team. The real boss won't implement rules they'd like to enforce, so they've been doing whatever they can behind her back to create havoc. My solution was to keep my head down and do my job while they swirled around in chaos. When a job became available that they both believed they were in line for, I applied as well. I got the job. My hard work had paid off and now, they'll have to answer to me. Success is the BEST revenge! Now! Where'd I put that mace.... : )
Excellent strategy, and doing well (or better than was expected) always rankles the usual "nattering nabobs of negativism" (to use a quote towards more noble purposes).
If you don't like the job or the boss, quit. If they valued you, you wouldn't be receiving that kind of treatment. Give the two weeks notce and find something you like better.
Funny you should mention the tired sentences that men post on dating sites. I posted on a site recently and said "I've already strolled on sandy beaches, walked in a park holding hands and cuddled on the sofa in front of a fireplace".......I didn't get many responses, I guess that men like those dates more than something that has to have some imagination.
I've done some Internet dating and the worst part of it is browsing through literally hundreds of ads, the overwhelming majority of which are, at best, not particularly distinctive. Here are some more pointers that I wish people would follow, male or female:
-Lead with the most compelling thing about you, not the least compelling thing. It's amazing how many ads start off with a negative.
-Be specific about what you want. Try to pinpoint those things that will seal the deal and those that are deal-breakers.
-Don't waste time describing what a picture or in-person meeting would best describe.
-Avoid stating you're looking for your "soul mate." You're asking for the great where the good mostly dwells, and odds are he/she aint here (and they probably wouldn't think they were "the one" if they were here).
-Don't dwell on the kinds of people you're trying to avoid. You only draw unwanted attention to yourself, both from those people and from those who wonder what happened to you.
-Please be consistent! Don't write a 2000-word ad, for example, and say you don't have much to say.
-Review! Review! Review! You only have one chance to make a first impression.
The Female Brain is a great book. May be time to re-read that.
I often laugh to myself and think of sending my former office nazi a thank-you note. He made my life such a living hell, he forced me out of my complacency, I started my own business and now I make quadruple what I made working for him. Talk about bad karma - he would hire almost exclusively single mothers, whom he could bully and abuse because he knew they needed the jobs. I had been implementing my plan over a period of months and, one day, I just walked out. He never knew what the hell happened, he was so clueless. They will only bully you if you allow it. You can only control your own behavior - not theirs. Therefore, it's up to you to change your situation and positively affect the quality of your own life.
Wow, Dr, Vranich, your response to the victim of the Office Nazi was WAY off the mark. I was in a bullying situation, and even with a supportive husband, it put a tremedous strain on my marriage and my health. I know Can't Be Controlled (CBC) wants to fight back (I sure did), but you rarely win in these situations. While one can sue one's employer for discrimination based on race, religion, et al., there is no recourse when the abusive behavior cannot put in the context of a "protected" group. Workplace bullying should be against the law, but with the pro-business climate in all three branches of Government, I wouldn't hold my breath for that to happen any time soon. Companies should also do everything they can to eradicate it since it's a proven productivity killer, but most management doesn't trust its employees enough to think of them as anything but worthless slackers who need the lash put to them (at least that's the message they send, intended or not, when they are too wimpy to deal with bullies). So, CBC, take it from someone who's been there, for the sake of your health and sanity, ignore Dr. Vranich's bad advice and get out of there as soon as you can!
I think Vranich is right. It might be difficult at first, but it is doable. A tactic that I have found helpful is to realize that everyone has a quota of BS, to fill and to give out. Obviously the Office Nazi has a large quota to fill and thus she's driving everybody crazy (who don't realize she has this quota). CBC, you also have a quota to fill. Why don't you fill it up? I've found that looking at it this way makes me laugh and more quickly forget about what is driving me crazy about the person. Get out when you can (upward, preferably), but until then, watch the quotas.
Internet Idiot in New Jersey has a much better chance of impressing someone if he can say the beaches on LBI are his favorite. Or the ones on Island Beach.... Nah LBI, it impresses the ones from metro NYC and the ones from metro Philadelphia. Croatia? Maybe if he was trying to catch himself a Montenegrin.
Run very very fast from Office Nazi. Not only is she going to try to control your crumbs she is going to try to control your stapler and your paper clips and whine about how you don't come in 5 minutes early so that your computer is powered up and ready at the moment you are supposed to start work. She won't like your filing. She won't like your message taking skills... She will find fault with everything you do. Find another job. In the mean time it's not worth the effort to get in a tizzy over being in 5 minutes early, do it, it's one less thing she can whine about. Whatever you do, don't win the battle over eating in your cube! That will eventually devolve into eating lunch - and probably dinner - there "so that you can get more work done" .... Run very very very fast
Office Nazi's are a product of our society as it moves into fascism. The rights of workers and Citizens will be diminished until we see children working 15 hr days again. If things continue as they are.
Wrong answer to the Office Nazi comment.
These Nazis need to get a giant fork stuck in them...they put out way too much negative Karma that radiates around the office place, richochets off the social and familial fronts and generally turn a lot of people's waking hours into a daily, corrosive, living nightmares for you to give them a free pass like this. I was in a similar situation and made it my business to give as good as I got. I knew it meant eventually the end of a (bad) job for me, but I wasn't leaving without imprinting a lot of negative memories into their psyches as well. They are like plantation overseers who get their juices off of by controlling the fate and livelihood of others and making people squirm. There is no lower scum in life.
I agree to an extent, but I think her point was that you have a bigger problem if what happens at work necessarily comes home with you. Leave work at work, the good and the bad. Yeah, I know, easier said than done...
"they put out way too much negative Karma... for you to give them a free pass like this." - degjack
In spirit, this is correct.
The problem is that we often spend more of our waking lives being around those we work with than we spend with those who we truly care about. Thus, Evil people in our workplaces can have a disproportionately debilitating effect on us.
Saying "deal with it" just doesn't cut it.
I strongly recommend this site as a jumping off point to learn about workplace bullying, who does it, why, and what to do about it:
http://www.bullyoffline.org/workbully/index.htm
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