The New (Very Public) Confession

I need to confess. It's a secret I've never told anyone, but I've decided to confess on this blog with a simultaneous YouTube video and a national "Confession" tour (not to be mistaken with Madonna's "Confessions"--plural-- tour of 2006). I've sold my secret confessional to People magazine and the book Fessing Up will be out next month.

What is with all the public confessing? Isn't the act of confession supposed to be private for the most part? Between you and your God, therapist, best friend or, at most, jury? Don't get me wrong -- I'm all for Good-Will-Hunting-like moments where you remember/admit that you hate your mother/father/self, which leads to catharsis and healing. But nowadays I'm starting to feel as if I, too, should confess to something. Anything at all.

Last week I was left with the image of Barbara Walters pushing folders off her desk, hopping up and breathily saying, "Oh, Eddie, take me" to a now 88-year-old former Massachusetts Republican senator Edward Brooke (granted that was thirty years ago). Jodi Applegate let us know beforehand she was going to tell us a secret, and every day some politician or pro-athlete is trying to prophylactically confess about drugs or alcohol (so it seems as if it were guilt-fueled rather than motivated by fear of the AP).

Confessing is not as simple as it used to be. You have all types: the preemptive "Can't fire me cause I quit" confession, the apologetic confession (which includes gifts like 4-million-dollar purple diamonds), fraudulent confession (think alleged JonBénet Ramsey's killer John Mark Karr), and compassionate confession (like Brooke Shields' admission of post-partum depression). The latter can be tremendously helpful -- encouraging discussion about adoption, depression, miscarriages, suicide. They give unpopular stigma-filled topics airtime that no public education campaign can.

I was on Good Morning America talking about financial infidelity (when couples confess to hidden spending), and on Tyra as an expert, when the cheating boyfriend confessed, then dropped to one knee and proposed to his scorned lady (she declined). Despite the media blitz, confessions are definitely losing their "umph." I don't want to know about cheating or bariatric surgery anymore -- it's none of my business, and not even that interesting as far as confessions go. I do wonder, however, if people are exchanging the nonjudgmental stance of confessing in therapy for a larger audience.

The preference for public flogging unquestionably has a narcissistic element to it (I can't wait for Dr. Drew and Dr. Young's new book on narcissism, The Mirror Effect!). The phone lines are packed when I go on to Maxim's Sirius radio show (yes, Maxim does radio, stop laughing) once a week. The DJ, "Stretch," revokes "man cards" from anyone who's done something like sleeping with a friend's wife or not admitting to an STD.

Maybe it's just that confessing has become too routine: we confess to our nutritionists or diet counselors about our "cheat foods" and late night snacking, we confess partaking in retail therapy, or pilfering our husband's supply of Ambien. Then we turn on the TV and hear all sorts of "real life" confessions from murder to desperate housewives ménage a trois. And it makes us feel mundane.

So why does confessing feels oh-so-good psychologically? At best, confessing and apologizing are part of recovery; at worst, it helps dilute the guilt. It's a huge relief when you tell the truth and no thunderbolt throws you to the ground. Before you raise your hand to admit you "did it," just realize you might have some competition from other martyrs who want the spotlight -- the running-home-to-tell-your-mom-yourself-before-the-principal-calls type.

Nowadays, there are virtual places where you can confess -- about not recycling or for having premarital sex (different sites), but I am suggesting a HuffPost confessional right here and now, to assuage you from last week's transfat snack or genital Xerox copies at work. Or, even better: if you can foretell your transgressions for next week, feel free to give us a lead/insider's tip on that. We promise not to tell.

Comments

[dragkingmax]

I'm actaully a huge fan of confession. I love that show "The Moth," where people get on stage and talk about all the crazy things they've done in their lives. I think so many of us feel so cut off and isolated in the world right now, that when someone confesses, it makes us feel less alone in some strange way. I think our isolation has us thinking that we are the only ones to say and do the crazy things we do. Then someone steps up and says, "yup, I did it," and all the rest of us are like, "You too?" I think it's alright.

[yogaivy]

I have to say, I've always been a big fan of Barbara Walters, but this has really caused me to lose some respect for her. Not because she had the affair, but really -- why at this point in her career would she feel the need to "confess"? Did she clear this with her former lover first? I doubt it. I just think things like this are nothing but narcissistic publicity stunts and I really thought that a journalist of her caliber would be above all that.

[sterlingcheese]

I think I would rather be boiled alive than confess anything publicly -- anything -- even the fact that I ate bacon and eggs for breakfast (whoops -- guess that one's out).

[gopackers]

I think more people should keep their private lives private. I think for celebities especially, it is much easier to publicly "confess" than to look their spouse or children in the eye and say "I'm sorry."

[aristippe]

A narcissistic exercise similar to the "recreational grieving" of celebrities. Or maybe just a new kind of ritual.

[brooklyncitizen]

True confession is no godd without repentance. You must repent.

[artsandcrafts]

Well, I sort of agree with that, although I don't always like the word "repent," but I agree with the sentiment that just because you tell someone, the wrong isn't righted. You do have to make amends, change your behavior, etc. Confessing isn't enough. Sometimes, confessing actually causes quite a bit of harm. Perfect example would be to publicly confess an affair. What if the other person involved hasn't told her or his family? What if the children find out about this on the news? Sometimes confessing is just a selfish way to alleviate guilt. Better to use your energy to actually fix the problem, not just talk about it.

[riotforchange]

I will publicly confess that anyone wearing a fur coat is going to continue to get hit in the back with the can of hot pink paint that I carry in my bag for such occasions. That is both a past and a future confession. So that big pink stripe down your back -- yep -- that was me. And I make no apologies for it.

[aristippe]

I hope you get sued for damages.

[writeforlife]

In my practice, I get an interesting mix of people who have either never told anyone in their entire lives the things they are telling me, or people who are basically open books, and I have to train them that they don't need to, nor should they, tell perfect strangers private details of their lives. It's a fine line between being an open, honest person and being an exhibitionist. I think that many celebrities are exhibitionists, obviously, so publicly confession is just another outlet for this character trait that often made their careers take off in the first place.

[rachelchanteuse]

Well, let's see . . . back in the 80's I was touring with this band, that shall remain nameless, and we were on a bill with another band, that shall also remain nameless, and one night . . . wait a second . .. this is such a stereotypical road-story that it barely ranks as a confession . . . but let's just say there were some illegal substances and partner-swapping involved . . . but again, that is basically blase and par-for-the- course in a touring band. Plus none of us were really all that famous -- we just thought we were at the time.

[photojane]

Well, I would confess something completely titillating, scandalous, perverted, right here and now . . . if I had any such confessions to make. Sorry -- I guess my life is pretty dull.

[littlejohn1]

Hmmm . . . I'm trying to think of how many people actually know who I am before I launch into any confessing here . . . but then again, I guess your point is that people are confessing very openly, with their faces and names attached. I'm wondering if that is sort of a perk of being a celebrity -- in some ways, you are above reproach. Well maybe not above reproach, but when a celebrity confesses to something scandalous, it just draws more attention to them, and we all know that if it's one thing celebrities love, it's attention.

[drurylane]

As many people know, the process of "catharsis" can be healing in some respects. And if that's what Barbara Walters is doing, in part, with her new book ... that's certainly fine. I adore Ms. Walters (always have) and the revelations in her new book regarding her personal life doesn't change this. If anything, it sheds more light into this intriguing person's complex life & history. Barbara Walters has helped open doors for female journalists in this country and interviewed some of the most influential figures of our time. Such accomplishments are nothing to sneeze about. She also remains part of the dog-eat-dog mass media into her senior years. I applaud Ms. Walters, and I'm grateful (as one consumer, reader) for her candid approach to her book "Audition." Few of us -- journalists or not -- approach our lives with as much courage and honesty as she's done.