Are You Single at Heart?

I was just asked a fascinating question: How do you know if you were meant to be single? Personally, I wouldn't use the phrase "meant to be," but I understand what the questioner is getting at, and I've been mulling it over ever since.

To some, concluding that you were "meant to be single" may sound like a bad thing. Not to me. I'd just change the wording - I think I'm single at heart. I love living single (except for the singlism) and never did have those reveries about some lavish wedding with the bridesmaids and the big white dress.

To be single at heart, I think, means that you see yourself as single. Your life may or may not include the occasional romantic relationship, and you may or may not live alone or want to live alone, but you don't aspire to live as part of a couple (married or otherwise) for the long term.

You can be single at heart regardless of your actual status as single or coupled. Similarly, you can be a coupled at heart regardless of whether you really are coupled at the moment.

So what are the criteria? (Continue reading here at Living Single.)

 

 

 

Comments

[commonsenselives]

11:23 AM on 03/25/2010

Bella,

Your column has helped me enormously. I always thought there was something wrong with me that I'd rather be single than deal with an over-bearing, jealous, possesive lover. I love being able to watch/do/eat/drink/read anything I want and not have to bend to someone elses will. I also revel in the fact that I don't have to pick up after anyone.

Due to these feelings (and the lack of finding a man I really love/trust) I've pretty much decided not to have any kids. And this bugs my mom/grandmother to NO end! Does this make me selfish too? I've often thought so since having a child requires one to be selfless. But the more I observe those that have kids and cannot care for them emotionally/financially, I've concluded that having a child you are unable to care for is much more selfish.

So Bella, from one single-hearted person to another, best wishes and thank you for writing a singles column that doesn't make me want to slit my wrists for being single!

[Bella DePaulo]

02:49 AM on 03/26/2010

Thanks for your kind words! Not having children is a lot like being single in terms of how other people react -- they have something to say, no matter what. So the first approach is often to say that you should have kids because nothing is so fulfilling -- you are denying yourself if you don't do it. Then if that doesn't work, out will come the selfish argument -- you are selfish if you don't have kids.

Better to lead the life that is meaningful to you.