Rehab Checks Into Melanie Griffith

In entertainment news, several top celebrity rehab centers have decided to merge together and check themselves into the body of oft-intoxicated Melanie Griffith. The rehab centers feel that Griffith, who herself had planned to check into rehab for the third time in the past few years, is "completely hopeless" unless "we all come together, and physically enter her body."

The idea of physically entering someone's body, though seemingly impossible and potentially life-threatening, is being seen as a "revolutionary advancement in D-list celebrity addiction treatment."

"It's actually a pretty simple procedure," said Patty Margot, a Cirque Lodge rehab center executive. "A top rehab doctor from each center will be shrunk down into a microscopic form, inserted into a pill, placed in Mrs. Griffith's Vicodin bottle, and will most definitely be in her bloodstream by the early afternoon."

Once inside Griffith's blood stream, the top rehab doctors will attempt to work their magic. For instance, if Griffith attempts to go off the wagon, the doctors will be able to send messages to her brain, telling her to refrain from "taking a shot," "dancing, topless on top of a bar," and "selecting Like a Prayer by Madonna on the jukebox." They will also attempt to help her in the public eye, during interviews, and even suggest decent movies she could star in.

The "Griffith Rehab" will occur later in the week. If all goes well, Griffith will return to normal, which will consist of soberly continuing to live in the shadow of her once promising acting career.

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Comments

[Celebritanny]

This is perfect!..­.and I LOVE Like a Prayer. Am I a drunk loser too?