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What if John Sterling Took His Shtick on the Road? Home Run Calls for Remaining 29 Teams

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Yankees radio broadcaster John Sterling's home run calls are like an awful, yet catchy top-40 pop song. No matter how hard you try to get it to leave your head, it just won't go away and you find yourself saying it out loud several hours later.

Whether you hate them or love them, you remember the best ones:

  • Bernie Williams: Bernie Goes Boom! Bern baby, bern.
  • Derek Jeter: El Capitan!
  • Jorge Posada: Jorgie Juiced One!

And then there are the calls that you wonder if he just pulled right out of his ass or thought, "You know, I'm never going to need a home run call for a Dewayne Wise anyways."

With Sterling a part of the Yankees broadcast booth since 1989, it might appear that his signature shtick may be getting stale. So I thought of way to freshen it up a bit... home run calls for Yankees opponents!

Imagine the conversation. What will be Sterling's home run call for David Ortiz of the Boston Red Sox? Or Josh Hamilton of the Angels? Suddenly, Sterling could have the collective baseball world glued to their radios or MLB At-Bat apps, waiting for those magical words to cross over the airwaves.

So, without further ado, John Sterling's unofficial road team home run calls for one of their team's best power hitters.

WARNING: If you're offended or disturbed by awful puns and terrible jokes, I suggest stopping here... along with turning off the radio every time a Yankee player hits a home run.

AL EAST:

  • David Ortiz - Boston Red Sox - I Love it When You Call Me, Big Papi! Ortiz, sends it in the breeze
  • Evan Longoria - Tampa Bay Rays - Evan... sends it to heaven! He puts the "long" in Longoria!
  • Jose Bautista - Toronto Blue Jays - Joey Batsafucko! Jose Can You See?
  • Chris Davis - Baltimore Orioles - Davis... sends it "Miles" (Miles Davis... get it? Anyone? Bueller?)

AL CENTRAL:

  • Miguel Cabrera - Detroit Tigers - Gettin 'Miggy' with it! Oh Miguel... you're so swell!
  • Paul Konerko - Chicago White Sox- I have a bonerko... for Konerko! Paul... sends it over the wall!
  • Billy Butler - Kansas City Royals - Because he's my butler! Billy gets silly!
  • Joe Mauer - Minnesota Twins - Mauer... with Minnesota Power! Hey Joe... where you goin' with that bat in your hand? (that might be a stretch for a Jimi Hendrix lyric... so sue me).
  • Mark Reynolds - Cleveland Indians - Reynolds... Wraps it Over the Fence! Mark that down in the scorebooks!

AL WEST:

  • Josh Hamilton - Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim - He's earned his Hamiltons (10 bills)... Joshie jacks one!
  • Adrian Beltre - Texas Rangers - Yo Adrian! It's a Beltre Blast!
  • Michael Morse - Seattle Mariners - It's Morse, of course. By George... Michael does it!
  • Josh Reddick - Oakland A's - The Chronicles of Reddick! Josh... with a squash!
  • Justin Maxwell - Houston Astros - It's Maxwell's House! Justin I expected!

NL EAST:

  • David Wright - New York Mets - The Price is Wright! Captain America blasts away!
  • Ryan Howard - Philadelphia Phillies - A little elbow grease... from the Big Piece!
  • Bryce Harper - Washington Nationals - Bryce Yourselves! Bryce... still can't drink Honey Weiss!
  • Freddie Freeman - Atlanta Braves - Come on and take a "Free Ride." You are now Freeman to Move Around the Bases.
  • Giancarlo Stanton - Miami Marlins - Stanton and Deliver! If I could be like Mike! (when he was still Mike Stanton)

NL CENTRAL:

  • Jay Bruce - Cincinnati Reds - Bruce Almighty! Jay, sends it away!
  • Matt Holliday - St. Louis Cardinals - Holliday Road! He's No Door Matt.
  • Anthony Rizzo - Chicago Cubs - H-R to the Izzo! He's a real Riz kid!
  • Ryan Braun - Milwaukee Brewers - The Brauny man cleans up!
  • Andrew McCutchen - Pittsburgh Pirates - The Pirate pillages! A dandy from Andy!

NL WEST:

  • Matt Kemp - L.A Dodgers - The Bison Goes Hunting! Matt Mashes it!
  • Pablo Sandoval - San Francisco Giants - Panda Pounds One! He Busts Out the Bamboo!
  • Aaron Hill - Arizona Diamondbacks - King of the Hill! Hill be seeing you later!
  • Chase Headley - San Diego Padres - Chase... sends it to deep space!
  • Carlos Gonzalez - Colorado Rockies - Cargo... envia largo! (CarGo sends it long in a rough Spanish translation)

There are of course, plenty more candidates that were not included on this list. I encourage you to tweet me at @bennyheis and send in your best "Sterling-esque" home run calls.

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