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Ben Ritz

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Camping: Rapture Occured, but No One Worth Saving

Posted: 05/22/11 10:23 PM ET

According to preacher Harold Camping, yesterday the Rapture occurred. During the Rapture, all good Christians ascended to Heaven to be with God while the wicked were damned to remain on Earth to experience the end of the world in October.

"This is absolute proof that I am correct," said Camping. "The rapture definitely took place, but there just wasn't a soul worth saving so it went unnoticed. The world will still end in October, as planned."

When asked why he, as a good Christian, hadn't ascended at 6PM California time, Mr. Camping offered little explanation, simply saying, "Why I am still here is irrelevant; all I can do now is take the 80 million dollar surplus my organization has collected from religious donors to the Cayman Islands where I intend to work tirelessly spreading the word of God before the End of Days in October."

Despite numerous prayers placed to His office, God has yet to respond with any comment on the Rapture.

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