When I announced to my wife that I was writing a book about planning for the inevitable, she replied, "Why not a love story, or a book on travel. This is gruesome." She went on to say that she would never buy such a book. Her response is typical of how most people first react to the thought of someday not being here. We live in a society where dying is not freely discussed. No one wants to think about it let alone plan for it. But dying is inevitable. It is something we all must face. The goal, of course, is to put off the event as long as possible. And if you have conducted your life in an organized manner, there is no reason to stop now.
As background, I have practiced law for over 35 years. When clients consult with my office for Estate Planning, I discuss the benefits of a will and other legal documents. I also inquire whether any arrangements have been made with regards to funeral and final interment as well as disposition of personal property. I further question if any family members are aware of the location of important papers. Very often, the client answers in jest by saying, "It doesn't matter. When I am no longer here, then it is their problem." The "their" usually refers to surviving children. However, before the conclusion of the consultation, the client usually comments that "it is something I need to think about and I should put something in order."
Unfortunately, too often I receive a call from a family member whose parent did not put something in order. The son or daughter may have found my name because I prepared their parent's will. However, aside from finding the estate planning documents, all of the bank accounts, deeds, insurance policies, and other important papers are no where to be found. A child who is now faced with mounting bills and expenses related to last illness commonly recites the phrase, "Dad had his own system and never shared it with us". And even when there is a surviving spouse, the widow or widower will often seek the guidance of a child, as the emotional strain is overwhelming.
Accepting that someone is no longer here is devastating. And then to confront the decisions and arrangements that must be addressed can be emotionally exhausting. Though we protect our home from an approaching storm, or make arrangements to have the mail taken it when we are away, planning for one's passing is something our society shuns away from. As a result, a family unprepared may face serious financial as well as psychological consequences.
In my years of practice, I have seen how the loss of a loved one has often wreaked havoc on a family. Sudden death is the most devastating and there is often no planning in place. But even when a patient is terminally ill, both the patient and the family avoid any conversation of making final plans. In preparing this book, I questioned many clients who suffered the loss of a loved one as to why the subject was avoided. Though a small percentage responded that they always held out hope that there would be cure, the majority answered that they, the survivors, could not think of the inevitable.
Death and dying are becoming increasingly relevant for baby boomers. With approximately 2.4 million Americans dying each year, and the number growing, it is only logical that thoughtful, serious, and personal conversations take place with friends and loved ones so that your are well prepared for the end of life. The time to take charge is before a life threatening illness or crisis hits. This will greatly reduce the stress endured by your survivors. By preparing in advance, you can avoid some of the uncertainty and anxiety associated with not knowing what you would have wanted. Likewise your passing can be graceful and, in a pragmatic sense, stress free. It is the "last party" and you owe it to yourself and those who care for you to be prepared.