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The Sounds of Divorce

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"Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering!"

The following is presented as a reminder of those days from the past that you will to want to avoid from reappearing in your future.

Whether you live in a state that requires proving grounds for divorce such as adultery or mental cruelty (Alabama, Alaska, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Maine, Massachusetts, Mississippi, New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, and West Virginia) or a no-fault state where all that is required is a statement by one spouse that there are irreconcilable differences in the marriage that has led to the irremediable breakdown of the marriage, the legal system has never been concerned with the reasons that brought people to divorce court.

Instead, the court system is required to be indifferent and maintain objectivity by establishing categories for grounds for divorce. Further, but for unresolved issues concerning custody, child support and alimony and division of property, your divorce will be routinely granted. And don't be surprised if, as you exit the rear of the courtroom you hear the next case being called. Yes, to the court you are just a case number!

However, though your attorney will advise you to leave your emotions at the steps of the courthouse as you enter, human nature will cause you to pick them up as you exit as it is too soon to cast them away. In contrast, attorneys are required to be advocates for our clients so that we can understand the issues and apply the applicable law while always maintaining our professionalism. We cannot become emotionally involved in the case, yet must be sensitive to our client's needs and wants. And the key to being a good attorney is to be a good listener so that you, the client, can understand the dynamics that are evolving between the husband and wife.

This brings us to the "sounds of divorce." And it is not a sound that you would want to download onto your smartphone. To illustrate, if one were to visit a courtroom, one would not hear harps and violins but an orchestra without a conductor frantically searching for their sheet music. Divorce turns people's lives upside down, as they often feel helpless for the future.

Likewise, divorce clients are generally not the easiest to represent. Away from the attorney's office or courtroom they may be kind, great parents, best friends, and loyal employees. But understandably, next to having a loved one die, going through a divorce is the most emotional time of your life. This includes the yelling, screaming, and the finger-pointing. And clients are short-tempered and feel used, abused, cheated and need a sounding board, which often is the attorney whom they use to vent their anger.

Divorce can bring out the worst in one's personality and often creates disruption for everyone under the radar screen that is associated with that person going through the divorce. And yes, time does heal the wounds -- but never deletes the sounds.