I was sitting in my pajamas at my desk and thinking, as writers do, about possible reasons why Governor Sarah Palin would quit her job to go in a "new direction." When you're a Governor with the goal of a national office, you don't throw in the towel. Sure, you may wear the towel in front of campaign staffers in your hotel room, but you don't just throw it in.
In an interview with CNN following her resignation announcement, Sarah Palin affirmed, "I'm certainly not a quitter, I'm a fighter." That's Maverick talk for "I'm, like, totally a quitter." Regarding her future, Palin said, "All options are on the table." This is just the kind of Palin response that gives John McCain a chubby. That's not sexist, because the same thing happens to McCain with Joe Lieberman.
Palin's surprise announcement, complete with atypically lopsided hair (a no-no in televised politics and beauty pageants), indicated that there's something more to this story than she's telling us. And because she's not telling us, then all we can do is guess. So, I armed myself with a pen, some paper and the number of my lawyer in case Ms. Palin's team wants to sue me, and came up with these theories:
Again, these are just theories. If one of them happens to be true, it's only a coincidence, according to my attorney.
During her I'm-so-out-of-here speech, Governor Palin did try to explain her decision by using a basketball analogy, saying, "A good point guard drives through a full court press, protecting the ball, keeping her eye on the basket... and she knows exactly when to pass the ball so that the team can win." Here's another sports analogy the Governor may want to consider. According to Major League Baseball rules, "When a manager, player, coach or trainer is ejected from a game, he shall leave the field immediately and take no further part in that game."
Whatever Palin's real reasons are for quitting, it's time for her to hit the showers. So, she'll definitely need that towel again.
Ben Wyskida: Is Sarah Palin Our Richard Nixon?
"Palin-land:" where Sarah Milhous Palin barnstorms the country arguing that drilling can stop climate change, tax cuts can stop the recession and "family values" can win the day.
It seems to me that Palin is an excellent candidate for having a mental breakdown. I think she's in serious trouble. She really should seek medical and mental/psychiatric help. I think she needs it.
My money is on the moose herpes. I'm just afraid to find out how she contracted it.