THE BLOG
06/27/2012 02:30 pm ET Updated Aug 27, 2012

Infidelity, Jealousy and the Cupcake Theory

I love cupcakes. I especially adore red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing. If it's wearing those crunchy, sprinkle-y things, God help me. Although I love them, it's a rare occasion that I actually crave them. It isn't until I decided to really buckle down and give that new workout program a real try that I have visions of their delightful decadence dancing in my head. I'm always amazed at the power those heavenly little cake-filled paper cups can have over me when I'm not allowed to have them. I swear I can hear them calling to me at 11:30 at night, even though I haven't given them so much as a thought in over two months.

Not only do I fantasize about those moist, naughty little cupcakes, but I begin to daydream about a lust-filled ménage a trois with its partner in crime, Count Chocula. I imagine the devilish, chocolaty fiend behind the forbidden cabinet door waiting ever so anxiously to seduce my eager taste buds. While it's true he has been sitting idle and getting stale since my niece visited over a month ago, I will spend a good 15 minutes debating with myself the pros and cons of giving into my fiery, culinary desires.

Relationships work in much the same way. I could not begin to calculate the numbers of times I have been asked for my opinion on the true reasons for infidelity. Although the causes and circumstances will drastically vary from one case to the next, the answer is most often an extremely simple one: Human beings will always crave that which is forbidden. Human nature will certainly always do its part to strike curiosity in our hearts. The more it is stressed that we shouldn't do something, the more tempting it becomes.

We will often draw so much attention to the forbidden fruit that it becomes impossible not to desire it. If jealousy, accusations and constant fear of cheating is your modus operandi, do not be surprised when those fears become a reality. The power of suggestion can sometimes become too much to bear. Trust is an important part of a healthy relationship. However, if trust has been broken previously, then you must consider if the relationship is in fact worth the worry. If it is, then the sins of the past should be forgiven and not used as future fodder. But if that trust has not been broken, why cause problems that aren't there?

It's important to mention that men are not the only ones who cheat. In fact, in my twenty years of experience dealing with the dreaded infidelity issue, I've actually heard more women than men admit to cheating, using the rationale; "If I'm going to be accused, tried and convicted anyway, I may as well commit the crime." Although the logic seems childish, there is to some extent a reasonable degree of understanding how this conclusion could be reached.

A similar explanation could be reached when dealing with pornography. If your significant other is "caught" viewing porn, it stands to reason the bigger deal that is made of it, the more enticing it becomes. I am of the school of thought that this behavior has been a catalyst to the current "porn-pandemic" in the United States. We have placed so much focus and attention on it that one can't help but to become enticed by its allure.

The fact is that human beings are curious by nature. We need to stop expelling so much energy on pointing out what is forbidden and spend more time getting excited about what isn't. You might just find that you and your significant other will remember what led you together in the first place. Give less attention to what he/she isn't supposed to do and place more importance on those you can do, such as romantic outings, family fun time or even making love! Many of these perceived "problems" will heal themselves. Just remember the cupcake: It is usually only tempting because it is given far more power than it deserves. Have faith in your relationship as well as your diet and both will almost certainly stay intact!

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