Celebrity Apprentice

04/18/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

I have to begin by saying "I love it!"

That isn't easy because it really is the Acela of train wreck television. Having been on the Martha Stewart Apprentice, I understand the game. Unlike the celebrities, though, we were sequestered for 2 months with no phone, TV, newspapers, credit cards and we had to sleep in the same loft.

What is amazing is that the 16 candidates I was with had no television or entertainment industry experience, and they didn't come off nearly as horrendous as a group as this one does.

I'm fairly certain that Andrew Dice Clay is missing a brain. He has absolutely no clue what is going on around him and absolutely no business sense. It's no wonder that he single-handedly ruined his career using profanity and cursing on live television, not once but twice.

In other head injury news, Dennis Rodman had no interest in improving upon his beyond tarnished image, so he acted as if he were Madonna, the pop tart he briefly dated. The constant pissing contest over who was more famous was completely absurd and made it crystal clear as to why they're all on the has-been Apprentice. As much as I would love to get back in that Apprentice ring, I think if I were asked, I'd know that my career had come to a screeching halt.

Annie Duke seems to have the right content, but her delivery is way too abrasive. Trump had it right that she chews up men and spits them out, so she has that fighting way out of the game. I do, however, think she has a strong mind, and if used properly, she could be a good contestant. She may however implode like a 70's Vegas casino. I did understand her wanting to know how much the men would pay for a whole tray of cupcakes. Luckily it was 9k. Had it been 900 dollars, there would be a problem.

Brande Roderick was refreshing. Kudos to Burnett for choosing and showing a seemingly intelligent playmate. On the other hand, the beautiful black "deal or no deal" girl said in the board room "grown ass woman." Now there's a Rhodes scholar for you. She was belligerent. Not a fan. Big deal. Someone wanted to show you how to ice a cupcake. I like Annie's thorough nature, plus giving a mistake cupcake for a taste test was idiotic. Had the men's cupcakes not been sweetened with salt, this could have gone the other way.

Brian McKnight won't be there for long. He sealed his fate by saying he wants to avoid the bulls-eye. Trump hates an under the radar contestant.

Jesse James seems like he has inhaled too much bike paint. This just isn't who I'd see one of America's highest paid actresses married to. He's the Spiccoli of the group.

Scott Hamilton simply seems soft. They'll chew him up although he really is sweet. Take a position babe. Herschel is good. He owns it. He's strong. I'm not sure he's the brightest bulb on the tree, but I like his passion.

Khloe Kardashian is a non-event so far. Maybe she's being smart, watching the game and will come guns blazing. My gut is she'll go somewhere in the middle.

Who knew Joan was so sweet and had such a nice heart. I love her for doing this. Her daughter also seems like a smart cookie. I think they'll both go for the long haul.

There is also a not so memorable golf pro that screwed up the cupcakes, and the adorable and seemingly bright and calm Tom Green. I now have a crush on him.

Clint Black is quiet but could be intelligent-no way to tell yet.

This 15-car pile-up is one that I won't stop watching any time soon.

Least Surprising: that Donny Deutsch managed to get his name mentioned 3 times to promote his off-the-air talk show.