The horrific tragedy in Colorado has left us all speechless, shaking our heads in disbelief. How could this have happened? Could anything really have been done to stop this mad man? And what can we possibly tell our children...if they ask?
Parents are rendered tongue-tied when it comes to talking to their kids about many different kinds of things -- sex, death, God. But when it is a topic that is terrifying and may create fear where none existed previously, then we are dumbstruck, reduced to being mute. This is one of those times. How do you explain a senseless massacre in a movie theater to your vulnerable child, whether he or she is 8 or 18?
To start, unless your child has been exposed to this incident -- by radio, TV, Internet or overhearing your loose talk -- there is absolutely no reason to bring it up to him. However, if your child comes to you exclaiming, "Did you hear what happened at the Batman movie?" your first job is to find out what he knows. Ask him to share what he heard. That way you will know what information you need to address or correct to the best of your ability. After you share the correct information, and your child asks, "Why did he do that?" you can explain something like:
Just like people sometimes have problems with their bodies, like a hearing impairment or a leg that doesn't work, for example, once in a long while, someone has a severe problem with his or her brain. The guy who did the shooting had a big problem with his brain. It didn't work properly, and he did a horrible, crazy thing. He could not think right.
You may need to add for reassurance:
This doesn't happen very often at all, most people's brains work right. But once in a while someone's mind doesn't tell him what is and isn't okay to do. He simply doesn't know right from wrong, and he can't stop himself from doing crazy things. But this is very very rare; it doesn't happen very often at all.
Depending on your child's maturity, if your child is older than 10 and comes to you wanting to talk about the shooting, open up the flood gates. Encourage the conversation. Ask him what he thinks might have been going on with someone who does something so horrific. Then, share the same observations about mental illness, and the rarity of the act. Not only will he share the burden of his fears with you, thereby lessening his load, but you will be able to reassure him of the randomness of the act and how remote the likelihood of it happening again is.
You might also discuss how the media and Internet bring terrible news instantly and relentlessly. While it is an unfathomable act, having the horror thrown into your consciousness makes the event even bigger. You can't escape it.
In truth, there are no fool-proof precautions to teach your child when it comes to being safe at all times, including when he goes to a movie. Beyond knowing where the closest exit is and to leave calmly in the event of an emergency, people are sitting ducks in a theater. Is this going to stop you or your children from seeing films? I hope not.
If your child had planned to see the latest Batman, forbidding him from going will likely fuel any fear that a shooting like this will happen again. You need to communicate to your child that the day-to-day world in which we live is actually safe. This heinous event is not the norm, even though knowing about past events like Columbine and Virginia Tech make it seem like tragedy strikes often. This terrible massacre was a singular and highly extraordinary event.
The hard part is that you need to believe this too. Your children will pick up on your feelings. Do your best, for them.
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1/> Tuck a Glock under the Christmas tree with the newest cell phone.
2/> Haul them off to the firing range & teach them to use it.
3/> Send them off (pick one: to school, movies, shopping mall, the park, the block party, whatever) fully trained & armed so that they can "take out" any purported "mad man" who might "threaten them" while they are going about their daily business while mommy and/or daddy and/or daddy and/or mommy are busy running the nation.
4/> If kids can text, and successfully play video games, they are manually dexterous enough, and have the eye/hand coordination necessary, to handle a gun shooting at a "target".
5/> Get on with life in the gun mad culture & police state you created whereby the right to bear arms supersedes the rights of citizens (including children) to go around peacefully conducting their personal business without being gunned down like an enemy in a war zone.
6/> Don't forget to change your kids milkbone underwear before sending him/her out in the dog-eat-dog world and police state you created.
Why even pretend that you live in a rational world that can be "explained" when citizens are legally armed like a military platoon and can use their aresenal to hunt peaceful citizens & children like enemies in a war zone.
What's crazy is after ensuring there is zero gun control for civilians for decades then mourning in repetitive displays of outrage/grief the nauseatingly routine shoot-em-'ups that are the logical consequence of such a blood soaked gun culture.
*yawn*
What's crazy is burying more dead kids so too many American adults are free to play out their old west, cops & robbers, swat team & soldier-boy fantasies with real weapons on real live civilians going quietly about their personal business.
Love your guns more than your kids.
But lucky for me my oldest is only 4 and has no idea what has happened.
This isn't political, this is fact. Your rights ARE NOT granted by the government.
Seems to be happening all over the world everyday in Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, Pakistan, Israel, parts of Africa, streets of Chicago-Detroit-Los Angeles-Miami-Philadelphia etc. How about you tell them the truth. Start there and work your way down lol. Humans are violent, the same way they are loving. We hate just as much as we care/love. Doesn't really matter what you tell them actually, they will figure it all out on their own eventually. SMH.
http://www.themommypsychologist.com/2012/07/21/why-i-chose-not-to-talk-about-the-colorado-shootings-yesterday/
I am almost 60 and I struggle with ghastly stories like this massacre. Could this happen to me or someone I know and love? Or could one of us succumb to a mental illness and commit such a heinous act? Nothing like this has happened in my immediate family, but we have seen it in our social and business circles. A man I know lost his son in a police killing: the young man had shot himself and wouldn't put down his rifle. Orders stand to take someone down who refuses to drop his firearm. It has been exquisitely painful for my friend because he bears two losses: one, the loss of his son to death, and two, his son's reputation as a very, very good, gentle soul.
Human history is marred with accounts of behavior like this. I hope we can learn what causes this sickness and rescue people from that breaking point. In the meantime, we can remind ourselves as you kindly did that this is very much the exception, not the rule.