03/15/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

How Much Do I Love Dr. Phil And Oprah: Cheap Therapy For Times When $350/Hour Is Just Too Much

God bless you Dr. Phil for ranting against octuplet-mom and saving me from the inner turmoil I struggle with wondering how anyone could be so self indulgent at our expense these days. And by the way, has no one picked up on her rhinoplasty aka nose job, plumped up lips and Botox-ed forehead? Last I heard her disability money was supporting the original 6 kids but did some get siphoned off into a mad money account for self improvement? A Dr. Phil viewer did point out a striking resemblance to Angelina Jolie and when pictures are placed side by side, there's little doubt who Multiples Mom is trying to emulate. (Will we now have to pay for her in-institution shrinkage when most of us can't even afford our own out patient care?) One of Dr. Phil's consulting doctors said it would take her 30 hours a day to breast feed eight kids and I'm hoping that will not be documented by Annie Leibovitz - Animal Planet maybe?

Dr Phil absolutely hated this mom and brought out a fertility doctor, bio-ethicist and even Mother of Eight Kate, whose charming TV show on TLC has probably kept a roof over the heads of that brood. Even Kate looked really glam - actually unrecognizable to be honest - and she opined about what lies ahead and sleep isn't one of them. Is it possible the octet may one day be put up on Craigslist for adoption?

And God bless you Oprah for the lie detector promoting one on one with M. Gary Newman discussing his book on why men cheat on their wives. I'm down with the reasons: not enough attention, loneliness, infrequent sex and if you ask me, the inability to say 'no" when the pheromone scent is in the air - why didn't I write this book? And here's the deal - men aren't looking for hotter sex, they just want it when they want it and if you can also act interested in what they do for a living, it's an unbeatable combo...kind of like peanut butter and jelly before salmonella set in.

Unless you're a shrink on a pharma payroll pushing happy meds, I would imagine business is down but for patients there isn't a problem that can't be addressed on television if you have cable and can surf from 1-100. I'm big on body dysmorphic behavior but repulsed by the Biggest Losers in jog bras and spandex. If you lived in NYC and had to walk Fifth, trust me, you'd never look like that nor could you find a Denny's (though Olive Garden with their unlimited pasta bowl lurks somewhere in the city).

So when it becomes a choice between those on sale beige suede Vanessa Noel boots I'm lusting after or re-hashing my same old problems, I'm in for the boots and Dr. Phil.