Is There A 12-Step Program For CNBC Addicts? Nowhere To Hide

Tearing myself away from my OCD with CNBC I ran to lunch at Michael's the other day fearing I'm isolated now that my consulting work is vanishing faster than the puffy smoke at the Vatican that signals a new pope — or is it a dead one? Poof and there goes my monthly retainer while I sit glued to watching my equity sink, lip-synching to every whisper of hope from Erin Burnett and Mark Haines.

My hope had been to leave the city after lunch and head to my pink and green pad-let in South Beach where I would take advantage of a Jewish holiday and Chris Columbus's first step on our soil — way pre FOMC days when Isabella and Ferdinand used gold coins. Wonder what the price of gold was then??

Michael's was beyond frenetic with table hopping I'd not witnessed before and I felt as if I was dining on the Titanic before the ship went down. Only thing missing was playing of "Nearer my God to Thee"; Joy Behar was being applauded for her view against Elizabeth Hasselbeck and Star Jones was seated at the front table — like who cares about her anymore? There was too much celebration and even with Cobb Salads going for $35 a half portion, it had the feeling of the Last Supper if in fact that supper was fun.

I made a quick stop with my financial advisor who is a wizard and maybe the only one I know relishing a down market. The only sign of nervousness was the smell of cigarette smoke in her office which you never notice anymore..

While my usual plan is to hit the vintage shops in SB, you know I'm feeling the lack of a paycheck when I obviously am as fearful of buying Walgreen's $9 flip flops as I am of buying a $450 Dior leopard print bag in mint condition. Instead of buying my customary street fair $20 orchid plant and fresh flowers at Wild Oats I buy devilled eggs and sliced turkey.

And don't tell anyone that I filched some extra Q-tips at the gym while recycling my water bottle.

I have always put myself on a budget down here except for the vintage shopping excursions (lusting after that bag and it is a bargain). I drive a pink bike, share a ride from the airport and swim at the public pool. I use my co-existing ubiquitous gym membership and gave up my favorite trainer, Kellie, for classes that are way too hard for me.

In fact, other than sunshine and palm trees, I'm still watching CNBC from either my bed or my gym and my treat today — one mojito for $13.

Maybe I'll save up enough not buying flip flops and flowers to rationalize the Dior bag? Iffy.

Comments

[larry278]

Heroin was touted as a cure for the morphine habit. You'll never go back to morphine after you get, hooked on smack, not even during a panic on the streets & needle park.

[susie1776]

I, too, have become addicted to CNBC. What was really scary was that I took Time Magazine's financial crisis quiz the other night and I knew the correct answers to all the questions about "credit default swaps, "mark to market," "derivatives", "mortgage backed securities" etc. A month ago, I wouldn't have had a clue but that was $50,000 ago - when my investments actually looked pretty good. I know all the CNBC people on a first name basis, too! I 've started watching the "Nightly Business Report" instead of Gray's Anatomy. I even know which companies make up the Dow Jones. Aaaargh!!!

[Robert59]

Not the way I'd write a light hearted article poking fun at viewers addicted to CNBC. I don't have much in the stock market and am glad. Still I find the economy interesting and CNBC offers an educational opportunity to better understand what's happening.

While I understand CDOs I don't understand why the mortgages that were sliced and diced and bundled into CDOs can't be unbundled, their ownership reverting back to the original mortgage issuer, and the government, through a bankruptcy judge, buy back the loan, at a very discounted price.
The government would then sell the house (to current occupants or if they can't afford it to someone else) at the discounted price it paid.

Liquidity is injected into the system, the irresponsible lenders get punished taking a loss, and the home remains occupied where it contributes to instead of draining local government coffers.

Even more confusing is credit default swaps. The way I see it, most were side bets and not backed up by real assets. The best solution is to let CDS implode. They claim they are a 55 to 60 trillion dollar industry, but based on what? What real assets are tied to CDS? They are merely contractual pieces of papers between companies. Let them figure out how to handle each other's defaults.

Nicoleanon's criticism is spot on. You come across more like a Fitzgerald than a Steinbeck. Most Americans live paycheck to paycheck; they have no cushion and they certainly don't have a golden parachute.

[NicoleAnon]

Some people have just lost their entire life savings, there are elderly people who have lost all the money they had to live on and could be out on the streets, there are families losing homes - are you really telling us about rich people at some fancy restaurant and how you're "sacrificing" like those people because you're recycling your water at the gym although most people don't have the luxury of having gym memberships right now?

Is this a joke? I'm serious - this must be a joke.

[Asmodeus]

I wholeheartedly agree. We should call the waaambulance to take her to the hurtpital. I could not imagine paying that much money for so little, and so useless crap. I've been too busy wondering how to pay the bills and feed the family. It must be sooo awful not to be able to buy an ugly leopard-print purse for half my monthly rent. You poor baby. And as for the gym? Well, a great deal of us wouldn't spend money for that even if we had it. Know why? Because we WORK for a living, can't spend all the money we want on food, and don't need to worry about our butts blowing up like an inflatable raft from sitting all day. Is this person for real?

[epitomized]

Welcome to the real world!

Easy come, easy go!