Manhattan's Married Men - So Not Worth It

No more talk about being "estranged" from your wife: 'fess up, you just want some action on the side and you'll never divorce her. And yet single women still gravitate to married men often simply in search of a little attention and maybe, a warm body - holidays not included.

This was my week for seeing great girlfriends - pretty, smart, self-supporting and shockingly entirely without boyfriends. I don't get it or maybe I do and hate to admit what I know: there are either dufus-y guys no one wants or eligible ones stalked and caught before they get back out on the dating stage after a divorce.

New York City's demographics for men to women is hideous from the start but once you hit the 30, 40. 50 and beyond-ish range, a woman is basically toast when looking for an Eligible Man who matches her credentials. By that time E.M.'s realize their value as extra men at dinner parties, they have probably surpassed gold as a commodity. I do remember one extremely eligible man admitting that his value stemmed from being "heterosexual, single, breathing and rich." Oh yes indeedy - guilty on all counts.

So what's a girl to do? Married men become the alternative to no men but they're so not worth it. My bonding moment with Cosmopolitan Magazine's Helen Gurley Brown came when she told me, "Let a married man buy you dinner and presents, but never fall in love with one." The statistics of those guys who actually leave their wives for you is miniscule but more importantly once they've done that and shared their alimony woes with you, their tendency is to move on to someone with whom there is no history of histrionics - "I'll never see you again if you don't leave your wife" and various ultimatums that mean squat.

Any girl in New York can literally get any married man to fool around: just a little touch on the hand gets his fantasies going so starved are they for attention. I have been massacred for writing about flirting in the workplace but flirting massages a man's ego especially when his wife has lost interest in him physically and mentally. When she no longer cares whether his company's stock is up or down and dismisses him between her Frette 400 count sheets, a married man is low hanging fruit. Just try cocktail hour at the Regency, King Cole Bar or Plaza Athenee, and see the "business" meetings going on with a pretty girl who finds him fascinating.

What's truly sad is that many of those pretty girls staring out from the on-line pages of New York Social Diary are looking for a nice man, and though perhaps used to former husbands of high social status, now must either settle for a lot less - don't ask for names - or must remain single and go to parties alone.

(The available prospects provided by Match.com and its siblings are usually so unmatched that daily updates from dating websites are unappealing to my friends not used to guys from Bayside or Flushing and with screen names like Machoguy and Chugalug. It would also help if they could spell and not have too much facial hair.)

In truth, and I reiterate this because it's fact, men are still attracted to women who offer them a grand lifestyle package and if you check out the unlikely couples who have paired off, you'll see what I mean - they can be just as easily bought and paid for...

So what advice do I give my single girlfriends - take it from me, never fool yourself into thinking he'll leave his wife for you and more over, are you sure you'd really want him on a fulltime basis with his children and baggage?

You just keep looking and remember there's nothing worse than being in a lousy marriage and feeling stuck. Just ask his wife.

Comments

[Cach]

"This was my week for seeing great girlfriends - pretty, smart, self-supporting and shockingly entirely without boyfriends."

Get women in groups and they'll endlessly gush about how great they are, how original and bright, total catches. If they could stop looking so self-important maybe men would stop rolling their eyes long enough to actually see the real person underneith the borrowed SITC persona. It's when they're alone, one on one with you, that they start to reveal how resentful they are at the juvenile advice people like Betsy try to confuse them with.

[Badbone]

I've never understood why a wedding ring makes a man instantly more attractive. To other women.

I myself and plenty of guys I've talked to have noticed this. And another thing, why sleep with married men? Since it can't be anything more than sex, why not sleep with a single guy? Make his day.

[LRM216]

Can you hear my applause?? Loved the last sentence.