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Bettina Elias Siegel

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Please Keep Your Birthday Cupcake Out of My Kids' Classroom

Posted: 02/22/2012 11:03 am

On my blog, The Lunch Tray, I went on record long ago opposing the time-honored custom of bringing sugary birthday treats into school classrooms.

But a few weeks ago, a reader named Concerned Dad left this comment:

Well, my child's school is the latest to fall in the crusade of the sugar/fun police. We recently received a letter home outlining the new guidelines and apparently banning a cupcake will solve our nations obese child problem.

Let me start by saying the concern for food allergies is real, but I believe proper precautions can and are being taken currently by the school to prevent any harm to the students with those allergies. I have yet to hear of a child going into anaphylaxis shock due to a nut-filled treat. Parents are responsible and very cognizant of these rules.

Alas, I can't help but be amazed by the ongoing restrictions on fun and cherished activities in our school district, and yes, a lot of this fun includes food as part of the tradition. This latest "revelation" borders on ludicrous. "If I ban cupcakes and treats, kids will no longer be obese."

First off, today, it almost seems as if administrators never spent time in elementary school and looked forward to sharing a cupcake with their friends on their birthday or giving a lollipop to their teachers and classmates on Valentine's Day. To this day I still fondly remember looking forward to bringing treats to my class on my birthday (yes, we all celebrated birthdays). I can still remember getting a Valentine's Day card with a piece of candy attached and looking forward to eating it at home. Destroying traditions aside, I can say with 100 percent certainty that a birthday cookie or Halloween treat is not the reason for childhood obesity in our country. It is actually foolish to think that banning a fruit roll up or Twizzler at a school event that happens a few times a year will have any impact on obesity rates.

Non-food activities are fine, but food is a part of our traditions. Candy and cake are a large part of why we have such found memories of our birthdays and holidays. Food, sugar in particular, is not some evil thing that tiptoed into our society and made kids fat. Lack of activity, poor parenting, computer games, etc. all carry some of the blame. Destroying tradition by banning food activities will not be the solution. I can't say I have the answer, but I do know this is not it. Nor, can I say this is a "step in the right direction."

I won't say it is not the job of our school's to teach proper eating habits, but I will say, like most things in life, moderation and responsibility needs to be taught. Banning a food will not teach kids not to eat it. These regulations will not be the landmark event that we will look back on in 20 years as the miraculous solution to curb unsatisfactory eating habits.

I have to convey one father's disappointment to whatever board or persons (apparently many moms on this site that have nothing better to do) sit around and come up with these brilliant changes. Changes I see sacrificing great life memories, traditions and events for a perceived, but highly unlikely effect on a problem that runs much deeper than a shared Hershey Kiss. It is a shame when a silly notion is actually carried out due to lack of opposition.

If some overly protective moms feel they need to ban their kids from partaking in certain activities, they should provide a note to the teachers. There is NO reason a majority should be punished for the desires of a few.

I've addressed all of these arguments before in multiple contexts on The Lunch Tray and would refer interested readers to two posts in particular, "Sarah Palin and Birthday Sweets Redux" and "The Birthday Cupcake Debate Heats Up."

But I did want to add a few thoughts to respond specifically to Concerned Dad.

First, I was struck by Concerned Dad's confidence that severe allergic reactions to classroom treats are not a big issue. Because my kids are blessedly free of food allergies, I turned to a mother of a nut-allergic child who has fought hard for appropriate precautions at her daughter's school. Here's what she had to say:

As the mom of a peanut-allergic child who has witnessed first-hand the horror of an anaphylactic reaction, I can assure this parent that the threat in the school environment is constant and overwhelming.  Regardless of the care and concern from most school communities, random checks by school nurses reveal that parents sending snacks to school fail miserably at following allergen-free guidelines. Some parents don't know how to accurately read a label for food allergens or cross-contamination and others, from my experience, simply don't care. Factor in the risks of uninformed substitute teachers, birthday treats, and daily emails listing recalls from mislabeled foods and the school setting can be a scary place.

And given that I once reported on a child's tragic death from a food allergic reaction at a class party, I don't think anyone can seriously doubt the degree to which classroom treats pose a real danger to many students.

But mostly I wanted to address here the palpable thread of nostalgia running through Concerned Dad's entire comment, his belief that "food is a part of our traditions," that "[c]andy and cake are a large part of why we have such found memories of our birthdays and holidays," and his recollection that  "[t]o this day I still fondly remember looking forward to bringing treats to my class on my birthday (yes, we all celebrated birthdays). I can still remember getting a treats at school Valentine's Day card with a piece of candy attached and looking forward to eating it at home."

I absolutely agree with Concerned Dad's feelings about the centrality of food in our celebrations and culture. But my question to him is, is there a legitimate reason why some parents no longer want their kids eating a cupcake at school every time a classmate has a birthday (which I once calculated as 1/6th of my daughter's school year), even if the birthday cupcake was a cherished tradition in the past?  Is there a reason why we might want to change course?

And I think the answer to that question is a resounding yes.

In a rueful post I wrote a few weeks ago, I told Lunch Tray readers about an all-day school event my daughter attended at which she bought the following food to eat, food sold by the school itself to raise funds: a bag of cookies, a bag of Funions, a bag of Chex Mix, two slices of Papa John's pizza, a donut and a Coke.When my daughter's school reading team won a competition, they used to celebrate with a "Junk Food Party," where kids were supposed to bring the most outrageous junk food they could find to share with each other. Someone finally put a stop to that, so now they go out for burgers, fries and shakes. In second grade, when my son got a math problem right, he was given M&Ms.For every single correct answer. Rewards for good behavior at school have at times included jumbo chocolate bars, the size you find in a movie theater. The teacher running one of the school's extracurricular clubs hands out candy to every child as he or she leaves for the day. The nutrition-promoting signs in our local elementary school cafeterias are dwarfed by larger signs advertising the ice cream sold by our Food Services department to help drive profits. And our food services' idea of "healthy" a la carte food includes Baked Flamin' Hot Cheetos.

The situation is no better outside of school. We walk into the bank, the kids get candy. We go to the postal services store, they get candy. When a "snack" is offered at any religious school class, day camp, team sport event, extracurricular activity, or any other place where two or more kids gather, it is almost invariably the type of cheap prepackaged junk foods shown here.  Meanwhile, the food industry is spending almost $2 billion each year to directly market junk food to my children. Two. Billion. Dollars.

In today's world, unlike my own childhood, junk food is made available-- and aggressively marketed -- to our kids all the time.

Perhaps the best description of the problem came from an early commenter on The Lunch Tray:

The problem is so ubiquitous... I find myself pausing before taking my kids to the carwash, for example (of all places), as they inevitably clamor for doritos; gatorade; sprite, etc., prominently displayed as soon as you enter the waiting area! Even as I walk my son from the parking lot to the baseball field for a Tuesday night practice, we have to pass a temporary stand set up to "fuel" the players with cookies, M&M's, and James Coney Island hot-dogs. Sometimes I just want to scream with frustration.

So that's what's going on out there, Concerned Dad. For those of us who care about our children's health, we are (sometimes literally) screaming with frustration.

But are we being alarmist? Are we silly mother hens? Well, let's consider the facts underlying our concerns.

One third of kids are already overweight or obese, such that school desks actually need to be made larger to accommodate today's students.  Of course, obesity is only one marker of poor eating habits; there are also plenty of skinny kids who eat too much junk food and fast food, a problem not perceptible to the naked eye but no less significant in terms of their long-term health. Meanwhile, obesity-related health care costs are headed toward $66 billion a year, causing a terrible drain on our already-weakened economy. And the military is actually having trouble finding suitable young recruits, posing a real threat to our national security.

Of course we can't peg all of these problems on one little birthday cupcake. Nor can we peg them on eating habits alone. Just as you say, Concerned Dad, "[l]ack of activity, poor parenting, computer games, etc. all carry some of the blame," and I'd add to your list the loss of cooking skills, the demise of the family dinner, the wrongheaded allocation of farm subsidies and a host of other ills. But the eight hours in which our kids are captive to the school environment do not have to be part of the problem, either.

The way I see it is this: Looking back to our own childhoods, it might have been perfectly reasonable to force the one outlier parent to send a note exempting his or her child from the birthday cupcakes. But now, when we're in the midst of a documented public health crisis, it seems much more reasonable to turn that model upside down.

If you want your kid to have a celebratory cupcake, I hope he or she enjoys it with gusto at your private birthday party.  But can you also respect the rights of those of us who are fighting -- hard -- to keep our children healthy in a society that seems to be thwarting us at every conceivable turn?

 

Follow Bettina Elias Siegel on Twitter: www.twitter.com/thelunchtray

On my blog, The Lunch Tray, I went on record long ago opposing the time-honored custom of bringing sugary birthday treats into school classrooms. But a few weeks ago, a reader named Concerned Dad ...
On my blog, The Lunch Tray, I went on record long ago opposing the time-honored custom of bringing sugary birthday treats into school classrooms. But a few weeks ago, a reader named Concerned Dad ...
 
 
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07:19 AM on 02/26/2012
(Part 2)
If you have doubts about the effects of education over "legislation", then consider this. For Valentines Day, we had a quick party (30 minutes) and parents helped supply treats. There were several pounds of grapes, a huge veggie tray, a another fruit tray, one plate of homemade cookies ( one per child) and a box of fresh doughnuts, again, one per child. Water was the only drink allowed (I have hardwood floors in the class so that makes it easy for me to ban anything other than water). At the end of the party, the only thing remaining was a couple of cookies and a few doughnuts. Oh, and a handful of the sliced red peppers. Guess what was in the trash off the plates? Doughnuts.
I would seriously advocate for using these little moments as an opportunity to provide our kids with chances to learn to make smart choices, rather than complete and total banning of options. As several others have mentioned, make something taboo, and you are almost guaranteed to increase its appeal. Thanks for a very thoughtful article!
07:15 AM on 02/26/2012
I teach in a tuition-free private school for children of limited resources, and the topic of making healthy life style choices is often intertwined into our curriculum. We are fortunate enough to have a grant that pays for a chef to prepare our lunches. Before you get up in arms about tax dollars and chefs, again, this is a grant that we had to apply for and win; the food is fresh and not processed. For many of our students whose families receive monthly assistance for their food budget, eating fresh(compared to processed) is a new experience or at the least, one that more are getting daily now. Not that parents are too lazy to prepare fresh food, but many times the parents don't have the knowledge about true food costs and menu planning to switch from processed to prepared at home. We do also provide very well attended workshops for our parents on this.
All this is to say that a part of what we strive to teach our families is that moderation and context are key to anything. We DO allow treats for birthdays to be shared at the end of lunch, using this as an opportunity for the children (and parents) to learn that moderation is key. I am seeing an increase in parents choosing to bring fruit salads instead of cakes etc.
(Part 1)
03:34 AM on 02/25/2012
I am a mother of a food allergic child but my reasons for wanting food incentives and treats banned in the classroom are for the well being of all the children.

First and foremost, we are the parents. We should have control over what our children are eating.

Second, it is important that students are not given foods for rewards because this can interfere
with natural hunger cues. Junk food used for rewards counteracts healthful eating messages.
Schools should model appropriate behavior and seek alternatives to food given as a reward.

Third, we are allowing these teachers to take the easy route to teaching. Bribing kids into learning is easy and works in the short term, but do they really learn to love learning? Studies show that rewards are generally not effective when it comes to changing long term behavior. Most people who complete a task specifically for a reward cease to perform that task once the reward is gone. Not only that, but they often consider the task to be unpleasant once they receive no reward for it.

This practice has had it's day. It's time to move on from this outdated and harmful "tradition".
07:03 PM on 02/24/2012
I just took my 5YO in for a well check, at which time they did a lipid panel. We try to eat healthy and about a month ago really kicked it into high gear. Prior to that we did the best we could with what we saw, chose whole wheat bread, apple slices over fries when we went out, that sort of thing. But about a month ago we decided to transition off processed foods all together and stick with whole foods to the point of an almost vegan diet. But it's been a slow transition, as I didn't want to waste food already in my pantry. Back to the check up - my son is 44 inches and weighs 42 lbs, sounds totally healthy, right? But the lipid panel showed his triglycerides were high! My 5YO has high cholesterol! Now granted there may be some genetic factors there and he was not fasting, which many people say he should have been, though the dr didn't tell us to or ask if we did. But my point is, if this can happen to my non-obese child whose parents are attempting to provide healthy food, imagine how bad it must be in the larger population. Something needs to be done all the way around; at school, at home, at soccer games, our entire lives need to be overhauled, but the only way we'll make that change is one step at a time.
05:03 PM on 02/24/2012
I don't believe in celebrating every child's birthday with cupcakes in school. We have tried very hard to teach our children good eating habits. It's very frustrating to send them into school with a healthy snack & have it still be in their lunchbox because they had "cupcakes" instead.

I also don't know when this became a "tradition" in schools. The class used to sing Happy Birthday and the birthday child's name was said over the announcements in the morning.

My son does have food allergies, so it's hard for him to have everyone else eating a treat while he says "no thank you". But food allergies aside, it drove me crazy with my daughter also (she is older and does not have allergies). Every holiday at school was candy-laden to the point it was gross. It takes away from learning because it does take longer than regular "snack time". If the parents feel their child "needs" to have a cupcake to feel special on their birthday - send it in as their snack - but the whole class doesn't need cupcakes too!

I am not anti-treat or anti-birthday cupcakes; I just don't feel they are appropriate at school. They will have birthday cake at home with our family. Children aren't going to be deprived because they didn't get a cupcake at school!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
BigWillyG
04:28 PM on 02/24/2012
Am I the only one betting her kids are gonna end up seeking out junk food a lot more than the kids who brought cupcakes since she's made it such a huge taboo. Also gotta feel bad for her kids, if the class finds out their mom is the reason the class got gypped out of sweets and some fun downtime their life in school might end up a living hell.
03:45 PM on 02/24/2012
You know what whats wrong about this? The belief that giving children a treat is really what makes them obese. It isn't treats that are the problem, it's the routine of junk food - schools are shoveling out nutritionally devoid trash, calling corn chips a vegetable, serving pizza, nuggets, hot dogs, super sweetened chocolate milk and nachos all week long(which is very scary since that is the biggest meal many children receive in a day). Parents continue the trend at home, stating that their children 'wont' eat anything else ... and somehow the problem is being given a cupcake once a month(at most)? Depriving children of treats completely just makes them want them even more, and you wont have complete control their entire life. Educate your children on nutrition - they're smarter than you realize, take your crusade to the school boards and demand real food, take time to make your family meals, sit together, make food a positive experience and get them up off their chairs doing something.
01:38 PM on 02/24/2012
This is a serious question for everyone who talks about this "tradition" of bringing cupcakes into the classroom to celebrate a child's birthday: when the heck did this "tradition" begin? When I was in school -- public school -- there was no such thing. The only food at school was in the cafeteria at lunch time. If a mom tried to bring cupcakes into the classroom to celebrate her kid's birthday, she would have been looked at like she had three heads -- and the teacher would not have allowed it.

I'm just a smidge over 50 -- so I wasn't in school THAT long ago. And everyone around my age asks the same question: what the heck is up with all this food in the classroom? When did bringing in cupcakes become a "tradition?" And when were teachers convinced that they have to give kids candy as a treat for good behavior or a correct answer? As I like to say "they are kids, not dogs; they don't need treats to learn."
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Gorlicka
Yes, that's right, I'm a liberal. Get over it.
05:08 PM on 02/24/2012
I agree with you - no need for cupcakes or celebrating in school. I'm 55, and I remember the annoyance of having to bake cupcakes and bring them to my kids' classes. I was so glad when they outgrew the practice. I also remember when I was a child a classmate brought in brightly colored pencils for all of the children in our class when it was her birthday. I like that better.
11:13 AM on 02/24/2012
This is ridiculous and yet another way we treat others like they don't matter to us. It's not hard, just different, to accommodate our friends who have food sensitivities. We have to change our mindset. In a few minutes my kids and I will be going to a valentines day party. On the menu are the following; grapes, apples, oranges, mini-bananas, carrots, peapods, juice, sparkling water, regular water, Trader Joe's organic suckers, Annie's organic fruit snacks, plain potato chips, fruits crisps. The food sensitivities and preferences we try to be mindful of are; Gluten, Wheat, Dairy, Eggs, Corn, Sesame, Tree Nuts & Vegetarian life style. We do this because we care about all of our friends in our group and want to make sure that ALL, that's right, EVERY SINGLE CHILD feels included and is treated as though we care about them. Flipping them the bird by bringing a cupcake laden w/ health hazards when everyone knows full well those friends can't partake in the joy of eating it, is not part of our idea of creating warm and lasting memories for the children in our lives.
08:52 PM on 02/23/2012
I teach 30 kindergarteners. Could you imagine if I said yes to all the families and let them bring cupcakes for birthdays? The kids would lose a minimum of 30 minutes of learning time 30 times during the year - that's 15 hours of instructional time! Would you REALLY want your child to eat 30 cupcakes in the morning hours of 30 different days instead of having 15 more hours of direct instruction from the teacher? Many parents want to bring balloons and relatives to class, thinking that we really want to stop learning and have a full-blown party 30 times a year - if we did that 30 times, could you imagine how much time would be lost? Your child is at school to learn. A good teacher makes it fun and memorable without junk food!
09:20 PM on 02/23/2012
I would have no problem with losing 30 min of learning 30 time a year. You do not need to have a full blown party, 10 minutes before lunch or before the end of school would be fine. I have no problem if my kids have cup cakes and candy on occasion. You mention "A good teacher makes it fun and memorable without junk food!". Sarcasm alert, I guess I have not met any good teachers and he is learning how to have fun at a school/company party.
01:17 AM on 02/24/2012
If you can serve 30 cupcakes, have 30 kids eat cupcakes, and clean up after them in 10 minutes, you are amazing! I am sorry that you haven't met any good teachers. They are everywhere across the country working hard for the children every day.
11:23 AM on 02/24/2012
I don't have a problem with loosing 30 minutes 30 times a year or letting my kids have cupcakes or candy every once in awhile either. I do, however, have a problem with the kind of cupcake or candy that's offered because it makes my kids sick. If the parents bring in allergy approved treats from a pre-approved list so I know my children are 1) safe and 2) included then by all means, go for it. But that's not happening, allergy laden foods are brought w/o regard to the other children so my kids are neither safe nor included. That's not ok.
04:51 PM on 02/23/2012
I agree with everything in this story. To the people who say, "Just tell your kids no," that is different from the reality that goes on in our country's public education system. Why must junk food be a part of the educational process? If it were just one cupcake from one birthday, that would be acceptable, but the problem, as the writer stated, is that the cupcake becomes the cupcakes, compounded with the cookie fundraisers, the Gatorade after practice, the ice cream for winning, the brownies, the pizza parties, the candies for doing well on a test.

Nobody is taking fun away from the kids. The kids are at school to learn, not to get a sugar high, not to eat Doritos, and definitely not to eat cupcakes every week.
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SithRose
Mommy, I need Cthulhu. He keeps bad dreams away.
03:09 PM on 02/23/2012
On the same note...Please take your candy out of the school parties. It is not necessary for my son to bring home enough candy to split with all three of his brothers at every school event. When the school makes rules saying that parents can't bring anything that isn't pre-packaged, it does not necessarily mean that you have to bring chips, candy, and junk food!
02:32 PM on 02/23/2012
How about a parent saying "NO" to their children when they come across the Doritos and other 'junk food'. Go to the carwash with your own apples and say NO! to their requests for candy. It seems to me the biggest problem is the fact that parents no longer want to parent, they want to be friends, so they give in to every request. I feel sorry for your kids eating their carrot sticks instead of a cupcake. And how did you come up with 1/6 of your child's school year being birthday parties? They are done during the usual snack time which will happen with or without a cupcake.
09:47 PM on 02/23/2012
30 cupcakes/180 school days a year = 1/6

The same frequency at my school.

How about say NO to other parents feeding my child. My child has life threatening allergies. A mistake happened this year with her at school. Mistakes happen by responsible adults. 5 year olds are not developmentally mature enough to reliably montior themselves. We are teaching her. We are. Trust me, we ARE parenting.
01:20 AM on 02/24/2012
I agree completely! Stand strong - keeping your child safe and alive is more important than "Concerned Dad's" sweet tooth!
03:02 PM on 02/24/2012
Your comment doesn't make sense. "It seems the biggest problem is the fact that parents no longer want to parent, they want to be friends...I feel sorry for your kids eating their carrot sticks..." How is wanting your kid to be healthy and eat nutritious food not wanting to parent? If anything, giving in and giving your kid whatever they want to eat whenever is and substituting sugar, candy, etc for time and personal attention is bad parenting. School is about SCHOOL, about learning. Not eating. Not having cupcakes for a classroom party is not going to hurt or kill your kid. But obesity can. So can allergens to those who suffer from food allergies. If you're so concerned that your kid isn't getting enough cookies and cupcakes, feel free to load them up...AT HOME.

And by the way, those of us with children who have allergies HAVE learned to say no. We have to say no multiple times a day. My son is 3 yrs old and can accept that he cannot eat everything his friends are eating. Because he cannot eat junk food like most kids he is healthier and stronger than most of his classmates.
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Amber Hinds
finding joy in the not-quite-there
01:24 PM on 02/23/2012
If you want your kid to have a celebratory cupcake, I hope he or she enjoys it with gusto at your private birthday party.
That's right on.  It's not like school is the only place children will be celebrating their birthdays.  They will be having one, sometimes, two parties outside of school too.  I'd also add that part of the problem with these "treats" in school isn't that they're sugary, but that most parents bring treats filled to the brim with preservatives, artificial colors/ingredients -- what Michael Pollan calls "edible food-like substances" -- rather than homemade and real food options.  What's the alternative for parents who don't want their child consuming dyes and other garbage?  It's easier to let schools disallow them completely then requiring ingredient checks at the door.

http://www.amber-hinds.com
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SithRose
Mommy, I need Cthulhu. He keeps bad dreams away.
03:16 PM on 02/23/2012
There isn't an alternative, Amber. Not unless you want your child to be completely ostracized from every single school function. Dye sensitivity isn't a potentially-fatal food allergy, after all. It's "just a lifestyle issue".

*grumbles*
12:29 PM on 02/23/2012
Thanks for this, Bettina. I have to say, the “making this one change will not solve child obesity” argument, trotted out to oppose everything from limits on sweets served in classrooms to soda taxes to menu board labeling, is getting old.

Listen up, people – the obesity crisis has many causes (including too many unhealthy food environments, loss of cooking skills, loss of safe places to play and exercise outside, a built environment that encourages car travel instead of walking/public transit, too little oversight of advertising to children, and so many more) and the battle to turn it around must be fought on many fronts. THERE IS NO ONE SILVER BULLET TO SOLVE OBESITY! There is no “this one thing, alone” will solve the problem! It has to be everything – less bad food, more exercise, better healthcare, less pressure to buy and serve crappy food, easier availability of fresh fruits and vegetables, more knowledge of what is and isn’t a “healthy choice”…and on and on.

Solving obesity will require many, many changes, but the fact that “this one change alone will not solve obesity” is NOT an excuse to not make each one of those changes.