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Bill Allen

Entries by Bill Allen

A Modest Proposal

(4) Comments | Posted November 16, 2012 | 11:27 AM

In light of the Petraeus situation and the scrutiny it has received I have a modest proposal to solve several of the nation's problems at once. These are the main points:

Section 1: Beginning with Members of Congress, every elected official -- male, female, undecided or undetermined -- at all...

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Cheney to Undergo Waterboarding

(1) Comments | Posted May 19, 2011 | 5:30 PM

Former Vice-President Dick Cheney will undergo waterboarding at the conclusion of his scheduled fishing trip in Montana this weekend. A spokesman for Cheney noted Thursday from an undisclosed location that Mr. Cheney has requested the waterboarding session to squelch rumors that he consistently overstated the success of his previous fishing...

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California Struggles to Out-Dumb Texas

(314) Comments | Posted May 13, 2011 | 7:37 PM

For those who felt confident that Texas holds a comfortable lead in dumbest assaults on education, the news out of California that a school board in Los Alamitos will mandate political influence into science topics will come as worrisome. Teachers in Texas remain convinced that the Lone Star State's hilariously-named...

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Gulf Oil Spill Damage Reaches South Africa

(3) Comments | Posted June 14, 2010 | 2:30 PM

Damage from the massive Gulf of Mexico oil spill due to the explosion and collapse of a BP oil platform has reached the World Cup in South Africa. Sources on both sides of the Atlantic confirm that British Prime Minister David Cameron ordered England's soccer team ("football side" to the...

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BP Files Patent to Produce Oil From Seawater

(11) Comments | Posted June 11, 2010 | 4:11 PM

British petroleum giant BP filed patents late yesterday for its process of creating oil from seawater. CEO Tony Hayward, known for his candor and prescience, stated that they are on track to collect some 25,000 to 50,000 barrels of oil daily from an announced flow of only 5,000 barrels per...

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ExxonMobil to Launch Takeover Bid for BP So as Not to Fall Into Second Place for Pollution

(3) Comments | Posted June 4, 2010 | 11:32 AM

Internal documents from ExxonMobile lay out plans for the world's largest corporation to undertake a bid for the British petroleum giant BP as early as the end of June. In the cover note to the 268-page action plan ExxonMobil chairman Rex Tillerson states that, "We have a reputation to protect....

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Drive to the basket, Mr. President!

(2) Comments | Posted February 1, 2010 | 2:43 PM

During the State of the Union address, for the first time, I got a glimpse of the man I voted for in the 2008 election. His performance during the speech and against the right-wing clones at their "retreat," was an indication that he should just start telling it like it...

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Sarah Palin Is Flat: Change Without Evolution

(14) Comments | Posted November 19, 2009 | 1:03 PM

Although the list is long and getting longer with each day, add one more very significant reason to the catalog documenting that Sarah Palin is not only unqualified to hold any public office, but also through her intellectual bankruptcy shows her as a threat to American leadership in one of...

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Armageddon Friday

(11) Comments | Posted March 30, 2009 | 12:04 PM

As astonishing as it may seem, Texans are on the verge of proving that they are not yet ready to join the 21st Century -- or maybe even the 19th. Politics and religion are about to mix and insure that "laughingstock" becomes an almost required synonym for the word "education"...

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Promoting the Pornography of Creationism

(3) Comments | Posted February 5, 2009 | 1:42 PM

Just when you think that you have been as outlandish as possible by presenting an absurd idea as a joke, someone comes along and proves that stupidity has no limits.

I wrote a blog on creationism entitled "Ending Pornography in Creationism: Part Deux." This proposed in jest...

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Ending the Pornography of Creationism: Part Deux

(10) Comments | Posted February 2, 2009 | 12:23 PM

So here's one more reason I'll never be rich: I can't get started on an obvious chance to make a fortune by creating an on-line "creation science" university.

Just imagine the potential. First, how easy it would be. Since there is no science in "creation science," the lectures would be...

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Ending the Pornography of Creation

(114) Comments | Posted January 29, 2009 | 11:24 AM

President Obama has set a breathtaking pace in overturning the most egregious of the flawed and shortsighted approaches of his predecessor to virtually every aspect of presidential leadership including energy, the environment, foreign affairs, health care, and the economy. We can only hope that this momentum can continue as the...

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Science is Back in the House

(7) Comments | Posted January 22, 2009 | 4:25 PM

We thankfully now have a President who promises in his inaugural address to "restore science to its rightful place," thus adding words to his actions. The address and the selection by Barack Obama of a team of brilliant scientists to advise him has initiated the reversal of eight years of...

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Inauguration Reflection

(0) Comments | Posted January 20, 2009 | 3:41 PM

As Barack Obama took the oath of office before a crowd covering the Mall, we had an opportunity to reflect on a remarkable coincidence. This country was forged through the ultimate sacrifices of as many people as were standing and watching the event in the cold, clear air of Washington...

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Bush's Pure Genius Moves: 9/11, Gunfights, Cheney, the Economy, and More

(5) Comments | Posted January 5, 2009 | 10:03 AM

While it has been a laborious task, we have compiled for your consideration a list of the ten smartest things that George Bush did as President. Please feel free to suggest your own.

10. Appoint Jim Baker to go to Florida during the 2000 election stand-off. A pit bull whips...

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Greenspan Statement Rocks Markets, Undermines Confidence

(2) Comments | Posted December 22, 2008 | 5:11 PM

Former chairman of the Federal Reserve Alan Greenspan today expressed surprise that Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer actually required batteries for his nose.

Some reporters noted that the language was virtually identical to what Mr. Greenspan had used several times previously, including during the meltdown of the U.S. financial structure this...

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Obama's Biggest Decision

(18) Comments | Posted December 15, 2008 | 9:14 PM

Even before Inauguration Day Barack Obama has made perhaps the most crucial decision of his presidency. This fundamental choice reflects not a position on a single issue but in establishing a process -- that of surrounding himself with some of the best minds in this nation, evaluating their counsel and...

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