Readers of Gawker and other sites have been viewing the Tom Cruise video in huge numbers this week. It's undeniably been a public service, if not necessarily the kind Cruise intended. Like a lot of people, though, I've been baffled by some of the top-secret intra-church abbreviations Cruise uses. A couple have been explicated by helpful blogs: "KSW" stands for "Keep Scientology Working," while an "SP" is a "suppressive person." Still, I found myself aching for more, and decided to go digging.
I'm not at liberty to reveal where I obtained this partial list of officially-sanctioned COS slang. I offer it here in the hope that readers of Huffington Post may obtain some small measure of clarity.
ASI: Always stare intensely
MWAFP: Man with a fanny pack
WAYS: What are you, stoonad?
IHIWTH: I hate it when that happens
HQPY: Hey, quit punching yourself
MEWHMTSAT: My eyebrows will have more to say about that
TGWLLTOG: That guy who looks like that other guy
TIBHAW: Thanks, I'll be here all week
IAATLIASHF: I am about to laugh in a slightly hysterical fashion
IMBJCJDSLT: It must be jelly, 'cause jam don't shake like that
CITC: Cheese it, the cops
ITYC: Is this your card?
YSOMF: You're standing on my foot
LDIMCPE: Look deeply into my crazy pinwheel eyes
2QT2B4GOT10: Too cute to be forgotten
YAGSVS: You are getting sleepy, very sleepy
AWTOISP: Anybody want to order in some pizza?
TTIJASPOASH: This thing? It's just a standard power of attorney. Sign here.
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Watch for for "When Armageddons Collide", brought to you by Ronald Reagan, George Bush, L. Ron Hubbard, and Tom Cruise. With supporting roles by that zany but sacred duo Huck'llBearMySins and Pat "Lobotomized by the Lord" Robertson. With a special tribute to Jerry "The Lord wanted me to eat like a hog, so he could take me home early - screw being an example for the kids" Falwell.
Honestly.
Funny. I'm not sure why, but it cracks me up.