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More Secret Scientology Abbreviations

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Readers of Gawker and other sites have been viewing the Tom Cruise video in huge numbers this week. It's undeniably been a public service, if not necessarily the kind Cruise intended. Like a lot of people, though, I've been baffled by some of the top-secret intra-church abbreviations Cruise uses. A couple have been explicated by helpful blogs: "KSW" stands for "Keep Scientology Working," while an "SP" is a "suppressive person." Still, I found myself aching for more, and decided to go digging.

I'm not at liberty to reveal where I obtained this partial list of officially-sanctioned COS slang. I offer it here in the hope that readers of Huffington Post may obtain some small measure of clarity.

ASI: Always stare intensely
MWAFP: Man with a fanny pack
WAYS: What are you, stoonad?
IHIWTH: I hate it when that happens
HQPY: Hey, quit punching yourself
MEWHMTSAT: My eyebrows will have more to say about that
TGWLLTOG: That guy who looks like that other guy
TIBHAW: Thanks, I'll be here all week
IAATLIASHF: I am about to laugh in a slightly hysterical fashion
IMBJCJDSLT: It must be jelly, 'cause jam don't shake like that
CITC: Cheese it, the cops
ITYC: Is this your card?
YSOMF: You're standing on my foot
LDIMCPE: Look deeply into my crazy pinwheel eyes
2QT2B4GOT10: Too cute to be forgotten
YAGSVS: You are getting sleepy, very sleepy
AWTOISP: Anybody want to order in some pizza?
TTIJASPOASH: This thing? It's just a standard power of attorney. Sign here.