Courtesy of a top-level NSA analyst who wishes to remain anonymous, I came across the following transcript of a recent phone call between President George W. Bush and Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf.
Bush: Hey, Pez, you really caught me with my pants down. You know, you gotta end this emergency rule b.s. and hold elections.
Musharraf: Oh, my good, trusted friend, I understand your concern but we all know what a nuisance lawyers and the media are.
Bush: No kiddin'. If the ACLU had its way, Guantanamo would be emptied of all them terrorists.
Musharaff: So you understand my country's predicament. Before we can go after Al-Qaeda and the Taliban, we first need to lock up their enablers-- the lawyers and journalists.
Bush: How true, how true. What I would give to see some of those smarty pants New York Times reporters frogmarched right out of the building into a dark, dank cell somewhere.... But alas, we have laws to uphold in our nation.
Musharraf (laughs): Since when?
Bush: C'mon Pez, what's a little wireless eavesdropping or waterboarding in the big post-9/11 scheme of things.
Musharraf: The NSA isn't listening to us right now?
Bush: No, no. Would I ever lie to you?
Musharraf (pause): Yes, you are a man of his word.
Bush: Precisely. And you are too.
Musharraf Thank you.
Bush: Like I said at Saturday's press conference, "I take a person for his word until otherwise."
Musharraf: But I am getting a lot of heat from your State Department.
Bush: Never you mind them. Bunch of Ivy League-educated sissies. Condi knows my position here.
Musharraf: So, do I really have to take off my uniform?
Bush (laughs): Not if Sen. Larry Craig is in the same room.
Musharraf: Who is he?
Bush (laughs again): An evil-doer....speaking of which, where do we stand with OBL?
Musharraf: As if I knew.
Bush: C'mon Pez, $12 billion in military aid and what do I have to show for it except a bunch of Al Qaeda 3's and 4's brought to justice.
Musharraf:The Pakistani Army is doing everything it can.
Bush: At least, give me One Old Eye.
Musharraf: Mullah Omar?
Bush: Yes, him.
Musharraf: And what have every Allah-fearing madrassah come after me? Thank you, no.
Bush: You gotta point there.
Musharraf: It's much better I go after the opposition leaders.
Bush: Like you are doing with Pat Benatar.
Musharraf: You mean Benazir Bhutto
Bush: Yeah, that's the gal name. (pause) You hit me with your best shot.
Musharraf: Do you think when the dust settles and I come back to the U.S, that I can guest host Saturday Night Live? I had such great fun on The Daily Show.
Bush: I will look into it. But for the time being, make sure you keep your nukes safe.
Musharref: You have my word.
He should be out on the picket lines, instead of Huffposting...