Recently, a number of articles have come out touting sex over 50. Apparently sex is not just good at the half century mark and beyond, it's fantastic. The number one reason? Women don't need birth control (which sounds like a line from a Rick Santorum speech).
Following are other, perhaps overlooked factors as to why sex over 50 is great. Or at least possible:
- It's okay if you call out the wrong name. In fact, it's no big deal at all. You've been mixing up your kids and dogs' names for years so it's certainly not a problem to do it with the person lying next to you.
- Similarly, it's all right if you don't call the next day. You forgot to call CVS and the guy fixing your Camry too, and they don't think you're a self-centered jerk.
- You're unlikely to be interrupted. Your kids are probably grown and out of the house -- except the one who moved back after college -- and there's no way he's barging into the room at 7am asking if he can watch cartoons. In fact, there's no chance of him coming anywhere near you because he resents you for reasons you're not sure of but make complete sense to him.
- Yoga. Sure, years ago it was only done by a few hippies and that guy the Beatles hung out with, but now it's practically mandatory for anyone over 40, especially in New York and LA. And any activity where you bring a mat, work on flexibility and learn new positions has to be a plus.
- Deteriorating eyesight.
- You don't need pay-per-view. Thanks to a Nick at Nite, Hallmark and something called "Me TV" you can watch stars you fantasized about in their youth, from Jennifer Aniston to Jaclyn Smith to two versions of Mary Tyler Moore and countless Heather Locklears and Michael Landons.
- Sex any time. Unlike when you were a new parent, you're no longer so stressed from taking kids to cello lessons and karate you had to schedule sex. Now you can have it whenever you like: After Charles Osgood on "Sunday Morning," while doing a crossword puzzle, during a commercial break in "NCIS"... Make loosening your pants after a particularly nice casserole part of foreplay. Go nuts.
- An embarrassing sex video is not likely to end up on internet. Or even be made. The only time you've used your iPhone video is when you tried to take a photo without putting on your glasses and pressed the wrong button. As a result, the closest thing you have to a sex tape is a couple of 13 second blurry videos of you in shorts. As far as an angry ex trying to upload a sex video to YouTube... don't worry about it; it's unlikely he or she will ever figure it out.
- The other pill. Think of it as an oral insurance policy. Also, despite what commercials imply, you don't need to know how to break a horse, drop the transmission on a Camaro or clear a field to get a prescription. Just ask a doctor or check your spam.
But one bit of caution...
Calling out God's name during sex. After a certain age this may seem like tempting fate. You don't want to do that and have Him, or Her, answer.