24-Hour Republican Party People

New Rule: Republicans changed their party before -- from the party that freed the slaves to the party that freed Scooter Libby -- and they survived. Now it's time for them to stop pretending they're still the party of Reagan and take up a new banner: The Party of Superfreaky Superfreaks.

This week, the chairman of the St. Petersburg, Florida, City Council was accused of having sex with his two adopted daughters and their nanny. And he could have been in real trouble, too, if it turned out the nanny was an illegal. But he got ahead of the story when he killed himself by sitting in the garage with the doors closed and the riding lawn mower on.

Two guesses which party he was a member of. And the first guess doesn't count.

And that's not fair. You knew he was a Republican, because even in death, he was still wasting gas.

Republicans sex scandals are getting to be like Iraqi car bombings. By the time you hear about one, there's been another. Ted Haggard, Mark Foley, Bob Allen, Vitter, Craig... It's like "Clue" only the answer is always "A Republican... in the washroom... with his cock."

The Republicans should run on that. "America: You're 230 But We'll Still Fuck You." Especially if you're a dude.

It's not really inspiring, but it's better than "Mitt Romney: He Has Hair."

Bill Maher is the host of HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher" which airs every Friday at 11PM.

Comments

[bnation]

I say Bill Maher for President. Why the hell not? It would be a fun 4 years.

[Tom Gerosolina]

It is nice to know that he was thinking about the environment when he killed himself
Using the Lawn mower uses less gas than a car.

[NotMyPrez]

It's funny, cuz it's true! But hey not ALL Republicans are Trojan(brand condoms)-stampers.

[flipside]

If those 2 girls were your daughters/sisters/nieces//cousins, how funny would it be? Just because it was true...

[BPCentrisAmerican]

Is that why Vitter's colleges applauded his coming out party? At lest he's cheating on his family with a girl, maybe he had to pay for it, but at least the prostitute was a female, wait thats 2 females.

[roneckley16823]

Hmmmmm! That is one Republican that actually found the "fountain of youth" in Florida. Nice blog Bill - enjoy your show.

[oogabooga]

How about this slogan for the Republic Party:
"First we'll screw you, then we'll shoot you."

[coloneblog]

Bill, Here are a few questions you might want to consider for the Mashup with Republican presidential candidates:

1] Do you think Cheney and bush are destined for heaven or hell for making a decision based
on lies that has led to the death and suffering of 10's of thousands of human beings; and why?

2] What would Christ do to end the death, suffering and waste resulting from the Iraq War?

3] Why is the rate of divorce higher in red states than in blue, and what is your specific plan towards lowering the national divorce rates? Do you support a Constitutional Amendment to define marriage?

4] In that Christ was a pacifist, one who launched a religious movement through peaceful decent, how do you reconcile a national policy that encourages proliferation of gun use and one that promotes global trade policies that is putting destructive armaments in the hands of nations around the World?

5] What would Christ do to solve the illegal immigration issue?

[LaraineNewman]

The gas wasting joke.....priceless.

[badass4peace]

This is the age-old story of Rocks, the wanting to get off of. By "age-old" I mean "since multi-cellular organisms first evolved." Perhaps single celled organisms wanted to get their rocks off but they're too busy reproducing to take the time to fill out a proper survey.

All these jokers are out there touting family values, publicly fretting about what other people do behind bedroom doors, and manipulating the wallets of the flock to keep their campaign coffers full, their SUVs gassed up and their bidets speck-free. All while privately going vice-shopping for ways to get their rocks off-- some perhaps buy actual vices for the purpose I would imagine. Turns out they're multi-cellular organisms and they have these billion-year-old urges that they can't resist, but because they were brought up without healthy instruction on what these urges mean and how to incorporate them into life, they act out in sinful, unhealthy ways. The hypocrisy train stops at all stations.

[Hugo de Balsac]

nah, superfreaks are honest and open to the freak kingdom. what you're describing are just run of the mill hypocrites. i don't write comedy for a living, but realize that's not as funny as trying to ostracize these creeps by putting them in the same catagory as bohemians. whatever. at least us freaks don't cultivate our point of view by hanging out in Hugh Hefners party doll palace.

[zedog]

The Grand Old Pole rises again. You got it Bill. No Pig's left behind. I am so sick of being lectured on values by the party that embraces the 7 deadly sins as its code of conduct.

[HotheadPaisen]

Among the worst parts of the ST Pete councilman story, is listening to all the people who said, Oh yeah, there's been rumors about him and kids for decades. Way to watch each others backs repugs. They know all about the DL. And Bill, the nanny that he admitted sleeping with, he later adopted. Family values at their finest! The St Pete times also ran stories that included lots of "oh if we only could have helped him before he killed himself..." I say maybe we should issue cyanide caps from the police desk and let these hypocrites off themselves more easily and save us all alot of tax dollars. Imagine what he would have put his kids through if he had tried to defend himself.
Bill, we love you in Florida, and we really need you! (but you do say "fuck" way too much for my mom, though she loves you too!)

[Andydp]

Relax people. The time will come when the GOP will self destruct from all its internal conflicts.
What did Jesus say about religious hipocrites and whitewashed sepulchers ?

[Purple Girl]

Even back in Shakespear day it was obvious when " Thou protests too much". If you tell me your a christian (jew, or muslim,...), I'm going to know you're just another evil person hiding behind a philosophical banner of hate. Havn't thses idiots realized that there labels for themselves are just that. The rest of us decide who and what you are by YOUR ACTIONS ! No Cart blanch for self promoting labels. In fact at this time in history you all may find us Heretics to your doctrines are taking over the reins on this run away horse. WE outdate and out logic and out moral and have higher ethics than any of your self proclaimed leaders. How many followers of these "ordained' religions have died at the hands of other 'ordained' religions. How many people died at these religions hands who were not following any organized 'ordained'religion. Now how many have died at the hands of those who follow a religion that does not follow the 'ordained rule of laws"? Our spiritual relationships are best kept intimate and used only as a tool to better interact with each other and the world around us. Heretic and proud of it (religiously and politically). If their lips are moving they're lying.

[Lane]

Bill, you're the best! We need you to be our next Prez!!!!!
Why can't we just all get along??? Perhaps delete all "parties" (sic) and just have a popular vote. We need reform, where do we start????